White Trash Damaged
Page 27
“In any case, this isn’t good for his career.”
“That’s all you care about, isn’t it? You could give a shit about whether he is hurting. He’s just a dollar sign to you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“That is what he hired me for. Don’t forget that if he didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t be here.”
She was right. They could easily fire her and find another manager. Tucker was the leader of the band and could make that decision, but he hadn’t, even if it was making me miserable. Emptiness settled inside of me and I was ready to run, to escape this feeling. I was in self-destruct mode. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I shook my head and walked away from her. I didn’t have it in me to fight any longer. I was devastated by my father’s ability to choose money over his own child. I felt like he’d abandoned me all over again.
I ran back to the bus and grabbed my purse and a tote bag. I couldn’t take it any longer, any of it. I threw in a few of my belongings, not wanting to waste too much time. I didn’t want to run into Sarah or Eric or anyone who would try to convince me to stay. I knew I was being irrational, but this time, I wasn’t strong enough to fight my instinct to flee.
I tossed my cell phone on the table and left, hoping I wouldn’t have to walk too far to find a decent hotel. I needed to find an inexpensive way to get back to Georgia or as far away from anyone I knew here. I could become whomever I wanted to again. I could start over.
I pulled open the door to the bus and came face-to-face with Tucker. He took a step onto the bus, and I took one step backward. His eyes fell to my bag and back to my face.
“You were leaving me?” The pain in his voice sliced through my heart like a hot knife.
“Tucker.” My voice shook and I swallowed hard, trying to summon my strength.
“Don’t, Cass. You promised.” He shook his head. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me to come back here and find you gone? Do you even care?”
Tears began to flow freely down my face, and I wanted to press myself against him and be wrapped in his arms, but I stayed frozen.
“Of course I care, Tucker.”
“If you did, you wouldn’t do this shit. Not again.”
“You shouldn’t have called my father.”
“I couldn’t let him hurt you, Cass,” he yelled angrily.
“Instead you hurt me.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true.” I raised my voice, refusing to be painted as the bad guy. I needed to stand up for myself. “You’ve been pulling away from me ever since Donna showed up. You didn’t give me credit for my song, and now you’re interfering with my family.”
“Donna is our manager and I won’t always like the things she does, but she is doing what is best for the band. And I said I was sorry about the song, Cass. I . . . I don’t know what else to do. . . .” Tucker sighed, then turned and looked me straight in the eye. “And I am your family, Cass. Not some ass**le who abandoned you when you were little and doesn’t give two f**ks what happens to you. He should have been there to protect you from Jax, but he wasn’t. I was.” He was yelling now.
I placed my hands over my face and began to sob, the truth in his words finally sinking in. Tucker was the only one who had ever been there for me, no matter how hard I tried to push him away. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled me tightly against his chest. His cheek rested on top of my head as he cocooned me. As much as I tried to fight it, from fear of being hurt, he wasn’t going to leave me. No amount of jealousy or family drama was going to make him run away. I finally felt safe.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart.”
His words only made my cry harder as his hands rubbed soothingly over my back.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered into my hair and placed a kiss on the top of my head.
“Please don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault. I’m used to people using me and not caring. It’s hard to believe that you really love me sometimes.”
His grip tightened around me.
“You didn’t need him then, and you don’t need him now. We have each other, and I promise you I will never leave you.”
“I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”
“You won’t ever have to find out.” He pressed his lips against my forehead, and I sighed in relief, finally feeling like I’d made it home.
Epilogue
THE CROWD WAS electrified as the awards show began to kick off. Everyone stood up from their red-velvet-wrapped chairs and cheered. Some people were dressed to the nines in what looked like overdone prom gowns while others kept their rock-and-roll or grunge edge. I dressed in a black skirt with a simple white top that said DAMAGED across the chest. Donna had had them made up to sell at the concerts. The stage was broken down into three sections and curved around the front row of the audience. The lights from the ceiling flickered to the beat of the music, and it was like being at a rock concert times ten.
I’d never seen this many people in one place in my entire life. Everyone who was anyone in the music industry—plus a few lucky fans—was in attendance.
I held on to Sarah’s hand as if she was my lifeline as we sat a few rows back from the main performance stage. It was amazing to see so many famous faces all around us. Most I didn’t recognize, but Sarah knew all of their names. She pointed them each out to me and sang a few chords of their most popular songs so I would get excited with her. It was overwhelming to be surrounded by so much talent and success. This was exactly what I wanted for Tucker. He had worked so hard and to see his dreams coming true made my heart swell with pride.
The ceremony seemed to drag on forever as I waited for Damaged to take the stage. I got to hear a lot of bands perform songs that I loved, and we danced and cheered along for all of the award winners. It was surreal. Donna was backstage, and I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to put up with her, but I wished I could see Tucker before he took the stage. He insisted I sit in the crowd and enjoy the show. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he didn’t want me to miss anything. I wondered who he was meeting backstage and if he had gotten to shake hands with some of the musicians who had influenced his career. As much as Donna and I clashed, I knew he and the rest of the band were in good hands with her. She had taken their career to a level Tucker dreamed of since he was a boy, and after tonight, their star was destined to rise even higher.
There was a brief remembrance for all those in the music business who had passed away this year. They played a video of the stars as sad music played in the background. I teared up as I thought of all those who I had lost, my father included. But at least his reappearance had brought me some closure; I was no longer wondering what had become of him and if he ever tried to contact me. Now I knew, and I could move on with my new family, one that I’d created for myself.
By the time the video stopped, fog started rolling out over the performance stage. Tucker’s voice began to sing, and the crowd hushed as he sang a slow love song that I had never heard, and I realized it was a mix of some of the lines I had written interwoven with ones he had added himself. The fog began to clear, and all I could see was Tucker, gripping the microphone in his hand. Sarah and I stood and swayed to the music, his voice haunting as he closed his eyes and sang about losing someone he loved. I knew he was singing about our child, and I wanted to rush the stage and wrap my arms around him.
It was amazing to see him take something so tragic and make it into something beautiful. He continued to sing about his heart being full and finding the love of his life. Even in the darkened room, I’m sure it was obvious I was blushing.
If you give your love to me, I will fly with broken wings
Let me fill these empty sheets, show you how love is supposed to be
As the last note faded, the crowd erupted in applause and the women screamed.
“Thank you so much. It means a lot to us to get up here and sing for you all, and we appreciated the warm welcome.” The crowd grew loud again and he waited to continue speaking. “Life is short, and it is important to tell those we love how much they mean to us every chance we get, so, Cass Daniels, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. That song was for you.”
The sound of the audience was deafening. It almost drowned out the sound of my heart thumping in my ears. I was in shock. Tucker had not only professed his love for me in front of a crowd of thousands but also to everyone who was watching on television. My fingers absentmindedly went to the locket necklace he had given me when we first met.
“I need to see him,” I shouted over the crowd to Sarah. She grinned and pulled me out to the aisle. We made our way between the rows toward the back of the room.
“This is the wrong way. The stage is over there.” I stopped. She tugged on my arm to encourage me to keep walking.
“They have a back entrance,” she said as we slipped through the doors.
“How do you know this?” I asked.
She sighed loudly as she pushed open the next set of doors flanked by security.
“Trust me.”
I walked by her and outside the doors, stopping dead in my tracks as I came face-to-face with Tucker who was surrounded by the rest of the band. There were all sweating and out of breath, fresh from the stage. They must have run around the building to reach us.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked as I stepped toward him. “That song . . . it was incredible. . . .”
“We make beautiful music together, and I don’t ever want to write another song alone.” He sunk down on his knee and my hands flew over my mouth as I gasped. He pulled a chain from around his neck that had been tucked inside of his T-shirt. Dangling from the chain was a ring. He took it off and dropped the ring in the palm of his hand.
“From the moment I met you I had everything I ever wanted in life. All of this is just a bonus. Without you in my life the music has no heart, because I gave it to you the moment we met. Will you marry me?”
I couldn’t even speak, I was so overwhelmed with emotion. All I could do was nod my head as he slipped the ring onto my finger and stood, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me from the ground. We had left out of the side exit, but it didn’t take long for the paparazzi to discover something was going on and flashes went off around us like lightning.
I grabbed his face on either side and pressed my lips against his and everything else faded into the background. For the first time, Tucker didn’t try to hide our relationship from the world. Instead, he was flaunting it. Our friends all clapped and cheered, shouting their congratulations.
When I used to try to picture what the future held for me, I could barely see past the trailer park. My only goal was to survive. But now, for the first time, I had a reason to live.
“That’s all you care about, isn’t it? You could give a shit about whether he is hurting. He’s just a dollar sign to you.”
She crossed her arms over her chest.
“That is what he hired me for. Don’t forget that if he didn’t want me here, I wouldn’t be here.”
She was right. They could easily fire her and find another manager. Tucker was the leader of the band and could make that decision, but he hadn’t, even if it was making me miserable. Emptiness settled inside of me and I was ready to run, to escape this feeling. I was in self-destruct mode. I wasn’t thinking clearly. I shook my head and walked away from her. I didn’t have it in me to fight any longer. I was devastated by my father’s ability to choose money over his own child. I felt like he’d abandoned me all over again.
I ran back to the bus and grabbed my purse and a tote bag. I couldn’t take it any longer, any of it. I threw in a few of my belongings, not wanting to waste too much time. I didn’t want to run into Sarah or Eric or anyone who would try to convince me to stay. I knew I was being irrational, but this time, I wasn’t strong enough to fight my instinct to flee.
I tossed my cell phone on the table and left, hoping I wouldn’t have to walk too far to find a decent hotel. I needed to find an inexpensive way to get back to Georgia or as far away from anyone I knew here. I could become whomever I wanted to again. I could start over.
I pulled open the door to the bus and came face-to-face with Tucker. He took a step onto the bus, and I took one step backward. His eyes fell to my bag and back to my face.
“You were leaving me?” The pain in his voice sliced through my heart like a hot knife.
“Tucker.” My voice shook and I swallowed hard, trying to summon my strength.
“Don’t, Cass. You promised.” He shook his head. “Do you have any idea what it would do to me to come back here and find you gone? Do you even care?”
Tears began to flow freely down my face, and I wanted to press myself against him and be wrapped in his arms, but I stayed frozen.
“Of course I care, Tucker.”
“If you did, you wouldn’t do this shit. Not again.”
“You shouldn’t have called my father.”
“I couldn’t let him hurt you, Cass,” he yelled angrily.
“Instead you hurt me.”
“That’s not true.”
“It is true.” I raised my voice, refusing to be painted as the bad guy. I needed to stand up for myself. “You’ve been pulling away from me ever since Donna showed up. You didn’t give me credit for my song, and now you’re interfering with my family.”
“Donna is our manager and I won’t always like the things she does, but she is doing what is best for the band. And I said I was sorry about the song, Cass. I . . . I don’t know what else to do. . . .” Tucker sighed, then turned and looked me straight in the eye. “And I am your family, Cass. Not some ass**le who abandoned you when you were little and doesn’t give two f**ks what happens to you. He should have been there to protect you from Jax, but he wasn’t. I was.” He was yelling now.
I placed my hands over my face and began to sob, the truth in his words finally sinking in. Tucker was the only one who had ever been there for me, no matter how hard I tried to push him away. His arms wrapped around me as he pulled me tightly against his chest. His cheek rested on top of my head as he cocooned me. As much as I tried to fight it, from fear of being hurt, he wasn’t going to leave me. No amount of jealousy or family drama was going to make him run away. I finally felt safe.
“Don’t cry, sweetheart.”
His words only made my cry harder as his hands rubbed soothingly over my back.
“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” he whispered into my hair and placed a kiss on the top of my head.
“Please don’t apologize. This isn’t your fault. I’m used to people using me and not caring. It’s hard to believe that you really love me sometimes.”
His grip tightened around me.
“You didn’t need him then, and you don’t need him now. We have each other, and I promise you I will never leave you.”
“I don’t know what I would do if I didn’t have you.”
“You won’t ever have to find out.” He pressed his lips against my forehead, and I sighed in relief, finally feeling like I’d made it home.
Epilogue
THE CROWD WAS electrified as the awards show began to kick off. Everyone stood up from their red-velvet-wrapped chairs and cheered. Some people were dressed to the nines in what looked like overdone prom gowns while others kept their rock-and-roll or grunge edge. I dressed in a black skirt with a simple white top that said DAMAGED across the chest. Donna had had them made up to sell at the concerts. The stage was broken down into three sections and curved around the front row of the audience. The lights from the ceiling flickered to the beat of the music, and it was like being at a rock concert times ten.
I’d never seen this many people in one place in my entire life. Everyone who was anyone in the music industry—plus a few lucky fans—was in attendance.
I held on to Sarah’s hand as if she was my lifeline as we sat a few rows back from the main performance stage. It was amazing to see so many famous faces all around us. Most I didn’t recognize, but Sarah knew all of their names. She pointed them each out to me and sang a few chords of their most popular songs so I would get excited with her. It was overwhelming to be surrounded by so much talent and success. This was exactly what I wanted for Tucker. He had worked so hard and to see his dreams coming true made my heart swell with pride.
The ceremony seemed to drag on forever as I waited for Damaged to take the stage. I got to hear a lot of bands perform songs that I loved, and we danced and cheered along for all of the award winners. It was surreal. Donna was backstage, and I was relieved that I wouldn’t have to put up with her, but I wished I could see Tucker before he took the stage. He insisted I sit in the crowd and enjoy the show. It was a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, and he didn’t want me to miss anything. I wondered who he was meeting backstage and if he had gotten to shake hands with some of the musicians who had influenced his career. As much as Donna and I clashed, I knew he and the rest of the band were in good hands with her. She had taken their career to a level Tucker dreamed of since he was a boy, and after tonight, their star was destined to rise even higher.
There was a brief remembrance for all those in the music business who had passed away this year. They played a video of the stars as sad music played in the background. I teared up as I thought of all those who I had lost, my father included. But at least his reappearance had brought me some closure; I was no longer wondering what had become of him and if he ever tried to contact me. Now I knew, and I could move on with my new family, one that I’d created for myself.
By the time the video stopped, fog started rolling out over the performance stage. Tucker’s voice began to sing, and the crowd hushed as he sang a slow love song that I had never heard, and I realized it was a mix of some of the lines I had written interwoven with ones he had added himself. The fog began to clear, and all I could see was Tucker, gripping the microphone in his hand. Sarah and I stood and swayed to the music, his voice haunting as he closed his eyes and sang about losing someone he loved. I knew he was singing about our child, and I wanted to rush the stage and wrap my arms around him.
It was amazing to see him take something so tragic and make it into something beautiful. He continued to sing about his heart being full and finding the love of his life. Even in the darkened room, I’m sure it was obvious I was blushing.
If you give your love to me, I will fly with broken wings
Let me fill these empty sheets, show you how love is supposed to be
As the last note faded, the crowd erupted in applause and the women screamed.
“Thank you so much. It means a lot to us to get up here and sing for you all, and we appreciated the warm welcome.” The crowd grew loud again and he waited to continue speaking. “Life is short, and it is important to tell those we love how much they mean to us every chance we get, so, Cass Daniels, I want you to know that I love you more than life itself. That song was for you.”
The sound of the audience was deafening. It almost drowned out the sound of my heart thumping in my ears. I was in shock. Tucker had not only professed his love for me in front of a crowd of thousands but also to everyone who was watching on television. My fingers absentmindedly went to the locket necklace he had given me when we first met.
“I need to see him,” I shouted over the crowd to Sarah. She grinned and pulled me out to the aisle. We made our way between the rows toward the back of the room.
“This is the wrong way. The stage is over there.” I stopped. She tugged on my arm to encourage me to keep walking.
“They have a back entrance,” she said as we slipped through the doors.
“How do you know this?” I asked.
She sighed loudly as she pushed open the next set of doors flanked by security.
“Trust me.”
I walked by her and outside the doors, stopping dead in my tracks as I came face-to-face with Tucker who was surrounded by the rest of the band. There were all sweating and out of breath, fresh from the stage. They must have run around the building to reach us.
“What are you doing out here?” I asked as I stepped toward him. “That song . . . it was incredible. . . .”
“We make beautiful music together, and I don’t ever want to write another song alone.” He sunk down on his knee and my hands flew over my mouth as I gasped. He pulled a chain from around his neck that had been tucked inside of his T-shirt. Dangling from the chain was a ring. He took it off and dropped the ring in the palm of his hand.
“From the moment I met you I had everything I ever wanted in life. All of this is just a bonus. Without you in my life the music has no heart, because I gave it to you the moment we met. Will you marry me?”
I couldn’t even speak, I was so overwhelmed with emotion. All I could do was nod my head as he slipped the ring onto my finger and stood, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me from the ground. We had left out of the side exit, but it didn’t take long for the paparazzi to discover something was going on and flashes went off around us like lightning.
I grabbed his face on either side and pressed my lips against his and everything else faded into the background. For the first time, Tucker didn’t try to hide our relationship from the world. Instead, he was flaunting it. Our friends all clapped and cheered, shouting their congratulations.
When I used to try to picture what the future held for me, I could barely see past the trailer park. My only goal was to survive. But now, for the first time, I had a reason to live.
