Wings of the Wicked
Page 112
My lips tightened. “You’re right. It would be too dangerous for you to go back.”
“For you, as well.”
“I know,” I said. “But I don’t have a choice. We need that book.” But as soon as I said it, I remembered there may be another hope. “Then again, Nathaniel said he had a copy of the grimoire. It’s missing from his collection, but we’ve got to find it. This book is our only hope. I can’t face Sammael again without a real chance at beating him. We need the big guns for this one.”
His face brightened with hope. “Any idea who could have taken it?”
I shook my head, and an invisible force tightened around my heart. “No. Nathaniel is dead. He’s the only one who knew anything about that book.” I slumped against the tree beside Cadan. He pushed himself off the trunk and faced me, looking down serenely.
“There’s always a chance,” he said. “I’ll help you find it.”
That put a smile on my face. I knew he’d keep that promise as well as he could. He’d given up all that he knew because he believed in me. I needed to believe in him, too. “Thank you, Cadan.”
“Of course.”
I bit on my lip and stared at the ground, battling inwardly with myself. I wanted to tell him what I’d learned about Will, but I wasn’t sure if I ought to, especially since Will didn’t know yet.
“Whatever you want to say must be important if you’re making that little face.”
“Oh!” I jumped, embarrassed, and felt heat rushing into my cheeks. “Yeah, it’s important.”
“Are you going to tell me?” he pressed.
“It’s about Bastian,” I admitted, unable to hold it in any longer. “Back in that creepy basement, he was talking to Will, asking him to join him, and he said … that Will was his son.”
Cadan’s eyes widened in surprise, and his lips parted. He didn’t move or blink for what felt like minutes.
I continued, speaking slowly and carefully. “If what he said is true, then Will is your half-brother. His mother is an angelic reaper. Yours, I assume, is demonic.”
At last there was life on his face. He swallowed painfully hard. “Are you sure?”
“That’s what Bastian claimed.” I didn’t tell him that Bastian had also said he had loved Madeleine. That somehow seemed private, even though Bastian had thrown it into Will’s face in front of everyone in that room. Cadan also probably didn’t want to hear that part. I knew nothing of his mother and how Bastian may have treated her. I didn’t get the impression that Bastian had ever been kind to Cadan, so why would he have been kind to his mother?
Cadan stared through me at nothing, his eyes unfocused and dazed. I could see him calculating in his mind, lost in thought.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He blinked. “I’m just … very surprised. No wonder we never liked each other. Innate brotherly rivalry, I suppose, besides loving the same girl. Anyway, Will has every right to hate me.”
I frowned. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I did nothing,” he said again. “Geir and I were the ones who captured Will and took him to Bastian. The night Ragnuk killed you and took you to where Bastian held Will, I was there. And I did nothing. I just let it all happen.”
We fell into silence. I could hear the regret in Cadan’s voice. He hadn’t been able to stand up to those who controlled him until now. I understood that feeling of helplessness better than most. It took an extraordinary amount of courage to stand up to those you fear, whether they were Hellspawn or blood family or both.
“It’s rather strange that the first time I saw you,” he said, swallowing hard at a pause, “you were dead. I like it better when you’re alive.”
“That’s funny. Me too.”
He smiled sideways for an instant. “I’m serious, Ellie.”
“But you didn’t do nothing the night Bastian took me,” I assured him. “You came to save me, didn’t you?”
His gaze fell to the grass at our feet. He nodded.
“Bastian was going to fight Will and probably kill him,” I continued. “You stopped that. You saved both our lives. You protected us, and you stood up for humanity. That took a lot of courage and good in you. Thank you, Cadan.”
He opened his mouth to speak but was hesitant. “I killed my own father to do it.”
I chose my words carefully. “Do you believe what you did was wrong?”
His brow furrowed and his eyes darkened as he continued to stare at the ground. “What he wanted was wrong. I just didn’t know how else to stop him. But I feel …” He looked up at the green canopy of the tree above us. “I feel like it doesn’t matter that he’s dead. Sammael and Lilith are alive. Merodach is still out there, and there’s no telling how many other demonic reapers are in league with them. I felt like it was in vain. Like nothing good came out of it anyway.”
I studied his face, the sorrow in his eyes. He was beautiful, even when he was sad. “That’s not true,” I said gently. “You’re free.”
His gaze slowly fell to mine and his eyes flashed. He watched me as I had just watched him, and a quiet smile curved his lips. “I suppose you’re right.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked. “Now that you aren’t doing Bastian’s bidding?”
“For you, as well.”
“I know,” I said. “But I don’t have a choice. We need that book.” But as soon as I said it, I remembered there may be another hope. “Then again, Nathaniel said he had a copy of the grimoire. It’s missing from his collection, but we’ve got to find it. This book is our only hope. I can’t face Sammael again without a real chance at beating him. We need the big guns for this one.”
His face brightened with hope. “Any idea who could have taken it?”
I shook my head, and an invisible force tightened around my heart. “No. Nathaniel is dead. He’s the only one who knew anything about that book.” I slumped against the tree beside Cadan. He pushed himself off the trunk and faced me, looking down serenely.
“There’s always a chance,” he said. “I’ll help you find it.”
That put a smile on my face. I knew he’d keep that promise as well as he could. He’d given up all that he knew because he believed in me. I needed to believe in him, too. “Thank you, Cadan.”
“Of course.”
I bit on my lip and stared at the ground, battling inwardly with myself. I wanted to tell him what I’d learned about Will, but I wasn’t sure if I ought to, especially since Will didn’t know yet.
“Whatever you want to say must be important if you’re making that little face.”
“Oh!” I jumped, embarrassed, and felt heat rushing into my cheeks. “Yeah, it’s important.”
“Are you going to tell me?” he pressed.
“It’s about Bastian,” I admitted, unable to hold it in any longer. “Back in that creepy basement, he was talking to Will, asking him to join him, and he said … that Will was his son.”
Cadan’s eyes widened in surprise, and his lips parted. He didn’t move or blink for what felt like minutes.
I continued, speaking slowly and carefully. “If what he said is true, then Will is your half-brother. His mother is an angelic reaper. Yours, I assume, is demonic.”
At last there was life on his face. He swallowed painfully hard. “Are you sure?”
“That’s what Bastian claimed.” I didn’t tell him that Bastian had also said he had loved Madeleine. That somehow seemed private, even though Bastian had thrown it into Will’s face in front of everyone in that room. Cadan also probably didn’t want to hear that part. I knew nothing of his mother and how Bastian may have treated her. I didn’t get the impression that Bastian had ever been kind to Cadan, so why would he have been kind to his mother?
Cadan stared through me at nothing, his eyes unfocused and dazed. I could see him calculating in his mind, lost in thought.
“Are you okay?” I asked.
He blinked. “I’m just … very surprised. No wonder we never liked each other. Innate brotherly rivalry, I suppose, besides loving the same girl. Anyway, Will has every right to hate me.”
I frowned. “What did you do?”
“Nothing.”
“I don’t understand.”
“I did nothing,” he said again. “Geir and I were the ones who captured Will and took him to Bastian. The night Ragnuk killed you and took you to where Bastian held Will, I was there. And I did nothing. I just let it all happen.”
We fell into silence. I could hear the regret in Cadan’s voice. He hadn’t been able to stand up to those who controlled him until now. I understood that feeling of helplessness better than most. It took an extraordinary amount of courage to stand up to those you fear, whether they were Hellspawn or blood family or both.
“It’s rather strange that the first time I saw you,” he said, swallowing hard at a pause, “you were dead. I like it better when you’re alive.”
“That’s funny. Me too.”
He smiled sideways for an instant. “I’m serious, Ellie.”
“But you didn’t do nothing the night Bastian took me,” I assured him. “You came to save me, didn’t you?”
His gaze fell to the grass at our feet. He nodded.
“Bastian was going to fight Will and probably kill him,” I continued. “You stopped that. You saved both our lives. You protected us, and you stood up for humanity. That took a lot of courage and good in you. Thank you, Cadan.”
He opened his mouth to speak but was hesitant. “I killed my own father to do it.”
I chose my words carefully. “Do you believe what you did was wrong?”
His brow furrowed and his eyes darkened as he continued to stare at the ground. “What he wanted was wrong. I just didn’t know how else to stop him. But I feel …” He looked up at the green canopy of the tree above us. “I feel like it doesn’t matter that he’s dead. Sammael and Lilith are alive. Merodach is still out there, and there’s no telling how many other demonic reapers are in league with them. I felt like it was in vain. Like nothing good came out of it anyway.”
I studied his face, the sorrow in his eyes. He was beautiful, even when he was sad. “That’s not true,” I said gently. “You’re free.”
His gaze slowly fell to mine and his eyes flashed. He watched me as I had just watched him, and a quiet smile curved his lips. “I suppose you’re right.”
“What are you going to do?” I asked. “Now that you aren’t doing Bastian’s bidding?”
