A Second Chance
Page 21
“It must be working.” Dr. Martin looked at the papers on the clipboard. “Your white blood count looks better than it did right after the surgery. Your weight is down though.”
“She sleeps a lot and she’s not eating,” Carlos said quickly as if he were making sure she didn’t leave anything out.
Dr. Martin made a note in the chart. “Madeline, do you think this is worse than before?”
She bit down on her lip, looked up at Carlos, and then back at the doctor. “Well, I do lose energy pretty fast, and I throw up at least once a day.”
“We’ll get you something to help you with your nausea and something to get that white blood count up.”
She nodded.
“Now let’s look at you.” Dr. Martin moved toward her and Carlos stepped back.
Carlos looked at her. “I’ll wait outside.”
“Please stay,” she heard herself say, though she hadn’t planned on asking him to.
“Are you sure?” She understood the fear in his eyes. When he saw what they’d done to her in surgery, he might want to stop coming around. But she nodded.
The doctor pushed back her gown, and Madeline heard Carlos gasp. She clenched her fists at her sides. What had he expected? Did he really think she’d have let him stand there and ogle her bare chest had it been intact?
Madeline felt the tears well in her eyes, and she turned her head to make sure he couldn’t see them. He’d never look at her the way he once had. How could he?
“This looks good,” Dr. Martin said as he covered her back up. “Have you given consideration to reconstruction?”
She felt Carlos shift at her side, and when she looked up at him, she saw the telltale sign of the line that creased between his brows. He was uncomfortable.
Good. So was she.
“Oh, I want reconstruction. I just want to finish this first.” She forced her voice to be steady so Carlos could hear that she’d be fine. She didn’t need him taking care of her forever. He didn’t have to feel sorry for her. One day, very soon, she’d be a complete woman again.
Dr. Martin nodded. “That’s perfectly understandable.” He made more notes and then filled out a prescription and handed it to her. “I think you’re doing great. We’ll do more blood work in a few weeks and more x-rays. If this doesn’t help with the nausea and the energy levels, I want you to call me. I want you to be very careful during this time of year and stay healthy. With your white blood count still a little off, a simple cold could become something more complicated,” he warned.
“Should I keep the kids from her?” Carlos asked, his voice filled with panic.
“No. But make sure they keep themselves clean. Have them take extra showers and wash their hands often. They are most likely to bring home germs. We just want to take as many precautions as possible.”
“What about her hair?” He asked another question she had forgotten to ask. There were some benefits to having him there, she decided. Carlos kept his eyes on the doctor. “She says it’s starting to fall out.”
Dr. Martin nodded and made more notes. “It’s perfectly normal for some people to lose their hair during chemotherapy.” He turned toward Madeline. “This will be your call, of course. If it has started, likely it will keep coming out. It’s going to hurt.” He considered his words. “Not painfully, but imagine you have a sunburn on your scalp, and it itches and hurts. You understand, right?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. She hadn’t thought about the process of it falling out, just that it would, and quickly. “So I’ll be bald?”
“Hair comes out in patches. You’ll more than likely want to take the clippers to it. Don’t shave it with a razor.” He lifted his eyes to Carlos. “It’ll cause infection.”
Carlos nodded his understanding, but she saw the corners of his lips turn down as he swallowed hard. The very thought of how ugly she was going to be—breastless and hairless—made him sick.
Dr. Martin looked back at Madeline. “You can cover your head with a scarf, hat, or wig to keep your head warm if you want. Especially during the winter, you’ll want to do that to keep your body heat in. As for looks, many women cover their heads. It’s up to you.”
He gave his notes another look then lifted his eyes to her. He pushed back his shoulders and smiled. That gave her some confidence. The man looked pleased with her checkup. “Madeline, call me if you need anything or if you have questions.”
Madeline forced a grin. “Thank you.” She wanted to feel as positive as the doctor looked.
“Mr. Keller, it was nice to meet you. I’m glad to see Madeline has a good support team.”
“She does, sir,” Carlos said as he looked at her. “Our children and I are here for her.” For the first time she saw something in his eyes she hadn’t seen in more than five years. There was a peace that shaded them. The kind that had been there before when times were hard, but he still had loved her. A lump caught in her throat.
Dr. Martin nodded and left the room. Carlos helped her from the table.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” he offered and headed for the door.
“Carlos.” He turned back to her. “Thank you for coming with me. I was trying to think of every excuse to make you not come, but I’m glad I couldn’t come up with any.”
“I wouldn’t have listened to them anyway.”
She nodded and smiled. “I know. I just want you to know this means the world to me.”
He tucked his bottom lip in and nodded. He was nervous; she knew his tells. She knew he wanted to hug her. He wanted to kiss away all her pain, but he stood across the room and finally opened the door.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes.” He left the room, and Madeline sat for a moment. She pulled off the drape and looked down at her disfigured body. The curves were gone and there was nothing left, much like her life in general. The man she’d always loved had found someone new, and she winced when she realized she’d been the one to encourage it. The man who had held her hand the past five years had started his life over. And here she was hoping that every day she’d wake up and get to spend more time with her children.
Madeline reached for her shirt and slipped her arms through the sleeves. The fabric fought her and she pushed her arm through. But it wasn’t the shirt, it was the unsettling feeling that was making her tense. The thoughts that crowded her mind, wishing Kathy had never happened into his life and that Matt had walked out of hers much sooner. The very thought hurt as much as the scars on her body as they healed.
“She sleeps a lot and she’s not eating,” Carlos said quickly as if he were making sure she didn’t leave anything out.
Dr. Martin made a note in the chart. “Madeline, do you think this is worse than before?”
She bit down on her lip, looked up at Carlos, and then back at the doctor. “Well, I do lose energy pretty fast, and I throw up at least once a day.”
“We’ll get you something to help you with your nausea and something to get that white blood count up.”
She nodded.
“Now let’s look at you.” Dr. Martin moved toward her and Carlos stepped back.
Carlos looked at her. “I’ll wait outside.”
“Please stay,” she heard herself say, though she hadn’t planned on asking him to.
“Are you sure?” She understood the fear in his eyes. When he saw what they’d done to her in surgery, he might want to stop coming around. But she nodded.
The doctor pushed back her gown, and Madeline heard Carlos gasp. She clenched her fists at her sides. What had he expected? Did he really think she’d have let him stand there and ogle her bare chest had it been intact?
Madeline felt the tears well in her eyes, and she turned her head to make sure he couldn’t see them. He’d never look at her the way he once had. How could he?
“This looks good,” Dr. Martin said as he covered her back up. “Have you given consideration to reconstruction?”
She felt Carlos shift at her side, and when she looked up at him, she saw the telltale sign of the line that creased between his brows. He was uncomfortable.
Good. So was she.
“Oh, I want reconstruction. I just want to finish this first.” She forced her voice to be steady so Carlos could hear that she’d be fine. She didn’t need him taking care of her forever. He didn’t have to feel sorry for her. One day, very soon, she’d be a complete woman again.
Dr. Martin nodded. “That’s perfectly understandable.” He made more notes and then filled out a prescription and handed it to her. “I think you’re doing great. We’ll do more blood work in a few weeks and more x-rays. If this doesn’t help with the nausea and the energy levels, I want you to call me. I want you to be very careful during this time of year and stay healthy. With your white blood count still a little off, a simple cold could become something more complicated,” he warned.
“Should I keep the kids from her?” Carlos asked, his voice filled with panic.
“No. But make sure they keep themselves clean. Have them take extra showers and wash their hands often. They are most likely to bring home germs. We just want to take as many precautions as possible.”
“What about her hair?” He asked another question she had forgotten to ask. There were some benefits to having him there, she decided. Carlos kept his eyes on the doctor. “She says it’s starting to fall out.”
Dr. Martin nodded and made more notes. “It’s perfectly normal for some people to lose their hair during chemotherapy.” He turned toward Madeline. “This will be your call, of course. If it has started, likely it will keep coming out. It’s going to hurt.” He considered his words. “Not painfully, but imagine you have a sunburn on your scalp, and it itches and hurts. You understand, right?”
“Yes.” She swallowed hard. She hadn’t thought about the process of it falling out, just that it would, and quickly. “So I’ll be bald?”
“Hair comes out in patches. You’ll more than likely want to take the clippers to it. Don’t shave it with a razor.” He lifted his eyes to Carlos. “It’ll cause infection.”
Carlos nodded his understanding, but she saw the corners of his lips turn down as he swallowed hard. The very thought of how ugly she was going to be—breastless and hairless—made him sick.
Dr. Martin looked back at Madeline. “You can cover your head with a scarf, hat, or wig to keep your head warm if you want. Especially during the winter, you’ll want to do that to keep your body heat in. As for looks, many women cover their heads. It’s up to you.”
He gave his notes another look then lifted his eyes to her. He pushed back his shoulders and smiled. That gave her some confidence. The man looked pleased with her checkup. “Madeline, call me if you need anything or if you have questions.”
Madeline forced a grin. “Thank you.” She wanted to feel as positive as the doctor looked.
“Mr. Keller, it was nice to meet you. I’m glad to see Madeline has a good support team.”
“She does, sir,” Carlos said as he looked at her. “Our children and I are here for her.” For the first time she saw something in his eyes she hadn’t seen in more than five years. There was a peace that shaded them. The kind that had been there before when times were hard, but he still had loved her. A lump caught in her throat.
Dr. Martin nodded and left the room. Carlos helped her from the table.
“I’ll wait for you outside,” he offered and headed for the door.
“Carlos.” He turned back to her. “Thank you for coming with me. I was trying to think of every excuse to make you not come, but I’m glad I couldn’t come up with any.”
“I wouldn’t have listened to them anyway.”
She nodded and smiled. “I know. I just want you to know this means the world to me.”
He tucked his bottom lip in and nodded. He was nervous; she knew his tells. She knew he wanted to hug her. He wanted to kiss away all her pain, but he stood across the room and finally opened the door.
“I’ll be out in a few minutes.” He left the room, and Madeline sat for a moment. She pulled off the drape and looked down at her disfigured body. The curves were gone and there was nothing left, much like her life in general. The man she’d always loved had found someone new, and she winced when she realized she’d been the one to encourage it. The man who had held her hand the past five years had started his life over. And here she was hoping that every day she’d wake up and get to spend more time with her children.
Madeline reached for her shirt and slipped her arms through the sleeves. The fabric fought her and she pushed her arm through. But it wasn’t the shirt, it was the unsettling feeling that was making her tense. The thoughts that crowded her mind, wishing Kathy had never happened into his life and that Matt had walked out of hers much sooner. The very thought hurt as much as the scars on her body as they healed.
