White Trash Damaged
Page 20
“It’s for our scene,” Terry spoke up, alleviating my fears. I sighed and smiled back at him, grateful he put my mind at ease. I glanced back over my shoulder at the man as he had the women sprawl out over the bed, positioning them like human Barbie dolls until he had them at the angle he preferred.
He yelled for Chris and Terry who had large smiles on their faces as they hurried to join the women. I backed against the wall and watched as they climbed into the bed, happier than I had ever seen them. I rolled my eyes and the makeup artist smiled as she watched me.
“First time?” she asked, and I wasn’t sure what she meant, but her question sent a blush spreading over my skin like wildfire. “Music video, I mean.”
“Yeah.” I nodded as I watched the twins begin to make out with their female counterparts as the camera moved closer to them.
“It’s not that bad. All make-believe. They look like they are enjoying themselves now, but I guarantee you that when the day is over, they will be exhausted and miserable.” I raised my eyebrows as I watched their hands roam all over the women.
“Somehow I doubt that.”
She laughed and patted me on the shoulder before disappearing behind the door that Tucker had gone in earlier. My eyes shifted to Eric as he continued to take direction and figure out the best way to shoot his part of the video.
A few minutes passed and four women came out of the makeup area, giggling.
“He is such a good kisser.” One of them laughed as the other scoffed.
“Please, his hands were all over my body.”
I stiffened, wondering who they were referring to. Eric glanced up and shot them a wink, causing them to erupt in a fit of giggles. I sighed and relaxed back into the wall. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but the entire situation was beginning to overwhelm me. I knew Tucker was a rock star and this was what he wanted out of life, but I didn’t know how much of the lifestyle he intended to partake in.
After nearly twenty minutes of watching Eric flirt with the girls and the twins rolling around in bed with the other twins, I was beginning to fall asleep. I sank down against the wall and yawned as I watched them shoot scene after scene of what looked like the same thing.
“Tucker,” a girl squealed, and I turned to see Tucker come out of the back room. He was wearing a plain white cotton tee and dark-wash jeans. He looked like he always did, and I wondered what they could have been doing to him for so long. The girl was in front of him, partially obstructing my view, but he glanced around her and winked at me, causing my heart to melt in my chest.
I stood, stretching, still sore from the long ride on the back of Tucker’s bike. The director called Tucker over to him and began giving him direction. I wanted to walk over, but Donna beat me to it, and I knew, as much as I hated it, this was part of her job and I had no place in it.
Eric made his way to me with a huge grin on his face.
“Twenty bucks says I can f**k at least two of them before the day is over.”
I cringed at his crude comment, but it secretly made me happy for him that he was moving past his crush on Sarah.
“Shouldn’t be too hard.” I looked around him at the girls as they stared at his back adoringly.
“Not hard at all.” He spun around and smiled at them.
“That’s what she said.”
Eric doubled over laughing, causing everyone to turn in our direction.
“She would never say that. Seriously, you suck at this.” His face was red as tears filled his eyes from laughing so hard. It was great to see him so carefree. It was a rare occasion, and I knew it was a big deal. Eric pulled me in for a hug, and I tensed, not used to him being affectionate with me or anyone, for that matter. I hugged him back as I glanced over at Tucker, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed as he watched us. I pulled back, not sure if he was upset.
I smiled at Eric as he shook his head and made his way back to the scantily clad women. His arms were stretched out to his sides.
“Who wants to find out how hard a drummer can bang?”
The girls giggled, and I shook my head, laughing and glancing back to Tucker, but he wasn’t there. I scanned the area and found him mounting the motorcycle. A brunette got on behind him, wrapping her long tanned limbs around his body. My heart rate went into overdrive as I watched her lean in and whisper something in his ear, causing him to laugh as his hand went to hers around his waist. My heart was thudding so loudly in my ears I didn’t hear Donna’s voice until she repeated herself.
“He looks good out there.”
I didn’t respond, keeping my eyes locked on my boyfriend.
“You should take a walk, maybe pick up some lunch.” Her voice wasn’t threatening and didn’t have its usual edge to it.
“I’m not hungry,” I replied as I wrapped my arms around myself. Tucker spoke to the director as the model’s hands continued to roam over him. She looked in my direction as she said something to him, and he glanced our way, nodding and laughing again at something she said. Jealousy coiled in my belly, winding me tighter, and I wanted to explode. This is his job, I reminded myself. But you’re the one he chose to have on the back of his bike.
“Suit yourself.” Donna walked back over to Tucker and said a few things, everyone’s attention on her. Tucker made a face, and I couldn’t tell if he was frustrated or angry. He looked my way as they continued to speak quietly. Donna glanced over her shoulder, smiling. What I wouldn’t give to wipe that smirk off her face.
The model climbed off the back of his bike, and my heart began to beat normally again until she walked toward me. I held my breath as she approached, but she continued by and disappeared into the dressing room.
I wiped my damp palms on my jeans and tried to relax. The twins made their way across the room, and I wanted to carry on a conversation with them to put myself at ease, but they barely noticed me as they flirted with the other set of twins. I felt completely out of place, wishing I had a pen and paper so I could process some of the feelings that were brewing inside of me. I closed my eyes and began to count down from ten.
“You all right?” Eric asked, and I opened my eyes to see him beside me, his hands shoved in his jean pockets.
“Yeah.” I faked a smile, and he cocked his head.
“You expect me to believe that?” He leaned back against the wall beside me. I wanted to open up to him like he had with me, but I was concerned with the way Tucker had looked at me when we’d hugged. Suddenly I felt like I needed to close myself off to him.
“I’m fine.” I shrugged as I stared off across the room.
“How did things go with your dad? That must have been crazy.” He shook his head.
The girl who had been on the back of the bike moments before walked back by us wearing nothing but a crisp white sheet around her body. I couldn’t breathe as I stood up straighter trying to see through the bodies that milled around Tucker. She slipped between them, and I stood up on my toes to figure out what was happening.
“Crazy,” I repeated quietly.
“Tuck and I have our problems, but you know he loves you, right?”
That caught me off guard enough to cause me to look at him, momentarily forgetting my worry.
“I know that.” I wasn’t sure why he had said it, and suddenly it terrified me.
“I don’t know why he insisted on you being here for this. It’s only going to torture you.” Eric shook his head as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.
“You don’t want me here?” I could handle Donna not wanting me around, but I thought Eric and I had become friends.
He shook his head and took a deep breath.
“You really want to watch some chick putting her hands all over the guy you love? He knows it’s going to hurt you.”
“He didn’t look very happy about it,” I mumbled as I tried to see what was happening, but the extras and set helpers were still blocking my view.
Eric chuckled as he ran his hand over his jaw.
“What? You said yourself he insisted I come. That doesn’t sound like a guy excited about having some other woman’s hands on him.”
Donna stepped to the side, and I had a perfect view of Tucker’s face. The nearly naked model was straddling his lap. I gasped as Eric leaned in next to my ear to whisper.
“That’s because he shot this scene yesterday. He never intended for you to see it. Donna insisted they reshoot it.”
I glanced up at him, his face an inch from mine as his eyes locked onto mine.
“He didn’t know.” Eric’s words rang loudly in my ears.
Pain ripped through my chest like someone had actually stabbed me and twisted the knife. My hand flew up to my heart and landed on the locket Tucker had given me as tears filled my eyes.
The director shouted out a command, but all I could hear was the harsh rapid pounding of my heart in my ears.
I looked up at Tucker as the music began to play. The sheet sagged low on the woman’s back, revealing bare skin. Tucker gripped the handle of the bike with one hand, his other roaming over her flesh as he sang into her ear.
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
I felt my knees grow weak. It was a song he had often sung to me, and my knees began to give out from under me.
I wasn’t cut out for this. And suddenly I felt that all-too-familiar feeling, that heavy urgent need to flee. Eric slipped his arm around my waist and held me up against his side, his fingers lightly rubbing over my hip.
“Don’t run. These girls can smell fear like sharks. If you leave, they will see it as an invitation to go in for the kill.”
“I don’t think I can watch this.”
“It’s all a show. I know he thinks I hate him, and sometimes I do.” He chuckled softly. “But I consider you a friend. Tucker wouldn’t hurt you.”
I sighed, leaning over to give Eric a hug as Tucker glanced at us. I gave him a weak smile, but he didn’t return it.
“I think he regrets me being here now.”
“He just doesn’t want you to be upset. He didn’t expect this today. It was supposed to be band shots. I told Donna to call him to let him know, and she said she would.” Our eyes met, and we both let out a laugh.
“Well, I think I know why that call was never made.”
I was staring at Eric, letting my jealousy start to melt away when I was yanked away harshly, tripping over my own feet and falling back on the hard concrete floor. It took a moment for me to realize what had happened. Tucker’s fist swung at Eric as he wrapped his arms around Tucker’s waist, pulling him down to the ground. I felt myself scream, the sound coming out ear-piercingly loud.
“Why the f**k are you touching my girl?” Tucker yelled as he gained the upper hand and swung at Eric.
“Shit man, we’re friends!” Eric yelled back as he shoved against Tucker’s chest.
“She is nothing to you.” Another blow from Tucker hit Eric in the mouth, causing his head to bounce off the concrete floor with a loud thud. The twins grabbed Tucker by his arms, yanking him hard off Eric who pushed to his feet and charged Tucker. I screamed again, and he stopped dead in his tracks. Both the men’s chests were heaving as they struggled to regain composure.
“I want you out,” Tucker yelled.
“I was just leaving.” Eric spit blood from his mouth at Tucker’s feet as he shoved by him and walked past me without looking at me.
“Out of the band!” Tucker’s shout froze Eric in his tracks. He spun around, glaring back at my boyfriend as I sat frozen between them. The room was completely silent apart from the sound of Tucker’s rough breathing.
“You don’t mean that,” Eric said, no longer shouting, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I do.”
Eric glanced down at me, and I knew he was ready to lose it. He had nowhere else to go, and no matter how he had acted in the past, this band was his family. His eyes widened as he realized I had been knocked down during the scuffle, and his gaze turned murderous.
Tucker watched and laughed sardonically as he pulled out of Chris’s and Terry’s grip, equally pissed off, and I couldn’t fathom why.
“She can go with you.” He turned and stalked off to the dressing-room door, slamming it, causing the sound to echo throughout the cavernous space. I looked at all of the people who stood around me, sadness in some eyes and satisfaction in others. Tears blurred my vision, and I felt the heavy sobs begging to rip from my chest.
Eric sank down next to me.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, and I shook my head no, but it was a lie. Physically I was fine, but my heart had been stomped and ripped from my chest. I felt like I was dying, and I wished someone would put me out of my misery. He held out his hand to me, softness in his eyes. “Come on.”
I slipped my hand in his, letting him pull me from the ground as I groaned. My tailbone throbbed, and I knew my lower back would be bruised. Eric led me toward the exit.
“Don’t look back,” he whispered, and I nodded, not having any intention of looking at any of those people. I fought the urge to run, but I wasn’t even sure I could with the pain in my back.
As we stepped out into the warm night air, the first sob ripped through me. Eric squeezed my hand tighter and continued to pull me away from the building.
“Not here.”
I let him guide me as my mind swirled. Tucker was mad at me? I was the one watching my boyfriend practically have sex on top of a motorcycle. Eric had only tried to comfort me and reassure me that Tucker loved me.
“I don’t know what just happened.”
“I do. I’m sorry, Cass. This is my fault. I never should have even gone over there. . . .”
He yelled for Chris and Terry who had large smiles on their faces as they hurried to join the women. I backed against the wall and watched as they climbed into the bed, happier than I had ever seen them. I rolled my eyes and the makeup artist smiled as she watched me.
“First time?” she asked, and I wasn’t sure what she meant, but her question sent a blush spreading over my skin like wildfire. “Music video, I mean.”
“Yeah.” I nodded as I watched the twins begin to make out with their female counterparts as the camera moved closer to them.
“It’s not that bad. All make-believe. They look like they are enjoying themselves now, but I guarantee you that when the day is over, they will be exhausted and miserable.” I raised my eyebrows as I watched their hands roam all over the women.
“Somehow I doubt that.”
She laughed and patted me on the shoulder before disappearing behind the door that Tucker had gone in earlier. My eyes shifted to Eric as he continued to take direction and figure out the best way to shoot his part of the video.
A few minutes passed and four women came out of the makeup area, giggling.
“He is such a good kisser.” One of them laughed as the other scoffed.
“Please, his hands were all over my body.”
I stiffened, wondering who they were referring to. Eric glanced up and shot them a wink, causing them to erupt in a fit of giggles. I sighed and relaxed back into the wall. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but the entire situation was beginning to overwhelm me. I knew Tucker was a rock star and this was what he wanted out of life, but I didn’t know how much of the lifestyle he intended to partake in.
After nearly twenty minutes of watching Eric flirt with the girls and the twins rolling around in bed with the other twins, I was beginning to fall asleep. I sank down against the wall and yawned as I watched them shoot scene after scene of what looked like the same thing.
“Tucker,” a girl squealed, and I turned to see Tucker come out of the back room. He was wearing a plain white cotton tee and dark-wash jeans. He looked like he always did, and I wondered what they could have been doing to him for so long. The girl was in front of him, partially obstructing my view, but he glanced around her and winked at me, causing my heart to melt in my chest.
I stood, stretching, still sore from the long ride on the back of Tucker’s bike. The director called Tucker over to him and began giving him direction. I wanted to walk over, but Donna beat me to it, and I knew, as much as I hated it, this was part of her job and I had no place in it.
Eric made his way to me with a huge grin on his face.
“Twenty bucks says I can f**k at least two of them before the day is over.”
I cringed at his crude comment, but it secretly made me happy for him that he was moving past his crush on Sarah.
“Shouldn’t be too hard.” I looked around him at the girls as they stared at his back adoringly.
“Not hard at all.” He spun around and smiled at them.
“That’s what she said.”
Eric doubled over laughing, causing everyone to turn in our direction.
“She would never say that. Seriously, you suck at this.” His face was red as tears filled his eyes from laughing so hard. It was great to see him so carefree. It was a rare occasion, and I knew it was a big deal. Eric pulled me in for a hug, and I tensed, not used to him being affectionate with me or anyone, for that matter. I hugged him back as I glanced over at Tucker, his jaw clenched and his brow furrowed as he watched us. I pulled back, not sure if he was upset.
I smiled at Eric as he shook his head and made his way back to the scantily clad women. His arms were stretched out to his sides.
“Who wants to find out how hard a drummer can bang?”
The girls giggled, and I shook my head, laughing and glancing back to Tucker, but he wasn’t there. I scanned the area and found him mounting the motorcycle. A brunette got on behind him, wrapping her long tanned limbs around his body. My heart rate went into overdrive as I watched her lean in and whisper something in his ear, causing him to laugh as his hand went to hers around his waist. My heart was thudding so loudly in my ears I didn’t hear Donna’s voice until she repeated herself.
“He looks good out there.”
I didn’t respond, keeping my eyes locked on my boyfriend.
“You should take a walk, maybe pick up some lunch.” Her voice wasn’t threatening and didn’t have its usual edge to it.
“I’m not hungry,” I replied as I wrapped my arms around myself. Tucker spoke to the director as the model’s hands continued to roam over him. She looked in my direction as she said something to him, and he glanced our way, nodding and laughing again at something she said. Jealousy coiled in my belly, winding me tighter, and I wanted to explode. This is his job, I reminded myself. But you’re the one he chose to have on the back of his bike.
“Suit yourself.” Donna walked back over to Tucker and said a few things, everyone’s attention on her. Tucker made a face, and I couldn’t tell if he was frustrated or angry. He looked my way as they continued to speak quietly. Donna glanced over her shoulder, smiling. What I wouldn’t give to wipe that smirk off her face.
The model climbed off the back of his bike, and my heart began to beat normally again until she walked toward me. I held my breath as she approached, but she continued by and disappeared into the dressing room.
I wiped my damp palms on my jeans and tried to relax. The twins made their way across the room, and I wanted to carry on a conversation with them to put myself at ease, but they barely noticed me as they flirted with the other set of twins. I felt completely out of place, wishing I had a pen and paper so I could process some of the feelings that were brewing inside of me. I closed my eyes and began to count down from ten.
“You all right?” Eric asked, and I opened my eyes to see him beside me, his hands shoved in his jean pockets.
“Yeah.” I faked a smile, and he cocked his head.
“You expect me to believe that?” He leaned back against the wall beside me. I wanted to open up to him like he had with me, but I was concerned with the way Tucker had looked at me when we’d hugged. Suddenly I felt like I needed to close myself off to him.
“I’m fine.” I shrugged as I stared off across the room.
“How did things go with your dad? That must have been crazy.” He shook his head.
The girl who had been on the back of the bike moments before walked back by us wearing nothing but a crisp white sheet around her body. I couldn’t breathe as I stood up straighter trying to see through the bodies that milled around Tucker. She slipped between them, and I stood up on my toes to figure out what was happening.
“Crazy,” I repeated quietly.
“Tuck and I have our problems, but you know he loves you, right?”
That caught me off guard enough to cause me to look at him, momentarily forgetting my worry.
“I know that.” I wasn’t sure why he had said it, and suddenly it terrified me.
“I don’t know why he insisted on you being here for this. It’s only going to torture you.” Eric shook his head as he shoved his hands deeper into his pockets.
“You don’t want me here?” I could handle Donna not wanting me around, but I thought Eric and I had become friends.
He shook his head and took a deep breath.
“You really want to watch some chick putting her hands all over the guy you love? He knows it’s going to hurt you.”
“He didn’t look very happy about it,” I mumbled as I tried to see what was happening, but the extras and set helpers were still blocking my view.
Eric chuckled as he ran his hand over his jaw.
“What? You said yourself he insisted I come. That doesn’t sound like a guy excited about having some other woman’s hands on him.”
Donna stepped to the side, and I had a perfect view of Tucker’s face. The nearly naked model was straddling his lap. I gasped as Eric leaned in next to my ear to whisper.
“That’s because he shot this scene yesterday. He never intended for you to see it. Donna insisted they reshoot it.”
I glanced up at him, his face an inch from mine as his eyes locked onto mine.
“He didn’t know.” Eric’s words rang loudly in my ears.
Pain ripped through my chest like someone had actually stabbed me and twisted the knife. My hand flew up to my heart and landed on the locket Tucker had given me as tears filled my eyes.
The director shouted out a command, but all I could hear was the harsh rapid pounding of my heart in my ears.
I looked up at Tucker as the music began to play. The sheet sagged low on the woman’s back, revealing bare skin. Tucker gripped the handle of the bike with one hand, his other roaming over her flesh as he sang into her ear.
My heart is full and my door’s always open
You can come anytime you want
I felt my knees grow weak. It was a song he had often sung to me, and my knees began to give out from under me.
I wasn’t cut out for this. And suddenly I felt that all-too-familiar feeling, that heavy urgent need to flee. Eric slipped his arm around my waist and held me up against his side, his fingers lightly rubbing over my hip.
“Don’t run. These girls can smell fear like sharks. If you leave, they will see it as an invitation to go in for the kill.”
“I don’t think I can watch this.”
“It’s all a show. I know he thinks I hate him, and sometimes I do.” He chuckled softly. “But I consider you a friend. Tucker wouldn’t hurt you.”
I sighed, leaning over to give Eric a hug as Tucker glanced at us. I gave him a weak smile, but he didn’t return it.
“I think he regrets me being here now.”
“He just doesn’t want you to be upset. He didn’t expect this today. It was supposed to be band shots. I told Donna to call him to let him know, and she said she would.” Our eyes met, and we both let out a laugh.
“Well, I think I know why that call was never made.”
I was staring at Eric, letting my jealousy start to melt away when I was yanked away harshly, tripping over my own feet and falling back on the hard concrete floor. It took a moment for me to realize what had happened. Tucker’s fist swung at Eric as he wrapped his arms around Tucker’s waist, pulling him down to the ground. I felt myself scream, the sound coming out ear-piercingly loud.
“Why the f**k are you touching my girl?” Tucker yelled as he gained the upper hand and swung at Eric.
“Shit man, we’re friends!” Eric yelled back as he shoved against Tucker’s chest.
“She is nothing to you.” Another blow from Tucker hit Eric in the mouth, causing his head to bounce off the concrete floor with a loud thud. The twins grabbed Tucker by his arms, yanking him hard off Eric who pushed to his feet and charged Tucker. I screamed again, and he stopped dead in his tracks. Both the men’s chests were heaving as they struggled to regain composure.
“I want you out,” Tucker yelled.
“I was just leaving.” Eric spit blood from his mouth at Tucker’s feet as he shoved by him and walked past me without looking at me.
“Out of the band!” Tucker’s shout froze Eric in his tracks. He spun around, glaring back at my boyfriend as I sat frozen between them. The room was completely silent apart from the sound of Tucker’s rough breathing.
“You don’t mean that,” Eric said, no longer shouting, and I could see the hurt in his eyes.
“I do.”
Eric glanced down at me, and I knew he was ready to lose it. He had nowhere else to go, and no matter how he had acted in the past, this band was his family. His eyes widened as he realized I had been knocked down during the scuffle, and his gaze turned murderous.
Tucker watched and laughed sardonically as he pulled out of Chris’s and Terry’s grip, equally pissed off, and I couldn’t fathom why.
“She can go with you.” He turned and stalked off to the dressing-room door, slamming it, causing the sound to echo throughout the cavernous space. I looked at all of the people who stood around me, sadness in some eyes and satisfaction in others. Tears blurred my vision, and I felt the heavy sobs begging to rip from my chest.
Eric sank down next to me.
“Are you hurt?” he asked, and I shook my head no, but it was a lie. Physically I was fine, but my heart had been stomped and ripped from my chest. I felt like I was dying, and I wished someone would put me out of my misery. He held out his hand to me, softness in his eyes. “Come on.”
I slipped my hand in his, letting him pull me from the ground as I groaned. My tailbone throbbed, and I knew my lower back would be bruised. Eric led me toward the exit.
“Don’t look back,” he whispered, and I nodded, not having any intention of looking at any of those people. I fought the urge to run, but I wasn’t even sure I could with the pain in my back.
As we stepped out into the warm night air, the first sob ripped through me. Eric squeezed my hand tighter and continued to pull me away from the building.
“Not here.”
I let him guide me as my mind swirled. Tucker was mad at me? I was the one watching my boyfriend practically have sex on top of a motorcycle. Eric had only tried to comfort me and reassure me that Tucker loved me.
“I don’t know what just happened.”
“I do. I’m sorry, Cass. This is my fault. I never should have even gone over there. . . .”
