Why Not Tonight
Page 41
“You don’t know that.”
Silver sighed. “This isn’t the movie Practical Magic. There is no curse.”
“I loved that movie. Their hair.”
“Aidan Quinn, which is not the point. You’re hiding, emotionally. From finding someone great in general, and specifically this second from knowing if you’re pregnant. You might want to think about why that’s happening and what you’re going to do to fix it.”
Natalie knew that of all her friends, Silver was the most blunt and brutally honest. She must have wanted to hear the truth or she would have texted someone with a more gentle personality.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “About everything.”
“I know you are. Whatever happens, you have a lot of people who care about you. You might not have biological family around but you have made your own family of the heart. Pregnant or not, we’ll be here. In a time like this, support is important.” Silver hesitated. “It just is.”
“Thank you.”
“Now go take the damn test.”
“Saturday for sure. I swear.”
“Do I look convinced?” Silver asked, sounding more than a little skeptical.
“No, but if I’m lying, you can slap me.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes. Now come on. I’ll buy you lunch. I’ll even order French fries so you can eat off my plate and pretend you didn’t have any.”
“You’re the best friend ever.”
“Tell me about it.”
* * *
RONAN WATCHED NICK pace the length of their studio. His brother had been restless all morning. Mathias hadn’t bothered to come in, so it was just the two of them. Nick had tried to work at least a half dozen times, then had given up and started walking back and forth.
“You’re making it hard to concentrate,” Ronan said mildly, turning his chair so he could watch his brother. It wasn’t as if he was all that interested in finalizing his production schedule for the commission. He was on track and that was about all he had to know.
“Sorry.” Nick kept walking. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Pallas?”
Nick nodded. He headed for his desk, grabbed his chair and pulled it over to Ronan’s desk.
“She’s so sick. The doctor swears she’s going to be fine and Pallas is trying to convince me it’s not as bad as it was, but I’m not sure I believe her. Even if I do, it’s still awful. I hate seeing her like that.”
“Won’t it get better soon?”
“In the next month or so her hormones should calm down. Everyone tells me it’s normal but it doesn’t look normal to me.”
Ronan couldn’t imagine his brother’s fear. To love someone as much as Nick loved Pallas, then watch her go through everything without being able to help would be awful.
“I didn’t think it would be like this,” Nick admitted. “I can’t imagine life without her and we both wanted kids. Now I’m terrified all the time. What if something happens to her?”
“It won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You don’t know that she won’t be perfectly fine. You’re borrowing trouble.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but it’s hard not to. She’s so great and she’s being stronger than I could ever be. She’s a little nervous, but not scared.”
Ronan watched his brother. “She doesn’t have memories of growing up with Ceallach.”
Nick grimaced. “Believe me, I think about that all the time. When I worry about being a good dad I promise myself I’ll figure out what he would do and then do the opposite.”
“That’s a great plan.”
Nick looked at him. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s all his fault. Being an asshole. You know what it was like for him.”
Ronan knew what he’d been told. That his father had been the only child born to a lawyer and a stay-at-home mother. As far as anyone knew, there was no artist genius in the family, but by the time Ceallach had been three, his parents had realized there was something going on. Tutors had been brought in, and when he had turned seven, he’d been sent away to a famous academy in France.
“Don’t pull the ‘he wasn’t parented’ line on me,” Ronan said. “Elaine used to say that all the time, all the while defending him from whatever crappy thing he’d done.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Nick said. “His parents and teachers pushed him. He never had a normal childhood.”
“That might excuse not knowing how to be a good father but it doesn’t excuse him being a horrible human being.”
“True. I think about it. About how much of him is in me, about what I’m going to pass on to my kid. Pallas says it will be fine and I believe she’s okay with it, but I worry.”
Ronan understood. At least Nick had a counteracting force in Elaine.
“When it gets bad,” Nick continued, “Pallas tells me that I’m an okay guy and you four are fairly decent, so whatever’s going on with our dad is diluted.”
“A good way to look at things.” Diluted. He’d never thought of his Ceallach gene pool that way. The problem was, he didn’t know about the other half. What if his birth mother was worse? He couldn’t imagine any normal woman finding Ceallach appealing enough to have a kid with. He figured she had to have been young and assumed she was a partyer who liked to chase after rich, famous guys. Not exactly someone he ever wanted to meet. Not that he would be finding out. He didn’t know anything about the woman—not her name or where she was from. He had a feeling that Natalie would tell him to talk to Elaine (or as she would say, “your mother”) and get the answers. There had to have been a meeting when he’d been passed over. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d simply been left on the doorstep.
There was only one way to get the information and that was to ask for it. Something Ronan knew was never going to happen.
* * *
NATALIE DOUBLE-CHECKED the list she had made based on her notes from Pallas. Normally accomplishing a list of tasks was no big deal but these days she couldn’t seem to keep her attention on anything for more than a second. The reason was simple enough—she was worried she was pregnant. The solution was equally easy. As Silver had said, all she had to do was take the damn test and she would know the answer.
Saturday, she promised herself. Today was Wednesday. If she didn’t get her period by Saturday morning she would go out and buy a test, or three, and find out for sure. Until then, she would do her best not to worry. Which was turning out to really be easier said than done.
She returned her attention to the flowers for the centerpieces. They were relaxing for her to make—almost a Zen exercise. She tried to keep her breathing steady and even and stay focused. The process worked for nearly eight seconds and then she was worrying about how everything would change if she really were having a baby.
“I need therapy,” she murmured. “With a mental health professional.” Or maybe just the courage to go to the drugstore.
If only her mom were here, she thought. She would know what to say. Natalie smiled. Actually, her mother would go buy the test herself, hand it to her daughter, then wait outside the bathroom door until Natalie had peed. Then her mom would hold her tight and promise everything was going to be all right. The best part was that Natalie would totally believe her.
Silver sighed. “This isn’t the movie Practical Magic. There is no curse.”
“I loved that movie. Their hair.”
“Aidan Quinn, which is not the point. You’re hiding, emotionally. From finding someone great in general, and specifically this second from knowing if you’re pregnant. You might want to think about why that’s happening and what you’re going to do to fix it.”
Natalie knew that of all her friends, Silver was the most blunt and brutally honest. She must have wanted to hear the truth or she would have texted someone with a more gentle personality.
“I’m scared,” she admitted. “About everything.”
“I know you are. Whatever happens, you have a lot of people who care about you. You might not have biological family around but you have made your own family of the heart. Pregnant or not, we’ll be here. In a time like this, support is important.” Silver hesitated. “It just is.”
“Thank you.”
“Now go take the damn test.”
“Saturday for sure. I swear.”
“Do I look convinced?” Silver asked, sounding more than a little skeptical.
“No, but if I’m lying, you can slap me.”
“I’ll be counting the minutes. Now come on. I’ll buy you lunch. I’ll even order French fries so you can eat off my plate and pretend you didn’t have any.”
“You’re the best friend ever.”
“Tell me about it.”
* * *
RONAN WATCHED NICK pace the length of their studio. His brother had been restless all morning. Mathias hadn’t bothered to come in, so it was just the two of them. Nick had tried to work at least a half dozen times, then had given up and started walking back and forth.
“You’re making it hard to concentrate,” Ronan said mildly, turning his chair so he could watch his brother. It wasn’t as if he was all that interested in finalizing his production schedule for the commission. He was on track and that was about all he had to know.
“Sorry.” Nick kept walking. “I have a lot on my mind.”
“Pallas?”
Nick nodded. He headed for his desk, grabbed his chair and pulled it over to Ronan’s desk.
“She’s so sick. The doctor swears she’s going to be fine and Pallas is trying to convince me it’s not as bad as it was, but I’m not sure I believe her. Even if I do, it’s still awful. I hate seeing her like that.”
“Won’t it get better soon?”
“In the next month or so her hormones should calm down. Everyone tells me it’s normal but it doesn’t look normal to me.”
Ronan couldn’t imagine his brother’s fear. To love someone as much as Nick loved Pallas, then watch her go through everything without being able to help would be awful.
“I didn’t think it would be like this,” Nick admitted. “I can’t imagine life without her and we both wanted kids. Now I’m terrified all the time. What if something happens to her?”
“It won’t.”
“You don’t know that.”
“You don’t know that she won’t be perfectly fine. You’re borrowing trouble.”
“Yeah, you’re right, but it’s hard not to. She’s so great and she’s being stronger than I could ever be. She’s a little nervous, but not scared.”
Ronan watched his brother. “She doesn’t have memories of growing up with Ceallach.”
Nick grimaced. “Believe me, I think about that all the time. When I worry about being a good dad I promise myself I’ll figure out what he would do and then do the opposite.”
“That’s a great plan.”
Nick looked at him. “Sometimes I wonder if it’s all his fault. Being an asshole. You know what it was like for him.”
Ronan knew what he’d been told. That his father had been the only child born to a lawyer and a stay-at-home mother. As far as anyone knew, there was no artist genius in the family, but by the time Ceallach had been three, his parents had realized there was something going on. Tutors had been brought in, and when he had turned seven, he’d been sent away to a famous academy in France.
“Don’t pull the ‘he wasn’t parented’ line on me,” Ronan said. “Elaine used to say that all the time, all the while defending him from whatever crappy thing he’d done.”
“It wasn’t his fault,” Nick said. “His parents and teachers pushed him. He never had a normal childhood.”
“That might excuse not knowing how to be a good father but it doesn’t excuse him being a horrible human being.”
“True. I think about it. About how much of him is in me, about what I’m going to pass on to my kid. Pallas says it will be fine and I believe she’s okay with it, but I worry.”
Ronan understood. At least Nick had a counteracting force in Elaine.
“When it gets bad,” Nick continued, “Pallas tells me that I’m an okay guy and you four are fairly decent, so whatever’s going on with our dad is diluted.”
“A good way to look at things.” Diluted. He’d never thought of his Ceallach gene pool that way. The problem was, he didn’t know about the other half. What if his birth mother was worse? He couldn’t imagine any normal woman finding Ceallach appealing enough to have a kid with. He figured she had to have been young and assumed she was a partyer who liked to chase after rich, famous guys. Not exactly someone he ever wanted to meet. Not that he would be finding out. He didn’t know anything about the woman—not her name or where she was from. He had a feeling that Natalie would tell him to talk to Elaine (or as she would say, “your mother”) and get the answers. There had to have been a meeting when he’d been passed over. Or maybe not. Maybe he’d simply been left on the doorstep.
There was only one way to get the information and that was to ask for it. Something Ronan knew was never going to happen.
* * *
NATALIE DOUBLE-CHECKED the list she had made based on her notes from Pallas. Normally accomplishing a list of tasks was no big deal but these days she couldn’t seem to keep her attention on anything for more than a second. The reason was simple enough—she was worried she was pregnant. The solution was equally easy. As Silver had said, all she had to do was take the damn test and she would know the answer.
Saturday, she promised herself. Today was Wednesday. If she didn’t get her period by Saturday morning she would go out and buy a test, or three, and find out for sure. Until then, she would do her best not to worry. Which was turning out to really be easier said than done.
She returned her attention to the flowers for the centerpieces. They were relaxing for her to make—almost a Zen exercise. She tried to keep her breathing steady and even and stay focused. The process worked for nearly eight seconds and then she was worrying about how everything would change if she really were having a baby.
“I need therapy,” she murmured. “With a mental health professional.” Or maybe just the courage to go to the drugstore.
If only her mom were here, she thought. She would know what to say. Natalie smiled. Actually, her mother would go buy the test herself, hand it to her daughter, then wait outside the bathroom door until Natalie had peed. Then her mom would hold her tight and promise everything was going to be all right. The best part was that Natalie would totally believe her.
