Wings of the Wicked
Page 75
“Because she’s demonic?” I asked. “If that’s the reason, then I’d like to know why you’re so good to me.”
He leaned toward me and rested his elbow on the back of the bench. “I’m not wholly what you think I am.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, very aware that we were only inches apart.
His smile then was smooth and warm, like white chocolate melting in my hands. He brushed my hair back over my shoulders. The snowflakes landing in my hair were tangling it. “You’re putting yourself in a dangerous position, being out here without your Guardian.”
“I can take care of myself,” I said, noticing how he’d avoided my question.
“You have to admit, that’s a lot easier to accomplish when he’s with you,” he noted, his eyes on the bare skin exposed after he’d brushed my hair back.
“Why would you say that? You hate Will.”
“I don’t hate him,” Cadan mused, rolling the words around on his tongue as if to taste them. “He’s in love with you, too.”
I froze and stared at him as he continued to look at my neck instead of my face. I didn’t think he breathed for that entire time. His body grew more tense the longer my eyes were glued to him, and at last he swallowed hard and looked into my eyes. The look he gave me was an intense mixture of shame and a desire for approval. He knew that I understood what he’d said, but I didn’t see regret on his face.
“That’s not very smart of you,” I said slowly.
His lips curved sensually, and his fingers trailed along my jaw as he looked down at my lips. “I could do worse.” And with that, his confidence had returned.
I barely noticed the snowflakes falling around us anymore. “What could be worse than being in love with your enemy?”
“Acting on it.”
He was suddenly even closer, though it looked like he hadn’t moved a muscle. His scent and body warmth wrapped around me, and it felt so safe and good here with him on the bench. His mouth couldn’t have been six inches from mine, and my heart pounded harder and harder. His opal eyes were so bright that I almost had to look away. It was strange how these reapers’ eyes gave away their emotions so clearly.
“That’s true,” I breathed, and swallowed. I knew what he wanted to do, and I wasn’t entirely sure that I didn’t want him to do it. “But Cadan …”
His hand brushed my cheek and his fingers slid into my hair. His gaze searched every last inch of my face, maybe looking for a sign in my expression that told him to stop. He leaned so close that I tasted his breath on my lips as my own caught in my chest.
“Cadan, I can’t—” Will’s face flashed in my mind, and the memory of him made my skin burn like acid everywhere that Cadan touched me. I peeled away from Cadan, and he stared at me with broken eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, and it took several tries for the words to come out.
“That was a terrible idea,” he said almost breathlessly. “I am so screwed.”
“Cadan,” I said, having no idea what to say to him. A demonic reaper had just tried to kiss me. I didn’t know him that well, but I trusted him. Something about him reminded me of Will, but at the same time, they were nothing like each other. They were both the opposite of what they were supposed to be: Will was darkness and strength and determination, and Cadan was like sunlight. Refreshing and golden. And right now, I needed anything but more darkness in my life.
He gave me such a sad look that I reached up and touched his cheek and his ear and the silk of his hair, just to make sure the strands weren’t spun from gold. “I can’t have you, can I?” he whispered.
I frowned. “Cadan …”
“If you say my name every day until I die,” he said with a gentle laugh, “then even the worst ending for me will be a joyful one.”
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He lowered his head until it rested on my shoulder, and I stroked his hair. Everything about this was so strange, and yet so comforting. But even though I needed some sort of kindness, I had a feeling that he needed it more than I did. I held him, felt his breath on my shoulder beneath my coat, felt his hand lightly on my arm. This is Cadan. The thought ran through my mind a hundred times, and still I couldn’t fully comprehend it. Bastian’s son.
He sat up and looked into my eyes, his gaze deep and drilling. “I’ll do anything for you,” he said, his voice husky and earnest. “I’ll kill Bastian. I’ll even leave you alone if you want me to.”
I exhaled. “I don’t know what I want.”
He smiled. “You and me both.”
I studied his face without speaking for several moments. This time with him was exactly what I needed. “Thank you, Cadan. You saved me tonight.”
“Go back to your Guardian,” Cadan said, his smile faint and longing.
I didn’t want to, but he was right. If I died without ending any of this awful mess, then my parents would have died for nothing. Will’s pain would have been for nothing. And I couldn’t let him or Nana down.
I got up and stood in front of Cadan, looking down into his face. I ran my hand through his hair, and he closed his eyes just for that moment. “Good-bye, Cadan.”
His eyes opened again, that crystalline opal fire bright in the dark. “Good-bye, Ellie.”
I walked slowly back to where I’d parked. Now that I was alone again, I wanted to be anything but. What had happened with Cadan churned my thoughts and my heart. He was the perfect comfort at the perfect moment, and I cared for him, but he wasn’t Will. And Will was the only one I loved, despite everything.
He leaned toward me and rested his elbow on the back of the bench. “I’m not wholly what you think I am.”
“What does that mean?” I asked, very aware that we were only inches apart.
His smile then was smooth and warm, like white chocolate melting in my hands. He brushed my hair back over my shoulders. The snowflakes landing in my hair were tangling it. “You’re putting yourself in a dangerous position, being out here without your Guardian.”
“I can take care of myself,” I said, noticing how he’d avoided my question.
“You have to admit, that’s a lot easier to accomplish when he’s with you,” he noted, his eyes on the bare skin exposed after he’d brushed my hair back.
“Why would you say that? You hate Will.”
“I don’t hate him,” Cadan mused, rolling the words around on his tongue as if to taste them. “He’s in love with you, too.”
I froze and stared at him as he continued to look at my neck instead of my face. I didn’t think he breathed for that entire time. His body grew more tense the longer my eyes were glued to him, and at last he swallowed hard and looked into my eyes. The look he gave me was an intense mixture of shame and a desire for approval. He knew that I understood what he’d said, but I didn’t see regret on his face.
“That’s not very smart of you,” I said slowly.
His lips curved sensually, and his fingers trailed along my jaw as he looked down at my lips. “I could do worse.” And with that, his confidence had returned.
I barely noticed the snowflakes falling around us anymore. “What could be worse than being in love with your enemy?”
“Acting on it.”
He was suddenly even closer, though it looked like he hadn’t moved a muscle. His scent and body warmth wrapped around me, and it felt so safe and good here with him on the bench. His mouth couldn’t have been six inches from mine, and my heart pounded harder and harder. His opal eyes were so bright that I almost had to look away. It was strange how these reapers’ eyes gave away their emotions so clearly.
“That’s true,” I breathed, and swallowed. I knew what he wanted to do, and I wasn’t entirely sure that I didn’t want him to do it. “But Cadan …”
His hand brushed my cheek and his fingers slid into my hair. His gaze searched every last inch of my face, maybe looking for a sign in my expression that told him to stop. He leaned so close that I tasted his breath on my lips as my own caught in my chest.
“Cadan, I can’t—” Will’s face flashed in my mind, and the memory of him made my skin burn like acid everywhere that Cadan touched me. I peeled away from Cadan, and he stared at me with broken eyes. He opened his mouth to speak, and it took several tries for the words to come out.
“That was a terrible idea,” he said almost breathlessly. “I am so screwed.”
“Cadan,” I said, having no idea what to say to him. A demonic reaper had just tried to kiss me. I didn’t know him that well, but I trusted him. Something about him reminded me of Will, but at the same time, they were nothing like each other. They were both the opposite of what they were supposed to be: Will was darkness and strength and determination, and Cadan was like sunlight. Refreshing and golden. And right now, I needed anything but more darkness in my life.
He gave me such a sad look that I reached up and touched his cheek and his ear and the silk of his hair, just to make sure the strands weren’t spun from gold. “I can’t have you, can I?” he whispered.
I frowned. “Cadan …”
“If you say my name every day until I die,” he said with a gentle laugh, “then even the worst ending for me will be a joyful one.”
I smiled and kissed him on the cheek. He lowered his head until it rested on my shoulder, and I stroked his hair. Everything about this was so strange, and yet so comforting. But even though I needed some sort of kindness, I had a feeling that he needed it more than I did. I held him, felt his breath on my shoulder beneath my coat, felt his hand lightly on my arm. This is Cadan. The thought ran through my mind a hundred times, and still I couldn’t fully comprehend it. Bastian’s son.
He sat up and looked into my eyes, his gaze deep and drilling. “I’ll do anything for you,” he said, his voice husky and earnest. “I’ll kill Bastian. I’ll even leave you alone if you want me to.”
I exhaled. “I don’t know what I want.”
He smiled. “You and me both.”
I studied his face without speaking for several moments. This time with him was exactly what I needed. “Thank you, Cadan. You saved me tonight.”
“Go back to your Guardian,” Cadan said, his smile faint and longing.
I didn’t want to, but he was right. If I died without ending any of this awful mess, then my parents would have died for nothing. Will’s pain would have been for nothing. And I couldn’t let him or Nana down.
I got up and stood in front of Cadan, looking down into his face. I ran my hand through his hair, and he closed his eyes just for that moment. “Good-bye, Cadan.”
His eyes opened again, that crystalline opal fire bright in the dark. “Good-bye, Ellie.”
I walked slowly back to where I’d parked. Now that I was alone again, I wanted to be anything but. What had happened with Cadan churned my thoughts and my heart. He was the perfect comfort at the perfect moment, and I cared for him, but he wasn’t Will. And Will was the only one I loved, despite everything.
