With All My Soul
Page 101
And now it was completely gone.
Ira stepped back and licked his lips, and more ice spread across the ground toward us from beneath Avaris feet. Your father is waiting, he said, and little crystals of ice seemed to fall from his words.
Greed is a cold emotion; wrath is white-hot. Stuck between them, I felt like an icicle on fire.
Fine. My head spun, and my stomach cramped. Avari had told me months ago that in the Netherworld, my existence could stretch into eternity, but Id never imagined that my eternal existence would belong to him, much less that I would give it to him of my own free will.
But I had no other option. Nothing else would protect my friends and family, and if Id learned anything about Avari over the past year, it was that he would not stop hunting us until he got what he wanted.
Until he got me.
It has to be your choice, he reminded me, and I nodded. I had to agree to stay. I had to give him my soul.
I took in a deep breath, more out of habit than any real need for air. Then I said the words that had been rolling around in my head for the past couple of hours.
Youll let my dad go if I give you my soul?
Yes.
And beginning from the moment you take possession, youll never again try to contact anyone I care about, forever and ever, amen?
This redundancy is exasperating, Ms. Cavanaugh.
Just say it.
He growled in frustration, and Ira chuckled. Yes. Beginning the moment I take possession of your soul, I will never again attempt to contact your friends and family for any reason whatsoever.
I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed the massive lump in my throat to keep from vomiting. Fine. My soul is yours. My world changed in that moment. It...darkened. Narrowed. Spiraled toward infinite despair. Come get it before I change my mind.
Avaris hand closed around my arm. Belphegore and Invidia released my father. The instant they let him go, his eyelids began to flutter. Ira disappeared from my side and appeared at my fathers, holding him up.
Kaylee? At first, my dad looked as confused as he sounded. Then he blinked, and horror came into focus in his expression as the Netherworld came into focus around him. He looked at me, then at Avari. Then at the demons hand around my arm. No! Kaylee, no!
Tears filled my eyes for the millionth time in the past four days. This is the only way, Dad. My hands shook. My teeth chattered. My entire body seemed to be convulsing with fear and dread. Im so sorry I couldnt find some other way.
I wanted to tell him not to worry about me. That Id be fine. But that wasnt true. I wouldnt be fine. Avari would make sure of that.
No! My dad tried tostand, but he was still too weak. Confused. He didnt seem to realize Ira was holding him up.
Youre safe now. Avari cant touch youany of you. And they were under Iras protection. That much I remembered, but the rest of my deal with the hellion of wrath was... It was gone.
Terror furled through me at that fresh realization. What if Id gotten something wrong? What if I hadnt covered all the bases? It was too late now. I couldnt even remember the details. Id have to trust myself. Id have to trust Ira, as much as any hellion could be trusted, but that was really just trusting myself to have made sure he gave his word.
Kaylee! Now my father was crying, and Avari let me watch. Avari made me watch, because my pain was already feeding him.
Make him forget! I shouted at Ira, and only once Id said the words did I remember that he had to. Id negotiated for that.
Ira put one hand over my fathers eyes and whispered something into his ear. Something I couldnt hear and could no longer recall the specifics of, even though Id made him promise to say it. To...do whatever he was doing.
Then they were gone. Just like that, my father was gone. He was safe.
I was alone in hell.
Avari spun me to face him. The world twisted around me, and pain spread through my flesh at his touch, like his fingers were icicles stabbing into me, spreading through my veins, freezing the blood in them. I would have fallen to my knees if he wasnt holding me up.
I always knew this day would come, little bean sidhe. I knew that someday you would scream just for me. So open your pretty little mouth, and lets have a taste of forever.
His hand clenched around my arm, and pain like a thousand needles shot through every muscle in my body, driving away all thought and all sight. My mouth dropped open, and a scream of agony ripped free from my throat, shredding the soft tissues as it poured out of me.
Avari laughed, and I realized I heard him in my head, because my ears were full of my own screaming. As he dragged me down the cracked sidewalk, my toes scraping concrete, snagging on vines and thorns, his next words seemed to take root in my brain, bypassing my ears entirely.
Welcome to hell, Ms. Cavanaugh. Please make yourself at home.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The pain begins, and within seconds it consumes me. If Ive ever felt anything else, I cant remember it. Maybe I loved, once. Maybe I was loved. Maybe I touched something soft. Maybe I tasted something sweet. Maybe I heard something beautiful.
There is none of that here.
Here is every face that ever taunted me. Here is every heartbreak Ive ever felt. Here is every doubt, every lack, and every failure.
Ira stepped back and licked his lips, and more ice spread across the ground toward us from beneath Avaris feet. Your father is waiting, he said, and little crystals of ice seemed to fall from his words.
Greed is a cold emotion; wrath is white-hot. Stuck between them, I felt like an icicle on fire.
Fine. My head spun, and my stomach cramped. Avari had told me months ago that in the Netherworld, my existence could stretch into eternity, but Id never imagined that my eternal existence would belong to him, much less that I would give it to him of my own free will.
But I had no other option. Nothing else would protect my friends and family, and if Id learned anything about Avari over the past year, it was that he would not stop hunting us until he got what he wanted.
Until he got me.
It has to be your choice, he reminded me, and I nodded. I had to agree to stay. I had to give him my soul.
I took in a deep breath, more out of habit than any real need for air. Then I said the words that had been rolling around in my head for the past couple of hours.
Youll let my dad go if I give you my soul?
Yes.
And beginning from the moment you take possession, youll never again try to contact anyone I care about, forever and ever, amen?
This redundancy is exasperating, Ms. Cavanaugh.
Just say it.
He growled in frustration, and Ira chuckled. Yes. Beginning the moment I take possession of your soul, I will never again attempt to contact your friends and family for any reason whatsoever.
I sucked in a deep breath and swallowed the massive lump in my throat to keep from vomiting. Fine. My soul is yours. My world changed in that moment. It...darkened. Narrowed. Spiraled toward infinite despair. Come get it before I change my mind.
Avaris hand closed around my arm. Belphegore and Invidia released my father. The instant they let him go, his eyelids began to flutter. Ira disappeared from my side and appeared at my fathers, holding him up.
Kaylee? At first, my dad looked as confused as he sounded. Then he blinked, and horror came into focus in his expression as the Netherworld came into focus around him. He looked at me, then at Avari. Then at the demons hand around my arm. No! Kaylee, no!
Tears filled my eyes for the millionth time in the past four days. This is the only way, Dad. My hands shook. My teeth chattered. My entire body seemed to be convulsing with fear and dread. Im so sorry I couldnt find some other way.
I wanted to tell him not to worry about me. That Id be fine. But that wasnt true. I wouldnt be fine. Avari would make sure of that.
No! My dad tried tostand, but he was still too weak. Confused. He didnt seem to realize Ira was holding him up.
Youre safe now. Avari cant touch youany of you. And they were under Iras protection. That much I remembered, but the rest of my deal with the hellion of wrath was... It was gone.
Terror furled through me at that fresh realization. What if Id gotten something wrong? What if I hadnt covered all the bases? It was too late now. I couldnt even remember the details. Id have to trust myself. Id have to trust Ira, as much as any hellion could be trusted, but that was really just trusting myself to have made sure he gave his word.
Kaylee! Now my father was crying, and Avari let me watch. Avari made me watch, because my pain was already feeding him.
Make him forget! I shouted at Ira, and only once Id said the words did I remember that he had to. Id negotiated for that.
Ira put one hand over my fathers eyes and whispered something into his ear. Something I couldnt hear and could no longer recall the specifics of, even though Id made him promise to say it. To...do whatever he was doing.
Then they were gone. Just like that, my father was gone. He was safe.
I was alone in hell.
Avari spun me to face him. The world twisted around me, and pain spread through my flesh at his touch, like his fingers were icicles stabbing into me, spreading through my veins, freezing the blood in them. I would have fallen to my knees if he wasnt holding me up.
I always knew this day would come, little bean sidhe. I knew that someday you would scream just for me. So open your pretty little mouth, and lets have a taste of forever.
His hand clenched around my arm, and pain like a thousand needles shot through every muscle in my body, driving away all thought and all sight. My mouth dropped open, and a scream of agony ripped free from my throat, shredding the soft tissues as it poured out of me.
Avari laughed, and I realized I heard him in my head, because my ears were full of my own screaming. As he dragged me down the cracked sidewalk, my toes scraping concrete, snagging on vines and thorns, his next words seemed to take root in my brain, bypassing my ears entirely.
Welcome to hell, Ms. Cavanaugh. Please make yourself at home.
Chapter Twenty-Three
The pain begins, and within seconds it consumes me. If Ive ever felt anything else, I cant remember it. Maybe I loved, once. Maybe I was loved. Maybe I touched something soft. Maybe I tasted something sweet. Maybe I heard something beautiful.
There is none of that here.
Here is every face that ever taunted me. Here is every heartbreak Ive ever felt. Here is every doubt, every lack, and every failure.
