When I Fall
Page 58
“I want this,” he says, moving his finger along my cheek, tucking some of my hair behind my ear. “Whatever this is between us, I want it. I can’t stop thinking about you. I haven’t been with anyone else since you kissed me that first time. I don’t want to be.”
I smile, leaning into his hand as it caresses my face. “I want this too. So much.”
He stares at me thoughtfully, looking all over my face. “Beth, I’ll never hurt you, but you could very easily hurt me. I can’t want you more than I want you right now. I can’t. What we’ve been together when it’s just been us, that’s what I’m offering you.” His other hand cups my face. He inches me closer. “You and me. You understand?”
I look back at this man, at the pain he’s lived with that burns slow beneath the charming exterior I fell for. He loved that girl, and she made a fool out of him. He’s worried I’ll do the same thing.
God, I hate her. How could she hurt him?
I could never do that to Reed. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, even if he’s scared to give it to me right now. He needs to see that I’ll never hurt him, and it could take time, but I want time with him. I want this. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this. I can show him that I’m not like her, that he can love me without fear. He can love me.
No one will ever love you the way I do.
I shut out Rocco’s voice and press my lips against Reed’s. “You and me. Let’s do it.”
“Yeah?” He slides his hands down my back, cupping my ass, smiling when I nod vigorously. He kisses my chin. “I haven’t been a boyfriend in nine years. I might suck at it.”
“You were a good fake boyfriend.”
He rolls his eyes, laughing. “I still can’t believe you roped me into that shit. Jesus.”
I punch his chest. “I didn’t rope you into it! You agreed on your own, remember? At the pizza place? You came outside and dropped the whole ‘you and me’ line. That was all you. I was set on going to that party alone.”
In one quick motion, I’m flipped onto my back and he’s settled on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress.
“All me? Sweetheart, I had spent the past three days stroking my cock, thinking about nothing but you and that damn kiss. Then you walk in looking hot as shit, smiling at me like you do, reminding me how completely fucked I was over you already. You roped me in, Beth. You did it the second I looked at you that night at McGill’s, and you did it again when I saw you that day at Sal’s. I would’ve agreed to anything just to spend more time with you, but that was all you. Nobody else would’ve gotten to me like that.”
Goodness. Filthy and sweet. I don’t stand a chance here.
My face feels ready to split wide open with the smile I’m holding in, until I see the somber look wash over Reed’s face. I brush his hair out of his eyes. “What’s the matter?”
He opens his mouth, pinches it closed again, hesitating, then sighs.
“Reed, what?” I urge him.
“I want to know what happened after your mom died.” His hand keeps my head from turning away, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t. This might be hard for you to talk about, I get that, but it’s going to be real fucking hard for me to hear it. I don’t like thinking you were alone, Beth. I want to know what you went through, all of it, and I want you looking at me.”
I nod against his hand, swallowing back my reluctance. He’s shared things with me that weren’t easy for him to talk about. Walking in on Molly with that other guy. The proposal. It’s only right I do the same.
He settles on his side, tucking me close to his warm body, keeping his eyes on me as I roll over to face him. His hand strokes my arm, a fluid, soothing motion that calms my mind.
I wet my lips, staring into his eyes. “My momma was a drug addict. That’s how she died. It was sudden, and not something I could’ve prepared for. I didn’t have enough money lying around to stay in the trailer we lived in, so I packed up everything I could fit into my car and I moved into that.” I touch his hand on my arm that had gone still. “Can you keep doing that?”
He blinks several times, nods, then continues the path his hand was taking.
“I ran out of money pretty fast,” I continue. “But it was the loneliness that scared me, not starving to death. I hated not having anyone to talk to. It’s why I freaked out last night and begged you to stay on the phone with me. I got home, saw that note, and I panicked.”
“You told me you didn’t live in your car that long. What happened?”
Inhaling deeply, I shift my head closer to him on the pillow. “Please understand this, Reed, I hated being alone. I was terrified I’d never have anyone to talk to again. When someone finally did talk to me, and bought me food, and offered me a place to stay, I took it. I know it sounds crazy moving in with a stranger, but I did what I had to do.” I drop my eyes to a spot between us. “I only lived with him for a couple months before I found out about my aunt. Then I moved here.”
Reed tilts my head up. “Were you with this guy?” he sternly questions, holding my gaze.
I’m slow to answer. “In the beginning, yes. When the relationship changed, I stopped being with him.”
With a heavy sigh, Reed drops his hand away from my face. “What do you mean, when it changed?”
I can’t get into this. Not with Reed. I don’t want him knowing this ugliness.
“Relationships change,” I explain, keeping my voice even. “We stopped being with each other, and strictly became roommates. There’s really nothing more to it.”
This isn’t a lie. I’m just leaving out a few details.
What good would telling Reed the whole truth do me? Or him? Rocco is a part of my past. He isn’t in this future I want with Reed. I don’t want even the memory of him in it.
Reed, seemingly satisfied with my response, leans close and buries his face in my neck. “You’re fucking brave, you know that? My brave girl.”
I close my eyes, moving my fingers through his hair.
We stay quiet for several minutes. Our hands explore each other, light touches that turn hungry with the more time that passes. Limbs tangling together, we get lost in the sheets as breathless promises are spoken against my ear.
“Never would’ve let that happen if you were here. You never would’ve been alone.”
I hold him tighter, kissing his mouth, his jaw, scraping my teeth against his shoulder. He flips me underneath him and pulls against my hips, bringing me to my knees.
“I have to be inside you,” he murmurs, squeezing my ass, running his finger along my slit. He moans when I shudder. “Mm. Do you like that?”
My head falls forward. “Yes,” I breathe.
I should feel vulnerable like this. I’m completely exposed to him, and I know he’s staring at the most intimate part of me, closely, his warm breath heating my flesh. But this is Reed. I’ve never felt more alive than when he touches me, when he stares at my body with that raw need burning in his eyes. The silent promise of wicked things.
“And this . . . do you like this?”
I bite my lip through a moan when he presses against the tight ring of my ass. “Mm.”
I smile, leaning into his hand as it caresses my face. “I want this too. So much.”
He stares at me thoughtfully, looking all over my face. “Beth, I’ll never hurt you, but you could very easily hurt me. I can’t want you more than I want you right now. I can’t. What we’ve been together when it’s just been us, that’s what I’m offering you.” His other hand cups my face. He inches me closer. “You and me. You understand?”
I look back at this man, at the pain he’s lived with that burns slow beneath the charming exterior I fell for. He loved that girl, and she made a fool out of him. He’s worried I’ll do the same thing.
God, I hate her. How could she hurt him?
I could never do that to Reed. He’s everything I’ve ever wanted, even if he’s scared to give it to me right now. He needs to see that I’ll never hurt him, and it could take time, but I want time with him. I want this. I’ve never wanted anything as much as I want this. I can show him that I’m not like her, that he can love me without fear. He can love me.
No one will ever love you the way I do.
I shut out Rocco’s voice and press my lips against Reed’s. “You and me. Let’s do it.”
“Yeah?” He slides his hands down my back, cupping my ass, smiling when I nod vigorously. He kisses my chin. “I haven’t been a boyfriend in nine years. I might suck at it.”
“You were a good fake boyfriend.”
He rolls his eyes, laughing. “I still can’t believe you roped me into that shit. Jesus.”
I punch his chest. “I didn’t rope you into it! You agreed on your own, remember? At the pizza place? You came outside and dropped the whole ‘you and me’ line. That was all you. I was set on going to that party alone.”
In one quick motion, I’m flipped onto my back and he’s settled on top of me, his weight pressing me into the mattress.
“All me? Sweetheart, I had spent the past three days stroking my cock, thinking about nothing but you and that damn kiss. Then you walk in looking hot as shit, smiling at me like you do, reminding me how completely fucked I was over you already. You roped me in, Beth. You did it the second I looked at you that night at McGill’s, and you did it again when I saw you that day at Sal’s. I would’ve agreed to anything just to spend more time with you, but that was all you. Nobody else would’ve gotten to me like that.”
Goodness. Filthy and sweet. I don’t stand a chance here.
My face feels ready to split wide open with the smile I’m holding in, until I see the somber look wash over Reed’s face. I brush his hair out of his eyes. “What’s the matter?”
He opens his mouth, pinches it closed again, hesitating, then sighs.
“Reed, what?” I urge him.
“I want to know what happened after your mom died.” His hand keeps my head from turning away, forcing me to look at him. “Don’t. This might be hard for you to talk about, I get that, but it’s going to be real fucking hard for me to hear it. I don’t like thinking you were alone, Beth. I want to know what you went through, all of it, and I want you looking at me.”
I nod against his hand, swallowing back my reluctance. He’s shared things with me that weren’t easy for him to talk about. Walking in on Molly with that other guy. The proposal. It’s only right I do the same.
He settles on his side, tucking me close to his warm body, keeping his eyes on me as I roll over to face him. His hand strokes my arm, a fluid, soothing motion that calms my mind.
I wet my lips, staring into his eyes. “My momma was a drug addict. That’s how she died. It was sudden, and not something I could’ve prepared for. I didn’t have enough money lying around to stay in the trailer we lived in, so I packed up everything I could fit into my car and I moved into that.” I touch his hand on my arm that had gone still. “Can you keep doing that?”
He blinks several times, nods, then continues the path his hand was taking.
“I ran out of money pretty fast,” I continue. “But it was the loneliness that scared me, not starving to death. I hated not having anyone to talk to. It’s why I freaked out last night and begged you to stay on the phone with me. I got home, saw that note, and I panicked.”
“You told me you didn’t live in your car that long. What happened?”
Inhaling deeply, I shift my head closer to him on the pillow. “Please understand this, Reed, I hated being alone. I was terrified I’d never have anyone to talk to again. When someone finally did talk to me, and bought me food, and offered me a place to stay, I took it. I know it sounds crazy moving in with a stranger, but I did what I had to do.” I drop my eyes to a spot between us. “I only lived with him for a couple months before I found out about my aunt. Then I moved here.”
Reed tilts my head up. “Were you with this guy?” he sternly questions, holding my gaze.
I’m slow to answer. “In the beginning, yes. When the relationship changed, I stopped being with him.”
With a heavy sigh, Reed drops his hand away from my face. “What do you mean, when it changed?”
I can’t get into this. Not with Reed. I don’t want him knowing this ugliness.
“Relationships change,” I explain, keeping my voice even. “We stopped being with each other, and strictly became roommates. There’s really nothing more to it.”
This isn’t a lie. I’m just leaving out a few details.
What good would telling Reed the whole truth do me? Or him? Rocco is a part of my past. He isn’t in this future I want with Reed. I don’t want even the memory of him in it.
Reed, seemingly satisfied with my response, leans close and buries his face in my neck. “You’re fucking brave, you know that? My brave girl.”
I close my eyes, moving my fingers through his hair.
We stay quiet for several minutes. Our hands explore each other, light touches that turn hungry with the more time that passes. Limbs tangling together, we get lost in the sheets as breathless promises are spoken against my ear.
“Never would’ve let that happen if you were here. You never would’ve been alone.”
I hold him tighter, kissing his mouth, his jaw, scraping my teeth against his shoulder. He flips me underneath him and pulls against my hips, bringing me to my knees.
“I have to be inside you,” he murmurs, squeezing my ass, running his finger along my slit. He moans when I shudder. “Mm. Do you like that?”
My head falls forward. “Yes,” I breathe.
I should feel vulnerable like this. I’m completely exposed to him, and I know he’s staring at the most intimate part of me, closely, his warm breath heating my flesh. But this is Reed. I’ve never felt more alive than when he touches me, when he stares at my body with that raw need burning in his eyes. The silent promise of wicked things.
“And this . . . do you like this?”
I bite my lip through a moan when he presses against the tight ring of my ass. “Mm.”
