Why Not Tonight
Page 13
“I do. Several, in fact, but the one I like the best is that you can’t work because you’ve closed your heart to your family. You’re like Elsa in the movie Frozen. You have to believe in love again.”
He turned toward her, his expression disbelieving. “Like Elsa?”
“In Frozen, yes. Have you seen it?”
“I know the song.”
She smiled. “Isn’t it great? And I love the movie. You should watch it sometime. You’ll see what I mean. If you would just...”
She paused, not sure what he should just do. It occurred to her, perhaps a tad late, that there were things about his life she didn’t know.
“Not that I’m an expert,” she added quietly.
“What do you know about my past?” he asked. “About my family?”
He didn’t seem to be challenging her. Rather he wanted to know how much she’d overheard, been told and figured out on her own.
“I know what your dad did. That he had an affair years ago and you’re the result. I know you thought you and Mathias were fraternal twins and then you found out you weren’t. I know he didn’t tell anyone that you knew, so the two of you had to deal with it by yourself.”
“That sums it up,” he told her, cupping his mug in both hands and watching the marshmallows melt. “My father is a difficult man. He’s gifted, cruel and selfish. Everything is about him. No one else matters. Not us, not his wife, Elaine—just him.”
He glanced at her. “As you said, I’m the result. I was born a few weeks after Mathias. For reasons I can’t explain or understand, when my birth mother gave me up, Elaine agreed to raise me as her own son. They told everyone Mathias and I were fraternal twins. That’s how we were raised and what we believed. Elaine never hinted otherwise.”
He kept saying Elaine. “You mean your mom.”
His gaze hardened. “She’s not my mother. She’s the woman who raised me.”
As far as Natalie was concerned, that was the same thing. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So your dad dumped this on you and then you had to deal on your own.” She hated to speak ill of someone she’d met for five seconds a year ago, but the man sounded like a butthead. Yes, he’d thought he was dying from a heart attack when he’d blurted out the truth, but what about after? Why hadn’t he gone back to his sons and explained things better? It made her furious to think about.
“I’m sorry it happened, but I’m glad you and Mathias moved here,” she said.
“I moved here. Mathias decided to come with me. I thought being somewhere else would help and it did for a while. Now, I don’t know.” He angled toward her.
“Everything is different. I’m not who I thought. I don’t know where I come from. Ceallach is so much worse than you’re imagining. I always thought I had Elaine to offset that. She’s misguided in her devotion to my father, but otherwise a decent person. Now there’s nothing in me but him.”
“You’ve never met your birth mother?”
“No.”
“Don’t you want to?”
“No. She dumped me and ran. I don’t need to meet her to know what she’s like.”
Natalie touched his arm. “Don’t say that. She was young and scared. You need to find out who she is and why she did what she did. That could change everything.”
“I know enough.”
“You’re stubborn. Just like Elsa.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re not going to let me wallow in this, are you?”
“I’m not going to stop you. I enjoy a good wallow as much as the next person. I’d just like to point out that, so far, it hasn’t helped very much. You should talk to someone.”
He drew back. “Like who?”
“You know, to a therapist. Someone who could give you perspective and help you brainstorm ways to handle this. You’re too brilliant not to be working. I’m guessing you don’t really need the money, but that’s not what’s important. Creating is who you are. Without that, I’m not sure you can be happy. I know I couldn’t be and I’m nowhere near as talented. You need to learn to open your heart, Ronan. Or you’re going to be trapped in your emotional ice kingdom forever.”
He groaned. “That’s another Frozen reference, isn’t it?”
She smiled. “Admit it. You find me totally charming.”
Figuring she’d pushed her luck about as far as she could, she lightly kissed his cheek, then rose and reached for her mug.
“Night, Ronan.”
He watched her go without speaking. When she reached the doorway, she turned back and he was still looking at her. For a second she hoped he would come after her, take her in his arms and give her a hearty kissing. Or maybe more. Instead he didn’t say anything and she was left with the uncomfortable sensation of wanting someone who probably didn’t see her that way at all.
CHAPTER FIVE
DESPITE HIS CONVERSATION with Natalie, Ronan slept well. Maybe it was getting things off his chest. He never talked about his situation anymore. He used to discuss it with Mathias, but lately they only spoke about work.
He woke up early and, after making coffee, went into his studio, where he studied what he’d done on his commission. He couldn’t work on it without help. Glass was a demanding mistress and creating the hundreds of pieces that would make up the final work required many hands.
He had interns and a few assistants scheduled, but with the weather, they couldn’t get up the mountain and he couldn’t get to town. A few days ago, he would have welcomed the excuse. Now he felt stirrings of energy about the project.
He walked around his studio, remembering how excited he’d been when the space was first completed. He’d had so many plans for what he and Mathias could do here. Because it had always been the two of them. Elaine had often talked about how they’d shared a crib until they were toddlers. At the time, he and his brother had assumed that story was about their unbreakable bond. After Ceallach had told them the truth, they’d realized they’d shared a crib because Elaine hadn’t been prepared for a second infant and she’d had to make do.
Still, knowing the truth hadn’t shaken the memories of all the times he and his brother had worked together as a single unit, and damn it all to hell, he missed that. He didn’t want to, but he did. He missed having Mathias around. He missed knowing what he was thinking without having to ask. He missed their connection.
That bond had been severed with a few words. Ronan hadn’t seen that at first. He’d been stunned by their father’s revelation. He and his brother had left the hospital and walked around town for over an hour until they could finally speak. Only there hadn’t been anything to say.
After a few weeks, Ronan had decided he had to leave Fool’s Gold. He’d found Happily Inc and had made plans to relocate. When Mathias had found out, he’d said he was coming with him. And he had.
Ronan had thought being here, together, would make everything right. Only it hadn’t. They were slipping farther and farther away from what they had once been. Sure, some of that was them growing up. Mathias was married now. But they weren’t close anymore and Ronan knew he missed that.
The problem was he also didn’t know how to get it back.
He put down his coffee and studied the disastrous faux origami piece he’d made the day before. He saw now what had gone wrong and decided to try again. He wanted to make it right so he could give it to Natalie. He had no idea why. She was—
He turned toward her, his expression disbelieving. “Like Elsa?”
“In Frozen, yes. Have you seen it?”
“I know the song.”
She smiled. “Isn’t it great? And I love the movie. You should watch it sometime. You’ll see what I mean. If you would just...”
She paused, not sure what he should just do. It occurred to her, perhaps a tad late, that there were things about his life she didn’t know.
“Not that I’m an expert,” she added quietly.
“What do you know about my past?” he asked. “About my family?”
He didn’t seem to be challenging her. Rather he wanted to know how much she’d overheard, been told and figured out on her own.
“I know what your dad did. That he had an affair years ago and you’re the result. I know you thought you and Mathias were fraternal twins and then you found out you weren’t. I know he didn’t tell anyone that you knew, so the two of you had to deal with it by yourself.”
“That sums it up,” he told her, cupping his mug in both hands and watching the marshmallows melt. “My father is a difficult man. He’s gifted, cruel and selfish. Everything is about him. No one else matters. Not us, not his wife, Elaine—just him.”
He glanced at her. “As you said, I’m the result. I was born a few weeks after Mathias. For reasons I can’t explain or understand, when my birth mother gave me up, Elaine agreed to raise me as her own son. They told everyone Mathias and I were fraternal twins. That’s how we were raised and what we believed. Elaine never hinted otherwise.”
He kept saying Elaine. “You mean your mom.”
His gaze hardened. “She’s not my mother. She’s the woman who raised me.”
As far as Natalie was concerned, that was the same thing. “Okay,” she said slowly. “So your dad dumped this on you and then you had to deal on your own.” She hated to speak ill of someone she’d met for five seconds a year ago, but the man sounded like a butthead. Yes, he’d thought he was dying from a heart attack when he’d blurted out the truth, but what about after? Why hadn’t he gone back to his sons and explained things better? It made her furious to think about.
“I’m sorry it happened, but I’m glad you and Mathias moved here,” she said.
“I moved here. Mathias decided to come with me. I thought being somewhere else would help and it did for a while. Now, I don’t know.” He angled toward her.
“Everything is different. I’m not who I thought. I don’t know where I come from. Ceallach is so much worse than you’re imagining. I always thought I had Elaine to offset that. She’s misguided in her devotion to my father, but otherwise a decent person. Now there’s nothing in me but him.”
“You’ve never met your birth mother?”
“No.”
“Don’t you want to?”
“No. She dumped me and ran. I don’t need to meet her to know what she’s like.”
Natalie touched his arm. “Don’t say that. She was young and scared. You need to find out who she is and why she did what she did. That could change everything.”
“I know enough.”
“You’re stubborn. Just like Elsa.”
One corner of his mouth twitched. “You’re not going to let me wallow in this, are you?”
“I’m not going to stop you. I enjoy a good wallow as much as the next person. I’d just like to point out that, so far, it hasn’t helped very much. You should talk to someone.”
He drew back. “Like who?”
“You know, to a therapist. Someone who could give you perspective and help you brainstorm ways to handle this. You’re too brilliant not to be working. I’m guessing you don’t really need the money, but that’s not what’s important. Creating is who you are. Without that, I’m not sure you can be happy. I know I couldn’t be and I’m nowhere near as talented. You need to learn to open your heart, Ronan. Or you’re going to be trapped in your emotional ice kingdom forever.”
He groaned. “That’s another Frozen reference, isn’t it?”
She smiled. “Admit it. You find me totally charming.”
Figuring she’d pushed her luck about as far as she could, she lightly kissed his cheek, then rose and reached for her mug.
“Night, Ronan.”
He watched her go without speaking. When she reached the doorway, she turned back and he was still looking at her. For a second she hoped he would come after her, take her in his arms and give her a hearty kissing. Or maybe more. Instead he didn’t say anything and she was left with the uncomfortable sensation of wanting someone who probably didn’t see her that way at all.
CHAPTER FIVE
DESPITE HIS CONVERSATION with Natalie, Ronan slept well. Maybe it was getting things off his chest. He never talked about his situation anymore. He used to discuss it with Mathias, but lately they only spoke about work.
He woke up early and, after making coffee, went into his studio, where he studied what he’d done on his commission. He couldn’t work on it without help. Glass was a demanding mistress and creating the hundreds of pieces that would make up the final work required many hands.
He had interns and a few assistants scheduled, but with the weather, they couldn’t get up the mountain and he couldn’t get to town. A few days ago, he would have welcomed the excuse. Now he felt stirrings of energy about the project.
He walked around his studio, remembering how excited he’d been when the space was first completed. He’d had so many plans for what he and Mathias could do here. Because it had always been the two of them. Elaine had often talked about how they’d shared a crib until they were toddlers. At the time, he and his brother had assumed that story was about their unbreakable bond. After Ceallach had told them the truth, they’d realized they’d shared a crib because Elaine hadn’t been prepared for a second infant and she’d had to make do.
Still, knowing the truth hadn’t shaken the memories of all the times he and his brother had worked together as a single unit, and damn it all to hell, he missed that. He didn’t want to, but he did. He missed having Mathias around. He missed knowing what he was thinking without having to ask. He missed their connection.
That bond had been severed with a few words. Ronan hadn’t seen that at first. He’d been stunned by their father’s revelation. He and his brother had left the hospital and walked around town for over an hour until they could finally speak. Only there hadn’t been anything to say.
After a few weeks, Ronan had decided he had to leave Fool’s Gold. He’d found Happily Inc and had made plans to relocate. When Mathias had found out, he’d said he was coming with him. And he had.
Ronan had thought being here, together, would make everything right. Only it hadn’t. They were slipping farther and farther away from what they had once been. Sure, some of that was them growing up. Mathias was married now. But they weren’t close anymore and Ronan knew he missed that.
The problem was he also didn’t know how to get it back.
He put down his coffee and studied the disastrous faux origami piece he’d made the day before. He saw now what had gone wrong and decided to try again. He wanted to make it right so he could give it to Natalie. He had no idea why. She was—
