Where Darkness Lies
Page 26
“What?” he mutters, his voice laced with confusion.
“He raped me, he took so much from me, but he never kissed me. He never stole that from me. Since then, I never took it from anyone. I just . . . let it be. When I get kissed, I want it to be because both he and I want it. It needs to be slow, and powerful, and everything a first kiss should be.” I stop and take a deep, shaky breath, gathering myself and pushing aside my emotion. “My dreams of falling in love and getting married, living happily ever after were stripped of me when he took my innocence. The one dream I was left with was that maybe someday I’d have that life-stopping kiss.”
“Why are you telling me?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “Well, Dimi, you’re the first person I’ve ever, in my entire life, thought about giving it to.”
Silence.
Long, agonizing silence.
“You don’t want to give me something like that, Jess. I’m far from worthy.”
“Whose opinion is that?” I whisper.
“It’s mine.”
“And it’s not mine.”
“Get back in here,” he says, his voice tired. “We need to rest.”
“I’m not comfortable with that close proximity when I just confessed that I’d like you to kiss me.”
He’s quiet again.
“Just get in.”
“Bossy,” I mutter, kneeling down and crawling back in.
The minute I’m in, he pulls me back to the position we were in before. The moment the warmth fills me again, I sigh. Thank God, I needed this. So badly. I yawn and feel my eyes getting heavy. I feel bad for Dimitri sleeping on the hard, cold ground. I can tell by his breathing that he’s not settling down—his heart is pounding against my cheek and his chest is rising and falling heavily.
“What’s on your mind that has you breathing like that?” I whisper, yawning again.
“Kissing you.”
My yawn halts and I snap my mouth closed. Kissing . . . me? He’s thinking about kissing me? Oh.
“Is that a good thought or a bad thought?”
His chest shakes with suppressed laughter. “Usually good.”
My cheeks grow hot and my heart begins to pound. I’ve not for one second since I was a young girl thought about kissing a man. I’ve never wanted it. I’ve never tried to get it. I honestly started to believe that I would end up alone, cold, and never wanting it. I thought maybe he’d taken my desire away along with my innocence.
We’re both silent. The only sounds between us are the sounds of the night creatures, singing and shuffling, and our own deep, ragged breaths. I swallow over and over, trying to take my mind off the thought of kissing Dimitri. My heart is pounding so heavily it actually hurts. As if someone above thought it would be funny to play a joke on me, my stomach decides to drop one hell of a cramp.
Really, God? You choose now to drop that on me?
I groan and shift, trying to get comfortable. It doesn’t help that I’m left with little protection out here. Damn you, Aunt Flo, you’re always picking the worst moments to show your face.
“You okay?” Dimitri asks.
“I just . . . I have a cramp.”
“Want to shift?”
“Not . . . that kind of cramp.”
“Oh,” he says, shifting about. Clearly that made him uncomfortable.
“I need to move again, just for a second.”
He lets his arms go from around me, and I crawl out of the warmth and stand. I put my hands out in front of me and find the nearest tree. I have one tampon stashed in my pocket to get me by until morning and I am thinking now is the best time to use it. I quickly change it, stumbling a few times and cursing as I dig a big enough hole to hide the other one. It’s really the worst possible thing I could have right now. My cheeks are flushing with shame.
“What are you doing?” Dimitri yells. “Killing an animal?”
“Very funny,” I mutter, dusting my hands off. I don’t even want to know how dirty I’ll be by morning.
I navigate my way back to Dimitri and I crawl back into his arms. He takes me in easily, not hesitating when I put my head back on his chest. I try to get comfortable but it seems like that’s not likely with the pain radiating through my lower belly and down my legs. I get bad cramps; it’s always been something I’ve struggled with. I whimper and shift.
“They’re bad, aren’t they?” Dimitri asks.
“Yes. It’s okay, they’ll go eventually.”
He moves me so I’m on my side and his hand slides down, taking hold of the hem of my dress.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” I cry, pulling away from him.
“Warmth helps,” he murmurs, sliding his hand under my dress and finding the soft spot between my hips. Thank God it’s high enough that he’s not anywhere near my womanly bits. But he manages to find the exact spot I’m cramping. He puts a small amount of pressure on my belly by pressing down, and the warmth of his hand does seem to help.
“It’ll get better the longer my hand is here.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Now, try to sleep.”
I feel my eyes drooping and I know sleep is something I really need to concentrate on. I’m exhausted and so is he. I close my eyes, breathing in and out deeply, inhaling his warm, manly scent. I find my body dropping off quickly and when the warmth from his hand finally penetrates, easing my cramping, I drift off to sleep.
“He raped me, he took so much from me, but he never kissed me. He never stole that from me. Since then, I never took it from anyone. I just . . . let it be. When I get kissed, I want it to be because both he and I want it. It needs to be slow, and powerful, and everything a first kiss should be.” I stop and take a deep, shaky breath, gathering myself and pushing aside my emotion. “My dreams of falling in love and getting married, living happily ever after were stripped of me when he took my innocence. The one dream I was left with was that maybe someday I’d have that life-stopping kiss.”
“Why are you telling me?”
I sigh, shaking my head. “Well, Dimi, you’re the first person I’ve ever, in my entire life, thought about giving it to.”
Silence.
Long, agonizing silence.
“You don’t want to give me something like that, Jess. I’m far from worthy.”
“Whose opinion is that?” I whisper.
“It’s mine.”
“And it’s not mine.”
“Get back in here,” he says, his voice tired. “We need to rest.”
“I’m not comfortable with that close proximity when I just confessed that I’d like you to kiss me.”
He’s quiet again.
“Just get in.”
“Bossy,” I mutter, kneeling down and crawling back in.
The minute I’m in, he pulls me back to the position we were in before. The moment the warmth fills me again, I sigh. Thank God, I needed this. So badly. I yawn and feel my eyes getting heavy. I feel bad for Dimitri sleeping on the hard, cold ground. I can tell by his breathing that he’s not settling down—his heart is pounding against my cheek and his chest is rising and falling heavily.
“What’s on your mind that has you breathing like that?” I whisper, yawning again.
“Kissing you.”
My yawn halts and I snap my mouth closed. Kissing . . . me? He’s thinking about kissing me? Oh.
“Is that a good thought or a bad thought?”
His chest shakes with suppressed laughter. “Usually good.”
My cheeks grow hot and my heart begins to pound. I’ve not for one second since I was a young girl thought about kissing a man. I’ve never wanted it. I’ve never tried to get it. I honestly started to believe that I would end up alone, cold, and never wanting it. I thought maybe he’d taken my desire away along with my innocence.
We’re both silent. The only sounds between us are the sounds of the night creatures, singing and shuffling, and our own deep, ragged breaths. I swallow over and over, trying to take my mind off the thought of kissing Dimitri. My heart is pounding so heavily it actually hurts. As if someone above thought it would be funny to play a joke on me, my stomach decides to drop one hell of a cramp.
Really, God? You choose now to drop that on me?
I groan and shift, trying to get comfortable. It doesn’t help that I’m left with little protection out here. Damn you, Aunt Flo, you’re always picking the worst moments to show your face.
“You okay?” Dimitri asks.
“I just . . . I have a cramp.”
“Want to shift?”
“Not . . . that kind of cramp.”
“Oh,” he says, shifting about. Clearly that made him uncomfortable.
“I need to move again, just for a second.”
He lets his arms go from around me, and I crawl out of the warmth and stand. I put my hands out in front of me and find the nearest tree. I have one tampon stashed in my pocket to get me by until morning and I am thinking now is the best time to use it. I quickly change it, stumbling a few times and cursing as I dig a big enough hole to hide the other one. It’s really the worst possible thing I could have right now. My cheeks are flushing with shame.
“What are you doing?” Dimitri yells. “Killing an animal?”
“Very funny,” I mutter, dusting my hands off. I don’t even want to know how dirty I’ll be by morning.
I navigate my way back to Dimitri and I crawl back into his arms. He takes me in easily, not hesitating when I put my head back on his chest. I try to get comfortable but it seems like that’s not likely with the pain radiating through my lower belly and down my legs. I get bad cramps; it’s always been something I’ve struggled with. I whimper and shift.
“They’re bad, aren’t they?” Dimitri asks.
“Yes. It’s okay, they’ll go eventually.”
He moves me so I’m on my side and his hand slides down, taking hold of the hem of my dress.
“Whoa, what are you doing?” I cry, pulling away from him.
“Warmth helps,” he murmurs, sliding his hand under my dress and finding the soft spot between my hips. Thank God it’s high enough that he’s not anywhere near my womanly bits. But he manages to find the exact spot I’m cramping. He puts a small amount of pressure on my belly by pressing down, and the warmth of his hand does seem to help.
“It’ll get better the longer my hand is here.”
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Now, try to sleep.”
I feel my eyes drooping and I know sleep is something I really need to concentrate on. I’m exhausted and so is he. I close my eyes, breathing in and out deeply, inhaling his warm, manly scent. I find my body dropping off quickly and when the warmth from his hand finally penetrates, easing my cramping, I drift off to sleep.
