Where I Belong
Page 18
“There is no we. There never was. You’ve sucked my cock when you wanted to. I’ve never asked you to do that. I haven’t even touched you in three years.” I open the door and move out into the hallway of her apartment building.
“What about Nolan? Why can’t you at least try for your own son, Ben?
My blood boils. I grip the doorframe until my hand stings. “Don’t ever use Nolan against me. How the fuck would seeing his parents at each other’s throats every second benefit him?”
“You won’t even give us a chance,” she pleads, her eyes glistening over with tears.
“Enough with the bullshit. I won’t pretend to have feelings for you just because you’re my son’s mother. I won’t lie to him. Ever.” I exhale roughly as her face saddens. “Make sure you tell Nolan I’ll see him soon.” And I don’t give her a chance to respond before I close the door behind me.
* * *
“So, let me make sure I’ve got this straight,” Luke says behind his beer. We decided to grab a few after our shift ended, and I’ve just made him fully aware of everything involving Mia. Everything except the fact that I took her virginity. “You tormented the hell out of this girl eight years ago—”
“Nine,” I correct him. Not that one year really matters one way or the other. But I feel putting the most distance between my old asshole self and my current self helps my cause.
He waves me off with his free hand. “Whatever. You used to be a little dickhead, and now you’re kicking yourself because she’s smoking hot and the lay of your life.”
I write her name in the condensation on my glass, wiping it off before Luke sees it and gives me shit about it. “It’s not just about the sex. I could listen to her talk for fucking hours if she’d let me.” I sigh heavily, meeting the eyes of my very amused best friend. “Fuck you. Like you aren’t completely whipped over my sister.”
“I’m not.” He is, he’ll just never admit it. “And if you asked me—”
“I didn’t.”
He flips me off before continuing. “I think you’re going about this the wrong way. You can’t expect Mia to just jump into a relationship with you when she’s hated you for years.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s hated you for years,” he reaffirms. “She’ll just keep telling you to fuck off.” He states his argument as if it is obvious, which I suppose it is. Even though I have undeniable chemistry with Mia, she isn’t going to acknowledge it herself while she still hates me. “Why don’t you try to be friends with her first? Let her see that you’re interested in more than just fucking her.”
I contemplate his advice in silence. That could be a better way to go about this. Winning her friendship meant gaining her trust which would surely grant me forgiveness. And friends did spend a lot of time together, and that definitely appealed to me. “Nolan’s crazy about her, and she’s amazing with him. Would I be a complete shit to use my kid as an in?”
“You are a complete shit.” He motions for the bartender. “Two Sam Adams, and did you card those fuckers at the end of the bar?” I follow Luke’s finger and notice the two kids he is referring to. And they definitely are kids. No fucking way are they twenty-one.
“Yeah, of course I did. Their ID’s said they were twenty-two.” The bartender gives us both another beer.
“Grab their ID’s for me,” Luke insists. The bartender returns seconds later, and I don’t miss the uneasiness in the eyes of the two kids. “These are fake. How the hell did you miss this, Ray?” Luke is on his feet and I’m right behind him. He holds the ID’s out in front of him, showing them to the kids. “You morons do realize that using a fake ID is a felony, right? How old are you?”
“We’re twenty-two,” one states with snarky confidence. His smugness alone makes me want to throw him out on his ass.
“Are you really that stupid to use a fake ID at a bar where two cops are drinking?” I ask, seeing Luke tuck their ID’s into his pocket. Either that or they’re blind. We’re still in our uniforms for Christ’s sake. “Answer my partner before I make you call your parents and I explain to them that their sons are getting arrested.”
“We’re nineteen,” the meeker one answers urgently. His friend starts sweating, his hands shaking at his sides. “Please don’t make me call my dad, officer. Can’t you give us a warning or something?”
Luke and I step closer to them, seeing them shrink and cower. I narrow in on the honest kid. “Get out now before your friend screws you both.” He moves quickly and his friend tries to follow, but Luke shoots his arm out to stop him.
“Don’t lie to a cop, asshole. Especially when you’re dumb enough to use your real name on your fake ID, Parker Lance.”
“How do you know it’s my real name?” Wow. This kid is asking to get locked up.
“Because you’re too stupid to memorize any information that isn’t really yours. And no one would willingly pick the name Parker. I’d feel sorry for you if you weren’t such a lying piece of shit.” The kid opens his mouth to argue but smartly decides to shut it. “Get out.” His now panicked face disappears out the door and we reclaim our seats at the bar.
“Fucking prick. I should’ve made him call his parents just for being an asshole,” Luke says. I nod in agreement as I stare at the bottles of alcohol on the shelf in front of me, taking generous sips of my beer. My mind is elsewhere at the moment and Luke notices. “Damn, man. I’ve never seen you this obsessed over some chick before. What the hell are you going to do when the summer’s over and she goes back home? You know that long distance stuff doesn’t work. Ask Reed. ”
I rub my temples with my fingers. “I don’t know. I can’t worry about that right now when I’m still trying to get her to tolerate being around me.”
“At the rate you’re going, you might not have to worry about it.”
I ignore him and down my beer. I can’t think about three months from now, and not just because I’m not anywhere near where I want to be with Mia. The thought of her not being five minutes away from me formed a knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. I hate the idea of not being able to see her on an impulse. What if I had a sudden urge to kiss her, touch her, talk to her, or breathe the same air as her and she lived four hours away from me? The thought was maddening. I knew I’d never survive that kind of distance from her. The girl I once couldn’t get far enough away from had become the woman I couldn’t get close enough to.
* * *
Later on that night, I grab my phone and open up a new text message. I only have three months with Mia, and I want to get the whole friendship thing rolling. The sooner she likes me as a friend, the sooner she’ll see me as I see her.
Me: Can I have Mia’s phone number?
Tessa: Why? Are you changing it up and trying to make her cry via text message?
Most days I love my sister. Most days.
“What about Nolan? Why can’t you at least try for your own son, Ben?
My blood boils. I grip the doorframe until my hand stings. “Don’t ever use Nolan against me. How the fuck would seeing his parents at each other’s throats every second benefit him?”
“You won’t even give us a chance,” she pleads, her eyes glistening over with tears.
“Enough with the bullshit. I won’t pretend to have feelings for you just because you’re my son’s mother. I won’t lie to him. Ever.” I exhale roughly as her face saddens. “Make sure you tell Nolan I’ll see him soon.” And I don’t give her a chance to respond before I close the door behind me.
* * *
“So, let me make sure I’ve got this straight,” Luke says behind his beer. We decided to grab a few after our shift ended, and I’ve just made him fully aware of everything involving Mia. Everything except the fact that I took her virginity. “You tormented the hell out of this girl eight years ago—”
“Nine,” I correct him. Not that one year really matters one way or the other. But I feel putting the most distance between my old asshole self and my current self helps my cause.
He waves me off with his free hand. “Whatever. You used to be a little dickhead, and now you’re kicking yourself because she’s smoking hot and the lay of your life.”
I write her name in the condensation on my glass, wiping it off before Luke sees it and gives me shit about it. “It’s not just about the sex. I could listen to her talk for fucking hours if she’d let me.” I sigh heavily, meeting the eyes of my very amused best friend. “Fuck you. Like you aren’t completely whipped over my sister.”
“I’m not.” He is, he’ll just never admit it. “And if you asked me—”
“I didn’t.”
He flips me off before continuing. “I think you’re going about this the wrong way. You can’t expect Mia to just jump into a relationship with you when she’s hated you for years.”
“Why not?”
“Because she’s hated you for years,” he reaffirms. “She’ll just keep telling you to fuck off.” He states his argument as if it is obvious, which I suppose it is. Even though I have undeniable chemistry with Mia, she isn’t going to acknowledge it herself while she still hates me. “Why don’t you try to be friends with her first? Let her see that you’re interested in more than just fucking her.”
I contemplate his advice in silence. That could be a better way to go about this. Winning her friendship meant gaining her trust which would surely grant me forgiveness. And friends did spend a lot of time together, and that definitely appealed to me. “Nolan’s crazy about her, and she’s amazing with him. Would I be a complete shit to use my kid as an in?”
“You are a complete shit.” He motions for the bartender. “Two Sam Adams, and did you card those fuckers at the end of the bar?” I follow Luke’s finger and notice the two kids he is referring to. And they definitely are kids. No fucking way are they twenty-one.
“Yeah, of course I did. Their ID’s said they were twenty-two.” The bartender gives us both another beer.
“Grab their ID’s for me,” Luke insists. The bartender returns seconds later, and I don’t miss the uneasiness in the eyes of the two kids. “These are fake. How the hell did you miss this, Ray?” Luke is on his feet and I’m right behind him. He holds the ID’s out in front of him, showing them to the kids. “You morons do realize that using a fake ID is a felony, right? How old are you?”
“We’re twenty-two,” one states with snarky confidence. His smugness alone makes me want to throw him out on his ass.
“Are you really that stupid to use a fake ID at a bar where two cops are drinking?” I ask, seeing Luke tuck their ID’s into his pocket. Either that or they’re blind. We’re still in our uniforms for Christ’s sake. “Answer my partner before I make you call your parents and I explain to them that their sons are getting arrested.”
“We’re nineteen,” the meeker one answers urgently. His friend starts sweating, his hands shaking at his sides. “Please don’t make me call my dad, officer. Can’t you give us a warning or something?”
Luke and I step closer to them, seeing them shrink and cower. I narrow in on the honest kid. “Get out now before your friend screws you both.” He moves quickly and his friend tries to follow, but Luke shoots his arm out to stop him.
“Don’t lie to a cop, asshole. Especially when you’re dumb enough to use your real name on your fake ID, Parker Lance.”
“How do you know it’s my real name?” Wow. This kid is asking to get locked up.
“Because you’re too stupid to memorize any information that isn’t really yours. And no one would willingly pick the name Parker. I’d feel sorry for you if you weren’t such a lying piece of shit.” The kid opens his mouth to argue but smartly decides to shut it. “Get out.” His now panicked face disappears out the door and we reclaim our seats at the bar.
“Fucking prick. I should’ve made him call his parents just for being an asshole,” Luke says. I nod in agreement as I stare at the bottles of alcohol on the shelf in front of me, taking generous sips of my beer. My mind is elsewhere at the moment and Luke notices. “Damn, man. I’ve never seen you this obsessed over some chick before. What the hell are you going to do when the summer’s over and she goes back home? You know that long distance stuff doesn’t work. Ask Reed. ”
I rub my temples with my fingers. “I don’t know. I can’t worry about that right now when I’m still trying to get her to tolerate being around me.”
“At the rate you’re going, you might not have to worry about it.”
I ignore him and down my beer. I can’t think about three months from now, and not just because I’m not anywhere near where I want to be with Mia. The thought of her not being five minutes away from me formed a knot in my stomach and a tightness in my chest. I hate the idea of not being able to see her on an impulse. What if I had a sudden urge to kiss her, touch her, talk to her, or breathe the same air as her and she lived four hours away from me? The thought was maddening. I knew I’d never survive that kind of distance from her. The girl I once couldn’t get far enough away from had become the woman I couldn’t get close enough to.
* * *
Later on that night, I grab my phone and open up a new text message. I only have three months with Mia, and I want to get the whole friendship thing rolling. The sooner she likes me as a friend, the sooner she’ll see me as I see her.
Me: Can I have Mia’s phone number?
Tessa: Why? Are you changing it up and trying to make her cry via text message?
Most days I love my sister. Most days.
