All for This
Page 54
She shakes her head. “I didn’t know you really believed someone pushed you.”
I shrug. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“No one pushed you,” she whispers. “Not intentionally at least.” Then she sinks to her knees and rests her head on the side of my bed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Liz?” Panic lodges in my throat. “Liz, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats. “You’re the most important person in my world, and I would never hurt you on purpose.”
Oh my God. “What happened, Liz?”
She lifts her head and draws in a ragged breath. “The day of the accident, Sam called me and said you’d met with him. He said he was worried about you and that maybe you were about to rush into a marriage you weren’t ready for.” She pushes herself off her haunches and paces the room. “Of course, I didn’t know anything about Max proposing at the beginning of the summer, and the idea of you getting married was new to me. And terrifying. You’d pulled away from me completely. You’d become a shell of your former self—exercised-obsessed and quiet and secretive—and in my mind, that was all associated with Max. I thought he made you like that. I thought that, if you married him, I’d lose you forever.”
I force myself to steady my breathing. I know what’s coming.
“I came up to your apartment to see if what Sam said was true and to try to talk you out of rushing into it. You met me on the balcony and you had a puffy lip and a swollen eye. You wouldn’t tell me what those were from, and you were wearing the ring.” She stops pacing and lifts her eyes to mine. “I demanded that you take it off. I’m your twin sister, and I didn’t even know he’d proposed, and you were wearing his ring, telling me that I needed to trust you. You were doing the right thing, you said. But to me, it was all wrong, and I wanted my sister back. I tried to take the ring off you myself. I was desperate. I felt like it had you under some spell or something and if I could get it off your finger…”
“And I didn’t want you to take it,” I say softly.
“I don’t even know how it happened. I had your hand and you were yanking away from me, and you told me to let go, said I was hurting you, and I did. But your back was to the stairs and somehow you lost your balance and fell.” Tears spill down her cheeks. “I called 911 and got you to the hospital, and it was so much more terrible than I ever would have imagined a fall like that could be. I was terrified I was going to lose you. And then, when I didn’t, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth because I finally had my sister back. I am so sorry.”
“It was an accident, Liz.”
“It was my fault.”
“It was an accident,” I repeat. But my mind is spinning and I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t taken that fall. Was I planning on telling Max about Nate? And when would I have learned about the pregnancy?
“Can I get you anything?” she asks. “Anything at all? Should I call him?”
“Don’t call Nate.”
“He’ll come,” she says. “He loves you.”
I nod, and a salty tear runs into my mouth. “He does.”
What was it he said to me the day we made love? “I love you, and I’m afraid you’re going to ruin your life because of it.” Turns out, it wasn’t my life he needed to worry about.
21
SHE LOOKS terrified and she’s staring at the babies’ heart-rate monitors like their hearts might stop beating if she turns away.
“She’s doing great,” Liz says, patting Hanna’s arm. “No more contractions since they started her on the meds. Babies are healthy and strong. Now we just have to keep them cooking for a while longer.”
“Have you called Nate?” I ask Hanna.
Liz speaks before Hanna can reply—or maybe she just knows she won’t. “He’s spending Christmas with his son.”
“He can’t be in both places at once,” Hanna murmurs, almost to herself.
Liz frowns, exhaustion marking her features, but she pats Hanna’s arm again. “He’d be here if he knew. Someone’s being stubborn.”
“Have you been here all day?” I ask Liz.
She nods. “It’s no big deal. She’s my sister.”
“Take a break. I’ll stay with her for a while. She won’t be alone.”
Relief lightens her smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m so scared,” Hanna whispers when Liz is gone. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
I sink into the chair between her bed and the monitors so she’ll see me while we talk without having to take her attention completely off the graphs of the babies’ heartbeats. “Everything looks good. They can do amazing things to stop preterm labor.”
“It’s not that. It’s that I don’t know the first thing about being a mom.”
Taking her hand, I squeeze her fingers. “You’re going to be amazing.”
“I’m scared to do this alone.”
“You won’t be alone. We’re all here for you. You know that.”
A tear escapes her eye and rolls onto the pillow. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through.”
My heart squeezes so hard and tight and painful that I can hardly breathe. “Hanna…”
“I am. You sacrificed everything for me, and how did I repay you? By doubting you? By stringing you along? By falling in love with another man? Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
I shrug. “I don’t know what I believe anymore.”
“No one pushed you,” she whispers. “Not intentionally at least.” Then she sinks to her knees and rests her head on the side of my bed. “I’m so sorry.”
“Liz?” Panic lodges in my throat. “Liz, what’s wrong?”
“I’m so sorry,” she repeats. “You’re the most important person in my world, and I would never hurt you on purpose.”
Oh my God. “What happened, Liz?”
She lifts her head and draws in a ragged breath. “The day of the accident, Sam called me and said you’d met with him. He said he was worried about you and that maybe you were about to rush into a marriage you weren’t ready for.” She pushes herself off her haunches and paces the room. “Of course, I didn’t know anything about Max proposing at the beginning of the summer, and the idea of you getting married was new to me. And terrifying. You’d pulled away from me completely. You’d become a shell of your former self—exercised-obsessed and quiet and secretive—and in my mind, that was all associated with Max. I thought he made you like that. I thought that, if you married him, I’d lose you forever.”
I force myself to steady my breathing. I know what’s coming.
“I came up to your apartment to see if what Sam said was true and to try to talk you out of rushing into it. You met me on the balcony and you had a puffy lip and a swollen eye. You wouldn’t tell me what those were from, and you were wearing the ring.” She stops pacing and lifts her eyes to mine. “I demanded that you take it off. I’m your twin sister, and I didn’t even know he’d proposed, and you were wearing his ring, telling me that I needed to trust you. You were doing the right thing, you said. But to me, it was all wrong, and I wanted my sister back. I tried to take the ring off you myself. I was desperate. I felt like it had you under some spell or something and if I could get it off your finger…”
“And I didn’t want you to take it,” I say softly.
“I don’t even know how it happened. I had your hand and you were yanking away from me, and you told me to let go, said I was hurting you, and I did. But your back was to the stairs and somehow you lost your balance and fell.” Tears spill down her cheeks. “I called 911 and got you to the hospital, and it was so much more terrible than I ever would have imagined a fall like that could be. I was terrified I was going to lose you. And then, when I didn’t, I couldn’t bring myself to tell you the truth because I finally had my sister back. I am so sorry.”
“It was an accident, Liz.”
“It was my fault.”
“It was an accident,” I repeat. But my mind is spinning and I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t taken that fall. Was I planning on telling Max about Nate? And when would I have learned about the pregnancy?
“Can I get you anything?” she asks. “Anything at all? Should I call him?”
“Don’t call Nate.”
“He’ll come,” she says. “He loves you.”
I nod, and a salty tear runs into my mouth. “He does.”
What was it he said to me the day we made love? “I love you, and I’m afraid you’re going to ruin your life because of it.” Turns out, it wasn’t my life he needed to worry about.
21
SHE LOOKS terrified and she’s staring at the babies’ heart-rate monitors like their hearts might stop beating if she turns away.
“She’s doing great,” Liz says, patting Hanna’s arm. “No more contractions since they started her on the meds. Babies are healthy and strong. Now we just have to keep them cooking for a while longer.”
“Have you called Nate?” I ask Hanna.
Liz speaks before Hanna can reply—or maybe she just knows she won’t. “He’s spending Christmas with his son.”
“He can’t be in both places at once,” Hanna murmurs, almost to herself.
Liz frowns, exhaustion marking her features, but she pats Hanna’s arm again. “He’d be here if he knew. Someone’s being stubborn.”
“Have you been here all day?” I ask Liz.
She nods. “It’s no big deal. She’s my sister.”
“Take a break. I’ll stay with her for a while. She won’t be alone.”
Relief lightens her smile. “Thanks.”
“I’m so scared,” Hanna whispers when Liz is gone. “I don’t know if I can do this.”
I sink into the chair between her bed and the monitors so she’ll see me while we talk without having to take her attention completely off the graphs of the babies’ heartbeats. “Everything looks good. They can do amazing things to stop preterm labor.”
“It’s not that. It’s that I don’t know the first thing about being a mom.”
Taking her hand, I squeeze her fingers. “You’re going to be amazing.”
“I’m scared to do this alone.”
“You won’t be alone. We’re all here for you. You know that.”
A tear escapes her eye and rolls onto the pillow. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through.”
My heart squeezes so hard and tight and painful that I can hardly breathe. “Hanna…”
“I am. You sacrificed everything for me, and how did I repay you? By doubting you? By stringing you along? By falling in love with another man? Will you ever be able to forgive me?”
