White Trash Damaged
Page 23
“He doesn’t have a choice,” Eric called out from behind me, startling me with his close proximity. I spun around to see him just a few feet from us, his eyes locked on Tucker.
“I have nothing to say to you, and this is between me and Cass.”
“Seemed like it had something to do with me at the studio.” Eric walked up beside me.
“You mean when you were whispering in my girl’s ear, pulling her snug against your body?”
“He was telling me not to be upset. He told me to trust you, Tucker.” I wanted to fix things in my relationship, but first Eric and Tucker needed to mend their relationship. I hated seeing them hurt each other. Tucker looked over at Eric, not sure he believed me. Eric nodded, raising an eyebrow over his bruised eye.
“That doesn’t make sense. He has been against me from day one.”
“You’re my brother, Tucker. Cadence was a life lesson. This band has been the only family I have, and Cass is a part of that now.”
“You expect me to believe that after what happened?”
“What happened?” Eric threw his arms out at his sides. “I was cheated on by my girlfriend and later I found out it was with someone I had come to consider one of my best friends. I know you had no clue, Tuck, but it didn’t hurt any less.”
“You gave her pills and she nearly overdosed!” Tucker was in Eric’s face, but he stood his ground. Eric sighed, trying to keep himself calm.
“I loved her. I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her. Just like I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. And I can’t let you hurt Cass.”
Tucker relaxed, his shoulders sagging, and I knew he finally believed Eric. I reached out slowly and looped my fingers in Tucker’s. He looked up at me, his blue eyes red with sadness.
“I know how hard it is to trust people, Tucker. Everyone I ever cared about hurt me in one way or another. I know it is hard for you, too, but we won’t ever make it if we don’t try.”
He nodded, pulling me roughly into his arms. He squeezed me so tightly I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around him and held on to him as his body shook softy and we both cried. Taking such a leap of faith wasn’t easy for either of us.
I don’t know how long we stood there, holding each other, but when we finally pulled away, Eric was gone.
“You should talk to him . . . alone,” I said, taking a few steps back. Tucker nodded and went toward the bus to find Eric. I let out a sigh and looked up to the millions of stars dotting the sky above me. A few minutes later I heard heavy footsteps on the gravel behind me, and I spun around, not sure who was lurking in the dark.
“You okay?” Sarah asked. She was wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, her makeup scrubbed off her face and her hair thrown back into a loose ponytail. You would never have guessed her alter ego was a powerful rock chick.
“I think so.” I nodded. “You heard all that?”
“Bits and pieces. It was kind of hard to miss.”
I looked back up at the sky and Sarah did the same.
“You’re lucky.”
“How so?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the sky.
“He wouldn’t have been so angry if he wasn’t so deeply in love you. He cares and it scares the shit out of him. He would give you up if it was what was best for you.”
“I can’t imagine how it would be better for me to be without him.”
“That’s because you love him just as much.” I could see the smile on her face in my peripheral vision. “There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with him, you know.”
“What’s that?”
“When you love someone you tell them, but when you’re in love with someone you show them.”
“What part of that fight was us showing each other our love?” I looked over at her and she looked at me.
“For starters, he and Eric have been on a downward spiral since I met them. They were dead set on letting it end in a bloody mess, but they didn’t. That was because he loves you.”
She motioned across the parking lot to Tucker and Eric giving each other a hug as they put their past behind them. “We all have shit that scares us. For you it’s getting hurt by someone you love. Tucker is afraid to trust. I’m scared to be alone. We all have our demons, but if we can get our demons to play nice with someone else’s, well, that makes life worth living.”
Chapter Seventeen
I STRETCHED AND TUCKER’S arms coiled tighter around my stomach. I smiled, kissing him lightly on his forehead. He grinned as he slowly opened his eyes.
“I love waking up with you in my arms.”
“Good, because this could get awkward if you didn’t.”
He laughed, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“Gross,” Eric called from his bunk, and Tucker and I both laughed.
“Good morning, Eric,” I called out.
“What’s good about it?”
“I’m going to make pancakes.” I listened as he slid out of his bunk and made his way into the tiny kitchen. Tucker frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t want to let go of you yet.” He squeezed me again, and I peppered a trail of kisses up his neck. “Now I refuse to let go of you.”
I pushed against his chest to break free from his grip.
“Come on. I’m hungry.”
He reluctantly let his arms go slack and I slid out of the bunk, holding my hand out to him. He took it and stood up with a groan. I glanced down over the rough skin of his knuckles that had been busted and swollen from his fight with Eric. He pulled his hand back and ran it over his hair.
“I’m fine.”
I rolled my eyes but walked to the front of the bus to prepare breakfast. I cringed when I saw Eric’s face. His lip was not nearly as swollen, and where it had busted open had healed closed, leaving a thin red line. His eye was another story. It had darkened into deep purples and blues.
“You look rough,” Tucker called out from behind me as his hands fell onto my hips. I bent over to grab the ready-made batter from the fridge.
“I think it suits me. Chicks dig it.”
I shook my head as I listened to them talk as if last night hadn’t happened. I was glad that there was no tension in the bus. I had no clue what they talked about, but it seemed that they had worked out most of their problems.
It felt good to cook, even though it was something simple and most of the work was already done for me. I never learned how to cook homemade meals, anyway, so this was the best alternative. I let my mind drift to what it would be like in the future, standing over a stove in my own home. I wondered if Tucker would be around or off with the band traveling the world.
“Smells great,” Chris said with a groan as he made his way to the front of the bus. He shoved Eric over so he could sit at the table. Terry followed suit, squeezing in on Tucker’s side. Everyone was happy and chatting. I loved days like these; it made everything else worth it.
I stacked the pancakes on a plate, refusing to feed anyone until I had made enough for them to eat at the same time.
After dishing out a stack for everyone, I gave them their plates and leaned back against the counter to eat my own pancakes as I watched them.
“We need this every morning,” Terry proclaimed with his mouth full of food.
“I want to try to make beignets.” I shoved a bite in my mouth.
“What fancy kind of shit is that?” Eric asked.
“Weird donut things with powdered sugar on them. I had them when I visited my dad. So good.”
“Bring some home with you next time,” Chris chimed in.
“All right. I’d like to see him again. It didn’t feel like we had much time together . . . and I let so much go unsaid. . . .”
I looked up to see Tucker’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t read his expression. I finished my last bite of food and turned to wash my plate in the sink as Donna came out of her room in the back of the bus.
“I made pancakes.” I used my chin to motion to her plate on the counter. She made a disgusted face, turning up her nose.
“Coffee is the only breakfast I need.” She squeezed by me and began to make a pot. The bus was so small she had to put her arm against mine to do it, and I wanted to pull away, but I was trying to keep the peace.
“Good to see you all sitting here in one piece. Almost one piece.”
Eric laughed at her and I rolled my eyes since my back was to them all.
“I was going to have a meeting over breakfast, but this will do.”
“What’s up?” Tucker asked. I turned to face the table. Donna glanced at me like she wanted to ask me to go kick rocks, but she didn’t say anything.
“The awards show is approaching, and the tour is now heading to the East Coast, as you know. We have several shows along the way, but mostly we will be stopping only to sleep and eat. I need to know you are all committed to making this work. This is a big deal for Damaged and could really propel your careers.”
The guys looked around at each other as they all nodded.
“What happened yesterday can’t happen again.” She glanced over at me, and I wanted to scream that it hadn’t been my fault, but that was a can of worms we didn’t need to reopen. Instead, I pulled my lower lip between my teeth and kept my mouth shut.
She glanced down at her watch to check the time.
“If you want to get out and stretch, do so now. We will be driving through the day today. Limited stops because of time constraints.”
The guys groaned at the thought of being locked in the bus all day, and I couldn’t blame them. It was hard enough getting them all to get along, but locking them in together was asking for trouble.
They stood from their seats and began to talk about the upcoming shows. I grabbed their plates and began to wash them, also wanting to be able to get off the bus for a few minutes before we were on the road again. Tucker kissed me on the cheek and headed for the door.
“If you give me a second, I’ll come with you.” I used the back of my soapy hand to brush my hair from my face. He held up his cell phone.
“I’m just gonna call Dorris and see how she is feeling.”
I nodded, focusing back on the dishes and not Donna who was still standing next to me. One by one they left the bus, leaving us alone.
“Things like yesterday are going to happen.”
“Tucker and Eric worked out their issues. And Tuck and I are fine.”
“I meant the shoot. There will be more, and he will always have women hanging all over him. It comes with the territory.”
“I am aware of that.” I turned to look her in the eye. “But it’s between Tucker and me. You manage his band, not my relationship.”
I walked around her, not wanting to give her a chance to respond, and headed outside. I held my hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun as I looked for Tucker. He was a few yards away. He glanced over at me as he took his phone from his ear and began walking toward me.
“How is she?” I asked as I got closer to him.
“Good as can be expected.” He shrugged but didn’t elaborate. “I have an idea.”
“Uh-oh.” He chuckled at my response.
“Let’s ride today. I hardly ever get to use my bike, and I am dying to spend some time alone with you. Maybe we could get a room along the way when the driver stops for sleep.” He flung his arm around my neck and pulled me toward him as we walked, kissing the side of my head.
“That sounds like heaven.”
“Good. I can’t take a full day of those guys and Donna.”
I laughed as we stepped inside a small gas station. The rest of the band was inside loading up on candy, and Sarah was hanging on Derek’s arm. I immediately searched for Eric, hoping it didn’t bother him to see them together. Knowing what I did now and how painful it was for him to watch Cadence with Tucker, this had to be like reliving the past for him.
He was at the back of the store, looking over the beer selection. He glanced over at me as I walked up beside him.
“You all right?”
He nodded, glancing around. Tucker let go of my hand to find some snacks for the road.
“What kind of beer you want?”
“I’m riding on the bike with Tucker.”
He made a face, clearly disappointed.
“Only for a few hours, man.” Tucker walked up behind us and clapped his hand on Eric’s shoulder. “Need some time alone.”
“I hear ya.” His eyes locked on Sarah while he responded. I took a step to the side to obstruct his view.
“Grab some beer for us for later.” I gave him a smile and he returned it.
“Sounds like a plan.” He grabbed a large case of Budweiser and kicked the freezer door shut with his foot. “Grab some beer. Party on our bus!” he called out to the twins who both hooted and hollered in response. Sarah turned around at the commotion and smiled at Eric. He looked like a love-sick puppy and I needed to make sure I pulled her aside and let her know just how fragile his heart was. She wasn’t the type to hurt someone intentionally, but I wasn’t certain she understood how Eric felt. He didn’t care about groupies; his eyes were only for her.
“I’ll bring some liquor from our bus,” Sarah called over to him, and he winked at her. Derek narrowed his eyes and I let out an audible sigh. So much for a drama-free night.
After we had gathered all the junk food and drinks we could carry, we headed back to the bus to load it up. It was already running, and Donna looked livid that we had taken so long.
“Cass and I are taking the bike,” he said as we walked by her. I grinned from ear to ear. I wasn’t going to let her bring me down.
“I have nothing to say to you, and this is between me and Cass.”
“Seemed like it had something to do with me at the studio.” Eric walked up beside me.
“You mean when you were whispering in my girl’s ear, pulling her snug against your body?”
“He was telling me not to be upset. He told me to trust you, Tucker.” I wanted to fix things in my relationship, but first Eric and Tucker needed to mend their relationship. I hated seeing them hurt each other. Tucker looked over at Eric, not sure he believed me. Eric nodded, raising an eyebrow over his bruised eye.
“That doesn’t make sense. He has been against me from day one.”
“You’re my brother, Tucker. Cadence was a life lesson. This band has been the only family I have, and Cass is a part of that now.”
“You expect me to believe that after what happened?”
“What happened?” Eric threw his arms out at his sides. “I was cheated on by my girlfriend and later I found out it was with someone I had come to consider one of my best friends. I know you had no clue, Tuck, but it didn’t hurt any less.”
“You gave her pills and she nearly overdosed!” Tucker was in Eric’s face, but he stood his ground. Eric sighed, trying to keep himself calm.
“I loved her. I wouldn’t have done anything to hurt her. Just like I wouldn’t do anything to hurt you. And I can’t let you hurt Cass.”
Tucker relaxed, his shoulders sagging, and I knew he finally believed Eric. I reached out slowly and looped my fingers in Tucker’s. He looked up at me, his blue eyes red with sadness.
“I know how hard it is to trust people, Tucker. Everyone I ever cared about hurt me in one way or another. I know it is hard for you, too, but we won’t ever make it if we don’t try.”
He nodded, pulling me roughly into his arms. He squeezed me so tightly I could barely breathe, but I didn’t care. I wrapped my arms around him and held on to him as his body shook softy and we both cried. Taking such a leap of faith wasn’t easy for either of us.
I don’t know how long we stood there, holding each other, but when we finally pulled away, Eric was gone.
“You should talk to him . . . alone,” I said, taking a few steps back. Tucker nodded and went toward the bus to find Eric. I let out a sigh and looked up to the millions of stars dotting the sky above me. A few minutes later I heard heavy footsteps on the gravel behind me, and I spun around, not sure who was lurking in the dark.
“You okay?” Sarah asked. She was wearing sweatpants and a T-shirt, her makeup scrubbed off her face and her hair thrown back into a loose ponytail. You would never have guessed her alter ego was a powerful rock chick.
“I think so.” I nodded. “You heard all that?”
“Bits and pieces. It was kind of hard to miss.”
I looked back up at the sky and Sarah did the same.
“You’re lucky.”
“How so?” I asked, not taking my eyes off the sky.
“He wouldn’t have been so angry if he wasn’t so deeply in love you. He cares and it scares the shit out of him. He would give you up if it was what was best for you.”
“I can’t imagine how it would be better for me to be without him.”
“That’s because you love him just as much.” I could see the smile on her face in my peripheral vision. “There is a big difference between loving someone and being in love with him, you know.”
“What’s that?”
“When you love someone you tell them, but when you’re in love with someone you show them.”
“What part of that fight was us showing each other our love?” I looked over at her and she looked at me.
“For starters, he and Eric have been on a downward spiral since I met them. They were dead set on letting it end in a bloody mess, but they didn’t. That was because he loves you.”
She motioned across the parking lot to Tucker and Eric giving each other a hug as they put their past behind them. “We all have shit that scares us. For you it’s getting hurt by someone you love. Tucker is afraid to trust. I’m scared to be alone. We all have our demons, but if we can get our demons to play nice with someone else’s, well, that makes life worth living.”
Chapter Seventeen
I STRETCHED AND TUCKER’S arms coiled tighter around my stomach. I smiled, kissing him lightly on his forehead. He grinned as he slowly opened his eyes.
“I love waking up with you in my arms.”
“Good, because this could get awkward if you didn’t.”
He laughed, placing a kiss on the tip of my nose.
“Gross,” Eric called from his bunk, and Tucker and I both laughed.
“Good morning, Eric,” I called out.
“What’s good about it?”
“I’m going to make pancakes.” I listened as he slid out of his bunk and made his way into the tiny kitchen. Tucker frowned.
“What’s wrong?”
“I didn’t want to let go of you yet.” He squeezed me again, and I peppered a trail of kisses up his neck. “Now I refuse to let go of you.”
I pushed against his chest to break free from his grip.
“Come on. I’m hungry.”
He reluctantly let his arms go slack and I slid out of the bunk, holding my hand out to him. He took it and stood up with a groan. I glanced down over the rough skin of his knuckles that had been busted and swollen from his fight with Eric. He pulled his hand back and ran it over his hair.
“I’m fine.”
I rolled my eyes but walked to the front of the bus to prepare breakfast. I cringed when I saw Eric’s face. His lip was not nearly as swollen, and where it had busted open had healed closed, leaving a thin red line. His eye was another story. It had darkened into deep purples and blues.
“You look rough,” Tucker called out from behind me as his hands fell onto my hips. I bent over to grab the ready-made batter from the fridge.
“I think it suits me. Chicks dig it.”
I shook my head as I listened to them talk as if last night hadn’t happened. I was glad that there was no tension in the bus. I had no clue what they talked about, but it seemed that they had worked out most of their problems.
It felt good to cook, even though it was something simple and most of the work was already done for me. I never learned how to cook homemade meals, anyway, so this was the best alternative. I let my mind drift to what it would be like in the future, standing over a stove in my own home. I wondered if Tucker would be around or off with the band traveling the world.
“Smells great,” Chris said with a groan as he made his way to the front of the bus. He shoved Eric over so he could sit at the table. Terry followed suit, squeezing in on Tucker’s side. Everyone was happy and chatting. I loved days like these; it made everything else worth it.
I stacked the pancakes on a plate, refusing to feed anyone until I had made enough for them to eat at the same time.
After dishing out a stack for everyone, I gave them their plates and leaned back against the counter to eat my own pancakes as I watched them.
“We need this every morning,” Terry proclaimed with his mouth full of food.
“I want to try to make beignets.” I shoved a bite in my mouth.
“What fancy kind of shit is that?” Eric asked.
“Weird donut things with powdered sugar on them. I had them when I visited my dad. So good.”
“Bring some home with you next time,” Chris chimed in.
“All right. I’d like to see him again. It didn’t feel like we had much time together . . . and I let so much go unsaid. . . .”
I looked up to see Tucker’s eyes on me, but I couldn’t read his expression. I finished my last bite of food and turned to wash my plate in the sink as Donna came out of her room in the back of the bus.
“I made pancakes.” I used my chin to motion to her plate on the counter. She made a disgusted face, turning up her nose.
“Coffee is the only breakfast I need.” She squeezed by me and began to make a pot. The bus was so small she had to put her arm against mine to do it, and I wanted to pull away, but I was trying to keep the peace.
“Good to see you all sitting here in one piece. Almost one piece.”
Eric laughed at her and I rolled my eyes since my back was to them all.
“I was going to have a meeting over breakfast, but this will do.”
“What’s up?” Tucker asked. I turned to face the table. Donna glanced at me like she wanted to ask me to go kick rocks, but she didn’t say anything.
“The awards show is approaching, and the tour is now heading to the East Coast, as you know. We have several shows along the way, but mostly we will be stopping only to sleep and eat. I need to know you are all committed to making this work. This is a big deal for Damaged and could really propel your careers.”
The guys looked around at each other as they all nodded.
“What happened yesterday can’t happen again.” She glanced over at me, and I wanted to scream that it hadn’t been my fault, but that was a can of worms we didn’t need to reopen. Instead, I pulled my lower lip between my teeth and kept my mouth shut.
She glanced down at her watch to check the time.
“If you want to get out and stretch, do so now. We will be driving through the day today. Limited stops because of time constraints.”
The guys groaned at the thought of being locked in the bus all day, and I couldn’t blame them. It was hard enough getting them all to get along, but locking them in together was asking for trouble.
They stood from their seats and began to talk about the upcoming shows. I grabbed their plates and began to wash them, also wanting to be able to get off the bus for a few minutes before we were on the road again. Tucker kissed me on the cheek and headed for the door.
“If you give me a second, I’ll come with you.” I used the back of my soapy hand to brush my hair from my face. He held up his cell phone.
“I’m just gonna call Dorris and see how she is feeling.”
I nodded, focusing back on the dishes and not Donna who was still standing next to me. One by one they left the bus, leaving us alone.
“Things like yesterday are going to happen.”
“Tucker and Eric worked out their issues. And Tuck and I are fine.”
“I meant the shoot. There will be more, and he will always have women hanging all over him. It comes with the territory.”
“I am aware of that.” I turned to look her in the eye. “But it’s between Tucker and me. You manage his band, not my relationship.”
I walked around her, not wanting to give her a chance to respond, and headed outside. I held my hand over my eyes to shield them from the sun as I looked for Tucker. He was a few yards away. He glanced over at me as he took his phone from his ear and began walking toward me.
“How is she?” I asked as I got closer to him.
“Good as can be expected.” He shrugged but didn’t elaborate. “I have an idea.”
“Uh-oh.” He chuckled at my response.
“Let’s ride today. I hardly ever get to use my bike, and I am dying to spend some time alone with you. Maybe we could get a room along the way when the driver stops for sleep.” He flung his arm around my neck and pulled me toward him as we walked, kissing the side of my head.
“That sounds like heaven.”
“Good. I can’t take a full day of those guys and Donna.”
I laughed as we stepped inside a small gas station. The rest of the band was inside loading up on candy, and Sarah was hanging on Derek’s arm. I immediately searched for Eric, hoping it didn’t bother him to see them together. Knowing what I did now and how painful it was for him to watch Cadence with Tucker, this had to be like reliving the past for him.
He was at the back of the store, looking over the beer selection. He glanced over at me as I walked up beside him.
“You all right?”
He nodded, glancing around. Tucker let go of my hand to find some snacks for the road.
“What kind of beer you want?”
“I’m riding on the bike with Tucker.”
He made a face, clearly disappointed.
“Only for a few hours, man.” Tucker walked up behind us and clapped his hand on Eric’s shoulder. “Need some time alone.”
“I hear ya.” His eyes locked on Sarah while he responded. I took a step to the side to obstruct his view.
“Grab some beer for us for later.” I gave him a smile and he returned it.
“Sounds like a plan.” He grabbed a large case of Budweiser and kicked the freezer door shut with his foot. “Grab some beer. Party on our bus!” he called out to the twins who both hooted and hollered in response. Sarah turned around at the commotion and smiled at Eric. He looked like a love-sick puppy and I needed to make sure I pulled her aside and let her know just how fragile his heart was. She wasn’t the type to hurt someone intentionally, but I wasn’t certain she understood how Eric felt. He didn’t care about groupies; his eyes were only for her.
“I’ll bring some liquor from our bus,” Sarah called over to him, and he winked at her. Derek narrowed his eyes and I let out an audible sigh. So much for a drama-free night.
After we had gathered all the junk food and drinks we could carry, we headed back to the bus to load it up. It was already running, and Donna looked livid that we had taken so long.
“Cass and I are taking the bike,” he said as we walked by her. I grinned from ear to ear. I wasn’t going to let her bring me down.
