With All My Soul
Page 47
When I stopped talking I realized I stood in front of the mirror, where Tod was wetting a rag at the sink. Which is when I noticed that blood streaked the lower right side of my face, from where Iras hand had trailed down my chin. And that more of it was smeared around my mouth, like a clowns lipstick, in spite of my attempt to wipe it off.
I didnt just look angry. I looked scary.
Kaylee, Im so sorry. Tod wrung out the rag and started wiping blood from the back of my jaw. Whose is this? What happened?
I summoned Ira.
His hand went still, and his irises churned with tight, twisting streaks of cobalt fear. You what? How? Why?
I summoned him with my bloodthis is all mineand his name. Because I couldnt get a hold of anyone else who could help me.
Please tell me you did not make a deal with a hellion of wrath.
Im not going to lie to you.
Oh, Kaylee. He sank onto the edge of the tub, the rag in his hand forgotten as he stared up at me in true fear. What did you do?
I asked him to get my dad back safely, but the price was too high. He wanted my soul. I said no.
Tod slumped with relief for a second, then sat straighter and pushed pale curls back from his forehead. So whats with the blood?
He said hed tell me where my dad was being held for a smaller fee.
What fee? There was no end to the depth of his voice in those two words. They were a bottomless chasm of fear and dismay and dread, and I stood on the brink, poised to fall in. Balancing on the edge. What did you do?
He just wanted a kiss. My tears finally fell, and they burned all the way down my cheeks. He wanted a taste of my anger, so he wiped my own blood on my mouth and kissed me. And I let him.
Tod blinked at me. His arms rested against his legs, his hands hanging between his knees, and his eyes were so still. Still like true death. And for the first time since Id met him, he looked like I might have expected a reaper to look. Like death itself, he was both the object that could not be moved and the force that could not be resisted, and the longer he stared at me without reactingwithout showing a single ripple of emotion beneath his frozen-lake eyesthe deeper my heart ached, until I thought it would split open and fall apart.
Please say something. I sank onto the closed toilet seat, my knees inches from his. Im so sorry. I didnt know what else to do. I would take it back if I could, but Im not going to lie about it, and... Are you mad?
You kissed a hellion.
My heart pumped once, painfully, then stopped. Yes, but it wasnt like that. It wasnt like kissing you
I sure as hell hope not! A single thread of ice-blue anger twisted through his irises, then they burst into a dizzyingrange of shades from cornflower to cobalt, displaying a storm of emotion like Id never seen. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Confusion. Frustration. They were all there, but the scariest of all was grief, as if hed lost something he couldnt get back.
As if wed lost something...
He stood, and I stood in front of him, as if I could possibly block a reapers path if he wanted to leave. No. Tod, wait. I put one hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat, but it wasnt there. It wasnt like that. I swear on my afterlife. I swear on my soul. It wasnt a kiss like people kiss. I dont think hellions even truly understand why people kiss. This was an exchange of information.
It was an exchange of saliva. That churning continued in his eyes, and my heart shattered when I saw a midnight twist of disappointment.
No! I grabbed his handif he tried to blink out, hed have to take me with him. Well, yes, but it wasnt about saliva. It was about blood. My blood, and the anger it carried. Thats what he wanted.
Thats part of what he wanted. Instead of pulling his hand away, Tod squeezed mine, like everything important he wanted to say could be read in his grip, when I couldnt make any sense of what I saw in his eyes. He wanted to taste your anger, but he also wanted to cause more of it. And he did, right? Making you kiss him pissed you off, didnt it? Its sure as hell pissing me off, and he probably wanted that, too. Nothing hellions want is simple, Kaylee. Nothing they take is simple, either, and they always take more than you realize youre giving.
Suddenly the maelstrom churning in his eyes collapsed into a single sapphire coil of pain. I cant stand the thought of him touching you. His free hand rose, and his thumb brushed the fullest part of my lower lip, still crusted with dried blood. Kissing you... I dont even know what he looks like, but I cant stop seeing it.
I tried to breathe and realized I couldnt. Im sorry. More tears trailed down my cheeks, and I took the rag from the sink where hed dropped it. The cloth was cold now, but I swiped at my face furiously, scrubbing the blood off without the benefit of the mirror, trying to erase what Id done. Im so sorry. I wish I could take it back, but I cant, and I had to do something. I cant just leave my dad there, but Im so sorry for how I paid, and if I lose you
Kaylee. Stop. Tod took the rag and stared at it for a second. Then he used one clean corner to gently wipe the blood Id missed from around my lips. Youre not going to lose me. Im not happy about what happened, but losing you would make that worse, not better. Youre never going to lose me, and certainly not because one of hells ambassadors bullied you into kissing him.
I didnt just look angry. I looked scary.
Kaylee, Im so sorry. Tod wrung out the rag and started wiping blood from the back of my jaw. Whose is this? What happened?
I summoned Ira.
His hand went still, and his irises churned with tight, twisting streaks of cobalt fear. You what? How? Why?
I summoned him with my bloodthis is all mineand his name. Because I couldnt get a hold of anyone else who could help me.
Please tell me you did not make a deal with a hellion of wrath.
Im not going to lie to you.
Oh, Kaylee. He sank onto the edge of the tub, the rag in his hand forgotten as he stared up at me in true fear. What did you do?
I asked him to get my dad back safely, but the price was too high. He wanted my soul. I said no.
Tod slumped with relief for a second, then sat straighter and pushed pale curls back from his forehead. So whats with the blood?
He said hed tell me where my dad was being held for a smaller fee.
What fee? There was no end to the depth of his voice in those two words. They were a bottomless chasm of fear and dismay and dread, and I stood on the brink, poised to fall in. Balancing on the edge. What did you do?
He just wanted a kiss. My tears finally fell, and they burned all the way down my cheeks. He wanted a taste of my anger, so he wiped my own blood on my mouth and kissed me. And I let him.
Tod blinked at me. His arms rested against his legs, his hands hanging between his knees, and his eyes were so still. Still like true death. And for the first time since Id met him, he looked like I might have expected a reaper to look. Like death itself, he was both the object that could not be moved and the force that could not be resisted, and the longer he stared at me without reactingwithout showing a single ripple of emotion beneath his frozen-lake eyesthe deeper my heart ached, until I thought it would split open and fall apart.
Please say something. I sank onto the closed toilet seat, my knees inches from his. Im so sorry. I didnt know what else to do. I would take it back if I could, but Im not going to lie about it, and... Are you mad?
You kissed a hellion.
My heart pumped once, painfully, then stopped. Yes, but it wasnt like that. It wasnt like kissing you
I sure as hell hope not! A single thread of ice-blue anger twisted through his irises, then they burst into a dizzyingrange of shades from cornflower to cobalt, displaying a storm of emotion like Id never seen. Anger. Fear. Jealousy. Confusion. Frustration. They were all there, but the scariest of all was grief, as if hed lost something he couldnt get back.
As if wed lost something...
He stood, and I stood in front of him, as if I could possibly block a reapers path if he wanted to leave. No. Tod, wait. I put one hand on his chest, feeling for his heartbeat, but it wasnt there. It wasnt like that. I swear on my afterlife. I swear on my soul. It wasnt a kiss like people kiss. I dont think hellions even truly understand why people kiss. This was an exchange of information.
It was an exchange of saliva. That churning continued in his eyes, and my heart shattered when I saw a midnight twist of disappointment.
No! I grabbed his handif he tried to blink out, hed have to take me with him. Well, yes, but it wasnt about saliva. It was about blood. My blood, and the anger it carried. Thats what he wanted.
Thats part of what he wanted. Instead of pulling his hand away, Tod squeezed mine, like everything important he wanted to say could be read in his grip, when I couldnt make any sense of what I saw in his eyes. He wanted to taste your anger, but he also wanted to cause more of it. And he did, right? Making you kiss him pissed you off, didnt it? Its sure as hell pissing me off, and he probably wanted that, too. Nothing hellions want is simple, Kaylee. Nothing they take is simple, either, and they always take more than you realize youre giving.
Suddenly the maelstrom churning in his eyes collapsed into a single sapphire coil of pain. I cant stand the thought of him touching you. His free hand rose, and his thumb brushed the fullest part of my lower lip, still crusted with dried blood. Kissing you... I dont even know what he looks like, but I cant stop seeing it.
I tried to breathe and realized I couldnt. Im sorry. More tears trailed down my cheeks, and I took the rag from the sink where hed dropped it. The cloth was cold now, but I swiped at my face furiously, scrubbing the blood off without the benefit of the mirror, trying to erase what Id done. Im so sorry. I wish I could take it back, but I cant, and I had to do something. I cant just leave my dad there, but Im so sorry for how I paid, and if I lose you
Kaylee. Stop. Tod took the rag and stared at it for a second. Then he used one clean corner to gently wipe the blood Id missed from around my lips. Youre not going to lose me. Im not happy about what happened, but losing you would make that worse, not better. Youre never going to lose me, and certainly not because one of hells ambassadors bullied you into kissing him.
