With All My Soul
Page 83
He was going to charge me to find out whether or not he knows, then again, presumably, to find out where they actually are.
And, what, the price was too high? Sabine looked confused.
Well, yeah. I shrugged. By virtue of the fact that I was dealing with a hellion. Thats never a good idea.
But you deal with hellions all the time! Nash insisted. You were willing to make out with one to help your dad but not to help my mom?
No, I...I shouldnt have done that. I shouldnt have let him manipulate mein the end it was all for nothing anyway. Instead of finding my dad, wed lost his mom and my uncle. Besides, Im pretty sure the price would have gone up this time. I didnt even want to know what came after a kiss. A bite? A sip of my blood, straight from the fount? A pound of flesh? Something worse?
Youre pretty sure? Nash demanded, and I realized Id accidentally led him to an accurate conclusion. You didnt even ask? You just decided my mom should sit tight in the Netherworldwhere shes obviously unconscious and probably still bleedingbecause you werent even willing to listen to the offer on the table?
Wait, you think she should have made a deal with a demon? Em demanded, while I stared at him, trying not to get angry. Angrier, anyway.
No, thats not... Nash scrubbed both hands over his face, and I could practically feel his frustration. I dont know what to think. I dont want you to put yourself in any more danger, but we have to get my mom back. Shes hurt, and I have no idea how badly. Shed do anything for me and Todand for any of youand theres nothing we can do to help her without making a deal with a hellion.
Ill do it. Ill make the deal. Sabine shrugged. Im not giving up my soul, but other than that, Im flexible. How bad could it be?
I stared at her in horror. Thats the scariest question Ive ever heard.
Em frowned. Sabine, he already tried to kill you.
Actually, he wasnt trying to kill her, I admitted, reluctantly aware that they might misinterpret that as my support for her kamikaze mission. He was trying to piss us all off.
Thats not the point. Nash took Sabines hand. I dont want any of you putting yourselves in danger. Shes my mom. This is my responsibility. Ill do it. He let go of Sabine and stood, facing me. Kaylee, how the hell do you summon a hellion?
I cant... I took a deep breath, then started overhe wasnt going to like my answer. Nash, I cant tell you that. I cantlet you summon Ira. Hed get himself killed, and it would be my fault.
His eyes churned with swift currents of brown and green, with flashes of anger like lightning splitting the storm. Does it give you some kind of perverse pleasure to tell me no? Because thats all I ever hear from you anymore. Actually, thats all Ive ever heard from you.
Okay, stop it, Nash. My gaze clashed with his, and I wondered what he saw in my eyes. Im trying to protect you.
Who appointed you defender of mankind? I dont need your protection! None of us do!
I do, kind of, Em said, but no one was really listening. Sometimes...
I stood, facing Nash across the coffee table. Im not going to let you summon a hellion, especially when youre so desperate to find your mother that youd give him whatever he wants.
Thats my call. You have no right to stand in my way.
I may not have the right, but I have the responsibility. Youre my friendyoure more than a friendand you have a less-than-stellar record with human-to-hellion interactions. Im not going to give you what you need to make another mistake, and, frankly, I dont think its fair of you to ask me to, considering that if something happens to you, well all have to put ourselves in even more danger to rescue you. Dont you think were missing enough loved ones already?
Yes, I was aware of my own hypocrisy, even as the words left my mouth. But putting myself in danger was different than letting him do the same thing, because Nash was a hellion addict. And because he was too emotional to think clearly. And because hed never even met Ira. And...
And because I was terrified of losing him. Of losing any of them. I wasnt willing to take risks with my friends lives like I was with my own, because I loved them. All of them. Even the ones I didnt always like. I couldnt give Nash the means to get himself killed via hellion bargain any more than I could hand him a loaded gun and watch him point it at his own head.
But Nash didnt see it that way.
I cant win with you, can I? He threw his arms up in frustration. If I stay safe on the sidelines, Im not helping, but if I try to do anything, Im putting myself and everyone else in danger. Youre going to be mad at me no matter what I door dont doso Im done worrying about what you think!
Guys, calm down, Emma said. On the edge of my vision, I saw Sabine watching me and Nash like we were on opposing sides of a volleyball net.
This isnt about me being mad at you, Nash. This is about me trying to protect you.
And, what, the price was too high? Sabine looked confused.
Well, yeah. I shrugged. By virtue of the fact that I was dealing with a hellion. Thats never a good idea.
But you deal with hellions all the time! Nash insisted. You were willing to make out with one to help your dad but not to help my mom?
No, I...I shouldnt have done that. I shouldnt have let him manipulate mein the end it was all for nothing anyway. Instead of finding my dad, wed lost his mom and my uncle. Besides, Im pretty sure the price would have gone up this time. I didnt even want to know what came after a kiss. A bite? A sip of my blood, straight from the fount? A pound of flesh? Something worse?
Youre pretty sure? Nash demanded, and I realized Id accidentally led him to an accurate conclusion. You didnt even ask? You just decided my mom should sit tight in the Netherworldwhere shes obviously unconscious and probably still bleedingbecause you werent even willing to listen to the offer on the table?
Wait, you think she should have made a deal with a demon? Em demanded, while I stared at him, trying not to get angry. Angrier, anyway.
No, thats not... Nash scrubbed both hands over his face, and I could practically feel his frustration. I dont know what to think. I dont want you to put yourself in any more danger, but we have to get my mom back. Shes hurt, and I have no idea how badly. Shed do anything for me and Todand for any of youand theres nothing we can do to help her without making a deal with a hellion.
Ill do it. Ill make the deal. Sabine shrugged. Im not giving up my soul, but other than that, Im flexible. How bad could it be?
I stared at her in horror. Thats the scariest question Ive ever heard.
Em frowned. Sabine, he already tried to kill you.
Actually, he wasnt trying to kill her, I admitted, reluctantly aware that they might misinterpret that as my support for her kamikaze mission. He was trying to piss us all off.
Thats not the point. Nash took Sabines hand. I dont want any of you putting yourselves in danger. Shes my mom. This is my responsibility. Ill do it. He let go of Sabine and stood, facing me. Kaylee, how the hell do you summon a hellion?
I cant... I took a deep breath, then started overhe wasnt going to like my answer. Nash, I cant tell you that. I cantlet you summon Ira. Hed get himself killed, and it would be my fault.
His eyes churned with swift currents of brown and green, with flashes of anger like lightning splitting the storm. Does it give you some kind of perverse pleasure to tell me no? Because thats all I ever hear from you anymore. Actually, thats all Ive ever heard from you.
Okay, stop it, Nash. My gaze clashed with his, and I wondered what he saw in my eyes. Im trying to protect you.
Who appointed you defender of mankind? I dont need your protection! None of us do!
I do, kind of, Em said, but no one was really listening. Sometimes...
I stood, facing Nash across the coffee table. Im not going to let you summon a hellion, especially when youre so desperate to find your mother that youd give him whatever he wants.
Thats my call. You have no right to stand in my way.
I may not have the right, but I have the responsibility. Youre my friendyoure more than a friendand you have a less-than-stellar record with human-to-hellion interactions. Im not going to give you what you need to make another mistake, and, frankly, I dont think its fair of you to ask me to, considering that if something happens to you, well all have to put ourselves in even more danger to rescue you. Dont you think were missing enough loved ones already?
Yes, I was aware of my own hypocrisy, even as the words left my mouth. But putting myself in danger was different than letting him do the same thing, because Nash was a hellion addict. And because he was too emotional to think clearly. And because hed never even met Ira. And...
And because I was terrified of losing him. Of losing any of them. I wasnt willing to take risks with my friends lives like I was with my own, because I loved them. All of them. Even the ones I didnt always like. I couldnt give Nash the means to get himself killed via hellion bargain any more than I could hand him a loaded gun and watch him point it at his own head.
But Nash didnt see it that way.
I cant win with you, can I? He threw his arms up in frustration. If I stay safe on the sidelines, Im not helping, but if I try to do anything, Im putting myself and everyone else in danger. Youre going to be mad at me no matter what I door dont doso Im done worrying about what you think!
Guys, calm down, Emma said. On the edge of my vision, I saw Sabine watching me and Nash like we were on opposing sides of a volleyball net.
This isnt about me being mad at you, Nash. This is about me trying to protect you.
