Where Darkness Lies
Page 66
He puts his head in his hands.
“Luke!”
“Yes,” he yells. “But you can’t entirely blame him. You were his captive, after all.”
“You have no idea,” I snarl, standing.
“No, maybe I don’t. That’s why you need to take this up with him.”
“I’ll do that right now.”
I shove my way out of the booth.
“Jess!” Luke says, standing.
I’m tearing through the crowd before he can stop me. I get to the bar and when I see Dimitri, I take his arm. He turns to me, but before he can even open his mouth I am yelling.
“When you found out I was missing, what did you say?”
He looks confused. “What?”
“You heard me, Dimitri. And don’t you fucking lie to me, or I’ll walk out. When Livvie came and told you that I was gone, what was your first reaction?”
His jaw tightens. “I was fucking mad, Jess. I thought you’d run. I thought you’d used me and then taken your chance to run—”
“How could you?” I cry. “I understand she made it look real, but you didn’t, even for a fucking second, think that she was lying? After everything we shared, you just assumed I would run, just like that?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I didn’t run the first time you left me in a hotel. If I was going to go, I would have done it then. Fuck, Dimitri, I gave you my body and I trusted you with something I’d never given anyone else and you instantly believed that dirty slut. You didn’t even give me a chance, because if you had, you would have considered that something bad had happened.”
He flinches.
“Did you even look for me? Did you even search the crowd, or the streets, or your house, before storming to that ship?”
He doesn’t answer but it’s the only answer I need. My eyes well with tears. “I got taken, I got forced to fight, I was charged at by a psychotic, red-headed, big, crazy woman who grew herself fucking claws . . . all because you doubted me.”
I turn and rush away, shoving through the crowd.
“Jess!”
I push harder, tears blurring my vision as I try desperately to get to an entrance. I find one, but it leads me to a back car lot, very similar to the one Livvie lured me to. I have a brief moment where I know I’m probably being irrational, but it hurts. We’d shared something so beautiful before it.
Something I thought had meant something.
I press myself to a brick wall and I sob, wrapping my arms around myself. I hear the door slam and a moment later Dimitri is in front of me, reaching out.
“Don’t touch me,” I snarl, shoving his hand away.
“I fucked up. I know you’re mad but I wasn’t thinking. I regret it, Jess. I didn’t question her; instead, I believed you would hurt me before she would—”
“You trusted her over me,” I cry, shaking. “You didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt in that hard heart of yours. You just assumed I would be so cold . . .”
He looks away, his jaw tight, his fists clenched. “Can you blame me?”
I flinch.
“Excuse me?” I whisper.
He turns back to me. “You went to Hendrix behind my back only a few days before. Yes you stayed after that, yes you gave yourself to me, but you still did it. You still hid it from me. Of course there was an instant reaction—I thought you cared about me enough to keep Hendrix away, but not enough to stay with me. So I did, I assumed you made sure Hendrix was not going to hurt me before leaving me.”
I stare up at him in shock.
“Do you know how much it took me to give myself to you?”
He opens his mouth but I cut him off.
“Do you know how hard it was?”
“Jess . . .”
“Dimitri, I have spent years of my life protecting myself. If I was merely trying to save you because I had no more than tepid feelings for you, then I would have never given myself to you. No, I would have just made sure Hendrix backed off, you backed off, and then I would have left. Instead, I gave you my body but more than that, I let you in and I let you see things no one has ever seen. And you didn’t even consider that when Livvie told you I’d run. You just assumed the worst and you acted on it.”
“I said I fucked up,” he growls. “You should understand how fuckin’ hard it is for me with the life I’ve lived. I don’t just trust anyone and even when I do, I find it hard to always see the good. I made a mistake, I don’t deny it, but it was an automatic reaction to assume you had betrayed me instead of assuming Livvie had. Because everyone I’ve loved in the past has done just that.”
I swallow and tears trickle down my cheeks. “The problem with the people you’ve loved in the past, Dimitri, is that they’ve loved themselves more than you. In my case, it was very different. I love you more than I’ve ever loved myself or anything in my life.”
He flinches. “What did you say?” he rasps.
“I said I love you, more than life itself.”
Suddenly his lips are crushed against mine, his hands are in my hair and he’s kissing me with such force that it takes me a second to be able to respond. But when I do, it’s explosive. My hands tangle in his hair and I’m kissing him with everything I am, sliding my tongue against his, pressing my body to his, giving him everything. Every ounce of me.
“I fuckin’ love you too,” he murmurs, before reaching down and taking my legs.
“Luke!”
“Yes,” he yells. “But you can’t entirely blame him. You were his captive, after all.”
“You have no idea,” I snarl, standing.
“No, maybe I don’t. That’s why you need to take this up with him.”
“I’ll do that right now.”
I shove my way out of the booth.
“Jess!” Luke says, standing.
I’m tearing through the crowd before he can stop me. I get to the bar and when I see Dimitri, I take his arm. He turns to me, but before he can even open his mouth I am yelling.
“When you found out I was missing, what did you say?”
He looks confused. “What?”
“You heard me, Dimitri. And don’t you fucking lie to me, or I’ll walk out. When Livvie came and told you that I was gone, what was your first reaction?”
His jaw tightens. “I was fucking mad, Jess. I thought you’d run. I thought you’d used me and then taken your chance to run—”
“How could you?” I cry. “I understand she made it look real, but you didn’t, even for a fucking second, think that she was lying? After everything we shared, you just assumed I would run, just like that?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I cut him off.
“I didn’t run the first time you left me in a hotel. If I was going to go, I would have done it then. Fuck, Dimitri, I gave you my body and I trusted you with something I’d never given anyone else and you instantly believed that dirty slut. You didn’t even give me a chance, because if you had, you would have considered that something bad had happened.”
He flinches.
“Did you even look for me? Did you even search the crowd, or the streets, or your house, before storming to that ship?”
He doesn’t answer but it’s the only answer I need. My eyes well with tears. “I got taken, I got forced to fight, I was charged at by a psychotic, red-headed, big, crazy woman who grew herself fucking claws . . . all because you doubted me.”
I turn and rush away, shoving through the crowd.
“Jess!”
I push harder, tears blurring my vision as I try desperately to get to an entrance. I find one, but it leads me to a back car lot, very similar to the one Livvie lured me to. I have a brief moment where I know I’m probably being irrational, but it hurts. We’d shared something so beautiful before it.
Something I thought had meant something.
I press myself to a brick wall and I sob, wrapping my arms around myself. I hear the door slam and a moment later Dimitri is in front of me, reaching out.
“Don’t touch me,” I snarl, shoving his hand away.
“I fucked up. I know you’re mad but I wasn’t thinking. I regret it, Jess. I didn’t question her; instead, I believed you would hurt me before she would—”
“You trusted her over me,” I cry, shaking. “You didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt in that hard heart of yours. You just assumed I would be so cold . . .”
He looks away, his jaw tight, his fists clenched. “Can you blame me?”
I flinch.
“Excuse me?” I whisper.
He turns back to me. “You went to Hendrix behind my back only a few days before. Yes you stayed after that, yes you gave yourself to me, but you still did it. You still hid it from me. Of course there was an instant reaction—I thought you cared about me enough to keep Hendrix away, but not enough to stay with me. So I did, I assumed you made sure Hendrix was not going to hurt me before leaving me.”
I stare up at him in shock.
“Do you know how much it took me to give myself to you?”
He opens his mouth but I cut him off.
“Do you know how hard it was?”
“Jess . . .”
“Dimitri, I have spent years of my life protecting myself. If I was merely trying to save you because I had no more than tepid feelings for you, then I would have never given myself to you. No, I would have just made sure Hendrix backed off, you backed off, and then I would have left. Instead, I gave you my body but more than that, I let you in and I let you see things no one has ever seen. And you didn’t even consider that when Livvie told you I’d run. You just assumed the worst and you acted on it.”
“I said I fucked up,” he growls. “You should understand how fuckin’ hard it is for me with the life I’ve lived. I don’t just trust anyone and even when I do, I find it hard to always see the good. I made a mistake, I don’t deny it, but it was an automatic reaction to assume you had betrayed me instead of assuming Livvie had. Because everyone I’ve loved in the past has done just that.”
I swallow and tears trickle down my cheeks. “The problem with the people you’ve loved in the past, Dimitri, is that they’ve loved themselves more than you. In my case, it was very different. I love you more than I’ve ever loved myself or anything in my life.”
He flinches. “What did you say?” he rasps.
“I said I love you, more than life itself.”
Suddenly his lips are crushed against mine, his hands are in my hair and he’s kissing me with such force that it takes me a second to be able to respond. But when I do, it’s explosive. My hands tangle in his hair and I’m kissing him with everything I am, sliding my tongue against his, pressing my body to his, giving him everything. Every ounce of me.
“I fuckin’ love you too,” he murmurs, before reaching down and taking my legs.
