You Were Mine
Page 21
She turned to look at me with so much pain in her eyes. I wanted to heal that. Take it away. “Talk to me,” I said.
Bethy shook her head and looked away. “Anything we’d say would hold so much hurt. Why do you want to bring it all up again?”
“It’s the first step to healing. And not everything is painful,” I reminded her. Because it wasn’t. We had memories that got me through some of the hardest times.
“You want that girl you left behind. I’m not her! Don’t you get it? She’s gone. I’ve lost her. I made choices that made me an awful person. I’m not worth all this time and energy you’re wasting.”
Fuck. I took a step toward her, and she took a step back. “You’re wrong there. I don’t want the sixteen-year-old girl I left behind. I want the woman she’s become. The kind, compassionate, faithful, strong woman I watch from afar every day of my life. I want her. Nothing ever changed for me. Not with you.”
Bethy let out a hard laugh that made me wince. It was laced with pain and anger. “I aborted my baby, Tripp. Our baby. Then I slept with guys who didn’t give a shit about me. Until Jace saw something worthwhile in me. He loved me. Then you walked back into Rosemary Beach, and my stupid heart picked up and came back to life. Jace loved me and wanted a life with me, but you were invading my dreams and thoughts. I can’t take that back. He’s gone, and I can’t make it right—”
“Stop. You were a kid, Bethy. A scared kid. And you did the only thing you knew to do. What your aunt wanted you to do. That decision was all my fault. All me, sweetheart. It was all me. That’s my cross to bear. Not yours. You slept with guys because you were trying to cover the pain. And Jace was smart enough to see the beauty inside you and want that in his life. You’re easy to love, Bethy. So damn easy to love. Jace got that. He loved you, and you loved him. Me coming back to town brought up old memories and things you wanted to forget. You didn’t betray Jace. You loved him. I was just a part of your past that you didn’t have closure on. So don’t blame yourself. Don’t think you did something wrong.”
Bethy’s tear-streaked face turned toward me. Her look told me that I was right, that I hadn’t been her only love. It was something I tried not to think about, because she was it for me. I’d never felt that way about anyone else. But she had. Her heart had moved on.
“I did love him,” she said with a sad smile. “I loved him so much. But when I saw you again, there was something in me that woke up. That’s something I have to live with. He deserved all of me, and he never had that.”
I didn’t have a response for that. Bethy turned and walked into her hut. I didn’t move. I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at the spot she’d been standing in.
She had loved Jace. I’d seen it in her eyes when she looked at him. He had made her happy. Every time he told her he loved her and she melted into his arms, my soul had shattered a little more.
But was she telling me that I still had a piece of her heart?
Bethy
When I left for the bridesmaids’ breakfast and spa treatments on the main island the next morning, Tripp’s walls were still down on his hut. I figured he was still sleeping. I had expected him to show up at my door last night after what I’d said. But he hadn’t. He wasn’t going to push me. He had always wanted to protect me. Even from himself. That was one of the things I’d loved about him when I was a young girl.
No one had really ever wanted to protect me besides Aunt Darla, and sometimes she didn’t do a very good job. But Tripp had been my hero back then. He had cared about me, and he’d made sure I knew it. His actions were all I needed. He was doing that still.
I felt another crack in my wall. Damn, my wall was weakening fast. What would I do when it finally crumbled? How would I deal? Maybe we needed closure. Then we could move on. Find a life where we could start over fresh. Where old memories didn’t haunt us.
“Bethy!” Blaire called out my name, and I turned to see her hurrying toward me. She was wearing a designer sundress and a pair of heels. Both of which cost more than my entire wardrobe. Seeing her all dolled up made me smile. I remembered the girl in jeans and tank tops.
“Good morning,” I said as she caught up with me. “You look like you’re ready to walk down a runway. Per usual.”
Blaire grimaced. “I know. Rush makes me spend money on clothes. It’s part of his taking-care-of-me thing. I do it for him.”
“Don’t make excuses. Own your sexy self,” I teased.
Blaire frowned and took my hand in hers, getting serious on me fast. I didn’t want to hash this out with her, but knowing Blaire, it had bothered her all night. I needed to let her talk so she could feel better. “I’m sorry about last night.”
I nodded. “Me, too. I was having a bad moment.”
Blaire took a deep breath. “I don’t want to make you tell me something you don’t want to. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk about . . . things. Tripp.”
Last night, we’d been too obvious. At least to Blaire. Slowly, our friends were starting to question our past. But talking about it would mean we’d have to tell them everything.
I wasn’t ready.
“Thank you. And when I can deal with it, I will come to you first. But before that, Tripp and I have to deal with things. Things from the past. We haven’t done that. I just haven’t been ready. Part of me expected him to leave and give up. But deep down, the part of me who knows him knew he wouldn’t leave.”
Bethy shook her head and looked away. “Anything we’d say would hold so much hurt. Why do you want to bring it all up again?”
“It’s the first step to healing. And not everything is painful,” I reminded her. Because it wasn’t. We had memories that got me through some of the hardest times.
“You want that girl you left behind. I’m not her! Don’t you get it? She’s gone. I’ve lost her. I made choices that made me an awful person. I’m not worth all this time and energy you’re wasting.”
Fuck. I took a step toward her, and she took a step back. “You’re wrong there. I don’t want the sixteen-year-old girl I left behind. I want the woman she’s become. The kind, compassionate, faithful, strong woman I watch from afar every day of my life. I want her. Nothing ever changed for me. Not with you.”
Bethy let out a hard laugh that made me wince. It was laced with pain and anger. “I aborted my baby, Tripp. Our baby. Then I slept with guys who didn’t give a shit about me. Until Jace saw something worthwhile in me. He loved me. Then you walked back into Rosemary Beach, and my stupid heart picked up and came back to life. Jace loved me and wanted a life with me, but you were invading my dreams and thoughts. I can’t take that back. He’s gone, and I can’t make it right—”
“Stop. You were a kid, Bethy. A scared kid. And you did the only thing you knew to do. What your aunt wanted you to do. That decision was all my fault. All me, sweetheart. It was all me. That’s my cross to bear. Not yours. You slept with guys because you were trying to cover the pain. And Jace was smart enough to see the beauty inside you and want that in his life. You’re easy to love, Bethy. So damn easy to love. Jace got that. He loved you, and you loved him. Me coming back to town brought up old memories and things you wanted to forget. You didn’t betray Jace. You loved him. I was just a part of your past that you didn’t have closure on. So don’t blame yourself. Don’t think you did something wrong.”
Bethy’s tear-streaked face turned toward me. Her look told me that I was right, that I hadn’t been her only love. It was something I tried not to think about, because she was it for me. I’d never felt that way about anyone else. But she had. Her heart had moved on.
“I did love him,” she said with a sad smile. “I loved him so much. But when I saw you again, there was something in me that woke up. That’s something I have to live with. He deserved all of me, and he never had that.”
I didn’t have a response for that. Bethy turned and walked into her hut. I didn’t move. I stood there for what seemed like forever, staring at the spot she’d been standing in.
She had loved Jace. I’d seen it in her eyes when she looked at him. He had made her happy. Every time he told her he loved her and she melted into his arms, my soul had shattered a little more.
But was she telling me that I still had a piece of her heart?
Bethy
When I left for the bridesmaids’ breakfast and spa treatments on the main island the next morning, Tripp’s walls were still down on his hut. I figured he was still sleeping. I had expected him to show up at my door last night after what I’d said. But he hadn’t. He wasn’t going to push me. He had always wanted to protect me. Even from himself. That was one of the things I’d loved about him when I was a young girl.
No one had really ever wanted to protect me besides Aunt Darla, and sometimes she didn’t do a very good job. But Tripp had been my hero back then. He had cared about me, and he’d made sure I knew it. His actions were all I needed. He was doing that still.
I felt another crack in my wall. Damn, my wall was weakening fast. What would I do when it finally crumbled? How would I deal? Maybe we needed closure. Then we could move on. Find a life where we could start over fresh. Where old memories didn’t haunt us.
“Bethy!” Blaire called out my name, and I turned to see her hurrying toward me. She was wearing a designer sundress and a pair of heels. Both of which cost more than my entire wardrobe. Seeing her all dolled up made me smile. I remembered the girl in jeans and tank tops.
“Good morning,” I said as she caught up with me. “You look like you’re ready to walk down a runway. Per usual.”
Blaire grimaced. “I know. Rush makes me spend money on clothes. It’s part of his taking-care-of-me thing. I do it for him.”
“Don’t make excuses. Own your sexy self,” I teased.
Blaire frowned and took my hand in hers, getting serious on me fast. I didn’t want to hash this out with her, but knowing Blaire, it had bothered her all night. I needed to let her talk so she could feel better. “I’m sorry about last night.”
I nodded. “Me, too. I was having a bad moment.”
Blaire took a deep breath. “I don’t want to make you tell me something you don’t want to. But I’m here when you’re ready to talk about . . . things. Tripp.”
Last night, we’d been too obvious. At least to Blaire. Slowly, our friends were starting to question our past. But talking about it would mean we’d have to tell them everything.
I wasn’t ready.
“Thank you. And when I can deal with it, I will come to you first. But before that, Tripp and I have to deal with things. Things from the past. We haven’t done that. I just haven’t been ready. Part of me expected him to leave and give up. But deep down, the part of me who knows him knew he wouldn’t leave.”
