Willing Sacrifice
Page 59
She woke sweating and shaking, the darkness in the cave doing little to help her shed the sickening sense of dread the nightmare had given her.
Torr was at her side before she had time to even sit up. His fingers stroked her hair away from her face, and even though she could barely see him, she knew his touch, his scent.
“You’re okay,” he told her. “It was just a dream.”
She forced herself to shake off the sickening sense of helplessness that clung to her. After several slow, even breaths, she was able to speak. “Can I have some water?”
He left for a minute, then returned and held a water skin to her mouth. She gulped down the cold liquid and the chill woke her up the rest of the way.
Outside, she could see a dim, foggy halo of gray light where the cave entrance stood. “It’s almost morning.”
“It is.”
“We should get moving.” She stretched and yawned.
“Is there enough light for you to see to hike?”
“Not yet, but there will be by the time I get cleaned up.”
She heard a whisper of movement, felt his heat fade. “I’ll light the fire, then give you some privacy.”
As soon as he had a small flame going, she made quick work of washing up. She put on fresh clothes she’d brought along and left the dirty ones behind.
There was a sense of foreboding in her gut, warning her to travel as light as possible. Between the supplies they’d lost or used and her discarded clothes, her pack was less than half full now.
She slid Tori’s short sword in her belt, wondering if she should leave that behind, too. It wasn’t like she knew how to use it.
Still, it gave her comfort to know it was there, and that was reason enough to hang on to it for now.
She found Torr waiting at the cave entrance, eating more berries that he’d found. He offered some to her.
Just the idea of putting anything in her stomach made it churn. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
“What I wouldn’t give for a steaming cup of coffee right now. Maybe some bacon.”
Instantly, she knew what those things were and how they tasted, even though she couldn’t remember ever having eaten them.
“Sorry. None of that here.”
His face brightened with a grin. “It’s okay. I have everything I need.”
He was talking about her, and in that moment she knew she was falling for him.
Something deep inside her shifted, snapping into place. There was an almost audible click to it—a kind of absolute certainty that things were as they were supposed to be—the way they had been. Her whole body sagged with relief, and a void she hadn’t even known she had filled with a soft, comforting warmth.
Grace swayed with shock. Torr’s big hands gently gripped her arms, his touch careful of her injuries. “Are you okay?”
He eased her to the ground. She went, too stunned to even consider doing otherwise.
The things she was feelings for him weren’t new. They were familiar. More than that. They were a part of her that had been missing for years.
She stared at him, unable to even think of what to ask. Finally, she settled for, “You’re not a stranger.”
His lips went flat and tight. He said nothing.
“I know you, don’t I?”
Again he was silent.
“Why won’t you answer me?”
“I want to, but I vowed not to. Please, Grace, just let it go. We’ll talk to Brenya when we get back. She can explain everything.”
“She won’t. Explaining isn’t one of her talents. She’s more about issuing orders. You need to tell me.”
He stroked her face, and even that was familiar. “I’ve said all I can. We have a job to do. We have to focus on that.”
“You’re asking me to just ignore the fact that you’ve been lying to me?”
“I haven’t lied. Not once.”
“But you’ve hidden the truth. It’s the same thing. How can I trust you now?”
He pushed to his feet. Gone was the lover from last night. All that was here now was a hard, cold warrior. “I’ll come back for you when I’ve found the Masons’ building site. Stay here and stay quiet.”
“If you think I’m letting you ditch me now just because I know your secret, you’re crazy. I’m done sitting around, waiting on others. Waiting for the truth.”
“Grace, I—”
“No. I’m done, Torr. We’re going to finish this job and go back to Brenya. The sooner I have my answers from the two of you, the sooner I can move on with my life.” She pushed to her feet and poked him hard in the chest. “But if you think I’m just going to forgive you for withholding information, you’re wrong. I’ve always tried to be kind, but I’m not a doormat. You can’t lie to me. Can’t use me.”
“Grace, no. I’d never use you.”
“Then what do you call last night? Would I have done that with you if I’d known who you really were? If I’d known you were hiding details about my own life from me? I don’t think so.”
His jaw hardened. “It isn’t what you think.”
“Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. All I know is that I can’t be sure. I can’t trust you.”
His stomach clenched as if she’d just landed a hard blow. “I would never hurt you.”
Her heart broke a little, and it was all she could do to keep her chin high and her eyes dry. “Too late. You already have.”
With that, she turned and started hiking.
• • •
Torr wanted to kill Brenya for binding him to his word. He’d never meant for his promise of silence to hurt Grace, but it had.
Some things are better left forgotten, Brenya had said.
Apparently Torr was one of those things.
His stomach burned. His hands kept closing into fists.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Grace was supposed to love him again. He wasn’t a pitiful invalid tied to a bed anymore. He was able to protect her, to make love to her. He was more of a man now than he’d been before, and yet she still couldn’t love him.
What did that say about him?
Maybe she’d never loved him at all. Maybe her act of self-sacrifice had been one of pity, not love.
There was no way to know now. The woman who’d willingly sacrificed herself to save him couldn’t remember why she’d done it.
Torr was at her side before she had time to even sit up. His fingers stroked her hair away from her face, and even though she could barely see him, she knew his touch, his scent.
“You’re okay,” he told her. “It was just a dream.”
She forced herself to shake off the sickening sense of helplessness that clung to her. After several slow, even breaths, she was able to speak. “Can I have some water?”
He left for a minute, then returned and held a water skin to her mouth. She gulped down the cold liquid and the chill woke her up the rest of the way.
Outside, she could see a dim, foggy halo of gray light where the cave entrance stood. “It’s almost morning.”
“It is.”
“We should get moving.” She stretched and yawned.
“Is there enough light for you to see to hike?”
“Not yet, but there will be by the time I get cleaned up.”
She heard a whisper of movement, felt his heat fade. “I’ll light the fire, then give you some privacy.”
As soon as he had a small flame going, she made quick work of washing up. She put on fresh clothes she’d brought along and left the dirty ones behind.
There was a sense of foreboding in her gut, warning her to travel as light as possible. Between the supplies they’d lost or used and her discarded clothes, her pack was less than half full now.
She slid Tori’s short sword in her belt, wondering if she should leave that behind, too. It wasn’t like she knew how to use it.
Still, it gave her comfort to know it was there, and that was reason enough to hang on to it for now.
She found Torr waiting at the cave entrance, eating more berries that he’d found. He offered some to her.
Just the idea of putting anything in her stomach made it churn. “No, thanks. I’m good.”
“What I wouldn’t give for a steaming cup of coffee right now. Maybe some bacon.”
Instantly, she knew what those things were and how they tasted, even though she couldn’t remember ever having eaten them.
“Sorry. None of that here.”
His face brightened with a grin. “It’s okay. I have everything I need.”
He was talking about her, and in that moment she knew she was falling for him.
Something deep inside her shifted, snapping into place. There was an almost audible click to it—a kind of absolute certainty that things were as they were supposed to be—the way they had been. Her whole body sagged with relief, and a void she hadn’t even known she had filled with a soft, comforting warmth.
Grace swayed with shock. Torr’s big hands gently gripped her arms, his touch careful of her injuries. “Are you okay?”
He eased her to the ground. She went, too stunned to even consider doing otherwise.
The things she was feelings for him weren’t new. They were familiar. More than that. They were a part of her that had been missing for years.
She stared at him, unable to even think of what to ask. Finally, she settled for, “You’re not a stranger.”
His lips went flat and tight. He said nothing.
“I know you, don’t I?”
Again he was silent.
“Why won’t you answer me?”
“I want to, but I vowed not to. Please, Grace, just let it go. We’ll talk to Brenya when we get back. She can explain everything.”
“She won’t. Explaining isn’t one of her talents. She’s more about issuing orders. You need to tell me.”
He stroked her face, and even that was familiar. “I’ve said all I can. We have a job to do. We have to focus on that.”
“You’re asking me to just ignore the fact that you’ve been lying to me?”
“I haven’t lied. Not once.”
“But you’ve hidden the truth. It’s the same thing. How can I trust you now?”
He pushed to his feet. Gone was the lover from last night. All that was here now was a hard, cold warrior. “I’ll come back for you when I’ve found the Masons’ building site. Stay here and stay quiet.”
“If you think I’m letting you ditch me now just because I know your secret, you’re crazy. I’m done sitting around, waiting on others. Waiting for the truth.”
“Grace, I—”
“No. I’m done, Torr. We’re going to finish this job and go back to Brenya. The sooner I have my answers from the two of you, the sooner I can move on with my life.” She pushed to her feet and poked him hard in the chest. “But if you think I’m just going to forgive you for withholding information, you’re wrong. I’ve always tried to be kind, but I’m not a doormat. You can’t lie to me. Can’t use me.”
“Grace, no. I’d never use you.”
“Then what do you call last night? Would I have done that with you if I’d known who you really were? If I’d known you were hiding details about my own life from me? I don’t think so.”
His jaw hardened. “It isn’t what you think.”
“Maybe it is, maybe it’s not. All I know is that I can’t be sure. I can’t trust you.”
His stomach clenched as if she’d just landed a hard blow. “I would never hurt you.”
Her heart broke a little, and it was all she could do to keep her chin high and her eyes dry. “Too late. You already have.”
With that, she turned and started hiking.
• • •
Torr wanted to kill Brenya for binding him to his word. He’d never meant for his promise of silence to hurt Grace, but it had.
Some things are better left forgotten, Brenya had said.
Apparently Torr was one of those things.
His stomach burned. His hands kept closing into fists.
This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. Grace was supposed to love him again. He wasn’t a pitiful invalid tied to a bed anymore. He was able to protect her, to make love to her. He was more of a man now than he’d been before, and yet she still couldn’t love him.
What did that say about him?
Maybe she’d never loved him at all. Maybe her act of self-sacrifice had been one of pity, not love.
There was no way to know now. The woman who’d willingly sacrificed herself to save him couldn’t remember why she’d done it.
