Worth Forgiving
Page 14
“You really are beautiful,” Jax studies my face as he speaks. His voice is low and raspy, there’s a rawness that does something to me. The combination of the seductive sound and the close proximity turns my breath ragged.
My heart pounding in my chest, I stare up at him, forgetting everything else for a moment in time. His grip around my waist tightens. Slowly he pulls me to him, closing the small distance between us, until our bodies are finally flush. His eyes never leave mine, forcing my head to tilt up to keep our gaze as our bodies draw closer. Feeling the warmth of his hard chest pressed against my soft, my eyes drift closed. It feels so good, so right, so natural.
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes. Jax’s gaze, roaming my face, meets mine again. And holds. Our lips are so close, if either of us were to move the slightest bit, we’d connect. Wetting his lips, Jax’s eyes drop to my mouth and my heart rate careens out of control with nerves and excitement all rolled into a big ball of anticipation. Slowly, they lift back to find mine, only now they’re hooded, changing from sweet and adoring to desire and need. Full of want and raw passion. The look sends my libido into overdrive.
“Your body feels so right connected to mine,” Jax whispers, his words coming out labored, like it’s difficult for him to speak too.
Swallowing hard, I avert my eyes, knowing he’s watching me, waiting for me to give him something. Anything. But even though I feel his words ringing true, his body feels so right connected to mine, something inside of me won’t let me give in to what I’m feeling. What I know we both feel. “I should go,” I say again avoiding his eyes.
We’re both quiet for a minute, my mind racing as fast as my heart. “Lily?” One hand locking me in place lifts to my chin, gently forcing my gaze to meet his. I watch as he studies my face, slowly taking in each and every inch. Finally, as our eyes meet again, he whispers hoarsely, “Don’t leave yet.”
Unable to say no to his eyes, knowing they could easily change my mind, I look away, speaking with a low voice, “I have to. I, I…need to go.” Taking two steps back from his hold, Jax releases me without struggle.
As much as I want to stay, I haven’t even fixed the mess I’ve gotten myself into with Caden yet. I know it’s a bad idea to get involved with anyone connected to my business again. Especially someone so important to Joe right now.
Scurrying to collect my bag, I make my way to the door and smile back halfheartedly as I reach for the handle. “Good night, Jax.”
Still leaning against the counter, I see a look of confusion as I hurry out the door, practically sprinting down the steps.
Chapter 9
Lily
My phone rings for the fifth time as I walk into my apartment, only this time I don’t hit REJECT. Feeling guilty, even though I haven’t done anything wrong, I answer. “Hello.”
“Finally.” Caden’s voice is laced with impatience and anger. “I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour.”
“I was in the shower,” I lie because it’s just easier to.
“For an hour?”
“I dried my hair afterwards.” My words met with silence, I decide to attempt to change the direction I know the conversation is about to go. “How is your trip?”
“Do you even really care, Lily?” he replies curtly.
“Please, Caden. I do care. You’ve been very good to me. I know that. It’s just, I need some space. I told you that. If it’s going to work out with us being friends and working together, we need more space between us.”
“You didn’t need space when I was there for you every night while you were crying after you lost your Dad.” Guilt pours over me. Not just for spending time with Jax, but for leaning on Caden so hard and then pulling away as soon as I was strong enough to stand on my own.
“I’m sorry, Caden.”
“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to remember how good he was to me when I needed him most. Holding me while I cried. Wiping my tears. Stepping in for me at the gym when I couldn’t function. He gave me what I needed and it’s wrong of me to completely push him out. “There isn’t anyone else.” It’s not a lie, nothing happened between me and Jax, yet it feels like a lie to tell him there’s no one else.
We talk for another ten minutes. I do my best to keep the conversation light, focusing on small talk…the weather, plans for the next day. Eventually he lets me hang up, promising to call first thing in the morning. The concept of giving me space either not registering with him or he chooses to ignore it.
Falling into my bed, my brain mentally exhausted, I fall asleep thinking about only one man…Jackson Knight.
***
Even though I ran out the door last night, literally running from Jax’s arms, I’m up extra early, anxious to get back to the gym just to see him again. I stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things, knowing his fridge is filled with only dinner leftovers and wine with no corkscrew.
Reporters are still camped out in front of the gym when I arrive an hour before opening time. Ignoring their questions, I slip inside quickly, lock the door and pull the shade down once again. I flip on a few lights and make my way to the door in the back that leads up to the apartment.
At the top of the dark stairs, I knock on the door gently, it dawning on me for the first time that I have no idea if he even gets up this early. Feeling disappointed when Jax doesn’t answer, I turn around, beginning to make my way back down the stairs, when I hear the lock open.
“Lily?” Jax’s voice is throaty, full of morning grog.
I turn, a few steps from the top of the stairs, bags raised in hands to explain along with my words. “I figured you’d need some food in there. The reporters are still outside.”
Jax makes his way down to me, taking the bags from my hands, “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.”
“I’m not.” He grins. “Will you come in?”
I hesitate, feeling conflicted. Jax assesses me before speaking, “Come in, Lily. I promise to keep three feet back at all times,” he says only half teasing.
Feeling ridiculous for not going inside when I feel perfectly safe around him, I concede. Jax carries the bags into the dark apartment, flicking on a light as he passes. Catching a glimpse of what he’s wearing, or not wearing, I feel my face flush, yet I don’t turn away.
My heart pounding in my chest, I stare up at him, forgetting everything else for a moment in time. His grip around my waist tightens. Slowly he pulls me to him, closing the small distance between us, until our bodies are finally flush. His eyes never leave mine, forcing my head to tilt up to keep our gaze as our bodies draw closer. Feeling the warmth of his hard chest pressed against my soft, my eyes drift closed. It feels so good, so right, so natural.
Taking a deep breath, I open my eyes. Jax’s gaze, roaming my face, meets mine again. And holds. Our lips are so close, if either of us were to move the slightest bit, we’d connect. Wetting his lips, Jax’s eyes drop to my mouth and my heart rate careens out of control with nerves and excitement all rolled into a big ball of anticipation. Slowly, they lift back to find mine, only now they’re hooded, changing from sweet and adoring to desire and need. Full of want and raw passion. The look sends my libido into overdrive.
“Your body feels so right connected to mine,” Jax whispers, his words coming out labored, like it’s difficult for him to speak too.
Swallowing hard, I avert my eyes, knowing he’s watching me, waiting for me to give him something. Anything. But even though I feel his words ringing true, his body feels so right connected to mine, something inside of me won’t let me give in to what I’m feeling. What I know we both feel. “I should go,” I say again avoiding his eyes.
We’re both quiet for a minute, my mind racing as fast as my heart. “Lily?” One hand locking me in place lifts to my chin, gently forcing my gaze to meet his. I watch as he studies my face, slowly taking in each and every inch. Finally, as our eyes meet again, he whispers hoarsely, “Don’t leave yet.”
Unable to say no to his eyes, knowing they could easily change my mind, I look away, speaking with a low voice, “I have to. I, I…need to go.” Taking two steps back from his hold, Jax releases me without struggle.
As much as I want to stay, I haven’t even fixed the mess I’ve gotten myself into with Caden yet. I know it’s a bad idea to get involved with anyone connected to my business again. Especially someone so important to Joe right now.
Scurrying to collect my bag, I make my way to the door and smile back halfheartedly as I reach for the handle. “Good night, Jax.”
Still leaning against the counter, I see a look of confusion as I hurry out the door, practically sprinting down the steps.
Chapter 9
Lily
My phone rings for the fifth time as I walk into my apartment, only this time I don’t hit REJECT. Feeling guilty, even though I haven’t done anything wrong, I answer. “Hello.”
“Finally.” Caden’s voice is laced with impatience and anger. “I’ve been trying to reach you for an hour.”
“I was in the shower,” I lie because it’s just easier to.
“For an hour?”
“I dried my hair afterwards.” My words met with silence, I decide to attempt to change the direction I know the conversation is about to go. “How is your trip?”
“Do you even really care, Lily?” he replies curtly.
“Please, Caden. I do care. You’ve been very good to me. I know that. It’s just, I need some space. I told you that. If it’s going to work out with us being friends and working together, we need more space between us.”
“You didn’t need space when I was there for you every night while you were crying after you lost your Dad.” Guilt pours over me. Not just for spending time with Jax, but for leaning on Caden so hard and then pulling away as soon as I was strong enough to stand on my own.
“I’m sorry, Caden.”
“There’s someone else, isn’t there?”
Taking a deep breath, I force myself to remember how good he was to me when I needed him most. Holding me while I cried. Wiping my tears. Stepping in for me at the gym when I couldn’t function. He gave me what I needed and it’s wrong of me to completely push him out. “There isn’t anyone else.” It’s not a lie, nothing happened between me and Jax, yet it feels like a lie to tell him there’s no one else.
We talk for another ten minutes. I do my best to keep the conversation light, focusing on small talk…the weather, plans for the next day. Eventually he lets me hang up, promising to call first thing in the morning. The concept of giving me space either not registering with him or he chooses to ignore it.
Falling into my bed, my brain mentally exhausted, I fall asleep thinking about only one man…Jackson Knight.
***
Even though I ran out the door last night, literally running from Jax’s arms, I’m up extra early, anxious to get back to the gym just to see him again. I stop by the grocery store and pick up a few things, knowing his fridge is filled with only dinner leftovers and wine with no corkscrew.
Reporters are still camped out in front of the gym when I arrive an hour before opening time. Ignoring their questions, I slip inside quickly, lock the door and pull the shade down once again. I flip on a few lights and make my way to the door in the back that leads up to the apartment.
At the top of the dark stairs, I knock on the door gently, it dawning on me for the first time that I have no idea if he even gets up this early. Feeling disappointed when Jax doesn’t answer, I turn around, beginning to make my way back down the stairs, when I hear the lock open.
“Lily?” Jax’s voice is throaty, full of morning grog.
I turn, a few steps from the top of the stairs, bags raised in hands to explain along with my words. “I figured you’d need some food in there. The reporters are still outside.”
Jax makes his way down to me, taking the bags from my hands, “Thank you, but you didn’t have to do that.”
“I’m sorry I woke you.”
“I’m not.” He grins. “Will you come in?”
I hesitate, feeling conflicted. Jax assesses me before speaking, “Come in, Lily. I promise to keep three feet back at all times,” he says only half teasing.
Feeling ridiculous for not going inside when I feel perfectly safe around him, I concede. Jax carries the bags into the dark apartment, flicking on a light as he passes. Catching a glimpse of what he’s wearing, or not wearing, I feel my face flush, yet I don’t turn away.
