You Slay Me
Page 29
"That was hours ago," Jim complained. "I'm hungry. This form needs to be fed.Frequently."
"You did that well,". I told my furry demon as we strolled toward the road. "That plaintive note in your voice was particularly heartrending."
"It's wasted on someone who doesn't have a heart," Jim snapped.
I laughed—which should have been worth some major karma points, because my life was anything but amusing—and patted the big black head that bobbed alongside me. "Poor little demon. All right, we'll have a quick lunch, but it has to be fast. I've got to get that aquamanile back."
We ate in a small cafe, then feeling pressured, I gave in to temptation and called Rene to see if he was free for a few hours.
"You desire help finding your missing dragon?" he asked. "I will aid you. I know a great many people in Paris. Where are you?"
"Near the Pont Marie."
"I will meet you on the Right Bank. I can be with you in fifteen minutes. Then we will make our plans, yes?"
"Sure, although I think I know where the dragon is. The trouble isn't going to be finding it, it's going to be … uh … liberating it."
"Ah, bon? Viva la libiration!"Rene said, hanging up after giving me instructions about where he would collect us.
"Remember the rules," I warned Jim as Rene pulled up a short while later. "You're just a dog. No laughing, no disgusted snorts, no rolling your eyes, andno talking."
"You really are a control freak, aren't you?" Jim asked as I opened the car door.
"You looktres bon today. No blood on your dress! This is good, yes?" Rene said over his shoulder, his eyes widening as he saw Jim follow me into the taxi. "You have a pet?"
"Uh… yeah. A stray dog. I found him. Here's the ad-dress for Drake—"
"A dog? That is not a horse?" Rene said with a chuckle as he pulled out into traffic.
"If I were a horse, I wouldn't fit in this ratty old taxi, now, would I?" Jim asked.
Rene made an inarticulate sound and slammed on the brakes. Behind us, the squeal of tires on pavement could be heard, quickly followed by the prolonged honking of horns and a great deal of profound swearing.
"Jim!"I yelled, grabbing its ear.
"Ow! You're hurting me! You're my witness, Rene. This is animal abuse. She could go to jail for this, right?"
Rene turned around in his seat, his eyes huge as he. looked from me to Jim. "You … you are not… what is it called, the person who speaks through a doll?"
"Ventriloquist?" I released Jim's ear and sat back with a heartfelt sigh, ignoring the sound of some really ticked off people behind us. "No, I'm not. You're not hearing things, it was Jim who spoke."
"A dog?" Rene choked and turned red.
"You see?" I whapped Jim on the shoulder. "This is why I told you to keep quiet. Now you've upset poor Rene."
"You said he was a friend of yours. Who was it who said 'Love me, love my dog'?"
"You're not a dog. Rene, why don't you pull over somewhere. I'll explain it to you then."
"How is it the dog he is talking?" he asked, ignoring my suggestion.
"Jim's not really a dog. It's a demon. It just took a dog's form."
"A demon?" I didn't think it possible, but Rene's voice went up an octave. "One of the little devils?"
"A demon formerly of the legions of Amaymon," Jim said with a sniff, turning its head to look out the window.
"Rene, can we please get moving?" I pleaded. "There's a huge line of traffic behind us. I can explain—"
"You said you did not believe in the little devils, and yet you have one here?"
"Yeah, well, I changed my mind."
Rene looked at Jim for a few more moments, then shrugged and turned back to the steering wheel, saying,"A lui le pompom."
"What was that?" I asked, relieved we were moving again, although if Jim had done as I asked, I wouldn't have had to explain to Rene about it in the first place .. . I glared at Jim and pinched its shoulder.
'To him thepompom. It means …heu … he ate the cake."
'Takes the cake, yes, I know what you mean, but really, Rene, you don't have to worry about Jim. It can't hurt you. It's powerless."
"Well, just tell everyone, why don't you?" Jim huffed. "Shall I rent you some billboard space? Maybe book you some time on the local news station for maximum cover-age?"
"You should be counting yourself lucky I don't drop you off at the nearest pound, you big blabbermouth." I gave it a glare just to let it know I wasn't pleased. "Be quiet, and stop causing problems."
"I'm a demon," Jim mumbled. "That's what we do best."
I narrowed my glare until it had laser accuracy. Jim sniffed again and looked pointedly at the handle for the car window.
"Honest to Pete, what I have to do for you…" I leaned over and rolled the window down enough so Jim " could stick its head out. "Oh, Rene, I think I may be fol-lowed by the police. I hate to say this because it sounds so cheesy, but do you think you can lose them?"
Rene snorted, his eyes lit with pleasure. "The police? You do not even have to ask,ma vieille branche. It is done."
"What's avieille branche?" I asked Jim as Rene spun the car around a corner and wove his way through traffic. I didn't honestly expect Jim to know, but I was willing to do anything to distract myself from the death-defying manner in which Rene plunged through traffic in his at-tempt to shake the police
tail.
"Old branch. It's slang for 'Mend.' You came to a country without even bothering to learn the language?"
"It's my first job. I'm going to take classes once it's over," I muttered, annoyed that I had to defend myself to a demon.
After that I closed my eyes, deciding it was really bet-ter if didn't see how close to death I was with each spin of the steering wheel. I clung to the armrest, saying, "I'm really sorry you. had to learn about Jim this way, Rene. I hope it doesn't shake you up too much. I'm kind of stuck with having a dog until I can send it back."
"Non."I opened my eyes long enough to see in the rearview mirror as Rene pursed his lips. He took a deep breath, flipped off another taxi driver who swerved into our lane, and finally said, "It is not the deal big. You have a dog who is also a little devil, eh, me, I do not mind."
"You did that well,". I told my furry demon as we strolled toward the road. "That plaintive note in your voice was particularly heartrending."
"It's wasted on someone who doesn't have a heart," Jim snapped.
I laughed—which should have been worth some major karma points, because my life was anything but amusing—and patted the big black head that bobbed alongside me. "Poor little demon. All right, we'll have a quick lunch, but it has to be fast. I've got to get that aquamanile back."
We ate in a small cafe, then feeling pressured, I gave in to temptation and called Rene to see if he was free for a few hours.
"You desire help finding your missing dragon?" he asked. "I will aid you. I know a great many people in Paris. Where are you?"
"Near the Pont Marie."
"I will meet you on the Right Bank. I can be with you in fifteen minutes. Then we will make our plans, yes?"
"Sure, although I think I know where the dragon is. The trouble isn't going to be finding it, it's going to be … uh … liberating it."
"Ah, bon? Viva la libiration!"Rene said, hanging up after giving me instructions about where he would collect us.
"Remember the rules," I warned Jim as Rene pulled up a short while later. "You're just a dog. No laughing, no disgusted snorts, no rolling your eyes, andno talking."
"You really are a control freak, aren't you?" Jim asked as I opened the car door.
"You looktres bon today. No blood on your dress! This is good, yes?" Rene said over his shoulder, his eyes widening as he saw Jim follow me into the taxi. "You have a pet?"
"Uh… yeah. A stray dog. I found him. Here's the ad-dress for Drake—"
"A dog? That is not a horse?" Rene said with a chuckle as he pulled out into traffic.
"If I were a horse, I wouldn't fit in this ratty old taxi, now, would I?" Jim asked.
Rene made an inarticulate sound and slammed on the brakes. Behind us, the squeal of tires on pavement could be heard, quickly followed by the prolonged honking of horns and a great deal of profound swearing.
"Jim!"I yelled, grabbing its ear.
"Ow! You're hurting me! You're my witness, Rene. This is animal abuse. She could go to jail for this, right?"
Rene turned around in his seat, his eyes huge as he. looked from me to Jim. "You … you are not… what is it called, the person who speaks through a doll?"
"Ventriloquist?" I released Jim's ear and sat back with a heartfelt sigh, ignoring the sound of some really ticked off people behind us. "No, I'm not. You're not hearing things, it was Jim who spoke."
"A dog?" Rene choked and turned red.
"You see?" I whapped Jim on the shoulder. "This is why I told you to keep quiet. Now you've upset poor Rene."
"You said he was a friend of yours. Who was it who said 'Love me, love my dog'?"
"You're not a dog. Rene, why don't you pull over somewhere. I'll explain it to you then."
"How is it the dog he is talking?" he asked, ignoring my suggestion.
"Jim's not really a dog. It's a demon. It just took a dog's form."
"A demon?" I didn't think it possible, but Rene's voice went up an octave. "One of the little devils?"
"A demon formerly of the legions of Amaymon," Jim said with a sniff, turning its head to look out the window.
"Rene, can we please get moving?" I pleaded. "There's a huge line of traffic behind us. I can explain—"
"You said you did not believe in the little devils, and yet you have one here?"
"Yeah, well, I changed my mind."
Rene looked at Jim for a few more moments, then shrugged and turned back to the steering wheel, saying,"A lui le pompom."
"What was that?" I asked, relieved we were moving again, although if Jim had done as I asked, I wouldn't have had to explain to Rene about it in the first place .. . I glared at Jim and pinched its shoulder.
'To him thepompom. It means …heu … he ate the cake."
'Takes the cake, yes, I know what you mean, but really, Rene, you don't have to worry about Jim. It can't hurt you. It's powerless."
"Well, just tell everyone, why don't you?" Jim huffed. "Shall I rent you some billboard space? Maybe book you some time on the local news station for maximum cover-age?"
"You should be counting yourself lucky I don't drop you off at the nearest pound, you big blabbermouth." I gave it a glare just to let it know I wasn't pleased. "Be quiet, and stop causing problems."
"I'm a demon," Jim mumbled. "That's what we do best."
I narrowed my glare until it had laser accuracy. Jim sniffed again and looked pointedly at the handle for the car window.
"Honest to Pete, what I have to do for you…" I leaned over and rolled the window down enough so Jim " could stick its head out. "Oh, Rene, I think I may be fol-lowed by the police. I hate to say this because it sounds so cheesy, but do you think you can lose them?"
Rene snorted, his eyes lit with pleasure. "The police? You do not even have to ask,ma vieille branche. It is done."
"What's avieille branche?" I asked Jim as Rene spun the car around a corner and wove his way through traffic. I didn't honestly expect Jim to know, but I was willing to do anything to distract myself from the death-defying manner in which Rene plunged through traffic in his at-tempt to shake the police
tail.
"Old branch. It's slang for 'Mend.' You came to a country without even bothering to learn the language?"
"It's my first job. I'm going to take classes once it's over," I muttered, annoyed that I had to defend myself to a demon.
After that I closed my eyes, deciding it was really bet-ter if didn't see how close to death I was with each spin of the steering wheel. I clung to the armrest, saying, "I'm really sorry you. had to learn about Jim this way, Rene. I hope it doesn't shake you up too much. I'm kind of stuck with having a dog until I can send it back."
"Non."I opened my eyes long enough to see in the rearview mirror as Rene pursed his lips. He took a deep breath, flipped off another taxi driver who swerved into our lane, and finally said, "It is not the deal big. You have a dog who is also a little devil, eh, me, I do not mind."
