You Were Mine
Page 53
“I never told you why I loved daisies. You always made jokes about me not wanting roses. I should have let you give me roses. But I loved daisies.”
The wind blew some petals loose as I stood there, watching the waves crash against the sand. “I loved daisies because, before you, before us, I had a love that was big. One that was so big it held on all these years, even though you came into my life and found a part of my heart I didn’t know was left and claimed it. You don’t know it, but you saved me . . . twice.
“I don’t want you to think I wasn’t completely with you when you held me, because I was. The love that had found me before was there, but my heart was yours then. It was us. I didn’t know how to tell you about Tripp . . .”
A daisy blew free of my grasp, and I watched it drift away, then tumble along the white sand before a wave pulled it out into the water.
“I hated him for leaving me. I hated him for things I shouldn’t have, because he was a kid, too, back then. There were misunderstandings and pain that ran deep. I was lost, and the girl I had been was gone. You found her and kept her from complete destruction, because that was the course I was on. We were perfect but for only a season. Because Tripp came back. And when he did, it tilted my world.
I waited for the tears to come, because they always did. But today there was no burn in my eyes. No pain in my chest.
“It should have been me who drowned that night. Not you. Me. But you didn’t let that happen, because, again, you saved me. I didn’t deserve to be saved, but you never seemed to see it that way.
“You took a piece of me when you left. That part of my heart that you claimed is still with you, out there. It always will be. You were my hero.”
I looked back down at the daisies in my hand and bent down to place them on the sand. I didn’t let them go yet, because the moment I did, they would blow away.
“He’s been patient with me. He’s watched over me when all I did was push him away. I’ve said hurtful things to him and wanted to hurt him as much as I was hurting, and he still didn’t leave. He just waited.
“When I needed to be saved from the darkness that losing you had put me through, he’s the one who saved me. He’s made me laugh again. He’s made me feel again. And I want to live again. If I live my life, that doesn’t mean I’ll forget you. That won’t happen. What we had will never leave me. You will never leave me.” I stood up, leaving the daisies on the sand until each of them was caught by the water and pulled away.
“Thank you, Jace Newark. For loving me, for saving me, for being my hero.”
One lonely tear caught my eyelash and rolled down my cheek. I didn’t wipe it away. It would be the last tear that I left here, and that made it special.
Tripp
Bethy’s eyes had closed thirty minutes ago, but I was still sitting there with her feet in my lap as she lay on my sofa, wearing a pair of cutoff sweats and a T-shirt that she’d brought to change into. She had been different tonight. Her smile had been easier, and there was a lightness to her laugh. Letting her close her eyes and go to sleep had been hard. I wanted to hear her voice and soak in the sound of her laughter.
When she’d arrived with a change of clothes, I’d sent her to the bathroom to take a shower. She had sagged in relief. I had fixed our plates from all the leftovers she’d brought home and listened to her tell me about her evening. When she’d told me that London was there with some guy, she had watched me carefully, as if it would upset me. I’d pulled her feet into my lap then and started my promised massage while teasing her about her long shower.
I dropped my gaze to her feet and remembered the first time I had noticed them. They were dainty, with cute little short toes. She had hot-pink nail polish on them tonight. Back then, they had been bare. Never had I wanted to kiss a girl’s feet until I saw hers. The first time I had brought her toes to my lips, she’d giggled and squirmed, trying to get away.
I had told her the only thing I loved more than her was her feet, and she had blushed, covering her face with her hands. I never touched anyone else’s feet.
Picking up one perfect foot, I pressed a kiss to the arch, then placed it back on my thigh before shifting her so I could slip in behind her and pull her against my chest. She moved as soon as I lay down, and I was afraid I had woken her up. I went still and waited while she rolled over and proceeded to curl up against me, throwing a leg over my thighs and slipping an arm over my waist. Then she nuzzled her head against my neck and murmured something about me smelling good and not changing her shirt.
I held in my laugh and waited until I was sure she was sleeping before settling in and pulling her closer to me. Sleep came easily and peacefully.
It was Bethy’s breathing and the heat of her gaze that woke me this time. I opened my eyes and noticed the sun hadn’t completely risen, so the soft morning glow washed over Bethy’s face as she stared at me. We were once again completely tangled together, but this time, she didn’t try to squirm away. She had always been a snuggler. That was also something I had never allowed after her. I couldn’t sleep with a woman touching me. That right had belonged to Bethy.
“Hey,” I said, my voice husky from sleep.
The way her chest rose and fell caught my eye, and I saw the pulse in her neck quicken. Was she upset about something? I swung my gaze back to her face.
“You OK?” I asked, afraid she’d move away from me now. I had wanted another morning of holding her while she slept.
The wind blew some petals loose as I stood there, watching the waves crash against the sand. “I loved daisies because, before you, before us, I had a love that was big. One that was so big it held on all these years, even though you came into my life and found a part of my heart I didn’t know was left and claimed it. You don’t know it, but you saved me . . . twice.
“I don’t want you to think I wasn’t completely with you when you held me, because I was. The love that had found me before was there, but my heart was yours then. It was us. I didn’t know how to tell you about Tripp . . .”
A daisy blew free of my grasp, and I watched it drift away, then tumble along the white sand before a wave pulled it out into the water.
“I hated him for leaving me. I hated him for things I shouldn’t have, because he was a kid, too, back then. There were misunderstandings and pain that ran deep. I was lost, and the girl I had been was gone. You found her and kept her from complete destruction, because that was the course I was on. We were perfect but for only a season. Because Tripp came back. And when he did, it tilted my world.
I waited for the tears to come, because they always did. But today there was no burn in my eyes. No pain in my chest.
“It should have been me who drowned that night. Not you. Me. But you didn’t let that happen, because, again, you saved me. I didn’t deserve to be saved, but you never seemed to see it that way.
“You took a piece of me when you left. That part of my heart that you claimed is still with you, out there. It always will be. You were my hero.”
I looked back down at the daisies in my hand and bent down to place them on the sand. I didn’t let them go yet, because the moment I did, they would blow away.
“He’s been patient with me. He’s watched over me when all I did was push him away. I’ve said hurtful things to him and wanted to hurt him as much as I was hurting, and he still didn’t leave. He just waited.
“When I needed to be saved from the darkness that losing you had put me through, he’s the one who saved me. He’s made me laugh again. He’s made me feel again. And I want to live again. If I live my life, that doesn’t mean I’ll forget you. That won’t happen. What we had will never leave me. You will never leave me.” I stood up, leaving the daisies on the sand until each of them was caught by the water and pulled away.
“Thank you, Jace Newark. For loving me, for saving me, for being my hero.”
One lonely tear caught my eyelash and rolled down my cheek. I didn’t wipe it away. It would be the last tear that I left here, and that made it special.
Tripp
Bethy’s eyes had closed thirty minutes ago, but I was still sitting there with her feet in my lap as she lay on my sofa, wearing a pair of cutoff sweats and a T-shirt that she’d brought to change into. She had been different tonight. Her smile had been easier, and there was a lightness to her laugh. Letting her close her eyes and go to sleep had been hard. I wanted to hear her voice and soak in the sound of her laughter.
When she’d arrived with a change of clothes, I’d sent her to the bathroom to take a shower. She had sagged in relief. I had fixed our plates from all the leftovers she’d brought home and listened to her tell me about her evening. When she’d told me that London was there with some guy, she had watched me carefully, as if it would upset me. I’d pulled her feet into my lap then and started my promised massage while teasing her about her long shower.
I dropped my gaze to her feet and remembered the first time I had noticed them. They were dainty, with cute little short toes. She had hot-pink nail polish on them tonight. Back then, they had been bare. Never had I wanted to kiss a girl’s feet until I saw hers. The first time I had brought her toes to my lips, she’d giggled and squirmed, trying to get away.
I had told her the only thing I loved more than her was her feet, and she had blushed, covering her face with her hands. I never touched anyone else’s feet.
Picking up one perfect foot, I pressed a kiss to the arch, then placed it back on my thigh before shifting her so I could slip in behind her and pull her against my chest. She moved as soon as I lay down, and I was afraid I had woken her up. I went still and waited while she rolled over and proceeded to curl up against me, throwing a leg over my thighs and slipping an arm over my waist. Then she nuzzled her head against my neck and murmured something about me smelling good and not changing her shirt.
I held in my laugh and waited until I was sure she was sleeping before settling in and pulling her closer to me. Sleep came easily and peacefully.
It was Bethy’s breathing and the heat of her gaze that woke me this time. I opened my eyes and noticed the sun hadn’t completely risen, so the soft morning glow washed over Bethy’s face as she stared at me. We were once again completely tangled together, but this time, she didn’t try to squirm away. She had always been a snuggler. That was also something I had never allowed after her. I couldn’t sleep with a woman touching me. That right had belonged to Bethy.
“Hey,” I said, my voice husky from sleep.
The way her chest rose and fell caught my eye, and I saw the pulse in her neck quicken. Was she upset about something? I swung my gaze back to her face.
“You OK?” I asked, afraid she’d move away from me now. I had wanted another morning of holding her while she slept.
