Wings of the Wicked
Page 44
I didn’t respond, but the events of her rescue played out in my head like a horror movie.
“You see why I value him so much.”
I did. How could she not have cared for him after he saved her from that horrible place?
“You know, don’t you?” she asked, tilting her head to gaze at me, her dark hair curtaining her shoulders. Her voice was gentle, as though she were speaking to a wounded animal. “He told you. I suspected he would.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I had no idea what to say to her. Talking about this with her made what I knew feel a thousand times more real. I didn’t want to think about Will with Ava, or with how many other girls there’d been. I didn’t want to think about anyone loving him but me.
“I’m not in love with him,” she said as if reading my mind. Before I could respond, she continued. “At least not anymore. He never loved me. Not once. You can tell when someone loves you or doesn’t, and I always knew with him. You were an impossible obstacle.”
I stared at her, unsure of how to respond. The clock above Nathaniel’s desk ticked, driving a stake through the silence between us with each passing second.
“When I met you,” she said, “I resented you, but I never hated you. I’m sorry if I haven’t been very kind. I just didn’t understand how he could be so dedicated to you for that long. He’s only able to spend a little while with you before you die again, and then he’s lonely for years. I hated seeing him like that, especially this last time when you were gone for so long and wouldn’t come back. You will never truly understand what he went through. I was angry at you for causing him so much pain, because he saved my life, gave me a life, and I was in love with him then.”
My heart kicked in my chest. She was so cruelly blunt. “Ava, I—”
“I was jealous too,” she continued, smiling gently at me. “I wanted Will to love me, but his broken heart has always belonged to you, even after he believed he’d lost you forever. He gave up everything for you, and Zane wouldn’t give up anything for me.”
“That’s not totally right,” I urged. “Will is my Guardian, the same as Zane was that relic’s guardian. So much of everything they do is part of their duty. They have to give up everything when they become a guardian. Zane was no exception, and neither is Will.”
She smiled ever so slightly, and the blue-violet of her eyes intensified as her emotions stirred to the surface. “Zane was kind to me, and I’ve always been drawn to people who take care of me. Zane and I were together a very, very long time ago, and he never loved me the way I wanted to be loved.” Her smile grew wider, and the warmth spread to her cold winter eyes. “And that’s also why I was jealous of you, because I see you fight against the demonic like no one else can, see you fight for Will, and I understand that he does all of this for you. I’ve never seen anyone look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
Will’s face appeared in my head, looking at me the way I loved him to, and a flutter of heat shot through me. I couldn’t think of him lonely and broken, especially because of me.
“I don’t love him anymore, but I still respect him,” she said. “Most of the time you come off as a silly young girl to me, but when everything most important to you is at stake, you transform into this fearless thing of wonder, like a true avenging archangel. After watching what you did last night, I respect you, Gabriel.”
I studied her carefully, waiting for her gaze to falter, but it stayed true. “Everyone keeps calling me that, but it’s not me.”
“Why do you deny who you truly are?” she asked. “You are Gabriel.”
“I’m human,” I said sadly, my hands tightening on my knees, desperate to keep myself from becoming too emotional in front of Ava. “In this world, I’m human, not some flawless archangel. That’s something I can’t even wrap my head around. I’m reckless and passionate and imperfect. I die. I’m born human, I live human, and I die human. My body isn’t as strong as yours, but my power comes from inside me and I’m as strong as I need to be. But don’t call me Gabriel, because that’s not who I am, not right now. I’m just Ellie.”
She was silent and her expression remained still as stone, but slightly curious. Then she softened, her lips relaxing from the tight line she’d drawn them into, and the color of her eyes dimmed to normal. “All right,” she said at last. “Ellie.”
Will and Nathaniel returned, and relief washed over me. Nathaniel tossed a book onto the desk and plopped down heavily.
“I’ve got nothing,” he said dismally. “The book I was looking for is gone from my collection, and I don’t know where it is. I have another book of angelic magic, but this volume has nothing on what’s contained within the grimoire. The author probably doesn’t know any more than we do about Enochian spells.”
Will frowned apologetically at me. “It doesn’t mention a spell to give an angel or one of the Fallen corporeal form, so we still don’t know if it’s even possible.”
“We need to find this grimoire,” I said. “Or at least the copy.” Inside, I tried not to be angry for not remembering any of the spells myself. Gabriel would know what to do. Ellie, on the other hand…
“Ava,” Will said, “can you and Sabina look into this? You keep in contact with more relic guardians than I’m able to. Someone has to have heard something.”
“You see why I value him so much.”
I did. How could she not have cared for him after he saved her from that horrible place?
“You know, don’t you?” she asked, tilting her head to gaze at me, her dark hair curtaining her shoulders. Her voice was gentle, as though she were speaking to a wounded animal. “He told you. I suspected he would.”
I opened my mouth to respond, but nothing came out. I had no idea what to say to her. Talking about this with her made what I knew feel a thousand times more real. I didn’t want to think about Will with Ava, or with how many other girls there’d been. I didn’t want to think about anyone loving him but me.
“I’m not in love with him,” she said as if reading my mind. Before I could respond, she continued. “At least not anymore. He never loved me. Not once. You can tell when someone loves you or doesn’t, and I always knew with him. You were an impossible obstacle.”
I stared at her, unsure of how to respond. The clock above Nathaniel’s desk ticked, driving a stake through the silence between us with each passing second.
“When I met you,” she said, “I resented you, but I never hated you. I’m sorry if I haven’t been very kind. I just didn’t understand how he could be so dedicated to you for that long. He’s only able to spend a little while with you before you die again, and then he’s lonely for years. I hated seeing him like that, especially this last time when you were gone for so long and wouldn’t come back. You will never truly understand what he went through. I was angry at you for causing him so much pain, because he saved my life, gave me a life, and I was in love with him then.”
My heart kicked in my chest. She was so cruelly blunt. “Ava, I—”
“I was jealous too,” she continued, smiling gently at me. “I wanted Will to love me, but his broken heart has always belonged to you, even after he believed he’d lost you forever. He gave up everything for you, and Zane wouldn’t give up anything for me.”
“That’s not totally right,” I urged. “Will is my Guardian, the same as Zane was that relic’s guardian. So much of everything they do is part of their duty. They have to give up everything when they become a guardian. Zane was no exception, and neither is Will.”
She smiled ever so slightly, and the blue-violet of her eyes intensified as her emotions stirred to the surface. “Zane was kind to me, and I’ve always been drawn to people who take care of me. Zane and I were together a very, very long time ago, and he never loved me the way I wanted to be loved.” Her smile grew wider, and the warmth spread to her cold winter eyes. “And that’s also why I was jealous of you, because I see you fight against the demonic like no one else can, see you fight for Will, and I understand that he does all of this for you. I’ve never seen anyone look at anyone the way he looks at you.”
Will’s face appeared in my head, looking at me the way I loved him to, and a flutter of heat shot through me. I couldn’t think of him lonely and broken, especially because of me.
“I don’t love him anymore, but I still respect him,” she said. “Most of the time you come off as a silly young girl to me, but when everything most important to you is at stake, you transform into this fearless thing of wonder, like a true avenging archangel. After watching what you did last night, I respect you, Gabriel.”
I studied her carefully, waiting for her gaze to falter, but it stayed true. “Everyone keeps calling me that, but it’s not me.”
“Why do you deny who you truly are?” she asked. “You are Gabriel.”
“I’m human,” I said sadly, my hands tightening on my knees, desperate to keep myself from becoming too emotional in front of Ava. “In this world, I’m human, not some flawless archangel. That’s something I can’t even wrap my head around. I’m reckless and passionate and imperfect. I die. I’m born human, I live human, and I die human. My body isn’t as strong as yours, but my power comes from inside me and I’m as strong as I need to be. But don’t call me Gabriel, because that’s not who I am, not right now. I’m just Ellie.”
She was silent and her expression remained still as stone, but slightly curious. Then she softened, her lips relaxing from the tight line she’d drawn them into, and the color of her eyes dimmed to normal. “All right,” she said at last. “Ellie.”
Will and Nathaniel returned, and relief washed over me. Nathaniel tossed a book onto the desk and plopped down heavily.
“I’ve got nothing,” he said dismally. “The book I was looking for is gone from my collection, and I don’t know where it is. I have another book of angelic magic, but this volume has nothing on what’s contained within the grimoire. The author probably doesn’t know any more than we do about Enochian spells.”
Will frowned apologetically at me. “It doesn’t mention a spell to give an angel or one of the Fallen corporeal form, so we still don’t know if it’s even possible.”
“We need to find this grimoire,” I said. “Or at least the copy.” Inside, I tried not to be angry for not remembering any of the spells myself. Gabriel would know what to do. Ellie, on the other hand…
“Ava,” Will said, “can you and Sabina look into this? You keep in contact with more relic guardians than I’m able to. Someone has to have heard something.”
