Wish I May
Page 24
She leans forward and narrows her eyes at me. “Are you seriously that clueless?”
“I had no idea.” And she’s not far off the mark. I’ve been too caught up in my own temporary fairytale.
Is she telling the truth about the house? Does Dad know? Has he been keeping this from me? Then the rest of her words sink in. “You’re offering me twenty thousand dollars to save my house?”
She laughs. “There you go. Finally catching on. Good girl.”
“What’s the catch?”
She drops her gaze to the desk where she drums her perfectly manicured nails. Her voice isn’t as cocky when she speaks again. “I think you know.”
“William,” I say softly.
“You came back into town like you’d never left. Swept in and stepped right back into his life, with no mind to the fact that you were pushing me out. I’ll give you twenty thousand. You can save your little sisters’ home and then leave town.” She crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. “Or maybe you’ll just take the money and run, screwing over your family like you screwed over Will by coming back. I don’t care. I just want you gone.”
My world spins wildly as she explains what she’s already arranged—an account in my name that she’ll wire the money to as soon as she’s satisfied I’ve made a clean break with William and left town.
When she’s done explaining, I ask, “And if I don’t take it?”
Sighing, she shakes her head. “Don’t be stupid, Cally. Eventually William is going to come to his senses and see that you’re not the girl he wants to spend his life with.”
“Is this why you hired Carl York? So I wouldn’t have a choice? So I’d have to take your money?”
“Carl York? The PI? Why would I hire him? The foreclosure is public record.”
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched in the solar plexus. If she didn’t hire Carl, who did?
“Think about it,” she says. “It’s a lot of money.”
“Bribing me to leave isn’t going to buy you William. He’s not for sale.” I put the words out there. Intentionally baiting her to see if she knows more than she’s saying, to see if she’ll say, “But you are.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. Will and I were good together. He’ll come around. But do you want to know that truth?”
No. I don’t want to know the truth. I want to hide from it in fantastical beliefs about wishes and destiny. The truth has done me no favors.
“Even if he doesn’t want me back—which, let’s face it, he will—it would be worth every penny just so I didn’t have to see him with you.”
Electric bill, gas bill, water bill. My hands shake as I tear through the stack of mail on Dad’s kitchen counter.
I freeze when I see it. The New Hope Bank logo on the front left corner. The letter is addressed to my father and explains how the auction will work and the amount he must pay by next Friday if he wants to keep his house.
My stomach goes into a free fall, my heart following shortly behind.
I don’t realize he’s watching me until I hear him clear his throat. “I’ve been sending them as much as I can.” Worry wrinkles my father’s brow and draws his features downward. Suddenly, he looks much older than he is.
“If you’ve been sending money, why are you going into foreclosure?”
He takes the letter from my hands and taps it nervously on the counter. “I was already so far behind, and I wasn’t able to catch up fast enough.”
I close my eyes. “If you would have told me, we could have cut our losses on this place and moved you and the girls somewhere else. Instead, you’ve been throwing good money after bad, and now you’re going to lose it all.”
“I thought it would work out.” His eyes are so sad, and my heart breaks for him. One of the smartest men I’ve ever met caught up in a delusion.
“This is how things ‘work out’ when you don’t take care of them, Dad. This is what happens. Everything falls apart and all the work you’ve done, all the sacrifices you’ve made amount to nothing.”
“Then maybe nothing is exactly what the Universe knows we need,” he says softly.
“No!” I point my finger in his face and my body trembles with sudden rage. “The Universe wants you to take care of your shit. This isn’t something that’s going to get better by wishing on stars. Destiny can’t swoop in and save the day.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Cally. You have to believe that.”
“Believe it? I believe it’s an excuse for people who don’t want to take responsibility for their own decisions. It’s a dream world for men who can’t deal with the fact that they’ve let their families down.” I want to rail at him, to tell him the rest. I want to scream that while he was in India telling himself that ‘everything happens for a reason,’ I was in Vegas, spreading my legs for the highest bidder.
But I bite my tongue. I keep the truth locked inside because I may have sold my body but I didn’t sell my heart. And my heart won’t let me destroy my father with what I’ve done.
“You set me up for disappointment. You taught me all that magic bullshit and we lost everything.” I might spare him from the whole truth but he needs to understand the consequences of his beliefs. “When we first moved to Vegas, I thought the shit life we were living was my fault. I hadn’t wanted to leave and I had a terrible attitude about it. When Gabby cried at bedtime because her piece of bread wasn’t enough to fill her belly, I thought I wasn’t believing hard enough. Don’t assign all your spiritual nonsense to us losing this house. Because that’s on you.”
Dad’s eyes fill with tears, and I regret even that much of my confession. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Drew as she runs from the room.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“I had no idea,” Dad says, and the horror on his face is so terrible I wish more than anything I could take it all back. I wish I could package up the terrifying reality of those early days in Vegas and lock it away where it can’t hurt anyone else.
“Of course you didn’t,” I whisper. My anger leaves as quickly as it came, and now I just feel empty.
“I wish you would have…If I’d known…Your mother said…”
“Yeah. I wish you would have known too.” I shrug awkwardly. “What’s done is done. And we made it out alive.”
“You’re mother never told me how bad it was.”
She was too stoned. But I don’t say it. “I need to talk to Drew.”
I leave my dad to deal with his shock and find her alone in her room, sitting in a corner, her knees drawn to her chest.
“You made me love this piece-of-shit house,” she mutters. “You made me love it, and now I’m losing it too.”
“I’m sorry, Drew,” I whisper. “I’m going to find a way to fix it. I promise.”
“Call Brandon,” she says. “Call him and tell him we need money for the house. He’ll give it to you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. I’ve limited Drew’s understanding of my relationship with Brandon on purpose. I wouldn’t want her to know the truth about her big sister. But as a result, she sees him the way he sees himself, as a knight in shining armor who swept in and saved my family from a life on the streets. “We can’t ask Brandon,” I say carefully. “I’m not with him anymore.”
“Well, it was stupid. Really f**king stupid moving us here. Gabby’s finally acting like a normal kid and now she’s going to be homeless.”
I swallow, but I can’t choke down the guilt and regret clogging my throat.
She shrugs, picks at the carpet with her big toe. “Does this mean we have to leave New Hope?”
“No, of course not,” I say in a rush. “You’re staying. I have to figure out what to do about the house, but you’re absolutely staying.”
She flicks her eyes up to meet mine. “What about you?”
“I can’t,” I whisper. And the words tear my heart in two.
I AM head over heels in love with William Bailey, and it hurts like a bitch.
When I was a little girl, I believed I would grow up and fall in love. I believed that loving would be as natural as breathing. I believed love was inevitable and that it would feel like being wrapped in a warm fleece blanket on an autumn day.
I was right about everything but the last. I had no idea how much love could hurt, and it feels like it’s done nothing but hurt me for seven years.
For the last four hours, I covered the floor for Will at the gallery while he set up the new exhibition for opening night this weekend. His muscles bunched and stretched under his T-shirt, and when he caught me watching, I pretended not to be hot and bothered.
Every stolen glance, every time he passes me and stops for just a second to kiss my lips, every squeeze of my hand or pinch of my ass, fills me with hope and breaks my heart all at once.
I haven’t told him the sordid truth about my past. Though if someone hired Carl to find out, Will’s going to find out soon, whether I tell him or not. I haven’t told him about Dad’s house either, and time’s running short on that too.
William positions another painting and turns to me with a grin, his baby blues sending my girly bits into a whining fit of, Please! and I want that. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. Good. Great.” I’m a babbling idiot incapable of constructing an intelligent sentence in your presence. I’ve been like this since I found out about the foreclosure yesterday. Because the only choice I have is to take Meredith’s money. It’s pretty ironic that she’s offering, since I was planning to leave anyway, but it still kills me to take it. Because if Will doesn’t hate me when he finds out what I did seven years ago, he’ll hate me for taking her bribe.
He steps closer and takes my face in his hand, tilting my chin up as he studies me. My heart slams in my chest, and my whole core is filled with the push-pull, pain-comfort that comes with loving someone you have to let go. “I think you’re working too much.”
“I’m fine,” I promise.
The bell over the front door jingles, and Hanna and Lizzy Thompson stroll into the gallery.
“We’re here to kidnap Cally,” Lizzy announces.
Hanna nods. “She works too much, and we’re dragging her along for martini night with the girls.”
“You guys—”
“We won’t take no for an answer,” Lizzy says, cutting me off.
“I have to close up for Will so he can finish putting up the fall exhibition.”
“Stop being such a workaholic and live a little,” Lizzy says.
“Back us up, Will,” Hanna says. “She works constantly. It’s not healthy.”
Will’s studying me, and I duck my head under his assessing gaze. “They’re right,” he says. “You need a break. And it’s slow today. I’ve got this. No problem.”
“I told you I’d stay and—”
He waves away my objection. “It’s not a big deal. The twins are right. It’s not healthy to work all the time. You’ll burn out.” He tugs me against him and lowers his mouth to my ear. “Or you could take me up on my offer to run away with me for a weekend. Cancel your appointments? Spend next weekend in bed in our hotel suite?”
My stomach flips—because, if I take Meredith’s money, by next weekend, I’ll be gone. I turn to the twins. “Fine. I’ll go for one drink.”
Lizzy grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door. “Let’s get her out of here before she changes her mind.”
“Bye,” I call lamely over my shoulder as I leave.
“Hello,” William calls back.
“Hello,” I whisper.
Lizzy pushes me through the doors and rolls her eyes. “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
Her Charger is parked out front and she doesn’t release me until she’s opened the passenger door and shoved me half inside.
I rub my wrist. “Man, you weren’t kidding when you said kidnap.”
“Are you okay?” Hanna asks from the back. “Lizzy doesn’t know how strong she is sometimes.”
“She’s fine!” Lizzy slams my door and comes around to climb in her side. “Brady’s for margaritas, or The Wire for martinis?” she asks as she slides her key into the ignition.
“Martinis,” Hanna says.
Lizzy turns the car in the direction of The Wire, and I’m almost relieved that they came for me. This might be the only chance I have to say goodbye.
“Would you stop thinking so much?” Lizzy asks. “All you’re doing is sitting there, but those wheels in your brain are so busy cranking away, it’s making my brain feel like a slacker.”
Hanna taps my shoulder. “Thank you for coming with us. We’ve missed you.”
Something squeezes in my chest. “I’ve missed you guys too.”
Lizzy flashes me a sad smile before returning her gaze to the road, and I know there’s something they’re not saying.
At the Wire, it appears every table is taken, but I follow the girls back to a booth and am surprised to see Maggie waiting there.
“I didn’t know you were joining us!” I slide in next to her and grab the martini menu.
Maggie exchanges a meaningful look with her sisters, who have taken their positions in the booth across from us.
“I had no idea.” And she’s not far off the mark. I’ve been too caught up in my own temporary fairytale.
Is she telling the truth about the house? Does Dad know? Has he been keeping this from me? Then the rest of her words sink in. “You’re offering me twenty thousand dollars to save my house?”
She laughs. “There you go. Finally catching on. Good girl.”
“What’s the catch?”
She drops her gaze to the desk where she drums her perfectly manicured nails. Her voice isn’t as cocky when she speaks again. “I think you know.”
“William,” I say softly.
“You came back into town like you’d never left. Swept in and stepped right back into his life, with no mind to the fact that you were pushing me out. I’ll give you twenty thousand. You can save your little sisters’ home and then leave town.” She crosses her arms and leans back in her chair. “Or maybe you’ll just take the money and run, screwing over your family like you screwed over Will by coming back. I don’t care. I just want you gone.”
My world spins wildly as she explains what she’s already arranged—an account in my name that she’ll wire the money to as soon as she’s satisfied I’ve made a clean break with William and left town.
When she’s done explaining, I ask, “And if I don’t take it?”
Sighing, she shakes her head. “Don’t be stupid, Cally. Eventually William is going to come to his senses and see that you’re not the girl he wants to spend his life with.”
“Is this why you hired Carl York? So I wouldn’t have a choice? So I’d have to take your money?”
“Carl York? The PI? Why would I hire him? The foreclosure is public record.”
I feel like I’ve been sucker punched in the solar plexus. If she didn’t hire Carl, who did?
“Think about it,” she says. “It’s a lot of money.”
“Bribing me to leave isn’t going to buy you William. He’s not for sale.” I put the words out there. Intentionally baiting her to see if she knows more than she’s saying, to see if she’ll say, “But you are.”
“That’s a chance I’m willing to take. Will and I were good together. He’ll come around. But do you want to know that truth?”
No. I don’t want to know the truth. I want to hide from it in fantastical beliefs about wishes and destiny. The truth has done me no favors.
“Even if he doesn’t want me back—which, let’s face it, he will—it would be worth every penny just so I didn’t have to see him with you.”
Electric bill, gas bill, water bill. My hands shake as I tear through the stack of mail on Dad’s kitchen counter.
I freeze when I see it. The New Hope Bank logo on the front left corner. The letter is addressed to my father and explains how the auction will work and the amount he must pay by next Friday if he wants to keep his house.
My stomach goes into a free fall, my heart following shortly behind.
I don’t realize he’s watching me until I hear him clear his throat. “I’ve been sending them as much as I can.” Worry wrinkles my father’s brow and draws his features downward. Suddenly, he looks much older than he is.
“If you’ve been sending money, why are you going into foreclosure?”
He takes the letter from my hands and taps it nervously on the counter. “I was already so far behind, and I wasn’t able to catch up fast enough.”
I close my eyes. “If you would have told me, we could have cut our losses on this place and moved you and the girls somewhere else. Instead, you’ve been throwing good money after bad, and now you’re going to lose it all.”
“I thought it would work out.” His eyes are so sad, and my heart breaks for him. One of the smartest men I’ve ever met caught up in a delusion.
“This is how things ‘work out’ when you don’t take care of them, Dad. This is what happens. Everything falls apart and all the work you’ve done, all the sacrifices you’ve made amount to nothing.”
“Then maybe nothing is exactly what the Universe knows we need,” he says softly.
“No!” I point my finger in his face and my body trembles with sudden rage. “The Universe wants you to take care of your shit. This isn’t something that’s going to get better by wishing on stars. Destiny can’t swoop in and save the day.”
“Everything happens for a reason, Cally. You have to believe that.”
“Believe it? I believe it’s an excuse for people who don’t want to take responsibility for their own decisions. It’s a dream world for men who can’t deal with the fact that they’ve let their families down.” I want to rail at him, to tell him the rest. I want to scream that while he was in India telling himself that ‘everything happens for a reason,’ I was in Vegas, spreading my legs for the highest bidder.
But I bite my tongue. I keep the truth locked inside because I may have sold my body but I didn’t sell my heart. And my heart won’t let me destroy my father with what I’ve done.
“You set me up for disappointment. You taught me all that magic bullshit and we lost everything.” I might spare him from the whole truth but he needs to understand the consequences of his beliefs. “When we first moved to Vegas, I thought the shit life we were living was my fault. I hadn’t wanted to leave and I had a terrible attitude about it. When Gabby cried at bedtime because her piece of bread wasn’t enough to fill her belly, I thought I wasn’t believing hard enough. Don’t assign all your spiritual nonsense to us losing this house. Because that’s on you.”
Dad’s eyes fill with tears, and I regret even that much of my confession. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I see Drew as she runs from the room.
“Shit,” I mutter.
“I had no idea,” Dad says, and the horror on his face is so terrible I wish more than anything I could take it all back. I wish I could package up the terrifying reality of those early days in Vegas and lock it away where it can’t hurt anyone else.
“Of course you didn’t,” I whisper. My anger leaves as quickly as it came, and now I just feel empty.
“I wish you would have…If I’d known…Your mother said…”
“Yeah. I wish you would have known too.” I shrug awkwardly. “What’s done is done. And we made it out alive.”
“You’re mother never told me how bad it was.”
She was too stoned. But I don’t say it. “I need to talk to Drew.”
I leave my dad to deal with his shock and find her alone in her room, sitting in a corner, her knees drawn to her chest.
“You made me love this piece-of-shit house,” she mutters. “You made me love it, and now I’m losing it too.”
“I’m sorry, Drew,” I whisper. “I’m going to find a way to fix it. I promise.”
“Call Brandon,” she says. “Call him and tell him we need money for the house. He’ll give it to you.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. I’ve limited Drew’s understanding of my relationship with Brandon on purpose. I wouldn’t want her to know the truth about her big sister. But as a result, she sees him the way he sees himself, as a knight in shining armor who swept in and saved my family from a life on the streets. “We can’t ask Brandon,” I say carefully. “I’m not with him anymore.”
“Well, it was stupid. Really f**king stupid moving us here. Gabby’s finally acting like a normal kid and now she’s going to be homeless.”
I swallow, but I can’t choke down the guilt and regret clogging my throat.
She shrugs, picks at the carpet with her big toe. “Does this mean we have to leave New Hope?”
“No, of course not,” I say in a rush. “You’re staying. I have to figure out what to do about the house, but you’re absolutely staying.”
She flicks her eyes up to meet mine. “What about you?”
“I can’t,” I whisper. And the words tear my heart in two.
I AM head over heels in love with William Bailey, and it hurts like a bitch.
When I was a little girl, I believed I would grow up and fall in love. I believed that loving would be as natural as breathing. I believed love was inevitable and that it would feel like being wrapped in a warm fleece blanket on an autumn day.
I was right about everything but the last. I had no idea how much love could hurt, and it feels like it’s done nothing but hurt me for seven years.
For the last four hours, I covered the floor for Will at the gallery while he set up the new exhibition for opening night this weekend. His muscles bunched and stretched under his T-shirt, and when he caught me watching, I pretended not to be hot and bothered.
Every stolen glance, every time he passes me and stops for just a second to kiss my lips, every squeeze of my hand or pinch of my ass, fills me with hope and breaks my heart all at once.
I haven’t told him the sordid truth about my past. Though if someone hired Carl to find out, Will’s going to find out soon, whether I tell him or not. I haven’t told him about Dad’s house either, and time’s running short on that too.
William positions another painting and turns to me with a grin, his baby blues sending my girly bits into a whining fit of, Please! and I want that. “You okay?”
“I’m fine. Good. Great.” I’m a babbling idiot incapable of constructing an intelligent sentence in your presence. I’ve been like this since I found out about the foreclosure yesterday. Because the only choice I have is to take Meredith’s money. It’s pretty ironic that she’s offering, since I was planning to leave anyway, but it still kills me to take it. Because if Will doesn’t hate me when he finds out what I did seven years ago, he’ll hate me for taking her bribe.
He steps closer and takes my face in his hand, tilting my chin up as he studies me. My heart slams in my chest, and my whole core is filled with the push-pull, pain-comfort that comes with loving someone you have to let go. “I think you’re working too much.”
“I’m fine,” I promise.
The bell over the front door jingles, and Hanna and Lizzy Thompson stroll into the gallery.
“We’re here to kidnap Cally,” Lizzy announces.
Hanna nods. “She works too much, and we’re dragging her along for martini night with the girls.”
“You guys—”
“We won’t take no for an answer,” Lizzy says, cutting me off.
“I have to close up for Will so he can finish putting up the fall exhibition.”
“Stop being such a workaholic and live a little,” Lizzy says.
“Back us up, Will,” Hanna says. “She works constantly. It’s not healthy.”
Will’s studying me, and I duck my head under his assessing gaze. “They’re right,” he says. “You need a break. And it’s slow today. I’ve got this. No problem.”
“I told you I’d stay and—”
He waves away my objection. “It’s not a big deal. The twins are right. It’s not healthy to work all the time. You’ll burn out.” He tugs me against him and lowers his mouth to my ear. “Or you could take me up on my offer to run away with me for a weekend. Cancel your appointments? Spend next weekend in bed in our hotel suite?”
My stomach flips—because, if I take Meredith’s money, by next weekend, I’ll be gone. I turn to the twins. “Fine. I’ll go for one drink.”
Lizzy grabs my arm and pulls me toward the door. “Let’s get her out of here before she changes her mind.”
“Bye,” I call lamely over my shoulder as I leave.
“Hello,” William calls back.
“Hello,” I whisper.
Lizzy pushes me through the doors and rolls her eyes. “I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.”
Her Charger is parked out front and she doesn’t release me until she’s opened the passenger door and shoved me half inside.
I rub my wrist. “Man, you weren’t kidding when you said kidnap.”
“Are you okay?” Hanna asks from the back. “Lizzy doesn’t know how strong she is sometimes.”
“She’s fine!” Lizzy slams my door and comes around to climb in her side. “Brady’s for margaritas, or The Wire for martinis?” she asks as she slides her key into the ignition.
“Martinis,” Hanna says.
Lizzy turns the car in the direction of The Wire, and I’m almost relieved that they came for me. This might be the only chance I have to say goodbye.
“Would you stop thinking so much?” Lizzy asks. “All you’re doing is sitting there, but those wheels in your brain are so busy cranking away, it’s making my brain feel like a slacker.”
Hanna taps my shoulder. “Thank you for coming with us. We’ve missed you.”
Something squeezes in my chest. “I’ve missed you guys too.”
Lizzy flashes me a sad smile before returning her gaze to the road, and I know there’s something they’re not saying.
At the Wire, it appears every table is taken, but I follow the girls back to a booth and am surprised to see Maggie waiting there.
“I didn’t know you were joining us!” I slide in next to her and grab the martini menu.
Maggie exchanges a meaningful look with her sisters, who have taken their positions in the booth across from us.
