All I Want
Page 39
“Yeah, I did,” I counter as he drops his hand. I see the smirk twisting across his lips and shove him out of the way so I can open my door. “Fuck off. I’m not as pussy-whipped as you are over Mia. I just did what I had to do.”
He steps aside, laughing. “Call it whatever you want. The only difference between me and you is that I wasn’t scared to admit how I felt. Not to myself, or anybody else. I didn’t give a shit who knew how crazy I was about Mia.”
“Tessa knows how I feel.”
“Does she?” He looks at me straight on, dropping all humor as I settle into the driver’s seat. “I’m sure she knows you care about her, but she doesn’t how you feel. She won’t, not until you tell her, and don’t make her wait for that. I made that mistake with Mia and I almost lost my chance.”
I grab the door handle to pull it closed, but he stops it with a hand gripping the edge.
“What are you so scared of, Luke? That all the shit you’ve been through is too much for her to deal with? Do you think she’d run from that?”
I glare at him, feeling my nostrils flare. “She doesn’t need to know about all this. All this shit—it’s mine. It’s my fucking burden, and I won’t make it hers. I let her in as much as I can, and it has to be enough because that’s all I can give her.”
I see him struggle with his next words, or maybe he’s struggling with mine. Either way, it takes him several seconds before he nods his understanding. “Well, for your sake, I hope it’s enough for her, because you’re a miserable piece of shit without her.”
I let out a breathy laugh, and he does the same. “Yeah, well… fuck you.”
He laughs harder and allows me to close the door.
I can’t argue with Ben. He’s right; I have been a miserable piece of shit. I read once that addiction is hereditary, a crutch you inherit that’s ingrained in your genetic makeup. It would make sense; explain the starving compulsion I’ve had over the past year. My dad might be dependent on alcohol, but I’m at the mercy of Tessa Kelly, and right now, I’m going to feed my obsession.
***
Tessa’s car isn’t at my house when I get there, which doesn’t completely surprise me. After I let Max outside, I drive over to her apartment and knock on the door. I hear a muffled “hold on,” followed by the clicking sound of several locks being turned.
The door opens and I look down at Tessa, her green eyes doubling in size the moment she trains them on me. She’s still wearing my T-shirt, but she has on these tight black pants that I know hug her ass in a way that has me reaching down to adjust my slowly hardening cock. One of her hands is clutching a small container of ice cream, and the spoon she has shoved in her mouth nearly falls out as she reacts to my presence, clearly not expecting me.
“Mmm mmm,” she says around the spoon with a shake of her head before slamming the door closed. A lock clicks.
“What the hell?” I bang on the door, turning the knob and scowling when it won’t budge. “Tessa, what the fuck? Let me in.”
“No, no, no, no, NO. You are not coming in here.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because if I let you in, I’ll have sex with you.”
My brow pinches together. “Why is that a problem?”
I hear her breathy pause. “It just… it just fucking is. Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. ‘It just fucking is’ isn’t a reason, and if you’re keeping me out ’cause you’re worried I’ll have sex with you as soon as I get in there, don’t be.”
“Oh really?” she asks through a laugh. “You mean to tell me if I open this door right now, you wouldn’t try sticking it in, immediately? I call bullshit.”
I smile, dropping my head against the door. “Immediately? No, because I can still fucking taste you, Tessa, and I want more of that before I do anything else. When you open this door—not if—the first thing that’s going to be sliding into you will be my tongue. Then my fingers. Then my cock. In that order.”
I hear a soft, purring sound, followed by a grunt. “Goddamn it. Why do you have to talk to me like that?”
I palm my now fully hard cock. “‘Cause you like it. Now let me in.”
“No.”
I jar the knob again. “You know I can break down doors. You’ve seen me do it.”
“Then you’ll be buying me another one.”
I shut my eyes. “Look, I’ve had a shitty night. A really fucking shitty night, and I just want to be with you. Let me in so I can do that.”
“Did this shitty night have anything to do with Ray? Or Sara?” I don’t respond and I hear more locks clicking. “You wanna come in?” she asks, her voice dropping the certainty it just had seconds ago.
I nod as if she can see me, feeling my desperation for her coursing through my blood.
“There are five locks on this door, four too many in my opinion, and if you want in, you need to answer all five of my questions.”
I stare blankly at the door. “Don’t do this right now.”
“Question number one,” she starts as I run both hands down my face. “Who is Ray?”
Easy. I can answer that.
“He’s a bartender I’ve known for a couple years. He owns Lucky’s Tavern.”
A lock clicks. “See, that’s wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Is that your next question?”
I hear her irritated sigh. “No, it’s not, smartass. Who is Sara?”
I crack my knuckles as I begin to pace back and forth in front of the door. “Tessa, I fucking answered one of your questions. That should be enough.”
“Don’t be pissy with me because you bought a door with five locks. You know the rules of this game.”
A game; that’s exactly what this is. A fucking game.
I stop in front of the door. “I want to be with you. You fucking settle me, okay, and I need that right now. Stop this shit and just let me in.”
Silence lingers between us as I step closer, flattening my hand against the door.
“Tessa.” I nearly plead, not giving a shit if she hears how weak I am when it comes to her. She’s controlling this, and the helpless feeling that started off as a minor discomfort weighing on my chest has intensified, making it difficult for my lungs to fully expand.
I can hear her breathing through the door as she makes me wait, and it’s funny how that doesn’t crank up my anxiety. Waiting for Tessa to make her decision doesn’t make me uneasy. It’s the fear of not seeing her right now that does.
“No, Luke,” she finally says, her voice unwavering and sure. “I can’t have you keep me out like that. It sucks for me, especially when I get moments with you where I think you’re letting me in, but you’re not. It’s not fucking fair. If you don’t want to tell me who Sara is, then leave, because you’re not coming in here.”
My chest gets tighter, like she’s just added another weight by keeping me out. “Fine,” I reply through gritted teeth, turning and heading for my truck.
I’m not going to fucking beg to see her, and I don’t need this shit right now. Not after the night I just had. She’s probably just pissed I left her the way I did earlier and after a day or two, she’ll get over it. Tessa can’t deny she wants to be with me. What we had last summer was damn near perfect, and we will have that again.
He steps aside, laughing. “Call it whatever you want. The only difference between me and you is that I wasn’t scared to admit how I felt. Not to myself, or anybody else. I didn’t give a shit who knew how crazy I was about Mia.”
“Tessa knows how I feel.”
“Does she?” He looks at me straight on, dropping all humor as I settle into the driver’s seat. “I’m sure she knows you care about her, but she doesn’t how you feel. She won’t, not until you tell her, and don’t make her wait for that. I made that mistake with Mia and I almost lost my chance.”
I grab the door handle to pull it closed, but he stops it with a hand gripping the edge.
“What are you so scared of, Luke? That all the shit you’ve been through is too much for her to deal with? Do you think she’d run from that?”
I glare at him, feeling my nostrils flare. “She doesn’t need to know about all this. All this shit—it’s mine. It’s my fucking burden, and I won’t make it hers. I let her in as much as I can, and it has to be enough because that’s all I can give her.”
I see him struggle with his next words, or maybe he’s struggling with mine. Either way, it takes him several seconds before he nods his understanding. “Well, for your sake, I hope it’s enough for her, because you’re a miserable piece of shit without her.”
I let out a breathy laugh, and he does the same. “Yeah, well… fuck you.”
He laughs harder and allows me to close the door.
I can’t argue with Ben. He’s right; I have been a miserable piece of shit. I read once that addiction is hereditary, a crutch you inherit that’s ingrained in your genetic makeup. It would make sense; explain the starving compulsion I’ve had over the past year. My dad might be dependent on alcohol, but I’m at the mercy of Tessa Kelly, and right now, I’m going to feed my obsession.
***
Tessa’s car isn’t at my house when I get there, which doesn’t completely surprise me. After I let Max outside, I drive over to her apartment and knock on the door. I hear a muffled “hold on,” followed by the clicking sound of several locks being turned.
The door opens and I look down at Tessa, her green eyes doubling in size the moment she trains them on me. She’s still wearing my T-shirt, but she has on these tight black pants that I know hug her ass in a way that has me reaching down to adjust my slowly hardening cock. One of her hands is clutching a small container of ice cream, and the spoon she has shoved in her mouth nearly falls out as she reacts to my presence, clearly not expecting me.
“Mmm mmm,” she says around the spoon with a shake of her head before slamming the door closed. A lock clicks.
“What the hell?” I bang on the door, turning the knob and scowling when it won’t budge. “Tessa, what the fuck? Let me in.”
“No, no, no, no, NO. You are not coming in here.”
“Why the hell not?”
“Because if I let you in, I’ll have sex with you.”
My brow pinches together. “Why is that a problem?”
I hear her breathy pause. “It just… it just fucking is. Okay?”
“No, it’s not okay. ‘It just fucking is’ isn’t a reason, and if you’re keeping me out ’cause you’re worried I’ll have sex with you as soon as I get in there, don’t be.”
“Oh really?” she asks through a laugh. “You mean to tell me if I open this door right now, you wouldn’t try sticking it in, immediately? I call bullshit.”
I smile, dropping my head against the door. “Immediately? No, because I can still fucking taste you, Tessa, and I want more of that before I do anything else. When you open this door—not if—the first thing that’s going to be sliding into you will be my tongue. Then my fingers. Then my cock. In that order.”
I hear a soft, purring sound, followed by a grunt. “Goddamn it. Why do you have to talk to me like that?”
I palm my now fully hard cock. “‘Cause you like it. Now let me in.”
“No.”
I jar the knob again. “You know I can break down doors. You’ve seen me do it.”
“Then you’ll be buying me another one.”
I shut my eyes. “Look, I’ve had a shitty night. A really fucking shitty night, and I just want to be with you. Let me in so I can do that.”
“Did this shitty night have anything to do with Ray? Or Sara?” I don’t respond and I hear more locks clicking. “You wanna come in?” she asks, her voice dropping the certainty it just had seconds ago.
I nod as if she can see me, feeling my desperation for her coursing through my blood.
“There are five locks on this door, four too many in my opinion, and if you want in, you need to answer all five of my questions.”
I stare blankly at the door. “Don’t do this right now.”
“Question number one,” she starts as I run both hands down my face. “Who is Ray?”
Easy. I can answer that.
“He’s a bartender I’ve known for a couple years. He owns Lucky’s Tavern.”
A lock clicks. “See, that’s wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“Is that your next question?”
I hear her irritated sigh. “No, it’s not, smartass. Who is Sara?”
I crack my knuckles as I begin to pace back and forth in front of the door. “Tessa, I fucking answered one of your questions. That should be enough.”
“Don’t be pissy with me because you bought a door with five locks. You know the rules of this game.”
A game; that’s exactly what this is. A fucking game.
I stop in front of the door. “I want to be with you. You fucking settle me, okay, and I need that right now. Stop this shit and just let me in.”
Silence lingers between us as I step closer, flattening my hand against the door.
“Tessa.” I nearly plead, not giving a shit if she hears how weak I am when it comes to her. She’s controlling this, and the helpless feeling that started off as a minor discomfort weighing on my chest has intensified, making it difficult for my lungs to fully expand.
I can hear her breathing through the door as she makes me wait, and it’s funny how that doesn’t crank up my anxiety. Waiting for Tessa to make her decision doesn’t make me uneasy. It’s the fear of not seeing her right now that does.
“No, Luke,” she finally says, her voice unwavering and sure. “I can’t have you keep me out like that. It sucks for me, especially when I get moments with you where I think you’re letting me in, but you’re not. It’s not fucking fair. If you don’t want to tell me who Sara is, then leave, because you’re not coming in here.”
My chest gets tighter, like she’s just added another weight by keeping me out. “Fine,” I reply through gritted teeth, turning and heading for my truck.
I’m not going to fucking beg to see her, and I don’t need this shit right now. Not after the night I just had. She’s probably just pissed I left her the way I did earlier and after a day or two, she’ll get over it. Tessa can’t deny she wants to be with me. What we had last summer was damn near perfect, and we will have that again.
