Why Not Tonight
Page 37
“What?” he asked as they crossed the street. “You’re smiling.”
“You had a good time.”
“I did. You were right about the party.”
“Ha!”
He chuckled. “I didn’t want to go and you said I had to and you were right.”
“Double ha! See? You like hanging out with people. You’re practically normal.”
“Practically.”
She laughed. “There’s still some work to do, but progress has been made.”
“You think you’re so smart.”
“I am so smart, and you have a great family. Nick and Mathias are the best. I don’t know Del and Aidan, but I’m sure they’re just as wonderful. You’re lucky.”
Some emotion she couldn’t name moved across his face and the humor faded from his eyes.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
He shrugged. “When I was a kid, I always thought I took after Elaine.”
“You mean your mother?”
He ignored her. “I thought I had her sense of humor and that we thought the same way. I was wrong.”
“You weren’t.”
They reached the gallery. She turned to face him. Despite the late hour, the streetlights illuminated the parking lot.
“You weren’t wrong,” she repeated. “You have to see that. What you saw in yourself was a reflection of the woman who raised you. You saw her love and responded to it.”
“She lied to me.”
“She did what she thought was best under difficult circumstances. Honestly, you have got to get over this. You’re being ridiculous. Worse, you’re hurting her. Elaine’s big crime is taking you in and loving you like one of her own. Boo hoo.”
His expression tightened. “She lied about who I was and our relationship every day of my life. I have no idea who I really am. All I have is my father, and trust me, you don’t want a man like Ceallach Mitchell to be all you are.”
“You’re nothing like your father.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. Annoyance was turning into genuine anger—an unusual occurrence for her.
“I see you every day, Ronan. You’re a good guy. You love your brothers. You do great work. You’re not mean or cruel or any of those things. Get over yourself. So you have a bit of a mystery in your past. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”
She narrowed her gaze. “The reason you’re having all the trouble you are is that you’ve cut yourself off from the one person you loved most in the world. You’ve cut yourself off from the woman who loved you and raised you. You have this stupid idea that just because she didn’t push you out of her vagina, she’s not your mother. Well, I have news for you. Adoption is a totally viable way of raising a kid.”
She turned her back on him, walked away three steps, then faced him again. “You know what? You’re lucky. Elaine could have said, ‘Hell, no,’ when she found out about her husband’s affair and the fact that there was a kid. Most women would have. Then you would have been thrown into the foster care system and who knows what would have happened to you. Instead you were taken in and raised as one of her own. According to Nick and Mathias, everyone thought you were the favorite. How is that bad? How?”
Her voice was a little louder than usual, but she no longer cared.
Ronan looked away. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right.” She walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “I don’t understand. I don’t and I never will. You know why? Because you still have family. You still have people who love you. You still have a mother.”
Tears burned in her eyes. “I lost mine. She was my best friend, my only family, and I lost her. My dad was killed before I was born, so she was all I had. And then she was gone. You have no idea what that was like. I thought we were going to have another fifty years, but she got sick and then she died and I was totally alone. When I met Quentin, I thought I was going to be part of a family again. In fact, it was just as hard to lose that, when he dumped me, as to lose him. I thought I was going to have it all and I ended up with nothing. I don’t have family and that’s what I can’t forgive. You have everything.”
She brushed away tears. “I got over Quentin but I will never get over losing my mom. Do you know what I would give to have just one day with her? One day. Ten years of my life. Twenty. The rest of it. Just one day to talk to her and hold her and see her s-smile at me.”
Sobs clawed at her throat, but she held them back. “Damn you, Ronan. How dare you not appreciate what you have. You aren’t the only one who has lost something. Everyone has. It’s part of the human condition. You could make this right. You could call her and make it right, but you’d rather sulk and pity yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Stop acting like it does.”
She wiped away her tears. Ronan stared at her, obviously shocked by her outburst. Well, fine. She was pissed and he deserved what she’d said.
“It’s all true. Every word and you know it.” She sucked in a breath. “I can’t be with you right now. I’m going to walk home. Just leave me alone.”
“Natalie, no. It’s late. I’ll drive you.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s Happily Inc. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Just go away.”
She turned and started walking. All sleepiness had faded. Anger gave her energy and purpose. She supposed she should feel bad about what she’d said, but she didn’t. Ronan deserved that and more. When she thought about losing her mom and how horrible that had been, she nearly wanted to slap him. He was being selfish and shortsighted. He didn’t know how lucky he was.
About halfway to her apartment, she became aware of his truck a block or so behind her, keeping pace. Because he wanted to make sure she was safe.
She thought about stopping and telling him she would really rather he left her alone and called his mother instead, but she didn’t. She kept walking, and when she reached her place, she went inside without once looking back.
After washing her face and changing into pajamas, she went into her small bedroom and sat on the floor. She pulled a box out from under the bed and opened it.
Inside were photographs of her with her mother or her mom by herself, including one picture of her mother as a bride, standing next to the father Natalie had never known.
He was a mystery to her. A figure she’d only heard about. She supposed she should miss him as well as her mom, but he was little more than a concept. Her mother had been real.
Natalie turned back to the box. There were a few pieces of jewelry, some favorite paintbrushes and the Kaleta family Bible, along with a beautifully embroidered shrug her mother had worn whenever she wanted to feel “fancy” and a tube of her favorite lipstick. Silly things, items that would have no value to anyone else. Natalie picked up the pictures and looked through them until the tears filling her eyes made it impossible to see anything. Still crying, she put them back in the box before curling up on the floor and sobbing for the one person who couldn’t be with her anymore.
* * *
RONAN DIDN’T SLEEP at all. He tried for about an hour, then gave up and went into his studio. Not that he could work by himself. Anything he was doing for his commission required multiple hands and even he wasn’t enough of an asshole to call up his assistants at two in the morning.
“You had a good time.”
“I did. You were right about the party.”
“Ha!”
He chuckled. “I didn’t want to go and you said I had to and you were right.”
“Double ha! See? You like hanging out with people. You’re practically normal.”
“Practically.”
She laughed. “There’s still some work to do, but progress has been made.”
“You think you’re so smart.”
“I am so smart, and you have a great family. Nick and Mathias are the best. I don’t know Del and Aidan, but I’m sure they’re just as wonderful. You’re lucky.”
Some emotion she couldn’t name moved across his face and the humor faded from his eyes.
“What are you thinking?” she asked.
He shrugged. “When I was a kid, I always thought I took after Elaine.”
“You mean your mother?”
He ignored her. “I thought I had her sense of humor and that we thought the same way. I was wrong.”
“You weren’t.”
They reached the gallery. She turned to face him. Despite the late hour, the streetlights illuminated the parking lot.
“You weren’t wrong,” she repeated. “You have to see that. What you saw in yourself was a reflection of the woman who raised you. You saw her love and responded to it.”
“She lied to me.”
“She did what she thought was best under difficult circumstances. Honestly, you have got to get over this. You’re being ridiculous. Worse, you’re hurting her. Elaine’s big crime is taking you in and loving you like one of her own. Boo hoo.”
His expression tightened. “She lied about who I was and our relationship every day of my life. I have no idea who I really am. All I have is my father, and trust me, you don’t want a man like Ceallach Mitchell to be all you are.”
“You’re nothing like your father.” She put her hands on her hips and glared at him. Annoyance was turning into genuine anger—an unusual occurrence for her.
“I see you every day, Ronan. You’re a good guy. You love your brothers. You do great work. You’re not mean or cruel or any of those things. Get over yourself. So you have a bit of a mystery in your past. It doesn’t have to be the end of the world.”
She narrowed her gaze. “The reason you’re having all the trouble you are is that you’ve cut yourself off from the one person you loved most in the world. You’ve cut yourself off from the woman who loved you and raised you. You have this stupid idea that just because she didn’t push you out of her vagina, she’s not your mother. Well, I have news for you. Adoption is a totally viable way of raising a kid.”
She turned her back on him, walked away three steps, then faced him again. “You know what? You’re lucky. Elaine could have said, ‘Hell, no,’ when she found out about her husband’s affair and the fact that there was a kid. Most women would have. Then you would have been thrown into the foster care system and who knows what would have happened to you. Instead you were taken in and raised as one of her own. According to Nick and Mathias, everyone thought you were the favorite. How is that bad? How?”
Her voice was a little louder than usual, but she no longer cared.
Ronan looked away. “You don’t understand.”
“You’re right.” She walked up to him and poked him in the chest. “I don’t understand. I don’t and I never will. You know why? Because you still have family. You still have people who love you. You still have a mother.”
Tears burned in her eyes. “I lost mine. She was my best friend, my only family, and I lost her. My dad was killed before I was born, so she was all I had. And then she was gone. You have no idea what that was like. I thought we were going to have another fifty years, but she got sick and then she died and I was totally alone. When I met Quentin, I thought I was going to be part of a family again. In fact, it was just as hard to lose that, when he dumped me, as to lose him. I thought I was going to have it all and I ended up with nothing. I don’t have family and that’s what I can’t forgive. You have everything.”
She brushed away tears. “I got over Quentin but I will never get over losing my mom. Do you know what I would give to have just one day with her? One day. Ten years of my life. Twenty. The rest of it. Just one day to talk to her and hold her and see her s-smile at me.”
Sobs clawed at her throat, but she held them back. “Damn you, Ronan. How dare you not appreciate what you have. You aren’t the only one who has lost something. Everyone has. It’s part of the human condition. You could make this right. You could call her and make it right, but you’d rather sulk and pity yourself. The world doesn’t revolve around you. Stop acting like it does.”
She wiped away her tears. Ronan stared at her, obviously shocked by her outburst. Well, fine. She was pissed and he deserved what she’d said.
“It’s all true. Every word and you know it.” She sucked in a breath. “I can’t be with you right now. I’m going to walk home. Just leave me alone.”
“Natalie, no. It’s late. I’ll drive you.”
She rolled her eyes. “It’s Happily Inc. Nothing’s going to happen to me. Just go away.”
She turned and started walking. All sleepiness had faded. Anger gave her energy and purpose. She supposed she should feel bad about what she’d said, but she didn’t. Ronan deserved that and more. When she thought about losing her mom and how horrible that had been, she nearly wanted to slap him. He was being selfish and shortsighted. He didn’t know how lucky he was.
About halfway to her apartment, she became aware of his truck a block or so behind her, keeping pace. Because he wanted to make sure she was safe.
She thought about stopping and telling him she would really rather he left her alone and called his mother instead, but she didn’t. She kept walking, and when she reached her place, she went inside without once looking back.
After washing her face and changing into pajamas, she went into her small bedroom and sat on the floor. She pulled a box out from under the bed and opened it.
Inside were photographs of her with her mother or her mom by herself, including one picture of her mother as a bride, standing next to the father Natalie had never known.
He was a mystery to her. A figure she’d only heard about. She supposed she should miss him as well as her mom, but he was little more than a concept. Her mother had been real.
Natalie turned back to the box. There were a few pieces of jewelry, some favorite paintbrushes and the Kaleta family Bible, along with a beautifully embroidered shrug her mother had worn whenever she wanted to feel “fancy” and a tube of her favorite lipstick. Silly things, items that would have no value to anyone else. Natalie picked up the pictures and looked through them until the tears filling her eyes made it impossible to see anything. Still crying, she put them back in the box before curling up on the floor and sobbing for the one person who couldn’t be with her anymore.
* * *
RONAN DIDN’T SLEEP at all. He tried for about an hour, then gave up and went into his studio. Not that he could work by himself. Anything he was doing for his commission required multiple hands and even he wasn’t enough of an asshole to call up his assistants at two in the morning.
