With All My Soul
Page 30
I nodded, but Harmony shook her head. Traci, hon, your baby is an incubus. I can tell that from looking at you. At how sick you are. Youre sick because your baby is sharing your soul at the moment, just like its sharing your blood and everything you eat. All of that puts a huge strain on you, and, frankly, youre older than anyone Ive heard of whos successfully delivered an incubus.
But Im only twenty-two.
The younger, the better. Evidently, I said. Which was why Beck had posed as a high school math teacherfor virtually limitless access to underage girls. The bastard.
Okay. Traci took a deep breath and stared at her hands. Then she took another deep breath and looked up, her mouth set in a firm line. Im not ending my pregnancyI dont care what kind of baby Im carrying. I dont care who or what his father was. I care that this baby is mine and I want him. So...what do we do?
Harmony frowned, and I recognized the worry lines in the center of her foreheadthe only sign that she might be older than the thirty-year-old she looked like. She got those same lines every time she saw Nash and Sabine together.
Emma exhaled heavily. Trace, youre not thinking this through. If you try to have this baby, youre going to die. Thats, like, ninety-nine percent certain. You cant do that to Mom and Cara. Not after the funeral.
Who are you? Tracis eyes flashed with anger, and in that moment she looked so much like Emmathe old Emmathat I caught my breath. I dont even know you!
Ems eyes filled with tears again. Traci. Its me. She waited, searching her sisters face for some sign of recognition, and when she found none, she turned to me, heartbreak drawn in every feature on her face. I thought shed be able to see it, at least in my eyes.
I got up to sit on the arm of Emmas chair so I could put one arm around her, hating how helpless I felt in the face of her pain. Traci, this is Emma. Your sister. She didnt really die. Well, she did. But...its complicated, and now she has a new body.
Somehow, even as the words fell out of my mouth, that part sounded much less believable than, Hey, Traci, youve inadvertently taken on the role of human incubator for a demons spawn.
Traci blinked at me. Then her gaze hardened. What is wrong with you? My sisteryour best friendjust died, and I dont care whether you can make yourself disappear, or run at the speed of light, or fly to China with no airplane, it is never going to be okay for you to joke about that.
Its true, Harmony said. There was an...accident. Id appreciate it if you dont make us explain every little detail, becauseits complicated, and we dont have all night. What you really need to know is that this is Emma. Your sister. Her death has been just as hard on her as it has been on you and your mom and sister.
I can prove it, Em said before Traci could start arguing or get more upset. She leaned forward in her chair, obviously desperate to have her say before her sister kicked us out. I know things no one else but you and I know. Like...I know what flavor bubble gum you stuck in Caras hair the night before picture day when she was nine. It was that horrible watermelon flavor. The kind thats green on the outside and red in the middle. Only when you chew it, it turns brown and looks as gross as it tastes. And I know about the time you accidentally took nighttime cold medicine instead of daytime cold medicine and you fell asleep in first period, and some jackass wrote all over your face with permanent marker. I guess theres probably a whole class full of people who remember that, and Mom and Cara know, but why would any of them tell me? I know because I was there while Mom tried to scrub four-letter words off your forehead with rubbing alcohol, and I was with Cara when she went out to buy stage makeup to cover up the ghost of the F-word on your cheek, when the alcohol didnt work. I saw you cry into the mirror every day for a week, waiting for the ink to wear off.
Oh my... Tracis eyes were huge and her cheeks were pink, but I saw no sign of doubt on her face now. Emma?
Yeah. Its me. Em smiled bigger than Id seen her smile since the day she woke up in Lydias body. Death sucks. I mean, Im still alive, but everythings different, and I hate my new hair, and my old clothes dont fit now, and the world looks different when youre only five foot two, and I dont have a car anymore, and... But Im taking Toto with me. Hes all I have left now.
Traci stood so fast I got dizzy just watching. She launched herself over the coffee table and threw her arms around Emma, squeezing her harder than I would have thought possible, considering how frail the expectant mothers frame looked. I cant believe it. I dont really understand whats happening here, but this is real? She sounded half-choked, like she was speaking through tears, and we all nodded. I thought you were dead. Traci pushed Em away and held her at arms length, suddenly as furious as shed been relieved a moment earlier. I thought you were dead! How could you do that? How could you let us think you died?
I didnt have any choice. Dont be mad. What was I supposed to say, Hey, guys, I died, but then Kaylee got me a new body, but youre still gonna have to bury me, and pretend you dont know Im still here?
But Im only twenty-two.
The younger, the better. Evidently, I said. Which was why Beck had posed as a high school math teacherfor virtually limitless access to underage girls. The bastard.
Okay. Traci took a deep breath and stared at her hands. Then she took another deep breath and looked up, her mouth set in a firm line. Im not ending my pregnancyI dont care what kind of baby Im carrying. I dont care who or what his father was. I care that this baby is mine and I want him. So...what do we do?
Harmony frowned, and I recognized the worry lines in the center of her foreheadthe only sign that she might be older than the thirty-year-old she looked like. She got those same lines every time she saw Nash and Sabine together.
Emma exhaled heavily. Trace, youre not thinking this through. If you try to have this baby, youre going to die. Thats, like, ninety-nine percent certain. You cant do that to Mom and Cara. Not after the funeral.
Who are you? Tracis eyes flashed with anger, and in that moment she looked so much like Emmathe old Emmathat I caught my breath. I dont even know you!
Ems eyes filled with tears again. Traci. Its me. She waited, searching her sisters face for some sign of recognition, and when she found none, she turned to me, heartbreak drawn in every feature on her face. I thought shed be able to see it, at least in my eyes.
I got up to sit on the arm of Emmas chair so I could put one arm around her, hating how helpless I felt in the face of her pain. Traci, this is Emma. Your sister. She didnt really die. Well, she did. But...its complicated, and now she has a new body.
Somehow, even as the words fell out of my mouth, that part sounded much less believable than, Hey, Traci, youve inadvertently taken on the role of human incubator for a demons spawn.
Traci blinked at me. Then her gaze hardened. What is wrong with you? My sisteryour best friendjust died, and I dont care whether you can make yourself disappear, or run at the speed of light, or fly to China with no airplane, it is never going to be okay for you to joke about that.
Its true, Harmony said. There was an...accident. Id appreciate it if you dont make us explain every little detail, becauseits complicated, and we dont have all night. What you really need to know is that this is Emma. Your sister. Her death has been just as hard on her as it has been on you and your mom and sister.
I can prove it, Em said before Traci could start arguing or get more upset. She leaned forward in her chair, obviously desperate to have her say before her sister kicked us out. I know things no one else but you and I know. Like...I know what flavor bubble gum you stuck in Caras hair the night before picture day when she was nine. It was that horrible watermelon flavor. The kind thats green on the outside and red in the middle. Only when you chew it, it turns brown and looks as gross as it tastes. And I know about the time you accidentally took nighttime cold medicine instead of daytime cold medicine and you fell asleep in first period, and some jackass wrote all over your face with permanent marker. I guess theres probably a whole class full of people who remember that, and Mom and Cara know, but why would any of them tell me? I know because I was there while Mom tried to scrub four-letter words off your forehead with rubbing alcohol, and I was with Cara when she went out to buy stage makeup to cover up the ghost of the F-word on your cheek, when the alcohol didnt work. I saw you cry into the mirror every day for a week, waiting for the ink to wear off.
Oh my... Tracis eyes were huge and her cheeks were pink, but I saw no sign of doubt on her face now. Emma?
Yeah. Its me. Em smiled bigger than Id seen her smile since the day she woke up in Lydias body. Death sucks. I mean, Im still alive, but everythings different, and I hate my new hair, and my old clothes dont fit now, and the world looks different when youre only five foot two, and I dont have a car anymore, and... But Im taking Toto with me. Hes all I have left now.
Traci stood so fast I got dizzy just watching. She launched herself over the coffee table and threw her arms around Emma, squeezing her harder than I would have thought possible, considering how frail the expectant mothers frame looked. I cant believe it. I dont really understand whats happening here, but this is real? She sounded half-choked, like she was speaking through tears, and we all nodded. I thought you were dead. Traci pushed Em away and held her at arms length, suddenly as furious as shed been relieved a moment earlier. I thought you were dead! How could you do that? How could you let us think you died?
I didnt have any choice. Dont be mad. What was I supposed to say, Hey, guys, I died, but then Kaylee got me a new body, but youre still gonna have to bury me, and pretend you dont know Im still here?
