With All My Soul
Page 24
My chill bumps were back, and this time they felt like small mountains. I sucked in a breath I didnt truly need and tried to swallow my fear and unease. I tried to bury that traitorous spark of interest piqued within me by his wordsthat soft voice whispering that it wouldnt hurt to hear him out. Just to see what he was offering...
Because that would hurt. I knew better. Hellions dont hand out free samples. But I couldnt help wondering....
And youre going to do that for me? Surely sarcasm disguised my curiosity. Why would you conspire against your own kind?
My kind? He actually laughed, and laughter looked nothing on him like it looked on the real Ms. Hirsch. Avari is no more my kind than a garden spider is your kind. We inhabit the same world, but he would stomp on me with no more thought than youd give to stomping on that spider. He leaned forward, pinning me with a familiar brown-eyed gaze. I would stomp on him, too. Then I would grind him into the dirt beneath my heel, just like you would, if you were capable of exacting justice on your own.
Hellions dont deal in justice. That was too noble a concept. Youre talking about revenge.
Ira shrugged. Thats just as well, because justice isnt really what you want. He leaned forward again, and his gaze intensified, as if he were looking for more than he could possibly find in my face. Behind my eyes. Your wrath is graceful. Has anyone ever told you that? Your anger has the bold, sweet overtones of blind rage, but the delicate tang of self-righteousness, because you actually think youre after justice. But thats not true, is it? You know there is no justice to be had. Hurting those whove hurt you and yours cannot undo whats been done. Nothing can bring the dead back to life or unscar the wounded. But you still want to hurt them, dont you? You still want to kill Avari in cold blood for what hes done to you. That, my sweet, vengeful little flame, is revenge, not justice.
I blinked, mentally denying everything hed said. So, Im getting ethics lectures from demons now? That was new.
You misunderstand. His smile was back. I stand in full support of your thirst for vengeance. I would gladly feed it to you drop by decadent drop. I would see you nourished and strengthened by the taste of blood spilled in anger. Of course, that offer comes with a price....
Were done here.
He rolled Ms. Hirschs eyes. And sanctimony rears its ugly head again. You are in denial, child. You wont be satisfied until you get what you crave, and that cant happen until you admit to yourself what it is you truly want.
Youre wrong. Hellions couldnt lie, but they could be wrong. Way wrong. Im not looking for revenge. I want justice for Emma and Alec, and everyone else Avari has hurt or killed.
And for yourself? Dont you want this justice for what hes done to you? For commandeering your body? For putting possessed hands on you? For making you the instrument of your friends death? For abducting your loved ones? You seethe with anger, little flame. You practically glow with it. And some of that ire feels very, very personal.
You dont know what youre talking about. My pulse whooshed in my ears, which rarely happened now that I was dead. He was wrong. He had to be. Get out of Ms. Hirsch. Now.
Dont you at least want to know the price for your vengeance? It may be less than you think. Im feeling generous.
No. Get out. I turned and headed for the door.
Youll be back, little flame, and Ill be waiting. When youre ready to deal, you may summon me. You have my word that I will answer. You need only bleed and use my name.
I fled the office as fast as I could go without running. I left Ms. Hirsch in the hands of a hellion, not because I didnt know how to evict him without being expelled for attacking a staff memberthough that was truebut because I was scared to listen to him anymore. I couldnt hear one more loaded word from the hellion of wrath, because deep down, part of me wondered if he might be right.
And that wasnt a question I was prepared to answer. Not yet, anyway.
On my way back from the counselors office, I was texting Tod to fill him in when I looked up and realized Id wandered down the wrong hall. I was standing in front of the nurses office, which reminded me of Marco. Because thats where wed left him the day beforeunconscious in one of the two empty patient rooms.
I should check on him. And I would check on Ms. Hirsch, too. But I just couldnt bring myself to hit my guidance counselor in the head, even to expel a demon.
I ducked into the bathroom, glanced around to make sure it was empty, then let myself fade from all human sight. Then I blinked into nearly two dozen different classrooms until I finally found Marco Gutierrez in a fourth period senior AP English class. Another jock with a brain. Which meant he was too smart to inhale unfamiliar substances from balloons just because some idiot like Doug Fuller handed it to him.
Marco looked okay. He was wide-awake and taking notes on Heart of Darkness, whichbased on the title alonesounded like a good reason to dread senior English. I had plenty of darkness already without reading about someone elses.
A glance at the clock over the whiteboard told me most of the period was over, and I now had an unexcused absence for English. So I decided to wait and talk to him after the bell. One minute before class ended, I blinked into the hall, checked for onlookers, then willed myself back into human sight. When the bell rang, I stood outside his class, and when Marco appeared, I fell into step beside him.
Because that would hurt. I knew better. Hellions dont hand out free samples. But I couldnt help wondering....
And youre going to do that for me? Surely sarcasm disguised my curiosity. Why would you conspire against your own kind?
My kind? He actually laughed, and laughter looked nothing on him like it looked on the real Ms. Hirsch. Avari is no more my kind than a garden spider is your kind. We inhabit the same world, but he would stomp on me with no more thought than youd give to stomping on that spider. He leaned forward, pinning me with a familiar brown-eyed gaze. I would stomp on him, too. Then I would grind him into the dirt beneath my heel, just like you would, if you were capable of exacting justice on your own.
Hellions dont deal in justice. That was too noble a concept. Youre talking about revenge.
Ira shrugged. Thats just as well, because justice isnt really what you want. He leaned forward again, and his gaze intensified, as if he were looking for more than he could possibly find in my face. Behind my eyes. Your wrath is graceful. Has anyone ever told you that? Your anger has the bold, sweet overtones of blind rage, but the delicate tang of self-righteousness, because you actually think youre after justice. But thats not true, is it? You know there is no justice to be had. Hurting those whove hurt you and yours cannot undo whats been done. Nothing can bring the dead back to life or unscar the wounded. But you still want to hurt them, dont you? You still want to kill Avari in cold blood for what hes done to you. That, my sweet, vengeful little flame, is revenge, not justice.
I blinked, mentally denying everything hed said. So, Im getting ethics lectures from demons now? That was new.
You misunderstand. His smile was back. I stand in full support of your thirst for vengeance. I would gladly feed it to you drop by decadent drop. I would see you nourished and strengthened by the taste of blood spilled in anger. Of course, that offer comes with a price....
Were done here.
He rolled Ms. Hirschs eyes. And sanctimony rears its ugly head again. You are in denial, child. You wont be satisfied until you get what you crave, and that cant happen until you admit to yourself what it is you truly want.
Youre wrong. Hellions couldnt lie, but they could be wrong. Way wrong. Im not looking for revenge. I want justice for Emma and Alec, and everyone else Avari has hurt or killed.
And for yourself? Dont you want this justice for what hes done to you? For commandeering your body? For putting possessed hands on you? For making you the instrument of your friends death? For abducting your loved ones? You seethe with anger, little flame. You practically glow with it. And some of that ire feels very, very personal.
You dont know what youre talking about. My pulse whooshed in my ears, which rarely happened now that I was dead. He was wrong. He had to be. Get out of Ms. Hirsch. Now.
Dont you at least want to know the price for your vengeance? It may be less than you think. Im feeling generous.
No. Get out. I turned and headed for the door.
Youll be back, little flame, and Ill be waiting. When youre ready to deal, you may summon me. You have my word that I will answer. You need only bleed and use my name.
I fled the office as fast as I could go without running. I left Ms. Hirsch in the hands of a hellion, not because I didnt know how to evict him without being expelled for attacking a staff memberthough that was truebut because I was scared to listen to him anymore. I couldnt hear one more loaded word from the hellion of wrath, because deep down, part of me wondered if he might be right.
And that wasnt a question I was prepared to answer. Not yet, anyway.
On my way back from the counselors office, I was texting Tod to fill him in when I looked up and realized Id wandered down the wrong hall. I was standing in front of the nurses office, which reminded me of Marco. Because thats where wed left him the day beforeunconscious in one of the two empty patient rooms.
I should check on him. And I would check on Ms. Hirsch, too. But I just couldnt bring myself to hit my guidance counselor in the head, even to expel a demon.
I ducked into the bathroom, glanced around to make sure it was empty, then let myself fade from all human sight. Then I blinked into nearly two dozen different classrooms until I finally found Marco Gutierrez in a fourth period senior AP English class. Another jock with a brain. Which meant he was too smart to inhale unfamiliar substances from balloons just because some idiot like Doug Fuller handed it to him.
Marco looked okay. He was wide-awake and taking notes on Heart of Darkness, whichbased on the title alonesounded like a good reason to dread senior English. I had plenty of darkness already without reading about someone elses.
A glance at the clock over the whiteboard told me most of the period was over, and I now had an unexcused absence for English. So I decided to wait and talk to him after the bell. One minute before class ended, I blinked into the hall, checked for onlookers, then willed myself back into human sight. When the bell rang, I stood outside his class, and when Marco appeared, I fell into step beside him.
