You Say It First
Page 40
“If we’re going to get serious, I need coffee.” She crossed to the pot and poured them each a mug. They settled at the kitchen table, where she wondered how to explain her single state.
“I’m wary about relationships,” she began. “Not that I’m having to turn men away or anything, but I’m cautious.”
“Because of your mom?”
“That’s insightful.”
He shrugged. “Parents have the best shot at messing with their kids. It’s a time-honored tradition. We’ll probably do it, as well.”
“There’s something to look forward to,” she murmured, hoping she wouldn’t make her children feel that they had to earn her love. “I always had to work to make her proud of me and I always failed. I didn’t want to have to go through that for some guy.”
“Real love doesn’t have to be earned.” He sounded as if he were sure.
“I’ve heard the rumor and I don’t know if I believe it.”
“You don’t have to earn Cade’s love.”
“He’s my brother—he has to love me.”
“No, he doesn’t. He chooses to and it’s easy for both of you. I’ve seen you two together. You trust him to have your back.”
“I want to say it’s different and you’re going to say it’s not. Love is love.” She leaned forward. “So why aren’t you married?”
“Passion consumes,” he said without hesitation. “I’ve seen my mom with my dad. She would do anything for him. He would do anything for his art. I get that love comes in many forms and most of them scare the crap out of me. It seems safe between siblings but after that, all bets are off.”
“We had passion last night.”
“Different kind, and yes, we did.”
Their gazes locked. She felt the heat radiating from him and for a moment thought about throwing herself in his arms. Her table was sturdy—they could do it right there. But a voice in her head whispered she needed to more fully understand why he wasn’t interested in getting involved.
“So you’ll have sex, but you won’t fall in love,” she said. “What about a relationship? Say having a girlfriend?”
His mouth twisted. “In theory, yes.”
She held in a smile. “If you didn’t like her too much?”
“Now you’re making fun of me.”
“A little, but only with affection. You’ll risk yourself emotionally, but to a point. Sex, yes, permanent commitment, no. Part-time commitment, maybe, if there was no risk of taking things to the next level. So I would ask why would you want to be with someone if you didn’t want the relationship to have a chance of getting better?”
“If you’re going to use logic,” he grumbled.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, exactly. Maybe a reminder that she had to keep her heart safe. That Nick wasn’t a forever kind of guy. And while she hadn’t been looking for a man in her life, now that she had one, she found she really liked it. As far as his concern—that passion consumed—she didn’t mind the thought of being consumed by him at all.
For now she was safe. She liked him a lot, but wasn’t in love with him. She was going to have to be careful and make sure she didn’t allow herself to care too much. Even without his commitment issues, he was still leaving.
“I like that you’re emotionally broken,” she said cheerfully. “It keeps the playing field level.”
“I’m not broken. I’m quirky.”
“Is that what we’re calling it?” she asked.
The oven timer dinged. Nick rose and grabbed an oven mitt. “Saved by the bell. Have you ever noticed how all of life is about timing?”
* * *
MONDAY MORNING PALLAS got to the office extra early. She and Nick had spent a lazy Sunday afternoon together. Somehow they never made it to the movies, but they had gone out to dinner. He’d gone back to his brother’s for clean clothes and a shaving kit, then had returned to her place. Despite her 3:00 p.m. cup of coffee, she’d had no trouble sleeping in his arms.
She felt good, she thought as she walked through the building and checked to make sure everything had been put back in place. She’d made it through the wedding from hell and had lived to tell the tale. She and Nick were having fun. Her girl parts were very excited about all the action.
She knew the relationship was temporary and she was going to go with that. Maybe hanging out with Nick would give her the courage to find someone else after he left. A man who was interested in forever. She would like to be a part of something bigger than herself, she thought wistfully. And have kids.
A little after three, Alan strolled in. He handed her a latte, then took a seat next to her desk.
“How was prison?” he asked.
“I was giving a statement, not being arrested,” she reminded him. “I should have made you go in my place. You saw the same thing I did.”
“It’s something I will never forget.” He shuddered. “Of course, over time I’ll change the story so I’m the hero and that will be fun, but dear God! I can’t believe the DJ pulled a gun on us. Even a paint gun. Who does that?”
“Criminals.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m just grateful Catherine is the one who hired him. I offered her our local guy, but she wasn’t interested.”
“I’m sure she’s sorry now. Are the zebras all right?”
“So it seems. I talked to Carol this morning and she said they’re recovered and acting their normal zebra selves.”
In fact her friend hadn’t been all that upset about the incident. Pallas wondered if she had taken too much to heart. Maybe the rain hadn’t been an omen. Maybe it had just been rain.
“I’m thinking wild animals are probably not something we should promote,” she said. “But offering some custom elements to our clients might be fun.”
“I wonder if anyone would like a hostage wedding.” Alan chuckled. “I would have loved to have seen Gerald’s face, if he’d still been with us. Can’t you see him marching up to the DJ and saying very sternly, ‘That simply isn’t done, young man.’”
“It’s funny to think about, but if it had really happened, I would have worried about him being hurt.”
“Which is only one of the reasons he adored you.” Alan shook his head. “I still remember when you first came to work here. You were so proud of your Disneyland experience.”
“Don’t mock the mouse,” Pallas said sternly. “I adored working there. All the special parties were so important to the guests. It was great fun.” She sighed. “And the reason I didn’t do as well in one of my classes, setting in motion a series of events that totally changed my life.”
“Was that good or bad?”
At the time she would have claimed it was a disaster, but now she knew being forced to leave college had turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
“I appreciate my degree more because I earned it myself,” she said slowly. “And I’ve had a wonderful experience working here.”
“Gerald was impressed with you from the beginning. After your first interview he told me you’d be running this place one day. And look, you are.”
Only because of Gerald’s generous and unexpected bequest. “Why did he leave the business to me and not you? You and he were close.” She didn’t want to define their relationship any more than that. While she knew that Gerald and Alan had been involved, she’d never been clear on the details. Friends with benefits? Partners? And asking had seemed rude.
“I’m wary about relationships,” she began. “Not that I’m having to turn men away or anything, but I’m cautious.”
“Because of your mom?”
“That’s insightful.”
He shrugged. “Parents have the best shot at messing with their kids. It’s a time-honored tradition. We’ll probably do it, as well.”
“There’s something to look forward to,” she murmured, hoping she wouldn’t make her children feel that they had to earn her love. “I always had to work to make her proud of me and I always failed. I didn’t want to have to go through that for some guy.”
“Real love doesn’t have to be earned.” He sounded as if he were sure.
“I’ve heard the rumor and I don’t know if I believe it.”
“You don’t have to earn Cade’s love.”
“He’s my brother—he has to love me.”
“No, he doesn’t. He chooses to and it’s easy for both of you. I’ve seen you two together. You trust him to have your back.”
“I want to say it’s different and you’re going to say it’s not. Love is love.” She leaned forward. “So why aren’t you married?”
“Passion consumes,” he said without hesitation. “I’ve seen my mom with my dad. She would do anything for him. He would do anything for his art. I get that love comes in many forms and most of them scare the crap out of me. It seems safe between siblings but after that, all bets are off.”
“We had passion last night.”
“Different kind, and yes, we did.”
Their gazes locked. She felt the heat radiating from him and for a moment thought about throwing herself in his arms. Her table was sturdy—they could do it right there. But a voice in her head whispered she needed to more fully understand why he wasn’t interested in getting involved.
“So you’ll have sex, but you won’t fall in love,” she said. “What about a relationship? Say having a girlfriend?”
His mouth twisted. “In theory, yes.”
She held in a smile. “If you didn’t like her too much?”
“Now you’re making fun of me.”
“A little, but only with affection. You’ll risk yourself emotionally, but to a point. Sex, yes, permanent commitment, no. Part-time commitment, maybe, if there was no risk of taking things to the next level. So I would ask why would you want to be with someone if you didn’t want the relationship to have a chance of getting better?”
“If you’re going to use logic,” he grumbled.
She wasn’t sure what she was looking for, exactly. Maybe a reminder that she had to keep her heart safe. That Nick wasn’t a forever kind of guy. And while she hadn’t been looking for a man in her life, now that she had one, she found she really liked it. As far as his concern—that passion consumed—she didn’t mind the thought of being consumed by him at all.
For now she was safe. She liked him a lot, but wasn’t in love with him. She was going to have to be careful and make sure she didn’t allow herself to care too much. Even without his commitment issues, he was still leaving.
“I like that you’re emotionally broken,” she said cheerfully. “It keeps the playing field level.”
“I’m not broken. I’m quirky.”
“Is that what we’re calling it?” she asked.
The oven timer dinged. Nick rose and grabbed an oven mitt. “Saved by the bell. Have you ever noticed how all of life is about timing?”
* * *
MONDAY MORNING PALLAS got to the office extra early. She and Nick had spent a lazy Sunday afternoon together. Somehow they never made it to the movies, but they had gone out to dinner. He’d gone back to his brother’s for clean clothes and a shaving kit, then had returned to her place. Despite her 3:00 p.m. cup of coffee, she’d had no trouble sleeping in his arms.
She felt good, she thought as she walked through the building and checked to make sure everything had been put back in place. She’d made it through the wedding from hell and had lived to tell the tale. She and Nick were having fun. Her girl parts were very excited about all the action.
She knew the relationship was temporary and she was going to go with that. Maybe hanging out with Nick would give her the courage to find someone else after he left. A man who was interested in forever. She would like to be a part of something bigger than herself, she thought wistfully. And have kids.
A little after three, Alan strolled in. He handed her a latte, then took a seat next to her desk.
“How was prison?” he asked.
“I was giving a statement, not being arrested,” she reminded him. “I should have made you go in my place. You saw the same thing I did.”
“It’s something I will never forget.” He shuddered. “Of course, over time I’ll change the story so I’m the hero and that will be fun, but dear God! I can’t believe the DJ pulled a gun on us. Even a paint gun. Who does that?”
“Criminals.” She leaned back in her chair. “I’m just grateful Catherine is the one who hired him. I offered her our local guy, but she wasn’t interested.”
“I’m sure she’s sorry now. Are the zebras all right?”
“So it seems. I talked to Carol this morning and she said they’re recovered and acting their normal zebra selves.”
In fact her friend hadn’t been all that upset about the incident. Pallas wondered if she had taken too much to heart. Maybe the rain hadn’t been an omen. Maybe it had just been rain.
“I’m thinking wild animals are probably not something we should promote,” she said. “But offering some custom elements to our clients might be fun.”
“I wonder if anyone would like a hostage wedding.” Alan chuckled. “I would have loved to have seen Gerald’s face, if he’d still been with us. Can’t you see him marching up to the DJ and saying very sternly, ‘That simply isn’t done, young man.’”
“It’s funny to think about, but if it had really happened, I would have worried about him being hurt.”
“Which is only one of the reasons he adored you.” Alan shook his head. “I still remember when you first came to work here. You were so proud of your Disneyland experience.”
“Don’t mock the mouse,” Pallas said sternly. “I adored working there. All the special parties were so important to the guests. It was great fun.” She sighed. “And the reason I didn’t do as well in one of my classes, setting in motion a series of events that totally changed my life.”
“Was that good or bad?”
At the time she would have claimed it was a disaster, but now she knew being forced to leave college had turned out to be a blessing in disguise.
“I appreciate my degree more because I earned it myself,” she said slowly. “And I’ve had a wonderful experience working here.”
“Gerald was impressed with you from the beginning. After your first interview he told me you’d be running this place one day. And look, you are.”
Only because of Gerald’s generous and unexpected bequest. “Why did he leave the business to me and not you? You and he were close.” She didn’t want to define their relationship any more than that. While she knew that Gerald and Alan had been involved, she’d never been clear on the details. Friends with benefits? Partners? And asking had seemed rude.
