When I Fall
Page 70
I flatten my fingers against the back of her neck. “That he didn’t deserve to know you. That I would beat the shit out of him if he ever came here. I don’t know. I was pissed. I said a lot. I told him he would never hurt you again. I told him to stay away from you. To never call you. I said . . .”
Her mouth crashes against mine with an urgency I can taste. I moan as she clings to my body. Her lips are wet, damp from her tears. I suck them as we undress each other. Clothes fall to the floor, some hang off the side of the bed. We collapse into a tangled mess of limbs and fevered touches.
I lift her easily, sliding her further up the mattress.
She touches my cheek as I trap my cock between us.
“Beth.” I press her name against her jaw. My breath hitches as I enter her slowly. Stretching her. Filling her.
Mine.
“God, Beth.” I wet my lips, rocking into her. “Beth . . .”
If I could only say one word for the rest of my life . . .
She wiggles, presses her heavy tits against my chest, fists my hair and tugs it gently.
“Reed,” she moans into my mouth. Her legs catch our bodies together. Greedy hands roam down my back.
I take her slowly. There’s no rush to this. Digging my fingers into her hips, I lift her pelvis off the bed and drive into her. Deep, deeper, thrusting so goddamn slow she shakes as she stretches for me. Her hands flatten against the wooden headboard. Her eyes roll closed. My tongue swells in my mouth, preventing the filth I’m usually whispering against her skin from escaping. I drop my hands to the bed beside her head, flex my arms, and fill her. Again. Slower. We lock eyes. Our foreheads touch, damp with sweat.
“Oh my God,” she says between ragged breaths. Her legs tremble against my hips.
This is different, and she knows it. I’ve never taken her this gently before. I’ve never been this quiet. My heart’s never beaten like this.
Never. So many firsts. What is happening?
Is it because of today? It is because I’ve been a wreck all week, worrying I’d lose her? I’m exhausted, my body drained of it’s normal vigor during sex, but that’s not it. That’s not why I can’t be rough right now.
This isn’t fucking. Not this. I can’t stop looking at her. I can’t tell her how wet my dick is. I can’t ask her to suck me while I finger her ass.
I don’t want to stop.
I don’t want to come.
I don’t want anything but her.
I’ve never been this terrified.
She gasps, grabbing my face, biting my lip as she comes. “Reed,” she whispers, moaning against my mouth. “I love you . . . I love you.”
My body surges. I fill her, my control breaking as I bury my face into her neck. I groan against her skin, but I feel like I’m screaming. Words ring out in my ears, three simple words.
Her small body takes my weight as darkness pulls me under.
“It’s okay,” a soft voice murmurs. A hand strokes my hair.
I was wrong.
Now, right now, I’ve never been this terrified.
Beth
HALF AWAKE, HALF FLOATING IN and out of a dream, my body slowly untangles itself from the sheet as I stir on the mattress. Warm skin against my shoulder peels my eyelids open. I turn my head, brushing the hair off my face.
Reed lies on his back, eyes closed, mouth slightly parted. Half his body covered in the gray sheet. He doesn’t rouse from my hand ghosting over his chest. Normally, even the slightest touch has him pulling me closer.
“It’s okay.”
I stare up at the ceiling, trying to find comfort in the words I gave Reed last night. The words I whispered over and over into the dark. The words maybe I needed to hear more than him.
My heart thunders against my hand as I lay it flat between my breasts.
“It’s okay.”
“I love you . . . I love you.”
Quick rushes of air burst past my lips. My mouth quickly growing dry with each passing second. My legs kick out, removing the rest of the sheet when my skin begins to burn beneath the surface.
People say things they don’t mean when they’re distressed. Having my dad bail on me could’ve loosened my tongue, leaking words of desperation from my mouth.
I was unraveling at the diner. I was breaking down in the hotel room. Reed was gentle, trying to hold me together.
I almost sobbed when I came. I told him I loved him.
People say things they don’t mean when they’re distressed.
I’ve never said one word to Reed I didn’t mean. Last night was no exception.
“It’s okay.”
He didn’t say it back. He didn’t say anything. My heart slowly pulsed against his back as I held him, as he drifted to sleep turned away from me. As I waited and waited for that moment to hit him. Fear kept him silent, or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe he doesn’t love me. Maybe he can’t. Maybe . . .
“No one will ever love you the way I do. No one.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “No,” I whisper, pushing the unwanted voice out of my head, but it grows louder, seeping into every crevice of my soul. Mocking me with the truth I’m too scared to admit.
“No one will want you.”
I violently shake my head. Rocco’s face materializes behind my eyes, his merciless smirk twisting across his mouth as he laughs at me. I can almost hear it above the rushing in my ears, above the cruel words. Above my doubt.
Throwing myself out of bed, I grab my clothes and quickly dress, my hands shaking as I step into the bathroom. Amber light flickers on above my head. The door shuts behind me and I want to collapse against it, but I don’t. I dampen a washcloth and rub it over my face, underneath my hair, to the back of my neck. I rinse out my mouth. Bracing my hands on the sink, I stare at my reflection. Long minutes pass as I study my face.
I was unraveling at the diner. I was breaking down in the hotel room. But I don’t believe I’ve ever looked this broken. The chipped fragments of my heart are cutting me, slowly bleeding me out, draining the light from my eyes.
I chose to love a man who can’t love me. Who will never love me.
Movement in the room pulls my gaze from the mirror. I step up to the door and listen.
He’s dressing, the sound of fabric dragging across skin. I hear shuffling, then all too quickly the door opens and I’m facing Reed.
“Hey, hi,” he quickly utters, startled. He looks half asleep. He clears his throat, looking past me. His eyes shifting nervously. “Need to use the bathroom. We gotta get going. It’s almost ten.”
Tears gather in my eyes and I blink them away. What was I expecting? He can’t do this. He warned me himself.
“Yeah,” I reply, padding out into the room. The door shuts behind me and I’m left alone.
I wait for Reed out by his truck.
It’s no longer raining. The sky a kaleidoscope of blues and soft pinks. I stand in a shallow puddle, watching the mud squeeze out from under my boots. Growing impatient, and realizing I can’t have Reed help me into his truck anymore, I test the handle to see if it’s unlocked.
My hand falls to my side. I heave a deep breath just as a clicking sound pops the small tab up behind the window. Reed saunters purposely toward me over my shoulder. I tug the handle and climb inside, tumbling against the seat, quickly fastening the harness as he reaches my door.
Her mouth crashes against mine with an urgency I can taste. I moan as she clings to my body. Her lips are wet, damp from her tears. I suck them as we undress each other. Clothes fall to the floor, some hang off the side of the bed. We collapse into a tangled mess of limbs and fevered touches.
I lift her easily, sliding her further up the mattress.
She touches my cheek as I trap my cock between us.
“Beth.” I press her name against her jaw. My breath hitches as I enter her slowly. Stretching her. Filling her.
Mine.
“God, Beth.” I wet my lips, rocking into her. “Beth . . .”
If I could only say one word for the rest of my life . . .
She wiggles, presses her heavy tits against my chest, fists my hair and tugs it gently.
“Reed,” she moans into my mouth. Her legs catch our bodies together. Greedy hands roam down my back.
I take her slowly. There’s no rush to this. Digging my fingers into her hips, I lift her pelvis off the bed and drive into her. Deep, deeper, thrusting so goddamn slow she shakes as she stretches for me. Her hands flatten against the wooden headboard. Her eyes roll closed. My tongue swells in my mouth, preventing the filth I’m usually whispering against her skin from escaping. I drop my hands to the bed beside her head, flex my arms, and fill her. Again. Slower. We lock eyes. Our foreheads touch, damp with sweat.
“Oh my God,” she says between ragged breaths. Her legs tremble against my hips.
This is different, and she knows it. I’ve never taken her this gently before. I’ve never been this quiet. My heart’s never beaten like this.
Never. So many firsts. What is happening?
Is it because of today? It is because I’ve been a wreck all week, worrying I’d lose her? I’m exhausted, my body drained of it’s normal vigor during sex, but that’s not it. That’s not why I can’t be rough right now.
This isn’t fucking. Not this. I can’t stop looking at her. I can’t tell her how wet my dick is. I can’t ask her to suck me while I finger her ass.
I don’t want to stop.
I don’t want to come.
I don’t want anything but her.
I’ve never been this terrified.
She gasps, grabbing my face, biting my lip as she comes. “Reed,” she whispers, moaning against my mouth. “I love you . . . I love you.”
My body surges. I fill her, my control breaking as I bury my face into her neck. I groan against her skin, but I feel like I’m screaming. Words ring out in my ears, three simple words.
Her small body takes my weight as darkness pulls me under.
“It’s okay,” a soft voice murmurs. A hand strokes my hair.
I was wrong.
Now, right now, I’ve never been this terrified.
Beth
HALF AWAKE, HALF FLOATING IN and out of a dream, my body slowly untangles itself from the sheet as I stir on the mattress. Warm skin against my shoulder peels my eyelids open. I turn my head, brushing the hair off my face.
Reed lies on his back, eyes closed, mouth slightly parted. Half his body covered in the gray sheet. He doesn’t rouse from my hand ghosting over his chest. Normally, even the slightest touch has him pulling me closer.
“It’s okay.”
I stare up at the ceiling, trying to find comfort in the words I gave Reed last night. The words I whispered over and over into the dark. The words maybe I needed to hear more than him.
My heart thunders against my hand as I lay it flat between my breasts.
“It’s okay.”
“I love you . . . I love you.”
Quick rushes of air burst past my lips. My mouth quickly growing dry with each passing second. My legs kick out, removing the rest of the sheet when my skin begins to burn beneath the surface.
People say things they don’t mean when they’re distressed. Having my dad bail on me could’ve loosened my tongue, leaking words of desperation from my mouth.
I was unraveling at the diner. I was breaking down in the hotel room. Reed was gentle, trying to hold me together.
I almost sobbed when I came. I told him I loved him.
People say things they don’t mean when they’re distressed.
I’ve never said one word to Reed I didn’t mean. Last night was no exception.
“It’s okay.”
He didn’t say it back. He didn’t say anything. My heart slowly pulsed against his back as I held him, as he drifted to sleep turned away from me. As I waited and waited for that moment to hit him. Fear kept him silent, or maybe that wasn’t it at all. Maybe he doesn’t love me. Maybe he can’t. Maybe . . .
“No one will ever love you the way I do. No one.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “No,” I whisper, pushing the unwanted voice out of my head, but it grows louder, seeping into every crevice of my soul. Mocking me with the truth I’m too scared to admit.
“No one will want you.”
I violently shake my head. Rocco’s face materializes behind my eyes, his merciless smirk twisting across his mouth as he laughs at me. I can almost hear it above the rushing in my ears, above the cruel words. Above my doubt.
Throwing myself out of bed, I grab my clothes and quickly dress, my hands shaking as I step into the bathroom. Amber light flickers on above my head. The door shuts behind me and I want to collapse against it, but I don’t. I dampen a washcloth and rub it over my face, underneath my hair, to the back of my neck. I rinse out my mouth. Bracing my hands on the sink, I stare at my reflection. Long minutes pass as I study my face.
I was unraveling at the diner. I was breaking down in the hotel room. But I don’t believe I’ve ever looked this broken. The chipped fragments of my heart are cutting me, slowly bleeding me out, draining the light from my eyes.
I chose to love a man who can’t love me. Who will never love me.
Movement in the room pulls my gaze from the mirror. I step up to the door and listen.
He’s dressing, the sound of fabric dragging across skin. I hear shuffling, then all too quickly the door opens and I’m facing Reed.
“Hey, hi,” he quickly utters, startled. He looks half asleep. He clears his throat, looking past me. His eyes shifting nervously. “Need to use the bathroom. We gotta get going. It’s almost ten.”
Tears gather in my eyes and I blink them away. What was I expecting? He can’t do this. He warned me himself.
“Yeah,” I reply, padding out into the room. The door shuts behind me and I’m left alone.
I wait for Reed out by his truck.
It’s no longer raining. The sky a kaleidoscope of blues and soft pinks. I stand in a shallow puddle, watching the mud squeeze out from under my boots. Growing impatient, and realizing I can’t have Reed help me into his truck anymore, I test the handle to see if it’s unlocked.
My hand falls to my side. I heave a deep breath just as a clicking sound pops the small tab up behind the window. Reed saunters purposely toward me over my shoulder. I tug the handle and climb inside, tumbling against the seat, quickly fastening the harness as he reaches my door.
