Xavier Cold
Page 49
“No, you’re not. This baby deserves to have you in its life.”
I can clearly see the struggle in Xavier’s eyes and as he takes a step back from me, I know I’m losing the battle to make him see he’s a good man.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Don’t leave me again. It’s now or never time, Xavier. I won’t keep playing this game with you. Either you want to be with me or not. Choose.”
Tears streak down his face as he takes another step back. “I’m sorry, Anna. I can’t.”
He walks away from me, and I drop to my knees on the asphalt of the parking lot. No air gets to my lungs as I gasp for breath between sobs.
He’s gone.
And this time, I feel like I’ve really lost him.
I’m not sure how long I stay kneeling in the parking lot, but Jorge is soon there, putting his hands around my shoulders and urging me to get up. “Come on, Anna. The bouncer guy says he’ll cover for you. I’ll take you to the hotel so you can check in and get yourself together.”
I nod and then stand up on my feet. My legs still feel like they’re made of Jell-O as Jorge leads me back to his car.
Freddy is standing there by the car with a deep-set frown. The pity he feels for me is clear, and I’m sure I look like a pathetic mess because that’s exactly how I feel. “I’ll let the bosses know you are sick, and I sent you home because you were puking all over the place.”
I stare up at the big teddy bear of a man who has always been so kind to me. “Thank you.”
“Come on.” Jorge nudges me to get inside the car.
As soon as I’m inside the car, the sobs start again and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon.
Later that evening, I’m still crying while I lie on the bed. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from falling. Jorge has begun pacing the floor nonstop over the last couple of hours. He’s never been through something like this, so I’m sure he has no idea how to handle a heartbroken woman.
A knock at the door causes me to gasp. I’m not ready to see Xavier again right now if that’s him.
Jorge releases a relieved sigh as he hustles to the door and I hear him mutter, “Finally.”
The door creaks open and the distinct sound of Mother’s voice wafts into the room. “Where is she?”
“In here. But—” Jorge tells her, and the door hits the side of the wall like she’s forced her way past Jorge.
I push up into a sitting position in time for her make it down the short hall of the room. My heart thunders in my chest as she stands there, staring at me. She looks just the same as the last day I saw her. Same dark hair, pulled back perfectly in a low-set ponytail, and her makeup perfectly applied. All of that coordinating with the black dress slacks and red blouse she has on.
I’m going to kill Jorge for calling her.
Her head tilts and her eyes soften as she rounds the bed and sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around me in the process. “My baby,” she whispers and I instantly begin crying again.
After she holds me for a long time, she pulls back and inspects my face, tucking a loose strand of my hair away from my face. “He’s done a number on you, hasn’t he? Jorge says you’re pregnant.”
My eyes cut to Jorge, and he knows he’s betrayed my trust by telling her that.
He raises his hands in surrender. “I panicked. They were the only people I knew to call who could help you.”
“They?” I question. “What do you mean they?”
“Don’t be angry at Jorge, dear. He did the right thing by calling us. We’re here to help you. Your father is downstairs, and he forgives you—”
“Forgives me? I did nothing to him. He’s the one who was smothering me,” I tell her.
Mother licks her lips but continues to stare at me with her beautiful green eyes. “Perhaps, we are guilty of sheltering you too much, but you have to believe we did it because we had your best interests at heart. It hit us when you left the way you did that you weren’t a little kid anymore. You’re a grown woman, capable of making your own decisions, and if you come back home with us, we promise we will do our best to lighten up and give you freedom.”
I wipe under my eyes. “I love you, Mother, but I can never live at home again. Father will never stop seeing me as a little girl he can control unless I stand on my own two feet.”
She pokes her bottom lip. “But with a baby, Anna, life will be difficult without help.”
“I know,” I tell her. “But I’ll manage. I’m ready to accept the responsibility.”
Mother pinches my chin between her forefinger and thumb and sighs. “My little girl is all grown up and going to be a mother. I can’t believe it.”
She smiles which in turn makes me smile, and somehow I know Mother and I will find a way to work out our differences.
My father, on the other hand, will be a different story.
Chapter 28
Xavier
I sit on the edge of my bed and bawl like a fucking baby. It killed me to walk away from Anna, but how can I be a father? I’m not cut out for it. I don’t want to be the reason the kid eventually turns into a monster like me.
But what I do want is for Anna to be happy. I swore I would never make her frown, and that I would be a good man to her, yet here I am, breaking those promises.
I wish I were different.
I wish I were better.
I wish I could give her the happily ever after that she craves—like the ones in those romance books she reads.
It’s then, in the confusion in my head, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I fall to my knees in the middle of my hotel room and fold my hands to pray.
I raise my head up toward the ceiling. “God? I know I stopped talking to you after you took my mother away from me, and you probably don’t give a shit about me either way, but I need your guidance. I need a sign in what I need to do. I love Anna. God, I love her so much that it scares me to lose her. She’s my everything, but I’m willing to let her go if it’s the right thing to do.” Tears drip down onto my shirt. “What should I do?”
A gentle knock at the door causes my head to snap in its direction. No one knows where we are staying so having a visitor startles the hell out of me.
I hop up on my feet and then dry my face with the sleeve of my T-shirt.
I can clearly see the struggle in Xavier’s eyes and as he takes a step back from me, I know I’m losing the battle to make him see he’s a good man.
“Don’t,” I whisper. “Don’t leave me again. It’s now or never time, Xavier. I won’t keep playing this game with you. Either you want to be with me or not. Choose.”
Tears streak down his face as he takes another step back. “I’m sorry, Anna. I can’t.”
He walks away from me, and I drop to my knees on the asphalt of the parking lot. No air gets to my lungs as I gasp for breath between sobs.
He’s gone.
And this time, I feel like I’ve really lost him.
I’m not sure how long I stay kneeling in the parking lot, but Jorge is soon there, putting his hands around my shoulders and urging me to get up. “Come on, Anna. The bouncer guy says he’ll cover for you. I’ll take you to the hotel so you can check in and get yourself together.”
I nod and then stand up on my feet. My legs still feel like they’re made of Jell-O as Jorge leads me back to his car.
Freddy is standing there by the car with a deep-set frown. The pity he feels for me is clear, and I’m sure I look like a pathetic mess because that’s exactly how I feel. “I’ll let the bosses know you are sick, and I sent you home because you were puking all over the place.”
I stare up at the big teddy bear of a man who has always been so kind to me. “Thank you.”
“Come on.” Jorge nudges me to get inside the car.
As soon as I’m inside the car, the sobs start again and I don’t see them stopping anytime soon.
Later that evening, I’m still crying while I lie on the bed. No matter how hard I try, I can’t stop the tears from falling. Jorge has begun pacing the floor nonstop over the last couple of hours. He’s never been through something like this, so I’m sure he has no idea how to handle a heartbroken woman.
A knock at the door causes me to gasp. I’m not ready to see Xavier again right now if that’s him.
Jorge releases a relieved sigh as he hustles to the door and I hear him mutter, “Finally.”
The door creaks open and the distinct sound of Mother’s voice wafts into the room. “Where is she?”
“In here. But—” Jorge tells her, and the door hits the side of the wall like she’s forced her way past Jorge.
I push up into a sitting position in time for her make it down the short hall of the room. My heart thunders in my chest as she stands there, staring at me. She looks just the same as the last day I saw her. Same dark hair, pulled back perfectly in a low-set ponytail, and her makeup perfectly applied. All of that coordinating with the black dress slacks and red blouse she has on.
I’m going to kill Jorge for calling her.
Her head tilts and her eyes soften as she rounds the bed and sits down next to me, wrapping her arms around me in the process. “My baby,” she whispers and I instantly begin crying again.
After she holds me for a long time, she pulls back and inspects my face, tucking a loose strand of my hair away from my face. “He’s done a number on you, hasn’t he? Jorge says you’re pregnant.”
My eyes cut to Jorge, and he knows he’s betrayed my trust by telling her that.
He raises his hands in surrender. “I panicked. They were the only people I knew to call who could help you.”
“They?” I question. “What do you mean they?”
“Don’t be angry at Jorge, dear. He did the right thing by calling us. We’re here to help you. Your father is downstairs, and he forgives you—”
“Forgives me? I did nothing to him. He’s the one who was smothering me,” I tell her.
Mother licks her lips but continues to stare at me with her beautiful green eyes. “Perhaps, we are guilty of sheltering you too much, but you have to believe we did it because we had your best interests at heart. It hit us when you left the way you did that you weren’t a little kid anymore. You’re a grown woman, capable of making your own decisions, and if you come back home with us, we promise we will do our best to lighten up and give you freedom.”
I wipe under my eyes. “I love you, Mother, but I can never live at home again. Father will never stop seeing me as a little girl he can control unless I stand on my own two feet.”
She pokes her bottom lip. “But with a baby, Anna, life will be difficult without help.”
“I know,” I tell her. “But I’ll manage. I’m ready to accept the responsibility.”
Mother pinches my chin between her forefinger and thumb and sighs. “My little girl is all grown up and going to be a mother. I can’t believe it.”
She smiles which in turn makes me smile, and somehow I know Mother and I will find a way to work out our differences.
My father, on the other hand, will be a different story.
Chapter 28
Xavier
I sit on the edge of my bed and bawl like a fucking baby. It killed me to walk away from Anna, but how can I be a father? I’m not cut out for it. I don’t want to be the reason the kid eventually turns into a monster like me.
But what I do want is for Anna to be happy. I swore I would never make her frown, and that I would be a good man to her, yet here I am, breaking those promises.
I wish I were different.
I wish I were better.
I wish I could give her the happily ever after that she craves—like the ones in those romance books she reads.
It’s then, in the confusion in my head, I do something I haven’t done in a long time. I fall to my knees in the middle of my hotel room and fold my hands to pray.
I raise my head up toward the ceiling. “God? I know I stopped talking to you after you took my mother away from me, and you probably don’t give a shit about me either way, but I need your guidance. I need a sign in what I need to do. I love Anna. God, I love her so much that it scares me to lose her. She’s my everything, but I’m willing to let her go if it’s the right thing to do.” Tears drip down onto my shirt. “What should I do?”
A gentle knock at the door causes my head to snap in its direction. No one knows where we are staying so having a visitor startles the hell out of me.
I hop up on my feet and then dry my face with the sleeve of my T-shirt.
