You Say It First
Page 61
Natalie rolled her eyes. “He’ll say yes. Mathias lives for the weekends when he can troll for bridesmaids and have his way with them.”
Mathias pressed a hand to his chest. “You wound me with your sarcasm.”
“I wasn’t being sarcastic. I meant every word. God forbid you should settle down with someone normal.”
Mathias grinned. “You’re implying bridesmaids aren’t normal.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do and yet I mock you. It’s payback.”
Pallas allowed herself a second to enjoy their banter—it reminded her of when she and Cade hung out together.
“I’m in.” Mathias took the offered T-shirt. “When and where?”
She gave him the details, then turned back to Natalie. “Wynn is going to be there, along with Carol, so you’ll have friends to talk to.”
As she spoke she caught something out of the corner of her eye. A movement—like a flinch. But when she glanced at Mathias, he looked as he always did—slightly amused and far too handsome for his own good.
“I’m a friend,” he protested mildly.
“Not to the unsuspecting bridesmaids.” Natalie shook her head. “I suppose the bright side is I’ll finally get to watch you in action.”
“Take notes and learn, young grasshopper.”
Pallas stood. “I have to get back to wedding prep. Thank you both so much. Be on-site by four tomorrow afternoon.”
She left the office and walked through the gallery to the front door. Once outside, she told herself to go directly to the car and drive back to the chaos that was Weddings Out of the Box today. That was the smart decision—the one that made the most sense. She hesitated, telling herself she didn’t have time for distractions. In a mere twenty-six hours, Nova would be walking down the aisle. But instead of being sensible, she circled around the gallery and walked along the path that led to the large studio off to the side of the property.
As she approached, her stomach tightened and she found it difficult to catch her breath. She could see Nick’s truck parked by the front door so knew he was there. Mathias was in the gallery, so she didn’t have to worry about him. There was no third truck—most likely Ronan was working in his home studio.
She had no idea what she was going to say, but the need to say something, to find verbal closure, wouldn’t go away. She wanted to be brave and strong and proud of herself. So much had changed in the past couple of months. If things were going to end with him, she wanted it to happen right. She didn’t want regrets beyond missing him, very possibly for the rest of her life.
She walked into the studio. Thankfully, Nick seemed to be alone. He was sitting at a drafting table. Large pieces of paper lay scattered on the floor all around him, as if he was searching for the perfect image and had yet to find it.
He didn’t notice her at first. She watched his sure hand glide over the paper. In a few strokes a man took shape, complete with trident and crown. Neptune, she thought, then caught her breath at the realization that he’d been inspired by the under-the-sea wedding. What would he create? Something out of wood or glass? Regardless, it would be amazing.
And she would never see it.
Pain pricked every nerve until she trembled from the ache filling her. She felt herself start to lose her breath and her self-control, then dug deep for the strength to finish this in a way that would tell Nick exactly who she’d become.
“Pallas?”
The sound of him speaking her name drew her gaze to him. She took a couple of steps toward his desk, then stopped.
He looked good. Tired, but still very much him. She knew him intimately—from the shape and feel of his body, to the sound of his laugh. She knew what moved him and, unfortunately, she knew what terrified him. She also knew that he was wrong to not trust in them, and in that moment, she knew exactly what she was going to say.
“I’m not here to change your mind,” she began, her voice firm and strong. “You have to do what you have to do. I accept that. I don’t like it and I think you’re making a mistake, but I’m not going to try to talk you into believing me.”
He watched her without speaking. She drew in a deep breath.
“You think passion consumes,” she continued. “Well, it does. It’s supposed to. Passion should consume, but that doesn’t mean it’s dangerous or bad. It’s like when you put clay in a kiln.” At least she hoped it was a kiln. Whatever—he would get what she meant.
“The fire and heat either make it stronger or the piece breaks. That’s what passion does. It takes us to the breaking point and we either make it or we don’t. I thought we were going to make it. I thought you were the one.”
A muscle tightened in his jaw, but he didn’t speak.
She took a step toward him. “I love you, Nick. I have for a while. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I tell you, not tell you? Because you’re not the only one messed up. I’m dealing with my own demons. I believed love has to be earned, but here’s the thing. You didn’t earn my love. I chose to give it to you. I give it freely and I expect nothing in return.”
She managed a slight smile. “Probably a good thing considering you’ve already broken up with me, huh?” She waited but he didn’t speak, so she finished what she’d come to say.
“I love you. You don’t have to love me back. I wish you would but if you don’t, I’m going to be okay. I get it now. I get what loving someone is supposed to mean. It’s a gift. You can accept it or not. That’s up to you. It doesn’t have to be earned and there’s no time restriction. It just is. Whatever happens, whatever you decide to do, I hope you’re happy. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
I hope it’s with me. But she didn’t say that because what was the point? They both already knew that.
She turned and left. The tears waited until she was in her car. She accepted them, along with the sense of emptiness in her heart. Both would pass. She was stronger than she’d ever been. She was proud of herself in so many ways. As for Nick, he would either get it or he wouldn’t. She loved him, she wanted him, but she didn’t need him to be happy. She’d found that strength within herself, and no matter what, she was going to be okay.
* * *
SATURDAY MORNING PALLAS was up at five. She’d slept surprisingly well and woke with a sense of happy expectation. Everything was going to go smoothly today, she thought as she showered and dressed. The preparation and hard work would pay off in the form of a beautiful, memorable wedding. Tim would get to walk his daughter down the aisle, Nova and Joel would be married, and all the guests would leave with a sense of having been a part of something wonderful.
By six, she was on her way to Weddings Out of the Box. There was no traffic and she arrived in less than ten minutes. She’d barely gotten to her office when Nova texted her, saying they were all awake and so excited.
Me, too. Try to eat and drink lots of water this morning. See you at one.
Not that brides listened, she thought humorously as she tucked her phone in her back pocket and ran down the stairs to double-check the ballroom.
By nine she’d been over every square inch of the building. The caterer had arrived to start setting up the outdoor tables, while the florist was busy unloading centerpieces, decorative sprays and bouquets. The ceremony was at five, the dinner at six thirty, with dancing and the zip line to follow. Sunset was just before eight, which meant there would be lots of romantic time in the dark. The colored twinkle lights would have their chance to add Concord Awaken ambience.
Mathias pressed a hand to his chest. “You wound me with your sarcasm.”
“I wasn’t being sarcastic. I meant every word. God forbid you should settle down with someone normal.”
Mathias grinned. “You’re implying bridesmaids aren’t normal.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I do and yet I mock you. It’s payback.”
Pallas allowed herself a second to enjoy their banter—it reminded her of when she and Cade hung out together.
“I’m in.” Mathias took the offered T-shirt. “When and where?”
She gave him the details, then turned back to Natalie. “Wynn is going to be there, along with Carol, so you’ll have friends to talk to.”
As she spoke she caught something out of the corner of her eye. A movement—like a flinch. But when she glanced at Mathias, he looked as he always did—slightly amused and far too handsome for his own good.
“I’m a friend,” he protested mildly.
“Not to the unsuspecting bridesmaids.” Natalie shook her head. “I suppose the bright side is I’ll finally get to watch you in action.”
“Take notes and learn, young grasshopper.”
Pallas stood. “I have to get back to wedding prep. Thank you both so much. Be on-site by four tomorrow afternoon.”
She left the office and walked through the gallery to the front door. Once outside, she told herself to go directly to the car and drive back to the chaos that was Weddings Out of the Box today. That was the smart decision—the one that made the most sense. She hesitated, telling herself she didn’t have time for distractions. In a mere twenty-six hours, Nova would be walking down the aisle. But instead of being sensible, she circled around the gallery and walked along the path that led to the large studio off to the side of the property.
As she approached, her stomach tightened and she found it difficult to catch her breath. She could see Nick’s truck parked by the front door so knew he was there. Mathias was in the gallery, so she didn’t have to worry about him. There was no third truck—most likely Ronan was working in his home studio.
She had no idea what she was going to say, but the need to say something, to find verbal closure, wouldn’t go away. She wanted to be brave and strong and proud of herself. So much had changed in the past couple of months. If things were going to end with him, she wanted it to happen right. She didn’t want regrets beyond missing him, very possibly for the rest of her life.
She walked into the studio. Thankfully, Nick seemed to be alone. He was sitting at a drafting table. Large pieces of paper lay scattered on the floor all around him, as if he was searching for the perfect image and had yet to find it.
He didn’t notice her at first. She watched his sure hand glide over the paper. In a few strokes a man took shape, complete with trident and crown. Neptune, she thought, then caught her breath at the realization that he’d been inspired by the under-the-sea wedding. What would he create? Something out of wood or glass? Regardless, it would be amazing.
And she would never see it.
Pain pricked every nerve until she trembled from the ache filling her. She felt herself start to lose her breath and her self-control, then dug deep for the strength to finish this in a way that would tell Nick exactly who she’d become.
“Pallas?”
The sound of him speaking her name drew her gaze to him. She took a couple of steps toward his desk, then stopped.
He looked good. Tired, but still very much him. She knew him intimately—from the shape and feel of his body, to the sound of his laugh. She knew what moved him and, unfortunately, she knew what terrified him. She also knew that he was wrong to not trust in them, and in that moment, she knew exactly what she was going to say.
“I’m not here to change your mind,” she began, her voice firm and strong. “You have to do what you have to do. I accept that. I don’t like it and I think you’re making a mistake, but I’m not going to try to talk you into believing me.”
He watched her without speaking. She drew in a deep breath.
“You think passion consumes,” she continued. “Well, it does. It’s supposed to. Passion should consume, but that doesn’t mean it’s dangerous or bad. It’s like when you put clay in a kiln.” At least she hoped it was a kiln. Whatever—he would get what she meant.
“The fire and heat either make it stronger or the piece breaks. That’s what passion does. It takes us to the breaking point and we either make it or we don’t. I thought we were going to make it. I thought you were the one.”
A muscle tightened in his jaw, but he didn’t speak.
She took a step toward him. “I love you, Nick. I have for a while. I wasn’t sure what to do. Should I tell you, not tell you? Because you’re not the only one messed up. I’m dealing with my own demons. I believed love has to be earned, but here’s the thing. You didn’t earn my love. I chose to give it to you. I give it freely and I expect nothing in return.”
She managed a slight smile. “Probably a good thing considering you’ve already broken up with me, huh?” She waited but he didn’t speak, so she finished what she’d come to say.
“I love you. You don’t have to love me back. I wish you would but if you don’t, I’m going to be okay. I get it now. I get what loving someone is supposed to mean. It’s a gift. You can accept it or not. That’s up to you. It doesn’t have to be earned and there’s no time restriction. It just is. Whatever happens, whatever you decide to do, I hope you’re happy. I hope you find what you’re looking for.”
I hope it’s with me. But she didn’t say that because what was the point? They both already knew that.
She turned and left. The tears waited until she was in her car. She accepted them, along with the sense of emptiness in her heart. Both would pass. She was stronger than she’d ever been. She was proud of herself in so many ways. As for Nick, he would either get it or he wouldn’t. She loved him, she wanted him, but she didn’t need him to be happy. She’d found that strength within herself, and no matter what, she was going to be okay.
* * *
SATURDAY MORNING PALLAS was up at five. She’d slept surprisingly well and woke with a sense of happy expectation. Everything was going to go smoothly today, she thought as she showered and dressed. The preparation and hard work would pay off in the form of a beautiful, memorable wedding. Tim would get to walk his daughter down the aisle, Nova and Joel would be married, and all the guests would leave with a sense of having been a part of something wonderful.
By six, she was on her way to Weddings Out of the Box. There was no traffic and she arrived in less than ten minutes. She’d barely gotten to her office when Nova texted her, saying they were all awake and so excited.
Me, too. Try to eat and drink lots of water this morning. See you at one.
Not that brides listened, she thought humorously as she tucked her phone in her back pocket and ran down the stairs to double-check the ballroom.
By nine she’d been over every square inch of the building. The caterer had arrived to start setting up the outdoor tables, while the florist was busy unloading centerpieces, decorative sprays and bouquets. The ceremony was at five, the dinner at six thirty, with dancing and the zip line to follow. Sunset was just before eight, which meant there would be lots of romantic time in the dark. The colored twinkle lights would have their chance to add Concord Awaken ambience.
