A Second Chance
Page 43
Her heart ached as he replayed her mistakes since they’d divorced. “Carlos, I want you to be happy.”
“You just don’t want to be a part of it?”
Why was he arguing about this with her? She was his ex-wife. That alone should be reason to not have to justify why she wasn’t going to attend the wedding.
She didn’t want to tell him that his taking care of her had put her at such ease, and now he was all she thought about. She didn’t want to tell him that when she drifted to sleep each night, she dreamed of him. How could she tell him she loved him as much at that moment as she had when she was fifteen? Only when she was fifteen, there was hope. Now there was just emptiness. She’d never have him again as her husband. She’d walked away from that, and now Kathy had it. They’d always be parents and share their family, but he was marrying Kathy—and it broke her heart.
How was she supposed to tell him that? Instead, awkward silence took over the phone call.
Carlos let out a deep breath. “I just wish you’d change your mind. That’s all.”
“I only want the best for you, Carlos. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” That much was true. She’d hoped when they’d committed to each other that nothing could break them down so badly that one of them would walk away. Now they both had.
“I know.” His voice dropped off. “You’re one of my very best friends. I can’t imagine not having your blessing on that day.”
“You have my blessing.”
“And I’m thankful for that.” He let out a weak cough, and she knew it was strained with tears. “I’ll see you when you drop off the kids.”
“Okay, oh, did you hear that Zach has a new intern?”
“Of course I did. Ed’s excited and it’ll be good training for him. Maybe it’ll help him get some scholarships, and if he’s got potential, Zach can let us know.”
She felt better ending the call on a lighter note. “Well, I’d better get to bed. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Night, Maddie.”
She lay down across her bed and fingered the circle of gold that still hung around her neck, between her new breasts.
“Let go, Maddie,” she told herself as she moved Carlos’s ring back and forth on the chain. “Let go.”
As if Madeline’s phone conversation the night before with Carlos wasn’t unsettling enough, Matt called the next day.
He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling.”
“Really? How nice of you to check in on me five months later. Did you wonder if I was terminal yet?”
“Madeline…”
“Madeline, what? I’m so sorry that I was an ass to you? That I didn’t stick around and see you though your ordeal? That I…” She sucked in a breath and then bit down hard on her lip to stop herself from talking. “Matt, why did you call?”
“I wanted to see how you were.” His voice shook. Her enjoyment of the sound made her feel small.
“I’m fine. I’ve done four months of chemo. I’ve lost twenty pounds. I lost all my hair. For four months, I didn’t have any breasts, but now I have a nice new set. They’re incomplete, but look nice under my shirt. And I have a scar on my stomach where they took the grafting. Other than that, they got all the cancer during surgery. I’m feeling better. My eyebrows have grown in fully, and my hair is coming along nicely.”
There was almost a bubble of excitement when she rambled it all off to him. She’d been through a lot in five months. The rest of her life should be a piece of cake.
“And you, Matt? How are you and your new wife?”
“We’re fine,” he said, and again his voice shook with nerves. Madeline couldn’t help but feel a little pleased that he was uncomfortable, just as she’d been when he told her he’d moved on. “The baby was born last week. A little baby boy.”
At the mention of his son, guilt hit Madeline for being so nasty, and she sat back in her chair and let her shoulders fall. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll bet he’s handsome.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Eight and a half pounds. He’ll be a linebacker,” he said on a nervous laugh. “Anyway, I just wanted to see that you were doing well and wish you the best on your continued good health.”
“Thank you. Good luck with your son.” She paused and then added, “And your new wife.”
Her hands shook as she hung up the phone. Rattling off all of her successes over the past few months should have made her happy. Instead she felt empty. Each of the two men she’d vowed to love till death do them part had vowed the same in return and now had moved on. How could she not take that personally?
Armed with her passport and her printed airline tickets, Madeline loaded up her luggage and the kids and headed toward their father’s house.
Eduardo sat in the passenger seat, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. “I don’t see why you don’t just go next weekend when Dad and Kathy are home. It’s silly that he wants you there and you won’t come,” Eduardo continued his assault on her as she drove. This would be the fourth time they’d argued about her timing, but she wasn’t cracking. “You’ve been at every family event together for the past five years. I don’t see why his wedding would be any different.”
“It just is.”
“Well, it’s silly.”
“When you’re my age and your ex-wife gets married, we’ll have this talk.” Her words were getting sharper, and she knew he’d noticed. However, it didn’t stop him.
“You’re friends, Mom. Above all else you’ve always been friends.”
“And after this weekend we will still be friends.” She tried to smile, but it actually hurt.
He was silent until she pulled into the driveway.
They all piled out of the car and grabbed their suitcases. Christian kissed his mother on the cheek. “Have fun.”
“I will, baby. Thank you. Be good for Auntie Arianna.”
“We will,” he said, smiling.
“I know you will. Keep her in line, will ya?”
“That’s more like it.” He shook his head and walked toward the house.
Clara wrapped her arms around her mother, and Madeline held her tight.
“You just don’t want to be a part of it?”
Why was he arguing about this with her? She was his ex-wife. That alone should be reason to not have to justify why she wasn’t going to attend the wedding.
She didn’t want to tell him that his taking care of her had put her at such ease, and now he was all she thought about. She didn’t want to tell him that when she drifted to sleep each night, she dreamed of him. How could she tell him she loved him as much at that moment as she had when she was fifteen? Only when she was fifteen, there was hope. Now there was just emptiness. She’d never have him again as her husband. She’d walked away from that, and now Kathy had it. They’d always be parents and share their family, but he was marrying Kathy—and it broke her heart.
How was she supposed to tell him that? Instead, awkward silence took over the phone call.
Carlos let out a deep breath. “I just wish you’d change your mind. That’s all.”
“I only want the best for you, Carlos. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” That much was true. She’d hoped when they’d committed to each other that nothing could break them down so badly that one of them would walk away. Now they both had.
“I know.” His voice dropped off. “You’re one of my very best friends. I can’t imagine not having your blessing on that day.”
“You have my blessing.”
“And I’m thankful for that.” He let out a weak cough, and she knew it was strained with tears. “I’ll see you when you drop off the kids.”
“Okay, oh, did you hear that Zach has a new intern?”
“Of course I did. Ed’s excited and it’ll be good training for him. Maybe it’ll help him get some scholarships, and if he’s got potential, Zach can let us know.”
She felt better ending the call on a lighter note. “Well, I’d better get to bed. I’ll see you in a few days.”
“Night, Maddie.”
She lay down across her bed and fingered the circle of gold that still hung around her neck, between her new breasts.
“Let go, Maddie,” she told herself as she moved Carlos’s ring back and forth on the chain. “Let go.”
As if Madeline’s phone conversation the night before with Carlos wasn’t unsettling enough, Matt called the next day.
He cleared his throat. “I just wanted to see how you were feeling.”
“Really? How nice of you to check in on me five months later. Did you wonder if I was terminal yet?”
“Madeline…”
“Madeline, what? I’m so sorry that I was an ass to you? That I didn’t stick around and see you though your ordeal? That I…” She sucked in a breath and then bit down hard on her lip to stop herself from talking. “Matt, why did you call?”
“I wanted to see how you were.” His voice shook. Her enjoyment of the sound made her feel small.
“I’m fine. I’ve done four months of chemo. I’ve lost twenty pounds. I lost all my hair. For four months, I didn’t have any breasts, but now I have a nice new set. They’re incomplete, but look nice under my shirt. And I have a scar on my stomach where they took the grafting. Other than that, they got all the cancer during surgery. I’m feeling better. My eyebrows have grown in fully, and my hair is coming along nicely.”
There was almost a bubble of excitement when she rambled it all off to him. She’d been through a lot in five months. The rest of her life should be a piece of cake.
“And you, Matt? How are you and your new wife?”
“We’re fine,” he said, and again his voice shook with nerves. Madeline couldn’t help but feel a little pleased that he was uncomfortable, just as she’d been when he told her he’d moved on. “The baby was born last week. A little baby boy.”
At the mention of his son, guilt hit Madeline for being so nasty, and she sat back in her chair and let her shoulders fall. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.”
“I’ll bet he’s handsome.”
“Oh, yeah. Of course. Eight and a half pounds. He’ll be a linebacker,” he said on a nervous laugh. “Anyway, I just wanted to see that you were doing well and wish you the best on your continued good health.”
“Thank you. Good luck with your son.” She paused and then added, “And your new wife.”
Her hands shook as she hung up the phone. Rattling off all of her successes over the past few months should have made her happy. Instead she felt empty. Each of the two men she’d vowed to love till death do them part had vowed the same in return and now had moved on. How could she not take that personally?
Armed with her passport and her printed airline tickets, Madeline loaded up her luggage and the kids and headed toward their father’s house.
Eduardo sat in the passenger seat, his arms tightly crossed over his chest. “I don’t see why you don’t just go next weekend when Dad and Kathy are home. It’s silly that he wants you there and you won’t come,” Eduardo continued his assault on her as she drove. This would be the fourth time they’d argued about her timing, but she wasn’t cracking. “You’ve been at every family event together for the past five years. I don’t see why his wedding would be any different.”
“It just is.”
“Well, it’s silly.”
“When you’re my age and your ex-wife gets married, we’ll have this talk.” Her words were getting sharper, and she knew he’d noticed. However, it didn’t stop him.
“You’re friends, Mom. Above all else you’ve always been friends.”
“And after this weekend we will still be friends.” She tried to smile, but it actually hurt.
He was silent until she pulled into the driveway.
They all piled out of the car and grabbed their suitcases. Christian kissed his mother on the cheek. “Have fun.”
“I will, baby. Thank you. Be good for Auntie Arianna.”
“We will,” he said, smiling.
“I know you will. Keep her in line, will ya?”
“That’s more like it.” He shook his head and walked toward the house.
Clara wrapped her arms around her mother, and Madeline held her tight.
