With Every Heartbeat

Page 116

Dread zapped its way through my body as I turned slowly. “What?”
She nodded without glancing at me. “Yeah,” she said as if she’d just come to that conclusion. “It’s nicer to have a boyfriend than not have one. And he pampered me the most, always let me have my way, didn’t crowd my space. And the sex. Wow. Once he learned what to do with it, that boy knew how to work a cock.”
My stomach roiled, but oh God, I already knew how well he knew how to work one. And that was so, so wrong.
With a harsh laugh, Cora shook her head. “Strangely, he was actually the dream boyfriend.”
I shook my head, not getting it. “What do you mean, strangely? Why is that realization strange?”
I’d thought his dedication, loyalty, and adoration had been amazing. Awe-worthy. Refreshing. It’d never been strange to me. Watching the way he’d treated Cora when they were together had given me faith in love and shown me it truly did exist in a healthy, amazing way. It had been beautiful, not strange.
But Cora shrugged. “Oh, you know. At first, he was just kind of a trophy. The cute, clueless, brainless, muscle-necked football player no other groupie had gotten a hold of yet.”
Groupie? She’d been a groupie?
“But then, he’d been so eager to please me. So desperate for attention.” Another negligent shrug left her shoulders. “What can I say? I’m a girl. I like to be adored. So I let him worship me for a while. But then he got really good in the bedroom, and he kept pampering me and showering me with everything I wanted. I mean, everything. And well...he’s hot. Plus his dick is, like, enormous. So...I just kept him around.”
“Are...” I swallowed because this was incredibly hard to listen to. “Are you saying you never loved him?”
Cora just sent me a look. I think that meant that answer was an obvious no. It broke my heart for Quinn, because he had loved her. He’d been willing to marry her. How could she just...?
“He was the most devoted man I ever dated. I don’t think I’m finished with him yet.”
I snorted. Maybe she should’ve considered that before she slept with those other guys.
She glanced at me, her scowl cross. “What? Don’t you think I can accomplish it?” A secretive smile crossed her lips. “Oh, I know how to accomplish it. I know exactly what he likes best.”
She meant during sex, and that made me feel more vile than ever, because what if she did know how to entice him into forgiving her? What if she could draw him back into her clutches, into her bed? What if—? No, I couldn’t even consider it. He couldn’t go back to her after what he’d done with me. He just couldn’t. Even if he never touched me again and refused to even talk to me, he couldn’t be with her again, either.
“But you cheated on him,” I argued, without meaning to. The words just blurted from my mouth because I didn’t even want her to try to get back together with him. “He broke up with you.”
“Meh.” She didn’t seem concerned about that fact. “I guess maybe it’s time to drop the big bomb and tell him about my kidney failure. You know that’ll bring a bleeding heart like Quinn back where I want him.”
My mouth fell open incredulously. “You...you’re going to play the sympathy card and use that against him?”
The acid in her glance scorched into me. “What’re you so bent out of shape about? Aren’t you the one who’s been badgering me for months to tell him about it? You’re finally getting your way.”
I’d only wanted her to tell him about it way back before I’d spent the night with him, given him my virginity and fallen irreversibly in love with him.
I paled as a thought struck. If Cora told him, he’d know that I’d known about her all along. He’d never forgive me for keeping it from him, because if I’d have just told him, he never would’ve left Cora, no matter how many other guys she’d slept with. She was right; he was a devoted bleeding heart who would stand by his dying—albeit cheating—girlfriend’s side.
Oh God. What if he thought I hadn’t told him because I’d wanted him all to myself? What if... Wait.
What if—subconsciously—I hadn’t told because I did want him all to myself?
What if I was a worse person than Cora?
I couldn’t urge her not to tell him now. I just couldn’t.
“Do whatever you want.” I turned to stare out the side window again. But inside my chest, my heart crumbled to pieces.
Quinn was going to hate me.