Where We Belong
Page 14
The boys look up as we draw closer.
Chase slowly climbs out of the sandbox, lifting one leg over the wooden ledge, then the other, teetering a bit on his feet before rushing to greet us.
I pick him up and kiss his chubby cheek. “Baby,” I murmur against his skin, smelling the orange he ate an hour ago for a snack.
“Nolan. Come here a minute.”
Hearing Ben’s voice, Nolan hops out of the sandbox and hurries over.
“Yeah?” he asks, tilting his head up, the front of his shorts and T-shirt covered in a light dusting of sand.
Ben squats down and rests his hand on Nolan’s shoulder. “Buddy, you remember Angie, right? Your other Mommy? The one you used to live with before you moved in with Daddy and Princess Mia?”
His big eyes flick to mine, then he looks back up at Ben, nodding his head.
“She wants to see you. Would you like that? Would you like to go see her tomorrow?”
Nolan stares at Ben for a moment. “Why does she want to see me?”
“Because she misses you,” I tell him, smiling when he glances up at me, keeping all of my other emotions hidden and only giving Nolan what he needs to see—my happiness for him. “She hasn’t seen you in so long, baby. I bet she won’t believe how big and strong you’ve gotten.”
My words don’t seem to reach Nolan. Or my happiness.
Brow pinched together and his mouth pulling into a frown, his little nostrils flaring with his heavy breaths, he keeps his passive focus on Ben. “But I want to stay here. I don’t want to live somewhere else again.”
“You aren’t living anywhere else, Buddy. You’re just visiting Angie. I’m not leaving you there.”
“Does she want to see Chasey too?”
I shift Chase to my other hip. “I’m going to keep him home while you and Daddy go see her, okay? That way you two can talk and your brother won’t interrupt you.”
Nolan shakes his head. “I don’t wanna go if Chasey doesn’t go.”
“Nolan.” Ben’s hand falls away when Nolan moves to stand in front of me.
“Are you gonna stop being my mommy now?” he asks, genuine fear tightening his voice.
My mouth goes slack. Any emotion I was trying to keep from Nolan comes bubbling to the surface, demanding to be acknowledged.
Squatting down in front of him, with tears brimming my eyes and my chest compressing so much I can only take in shallow breaths, I set Chase down and reach for Nolan.
“I will never stop being your mommy. Not ever. Okay?” I cup his face, wiping some sand off of his cheek. “You’re my little knight. And you and Chase, you will always be my two favorite boys. This doesn’t change that, Nolan. Your other mommy can love you too. We can both love you, and we can both be your mommy.”
“I don’t want to call her Mommy.”
Ben rubs Nolan’s back, briefly glancing at me while holding onto Chase with his other arm. “You can call her Angie, Buddy. You don’t have to call her Mommy.”
I nod when Nolan looks at me, grabbing onto his hands. “Whatever you want to do.”
“Can you come with us?” he asks quietly, pleading with his eyes. “Please, Mommy? And Chasey? I think she wants to see everybody.”
Angie wants to see me and the son I have with her ex?
Yeah, I’m sure.
I breathe a laugh. Tears wet my cheeks. “You want me to go, baby?”
Nolan nods his head.
“Buddy . . .”
“Okay. I’ll go,” I interrupt Ben, smiling at Nolan and running my finger down his nose. He reaches out and does the same to me. “You want me there, I’m there.”
“Cool.” He looks between Ben and myself, the apprehension in his face vanishing. “Can I go play now? My castle is really coming together.”
Smiling against my hand, I watch Ben rustle Nolan’s dark hair. Sand falls onto his shoulders.
“Yeah, Buddy,” Ben chuckles. “Go play.”
Nolan spins around and dashes across the yard toward the sandbox. Chase immediately starts fighting against Ben’s hold, grunting until he’s put on his feet. He takes off running after his brother.
Ben looks over at me. “Are you sure you’re okay with going tomorrow? Baby, I can talk to Nolan. He’ll be fine with whatever. You don’t have to do this.”
I move to stand in front of him, reaching for his arms and pulling them around my waist as we both face the boys. My head drops back against his chest.
“He wants me there. I think it’ll make him feel more at ease about it if it’s all of us with him. He’s nervous.”
Nolan thought he was leaving us. That we were sending him to live with Angie again. He looked so worried.
I’ll do anything to avoid him feeling anxious about this.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, determined to be there for Nolan. “Whatever he needs me to do, I’ll do. I just hope it doesn’t involve hugging that bitch.”
I can play nice, but there’s a line even I am not willing to cross. She’ll be lucky to get a smile out of me.
Ben laughs against my hair. His grip around my waist tightens.
We stand in the middle of the yard, watching the boys play until the telling signs of tiredness shadow their faces. After baths and story time, I escort the boys into our bedroom, not theirs.
I don’t want tonight to be the night they stay asleep in their own rooms. I want them with me.
Ben gives me a questioning look as they climb up onto the bed and under the covers.
I shrug.
He smiles, nodding once, understanding my need to have them close tonight.
Usually I’m praying for a moment alone with Ben, minutes where we can grasp at each other before the boys are waking up and crying out for us.
Not tonight.
Tonight I choose little elbows poking me in the ribs and feet kicking out. Tonight I choose a restless night’s sleep from a wiggling body beside me and hot breath against my neck.
Right now, nothing sounds more comfortable.
Ben
HEAVY RAIN PELTS AGAINST THE windshield of the squad car as Luke drives us out of the precinct parking lot.
It’s been coming down like this all day. Rain so thick the only discernible indication of approaching traffic being the weakened headlights slicing through the sheets of precipitation. Shit conditions to drive in. Standing water on a few main roads has caused some issues. Several vehicles have gotten stuck. According to my weather app, it’s supposed to keep up with this intensity and continue pouring the rest of the week.
But what the fuck do I care about the weather in Ruxton over the next few days? I’m leaving soon. Taking my woman and getting some much needed time together.
And the forecast for Sparrow’s Island? Sunny and warm.
Perfect Mia bikini weather.
Goddamn. I can not wait for this. Two days alone with my wife. No kids. No disruptions. I get her for forty-eight hours straight and I’m taking advantage of every minute.
I’m tasting every part of Mia. Touching every inch. Taking . . .
Stripping her of her clothes the second I get her in that room and burning the outfits I packed for her ‘cause she won’t need them. I want her in the flesh. On every surface of that villa. Skin to skin, her soft curves pressing up against me while I move inside that sweet perfection I’ll never deserve. While I devote every second of those forty-eight hours to her pleasure. To ours. Nothing between us but our panting breaths and the space I’ll allow myself to have just to fucking stare at her.
Chase slowly climbs out of the sandbox, lifting one leg over the wooden ledge, then the other, teetering a bit on his feet before rushing to greet us.
I pick him up and kiss his chubby cheek. “Baby,” I murmur against his skin, smelling the orange he ate an hour ago for a snack.
“Nolan. Come here a minute.”
Hearing Ben’s voice, Nolan hops out of the sandbox and hurries over.
“Yeah?” he asks, tilting his head up, the front of his shorts and T-shirt covered in a light dusting of sand.
Ben squats down and rests his hand on Nolan’s shoulder. “Buddy, you remember Angie, right? Your other Mommy? The one you used to live with before you moved in with Daddy and Princess Mia?”
His big eyes flick to mine, then he looks back up at Ben, nodding his head.
“She wants to see you. Would you like that? Would you like to go see her tomorrow?”
Nolan stares at Ben for a moment. “Why does she want to see me?”
“Because she misses you,” I tell him, smiling when he glances up at me, keeping all of my other emotions hidden and only giving Nolan what he needs to see—my happiness for him. “She hasn’t seen you in so long, baby. I bet she won’t believe how big and strong you’ve gotten.”
My words don’t seem to reach Nolan. Or my happiness.
Brow pinched together and his mouth pulling into a frown, his little nostrils flaring with his heavy breaths, he keeps his passive focus on Ben. “But I want to stay here. I don’t want to live somewhere else again.”
“You aren’t living anywhere else, Buddy. You’re just visiting Angie. I’m not leaving you there.”
“Does she want to see Chasey too?”
I shift Chase to my other hip. “I’m going to keep him home while you and Daddy go see her, okay? That way you two can talk and your brother won’t interrupt you.”
Nolan shakes his head. “I don’t wanna go if Chasey doesn’t go.”
“Nolan.” Ben’s hand falls away when Nolan moves to stand in front of me.
“Are you gonna stop being my mommy now?” he asks, genuine fear tightening his voice.
My mouth goes slack. Any emotion I was trying to keep from Nolan comes bubbling to the surface, demanding to be acknowledged.
Squatting down in front of him, with tears brimming my eyes and my chest compressing so much I can only take in shallow breaths, I set Chase down and reach for Nolan.
“I will never stop being your mommy. Not ever. Okay?” I cup his face, wiping some sand off of his cheek. “You’re my little knight. And you and Chase, you will always be my two favorite boys. This doesn’t change that, Nolan. Your other mommy can love you too. We can both love you, and we can both be your mommy.”
“I don’t want to call her Mommy.”
Ben rubs Nolan’s back, briefly glancing at me while holding onto Chase with his other arm. “You can call her Angie, Buddy. You don’t have to call her Mommy.”
I nod when Nolan looks at me, grabbing onto his hands. “Whatever you want to do.”
“Can you come with us?” he asks quietly, pleading with his eyes. “Please, Mommy? And Chasey? I think she wants to see everybody.”
Angie wants to see me and the son I have with her ex?
Yeah, I’m sure.
I breathe a laugh. Tears wet my cheeks. “You want me to go, baby?”
Nolan nods his head.
“Buddy . . .”
“Okay. I’ll go,” I interrupt Ben, smiling at Nolan and running my finger down his nose. He reaches out and does the same to me. “You want me there, I’m there.”
“Cool.” He looks between Ben and myself, the apprehension in his face vanishing. “Can I go play now? My castle is really coming together.”
Smiling against my hand, I watch Ben rustle Nolan’s dark hair. Sand falls onto his shoulders.
“Yeah, Buddy,” Ben chuckles. “Go play.”
Nolan spins around and dashes across the yard toward the sandbox. Chase immediately starts fighting against Ben’s hold, grunting until he’s put on his feet. He takes off running after his brother.
Ben looks over at me. “Are you sure you’re okay with going tomorrow? Baby, I can talk to Nolan. He’ll be fine with whatever. You don’t have to do this.”
I move to stand in front of him, reaching for his arms and pulling them around my waist as we both face the boys. My head drops back against his chest.
“He wants me there. I think it’ll make him feel more at ease about it if it’s all of us with him. He’s nervous.”
Nolan thought he was leaving us. That we were sending him to live with Angie again. He looked so worried.
I’ll do anything to avoid him feeling anxious about this.
“I’ll be fine,” I say, determined to be there for Nolan. “Whatever he needs me to do, I’ll do. I just hope it doesn’t involve hugging that bitch.”
I can play nice, but there’s a line even I am not willing to cross. She’ll be lucky to get a smile out of me.
Ben laughs against my hair. His grip around my waist tightens.
We stand in the middle of the yard, watching the boys play until the telling signs of tiredness shadow their faces. After baths and story time, I escort the boys into our bedroom, not theirs.
I don’t want tonight to be the night they stay asleep in their own rooms. I want them with me.
Ben gives me a questioning look as they climb up onto the bed and under the covers.
I shrug.
He smiles, nodding once, understanding my need to have them close tonight.
Usually I’m praying for a moment alone with Ben, minutes where we can grasp at each other before the boys are waking up and crying out for us.
Not tonight.
Tonight I choose little elbows poking me in the ribs and feet kicking out. Tonight I choose a restless night’s sleep from a wiggling body beside me and hot breath against my neck.
Right now, nothing sounds more comfortable.
Ben
HEAVY RAIN PELTS AGAINST THE windshield of the squad car as Luke drives us out of the precinct parking lot.
It’s been coming down like this all day. Rain so thick the only discernible indication of approaching traffic being the weakened headlights slicing through the sheets of precipitation. Shit conditions to drive in. Standing water on a few main roads has caused some issues. Several vehicles have gotten stuck. According to my weather app, it’s supposed to keep up with this intensity and continue pouring the rest of the week.
But what the fuck do I care about the weather in Ruxton over the next few days? I’m leaving soon. Taking my woman and getting some much needed time together.
And the forecast for Sparrow’s Island? Sunny and warm.
Perfect Mia bikini weather.
Goddamn. I can not wait for this. Two days alone with my wife. No kids. No disruptions. I get her for forty-eight hours straight and I’m taking advantage of every minute.
I’m tasting every part of Mia. Touching every inch. Taking . . .
Stripping her of her clothes the second I get her in that room and burning the outfits I packed for her ‘cause she won’t need them. I want her in the flesh. On every surface of that villa. Skin to skin, her soft curves pressing up against me while I move inside that sweet perfection I’ll never deserve. While I devote every second of those forty-eight hours to her pleasure. To ours. Nothing between us but our panting breaths and the space I’ll allow myself to have just to fucking stare at her.
