With All My Soul
Page 16
Yeah. What exactly is a syphon? Sophie said. I was never very clear on that.
Its a psychic predator. Like a mara, Sabine said, but I shook my head.
Kinda. But not really. The way Lydia explained it to me was that something inside her is very sensitive to imbalance of any kind. Pain. Stress. Anger. I glanced at Em to drive home my point. And when a syphon feels an imbalance in someone near her, her body has an instinctive need to impose balance, by taking what someone else has too much of, or giving what they have too little of.
Thats how she helped you? Nash said. At Lakeside?
Yeah. Lydia and I had met as patients in the mental health ward. Shed saved my life. I needed to wail for one of the patientsfor his soul. But I didnt know I was a bean sidhe, and I didnt know how to control the need to scream, so trying to bottle it up hurt. A lot. Lydia could feel that, so she took some of my pain. Just enough so that I could manage what was left.
Em frowned. She looked scared now. And what, this syphon ability comes with the body?
I shrugged. Maybe. When Avari possessed Alec and Sabine, their abilities came with their bodies.
Sabine scowled at the reminder that shed been possessed. She hated knowing that shed been out of control of her own body, even for a short while.
Is that what Im doing? Ems voice rode the thin edge of panic. Im possessing Lydia? Like a hellion? Or like a ghost? Because Im still dead?
Shhh! Evidently oblivious to Ems latest trauma, Sophie glanced around to make sure no one else in the quad was listening.
No! I sounded surer than I really was. Thank goodness. Youre not a ghost. Fortunately, I didnt have to worry about anyone else hearing me.
There are no ghosts, Luca added.
Maybe Im the first. Ems eyes were open so wide I was afraid theyd pop right out of her skull. Maybe thats all a ghost isa disembodied soul taking up residence where it doesnt belong. And I dont belong here. I wasnt meant to be a syphon. I dont want to be a syphon.
You belong here. I turned her by both shoulders so that she faced me. So I could look right into her eyes. You belong here with us, no matter what it takes to make that happen. Even inhabiting someone elses body. And anyway, her body may not be what carries the syphon abilities. It could be that bit of Lydias soul that got stuck in there with you.
That bit of her what? Em slapped her own sternum with one hand. Theres part of Lydias soul still in here? she hissed. When were you planning to tell me that?
Sorry. I shrugged and tried to look as guilty as I felt. Which was a lot. Ive been kind of preoccupied with the policeinvestigation into your death, and the funeral plans, and figuring out where you were going to live, and how to get you back into school. The soul thing just kind of slipped my mind.
Its not that bad, Em, Nash said, when nothing Id said seemed to be helping. Lydia was syphoning some of your pain when you died, and when Kaylee captured your soul, she got part of Lydias, too.
What happened to the rest of it?
I took a deep breath. There was no good way to say the next part. It kind of...
Got disintegrated, Sabine finished, when I held on to the thought for too long. Poof. Dissipated throughout all four corners of both the human- and the Netherworld, for as long as it takes to coalesce again.
Wait. Her soul will coalesce?
Luca nodded. From what my aunts told me his aunt Madeline was my boss at the reclamation department it will slowly pull itself back together. Until then...its like being in limbo. Floating. We dont think that it hurts. We dont think theyre even aware, when that happens.
So...Lydia will be back when her soul...congeals, or whatever? Emma was breathing too fast now, and her face was turning red. Is it reasonable to assume shes going to want her body back when that happens? Are we going to have to share? Her hands gripped the picnic table so tightly her fingers looked like they might snap. Or is she just going to throw me out? Am I going to be a homeless ghost, Kaylee?
Em, it could be centuries before that happens. Thats not on the list of things we need to worry about immediately.
It could be centuries? So it might not be?
Okay, we need to focus on the positives. Sophie laid both of her palms flat on the table. Thats what we do in dance, when we place second. We dont think about how second place is the first loser. We think about how many other teams we stomped into the dirt and how hard theyre probably crying. She shrugged. That always makes me feel better.
For a moment, there was only silence while we stared at her. Even Luca looked a little...disturbed. But Sabine only shrugged. Makes sense to me. And the positive side of this, if you ask me, is that now that you know what you are, you can learn how to control your abilities. Trust me, a little control makes all the difference.
I can control it? Em looked almost hopeful.
I nodded. Lydia could. To some degree, anyway. So, heres what we know. What I think, anyway. At the funeral, you were fine when you were with us, because we knew you werent dead, so we werent as upset as the other mourners. But when your mom came over, you lost it because she was devastated by grief, and you took some of that from her. You calmed her down, at the expense of your own composure.
Its a psychic predator. Like a mara, Sabine said, but I shook my head.
Kinda. But not really. The way Lydia explained it to me was that something inside her is very sensitive to imbalance of any kind. Pain. Stress. Anger. I glanced at Em to drive home my point. And when a syphon feels an imbalance in someone near her, her body has an instinctive need to impose balance, by taking what someone else has too much of, or giving what they have too little of.
Thats how she helped you? Nash said. At Lakeside?
Yeah. Lydia and I had met as patients in the mental health ward. Shed saved my life. I needed to wail for one of the patientsfor his soul. But I didnt know I was a bean sidhe, and I didnt know how to control the need to scream, so trying to bottle it up hurt. A lot. Lydia could feel that, so she took some of my pain. Just enough so that I could manage what was left.
Em frowned. She looked scared now. And what, this syphon ability comes with the body?
I shrugged. Maybe. When Avari possessed Alec and Sabine, their abilities came with their bodies.
Sabine scowled at the reminder that shed been possessed. She hated knowing that shed been out of control of her own body, even for a short while.
Is that what Im doing? Ems voice rode the thin edge of panic. Im possessing Lydia? Like a hellion? Or like a ghost? Because Im still dead?
Shhh! Evidently oblivious to Ems latest trauma, Sophie glanced around to make sure no one else in the quad was listening.
No! I sounded surer than I really was. Thank goodness. Youre not a ghost. Fortunately, I didnt have to worry about anyone else hearing me.
There are no ghosts, Luca added.
Maybe Im the first. Ems eyes were open so wide I was afraid theyd pop right out of her skull. Maybe thats all a ghost isa disembodied soul taking up residence where it doesnt belong. And I dont belong here. I wasnt meant to be a syphon. I dont want to be a syphon.
You belong here. I turned her by both shoulders so that she faced me. So I could look right into her eyes. You belong here with us, no matter what it takes to make that happen. Even inhabiting someone elses body. And anyway, her body may not be what carries the syphon abilities. It could be that bit of Lydias soul that got stuck in there with you.
That bit of her what? Em slapped her own sternum with one hand. Theres part of Lydias soul still in here? she hissed. When were you planning to tell me that?
Sorry. I shrugged and tried to look as guilty as I felt. Which was a lot. Ive been kind of preoccupied with the policeinvestigation into your death, and the funeral plans, and figuring out where you were going to live, and how to get you back into school. The soul thing just kind of slipped my mind.
Its not that bad, Em, Nash said, when nothing Id said seemed to be helping. Lydia was syphoning some of your pain when you died, and when Kaylee captured your soul, she got part of Lydias, too.
What happened to the rest of it?
I took a deep breath. There was no good way to say the next part. It kind of...
Got disintegrated, Sabine finished, when I held on to the thought for too long. Poof. Dissipated throughout all four corners of both the human- and the Netherworld, for as long as it takes to coalesce again.
Wait. Her soul will coalesce?
Luca nodded. From what my aunts told me his aunt Madeline was my boss at the reclamation department it will slowly pull itself back together. Until then...its like being in limbo. Floating. We dont think that it hurts. We dont think theyre even aware, when that happens.
So...Lydia will be back when her soul...congeals, or whatever? Emma was breathing too fast now, and her face was turning red. Is it reasonable to assume shes going to want her body back when that happens? Are we going to have to share? Her hands gripped the picnic table so tightly her fingers looked like they might snap. Or is she just going to throw me out? Am I going to be a homeless ghost, Kaylee?
Em, it could be centuries before that happens. Thats not on the list of things we need to worry about immediately.
It could be centuries? So it might not be?
Okay, we need to focus on the positives. Sophie laid both of her palms flat on the table. Thats what we do in dance, when we place second. We dont think about how second place is the first loser. We think about how many other teams we stomped into the dirt and how hard theyre probably crying. She shrugged. That always makes me feel better.
For a moment, there was only silence while we stared at her. Even Luca looked a little...disturbed. But Sabine only shrugged. Makes sense to me. And the positive side of this, if you ask me, is that now that you know what you are, you can learn how to control your abilities. Trust me, a little control makes all the difference.
I can control it? Em looked almost hopeful.
I nodded. Lydia could. To some degree, anyway. So, heres what we know. What I think, anyway. At the funeral, you were fine when you were with us, because we knew you werent dead, so we werent as upset as the other mourners. But when your mom came over, you lost it because she was devastated by grief, and you took some of that from her. You calmed her down, at the expense of your own composure.
