Willing Sacrifice
Page 2
His sweet, selfless Grace had sacrificed herself for him, leaving him both grateful and furious.
“There are a lot of things we can’t change,” said Nicholas, his voice ringing with absolute certainty—the kind that comes only from hard lessons learned. “And we’ve all lost people we love.”
“Knowing other people suffer doesn’t make me suffer less. I just need to be alone. Why can’t you get that?”
“Because it’s likely to get you killed, and we need you too much to let it happen. You’re one of the most deadly warriors we have.”
“I used to be.”
“You still are. I saw you fight last night. Whatever rust might have grown on you during your paralysis, you’ve knocked it all off. You fight like the warrior I remember. Maybe even deadlier.”
“Then there’s no problem. You can report back to Joseph that I’m fine. I’ll come home when and if I’m ready.”
“I said you were deadly. Not careful. You took too many risks. And you weren’t watching your back.”
“I’m not suicidal, if that’s your worry. There’s no way to know what might happen to Grace if I die wearing this disk. We’re still connected, and as long as that’s the case, I’ll be careful.”
“If you call that careful, then you’re worse off than I thought.”
“Calculated risks, Nicholas. I’ve been fighting for a lot longer than you have. I know what I’m doing.”
“So do I, which is why you and I are going to be partners for a while.”
“I don’t want a partner.”
“I think I already mentioned that I don’t care what you want.”
“Don’t push me, Nicholas.”
He smiled, making his scars pull tight. “You think I’m afraid of you?”
“I think you should be.”
“Aww. You do care. How sweet. No wonder Grace was crushing on you.”
“Stop talking about her.”
“Nope. This is a deal-or-die kind of situation, and it’s my job to make sure you deal.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Let’s pretend it is, just for giggles.”
“I’m serious, Nicholas.”
“And that’s part of your problem. You need to lighten up.”
“The woman I love may be dying, and you want me to lighten up?”
“She might be dying. She might not be. But even if that freakishly powerful Brenya chick is able to heal her, she’s still human. She’s still going to die in the blink of an eye. That’s a fact, and you have to find a way to move on. I figure now is as good a time as any—before we lose you, too.”
“I don’t know how you can be so casual, talking about her death like it’s of no more importance than what you had for breakfast. I thought you were a better man than that.”
“Just because I accept reality doesn’t mean I don’t care. I risk my life for humans every day. But they’re different from us. We were never meant to be with them—not in the way you want to be with Grace. Letting her in was a mistake, and if you don’t believe me, then all you have to do is look to that ache in your chest for proof that I’m right.”
“So… what? I just stop caring?”
“No, you face reality. It doesn’t matter if she lives or dies today. She’s human. A few decades from now—a mere blink of time for a man like you—she will be gone. The leaves on your lifemark will have fallen. Your soul will die, and there’s not a damn thing that either one of you can do to change that.” Nicholas stepped closer, his voice dipping back to the land of pity. “She can’t save you, Torr. She can’t be what you need her to be for you to survive. All she can do is stand in the way of you finding the woman who can save your life and be your true partner. And if she really loves you—which her actions shout that she does—that’s not the kind of life she’d want for you. If she were here, she’d tell you to move on, too.”
“You can’t be that cold.”
“You can’t be that blind.”
“I don’t care if she can’t save my soul. I want to be with her anyway.”
“Well, you can’t. She’s worlds away, and not even your determination is strong enough to activate a Sentinel Stone and open a doorway to her. The only way she’s coming back is if Brenya allows it.”
In that moment, Torr realized the truth. Nicholas was right. Brenya was in complete control. She was the one who would decide if Grace lived or died. She was the one who would decide whether to let Grace come home. Brenya was powerful in a way Torr could barely comprehend. She knew the score. She knew that the Sentinels—men like Torr and Nicholas—were losing the war against the Synestryn, and that if they lost, Brenya’s home would be flooded by demonic beasts who fed on the blood and magic of her kind.
She wasn’t going to let that happen, even if it meant keeping Grace out of his reach forever.
Brenya needed Torr to fight to defend her home world, and the way he would do that best was if he sought out a woman like him—a Theronai who was compatible with his power and could take her place at his side in battle.
That had been Brenya’s endgame all along. He’d thought she offered to help Grace because he’d sworn to fight for Brenya in battle if she ever needed it. But he was already fighting for her. He’d been doing so for four centuries—since he’d been old enough to swing a blade. His vow to protect humans ensured that he also protected her.
The crescent-shaped mark she’d left on his shoulder—the one that allowed her to summon him at any time—burned with betrayal. She’d tricked him. Offered him hope. Kept him fighting rather than wallowing in grief.
She’d told him that so long as the disk on his back stayed in place, Grace was alive. Now he questioned even that comfort. What if Brenya had lied just to get him to do what she wanted?
Nicholas let out a long, sad sigh. “You finally figured it out, didn’t you?”
Torr nodded. “Brenya is devious. I bought her lie. For all I know, Grace is already dead.” Even saying the words ripped something vital from his chest.
Not even the scars on Nicholas’s face could hide his sympathetic frown. “Which is why you have to let go. Grace gave up her life so that you could have one. Don’t belittle her gift by squandering it.”
“There are a lot of things we can’t change,” said Nicholas, his voice ringing with absolute certainty—the kind that comes only from hard lessons learned. “And we’ve all lost people we love.”
“Knowing other people suffer doesn’t make me suffer less. I just need to be alone. Why can’t you get that?”
“Because it’s likely to get you killed, and we need you too much to let it happen. You’re one of the most deadly warriors we have.”
“I used to be.”
“You still are. I saw you fight last night. Whatever rust might have grown on you during your paralysis, you’ve knocked it all off. You fight like the warrior I remember. Maybe even deadlier.”
“Then there’s no problem. You can report back to Joseph that I’m fine. I’ll come home when and if I’m ready.”
“I said you were deadly. Not careful. You took too many risks. And you weren’t watching your back.”
“I’m not suicidal, if that’s your worry. There’s no way to know what might happen to Grace if I die wearing this disk. We’re still connected, and as long as that’s the case, I’ll be careful.”
“If you call that careful, then you’re worse off than I thought.”
“Calculated risks, Nicholas. I’ve been fighting for a lot longer than you have. I know what I’m doing.”
“So do I, which is why you and I are going to be partners for a while.”
“I don’t want a partner.”
“I think I already mentioned that I don’t care what you want.”
“Don’t push me, Nicholas.”
He smiled, making his scars pull tight. “You think I’m afraid of you?”
“I think you should be.”
“Aww. You do care. How sweet. No wonder Grace was crushing on you.”
“Stop talking about her.”
“Nope. This is a deal-or-die kind of situation, and it’s my job to make sure you deal.”
“It’s none of your business.”
“Let’s pretend it is, just for giggles.”
“I’m serious, Nicholas.”
“And that’s part of your problem. You need to lighten up.”
“The woman I love may be dying, and you want me to lighten up?”
“She might be dying. She might not be. But even if that freakishly powerful Brenya chick is able to heal her, she’s still human. She’s still going to die in the blink of an eye. That’s a fact, and you have to find a way to move on. I figure now is as good a time as any—before we lose you, too.”
“I don’t know how you can be so casual, talking about her death like it’s of no more importance than what you had for breakfast. I thought you were a better man than that.”
“Just because I accept reality doesn’t mean I don’t care. I risk my life for humans every day. But they’re different from us. We were never meant to be with them—not in the way you want to be with Grace. Letting her in was a mistake, and if you don’t believe me, then all you have to do is look to that ache in your chest for proof that I’m right.”
“So… what? I just stop caring?”
“No, you face reality. It doesn’t matter if she lives or dies today. She’s human. A few decades from now—a mere blink of time for a man like you—she will be gone. The leaves on your lifemark will have fallen. Your soul will die, and there’s not a damn thing that either one of you can do to change that.” Nicholas stepped closer, his voice dipping back to the land of pity. “She can’t save you, Torr. She can’t be what you need her to be for you to survive. All she can do is stand in the way of you finding the woman who can save your life and be your true partner. And if she really loves you—which her actions shout that she does—that’s not the kind of life she’d want for you. If she were here, she’d tell you to move on, too.”
“You can’t be that cold.”
“You can’t be that blind.”
“I don’t care if she can’t save my soul. I want to be with her anyway.”
“Well, you can’t. She’s worlds away, and not even your determination is strong enough to activate a Sentinel Stone and open a doorway to her. The only way she’s coming back is if Brenya allows it.”
In that moment, Torr realized the truth. Nicholas was right. Brenya was in complete control. She was the one who would decide if Grace lived or died. She was the one who would decide whether to let Grace come home. Brenya was powerful in a way Torr could barely comprehend. She knew the score. She knew that the Sentinels—men like Torr and Nicholas—were losing the war against the Synestryn, and that if they lost, Brenya’s home would be flooded by demonic beasts who fed on the blood and magic of her kind.
She wasn’t going to let that happen, even if it meant keeping Grace out of his reach forever.
Brenya needed Torr to fight to defend her home world, and the way he would do that best was if he sought out a woman like him—a Theronai who was compatible with his power and could take her place at his side in battle.
That had been Brenya’s endgame all along. He’d thought she offered to help Grace because he’d sworn to fight for Brenya in battle if she ever needed it. But he was already fighting for her. He’d been doing so for four centuries—since he’d been old enough to swing a blade. His vow to protect humans ensured that he also protected her.
The crescent-shaped mark she’d left on his shoulder—the one that allowed her to summon him at any time—burned with betrayal. She’d tricked him. Offered him hope. Kept him fighting rather than wallowing in grief.
She’d told him that so long as the disk on his back stayed in place, Grace was alive. Now he questioned even that comfort. What if Brenya had lied just to get him to do what she wanted?
Nicholas let out a long, sad sigh. “You finally figured it out, didn’t you?”
Torr nodded. “Brenya is devious. I bought her lie. For all I know, Grace is already dead.” Even saying the words ripped something vital from his chest.
Not even the scars on Nicholas’s face could hide his sympathetic frown. “Which is why you have to let go. Grace gave up her life so that you could have one. Don’t belittle her gift by squandering it.”
