Almost Perfect
Page 16
“Wasn’t it?”
He hesitated. “Maybe. This is really new for me. I’m reacting, rather than thinking.”
“I’m doing my best to understand that.”
She sounded as if she didn’t want to, which irritated him. Then he told himself it was time to stop being angry. Liz was right—they did have to work together.
“I’d better get back to the library,” she said. “I don’t want your sister thinking I’ve abandoned Tyler.”
He pushed to his feet, then grabbed her hand.
Her fingers were warm. Touching her reminded him of the last time they’d been together. Of how, despite everything, the passion was still there, lurking. Heating. Making him want in a way he hadn’t in a long time. There had been other women. He’d even gotten married. But there had been no one like Liz.
Something hot flared in her eyes. She gave him a brief smile. “You’re trouble. You know that, right?”
He grinned. “One of my best qualities.”
“A debate for another time.”
He thought about kissing her, about leaning in and tasting her again.
A complication neither of them needed, he told himself as she squeezed his fingers then walked away. There were still too many other issues to work through. But he wouldn’t say no to more alone time with her, he thought, watching her walk away.
“What was that all about?”
He turned and saw his mother walking toward him. She had a shopping bag in each hand.
He took the bags from her and set them on a chair. “Liz and I were talking about Tyler.”
His mother’s gaze sharpened as she studied his face. “Is that all? It looked like more to me. You’re not starting something with her, are you, Ethan? After what she did to you? To all of us?”
His reaction was instinctive. “Don’t worry. Liz doesn’t matter to me at all. There’s nothing between us.”
“It’s good to know that some things never change.”
But the words weren’t spoken by his mother. He turned to his right and saw Liz standing just behind him. Her expression was unreadable, but he saw a flash of pain in her eyes.
“In case I was wondering,” she added, picking up the keys she’d left on the table.
She turned on her heel and was gone.
CHAPTER NINE
LIZ WAS STILL SHAKING AS SHE climbed the three steps to the library. She told herself it didn’t matter. That Ethan had to say that to Denise. It wasn’t as if his mother was a fan. Besides, there wasn’t anything else to tell the woman. But in her gut, Liz felt just as dismissed and hurt as she had twelve years before—when Ethan had denied their relationship to all his friends.
She might have had a child with him, and slept with him and still be fighting feelings from the past, but the bottom line was, she couldn’t trust him. Not ever. He couldn’t escape his family name and reputation anymore than she could.
She reached for the front door and pulled it open. A woman with a stroller smiled. “Thanks for the help,” she said.
“You’re welcome.”
The twenty-something woman pushed the stroller through the door, then turned back.
“Are you Liz Sutton? I thought I recognized your picture from your books.”
Liz nodded cautiously.
The woman’s warm smile faded. “My sister went to high school with you. When she told me that you were the class slut, I didn’t want to believe her. But now that I’ve heard what you did to poor Ethan Hendrix, I know every word is true. I’ll never read your books again.”
Hit number three, Liz thought, standing in the sunlight, determined not to go inside until she was sure she wasn’t going to cry.
She told herself the young mother didn’t know her. That other people’s opinions had no meaning. That the truth was much less clear than most people realized. All of which was bullshit, she thought, finally stepping into the cool darkness of the library.
As soon as they got back to the house, she was getting out the phone book, she promised herself. She would get bids on fixing up the house and pay whatever premium was required to get the work done quickly. When the house was finished, she would take the girls and Tyler, return to San Francisco and never, ever come back to this hellhole.
THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT IN AN otherwise hideous morning had been Montana’s enthusiasm over the book signing. Ethan’s sister had insisted on showing Liz the initial design for the posters and all the Internet postings. Montana swore people would drive into town from hundreds of miles away, just to meet Liz and have her sign books. Liz was less sure of her popularity, but it beat being verbally spit at by the locals.
She helped Tyler carry his armload of books into the house. He’d picked out several he thought Abby might like, which Liz appreciated. After sending him to his room to play computer games for an hour, she called Melissa and Abby into the living room.
The two girls sat on the sofa. They looked impossibly young, she thought, wishing things had been different for them. However much she might currently hate her own life, what Abby and Melissa were feeling was ten times worse. They were just kids who didn’t deserve what had happened to them.
She sat on the coffee table in front of the couch and leaned toward the girls.
“I’m going to fix up the house,” she began. “Your dad started a lot of projects, but I don’t know how to finish them. So unless one of you is holding out some secret contractor knowledge, I’ll be hiring a team to finish the work.”
Melissa looked wary, but Abby smiled. “I can help.”
“I’m sure you can.”
“What happens after the house is finished?” Melissa asked.
Not the question Liz wanted to answer. “We’re going back to San Francisco.”
Melissa and Abby exchanged a look. Tears filled Abby’s eyes while Melissa started shaking her head.
“No, we’re not,” she announced. “We’re staying here. We live here.”
“I know it will be hard,” Liz began.
“It doesn’t have to be.” Melissa stood up. Her face was red, her eyes bright with tears she blinked away. “We’ll run away. We don’t need you.”
Abby stood, too, then leaned into Liz who hugged her close.
“I’m sorry,” Liz murmured into her hair, hanging on tight. “I’m sorry.”
“W-what does Dad say?” Abby asked in a whisper.
“That you’re going to stay with me.”
Abby raised her head. “He doesn’t want us, does he? No one wants us.”
“I want you,” Liz assured, wishing she had the power to take away their pain and make them feel safe. “No matter what, we’ll be together. Your dad being in prison isn’t about you. It’s about him. If he wasn’t there, he’d still be here.”
“With us. Where we belong,” Melissa snapped. “In our house. You’re going to sell it, aren’t you? And take all the money.”
Liz continued to hold Abby, but turned her attention to the teenager. “I’m going to fix it up. Then the three of us will sit down with a real estate agent and discuss the benefits of renting it versus selling outright. Either way the money will go into trust for both of you. For when you’re older. This isn’t about taking anything from you and I think you know that.”
“You’re taking away everything,” Melissa said, losing her battle with the tears. They spilled down her cheeks. She brushed them away and glared at Liz. “You can’t do this to us.”
“Tyler and I can’t stay here. San Francisco isn’t so far away. You’ll be able to visit your friends.”
“How?” Melissa asked.
“Tyler will be coming back to see his dad. You can come with him. I’m not trying to make this worse. We need to settle in to being a family. I want that. You girls are important to me.”
“I’m not going,” Melissa said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You can’t make me.”
Abby stared at Liz. “I want to be with you.”
Liz kissed her forehead. “I’m glad. I want you to keep in touch with your friends. We’ll work on that. Okay?”
Abby nodded.
“She’s lying,” Melissa told her sister. “She doesn’t care about us at all.”
“If she didn’t care, she’d just leave,” Abby noted, still holding on to Liz. “Like Bettina did. We don’t have a choice. There’s no one else.”
The simple words spoken with the wisdom of a child, broke Liz’s heart. No eleven-year-old should have to be so keenly aware of life’s unpleasant realities. Tyler was the same age and he didn’t know anything about how the dark side of the world operated.
“I want to make it work,” Liz reiterated to Melissa.
“I’m not leaving,” Melissa told her and walked out.
“She’ll get over it,” Abby said, stepping back. “It’ll take a while, but she will. She was scared when we were alone before.”
“Weren’t you?”
“Yeah, but I had someone taking care of me. She didn’t have anyone.”
“I’m sorry,” Liz apologized. “I wish I’d known about you before.”
“Me, too.”
AFTER LUNCH, THE FOUR OF THEM went to the community pool. They found a cool spot in the shade. Liz leaned against a tree, opened her laptop and prayed for inspiration. Technically her deadline was generous enough that she wasn’t exactly behind. Not yet. But give it another few weeks and she would feel the panic.
While her computer booted up, she gazed around the pool, taking in the other mothers and kids. Most of them seemed to know each other. One of the blessings—and curses—of small-town life.
She turned her attention to Tyler, spotting him easily from years of practice, then finding Melissa and Abby. Their red hair made them stand out in the crowd. A good thing, she told herself. After the morning she’d had, she was due for a break or two.
The streak didn’t last. Five seconds later, someone spoke her name.
“Liz.”
She didn’t have to look up to recognize Ethan, who was very possibly the last person she wanted to see right now. Or ever.
“Tyler told me that you’d be here after lunch.”
She kept her gaze firmly on her screen. With practiced ease, she opened her word processing program, then loaded the book in progress.
He dropped to the grass next to her. “Did I mention that I’m sorry?”
Grateful for the big hat she’d pulled on and the sunglasses shielding her eyes, she turned toward him. At least she didn’t have to worry about him seeing she was more hurt than angry. He wouldn’t know about the bitter taste of betrayal on her tongue or the lingering sense of having been hit in the gut.
“I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” he explained.
“Right. So you’re apologizing for me hearing it but not for saying it. Thanks for the clarification.”
His gaze sharpened. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it? It’s what you said.”
“Dammit, Liz, give me a break.”
“Why? You spent the first part of the morning telling Tyler that it’s my fault you and he don’t know each other and the hour before noon telling your mother that I don’t mean anything to you. I wasn’t expecting you to declare I was the love of your life, but a little respect would have been nice.”
“You’re right.”
“But that was too much. Instead you threw me under the bus. I’m not even surprised. You’ve done it before.”
His gaze never left her face. “Why is it you get to tell me to stop bringing up the past, but you get to do it as much as you want?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. She was angry and hurt and didn’t want to admit he had a point. One she was going to ignore.
“We slept together, Ethan. We didn’t plan it, but it happened. We have a child together. You can’t say we’re on the same team to my face, then undermine me every chance you get.”
He drew in a breath. “I know. I’m sorry. I keep saying that and I mean it. Everything is different. Complicated. I’m trying to figure out what happens next.”
“What happens next is we come up with a plan. A way for you to spend time with Tyler.”
“I am spending time with him.”
Despite the fact that he couldn’t see her eyes, she looked away. “For later,” she clarified. “When I go back to San Francisco.”
His jaw tightened and his eyes darkened. “You’re leaving? When?”
“I’m not sure. I want to fix up the house. I’m hiring a contractor to do the work. Then we’re leaving.” She turned back to him and pulled off her sunglasses. “This isn’t about keeping you from Tyler, I swear. We’ll do alternating weekends, share holidays.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“That’s not an option. I can’t live here. I have a life I need to get back to. A job.”
“You can write anywhere.”
“You speak from experience?” she asked, her voice sharp with annoyance. “I hate it here. Everyone is very comfortable getting in my face about my past and they don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t see anyone blaming you. I want you to know your son. I want you to be a part of things, but whatever plan we come up with isn’t going to include me staying here. When the house is finished, we’re all leaving.”
He hesitated. “Maybe. This is really new for me. I’m reacting, rather than thinking.”
“I’m doing my best to understand that.”
She sounded as if she didn’t want to, which irritated him. Then he told himself it was time to stop being angry. Liz was right—they did have to work together.
“I’d better get back to the library,” she said. “I don’t want your sister thinking I’ve abandoned Tyler.”
He pushed to his feet, then grabbed her hand.
Her fingers were warm. Touching her reminded him of the last time they’d been together. Of how, despite everything, the passion was still there, lurking. Heating. Making him want in a way he hadn’t in a long time. There had been other women. He’d even gotten married. But there had been no one like Liz.
Something hot flared in her eyes. She gave him a brief smile. “You’re trouble. You know that, right?”
He grinned. “One of my best qualities.”
“A debate for another time.”
He thought about kissing her, about leaning in and tasting her again.
A complication neither of them needed, he told himself as she squeezed his fingers then walked away. There were still too many other issues to work through. But he wouldn’t say no to more alone time with her, he thought, watching her walk away.
“What was that all about?”
He turned and saw his mother walking toward him. She had a shopping bag in each hand.
He took the bags from her and set them on a chair. “Liz and I were talking about Tyler.”
His mother’s gaze sharpened as she studied his face. “Is that all? It looked like more to me. You’re not starting something with her, are you, Ethan? After what she did to you? To all of us?”
His reaction was instinctive. “Don’t worry. Liz doesn’t matter to me at all. There’s nothing between us.”
“It’s good to know that some things never change.”
But the words weren’t spoken by his mother. He turned to his right and saw Liz standing just behind him. Her expression was unreadable, but he saw a flash of pain in her eyes.
“In case I was wondering,” she added, picking up the keys she’d left on the table.
She turned on her heel and was gone.
CHAPTER NINE
LIZ WAS STILL SHAKING AS SHE climbed the three steps to the library. She told herself it didn’t matter. That Ethan had to say that to Denise. It wasn’t as if his mother was a fan. Besides, there wasn’t anything else to tell the woman. But in her gut, Liz felt just as dismissed and hurt as she had twelve years before—when Ethan had denied their relationship to all his friends.
She might have had a child with him, and slept with him and still be fighting feelings from the past, but the bottom line was, she couldn’t trust him. Not ever. He couldn’t escape his family name and reputation anymore than she could.
She reached for the front door and pulled it open. A woman with a stroller smiled. “Thanks for the help,” she said.
“You’re welcome.”
The twenty-something woman pushed the stroller through the door, then turned back.
“Are you Liz Sutton? I thought I recognized your picture from your books.”
Liz nodded cautiously.
The woman’s warm smile faded. “My sister went to high school with you. When she told me that you were the class slut, I didn’t want to believe her. But now that I’ve heard what you did to poor Ethan Hendrix, I know every word is true. I’ll never read your books again.”
Hit number three, Liz thought, standing in the sunlight, determined not to go inside until she was sure she wasn’t going to cry.
She told herself the young mother didn’t know her. That other people’s opinions had no meaning. That the truth was much less clear than most people realized. All of which was bullshit, she thought, finally stepping into the cool darkness of the library.
As soon as they got back to the house, she was getting out the phone book, she promised herself. She would get bids on fixing up the house and pay whatever premium was required to get the work done quickly. When the house was finished, she would take the girls and Tyler, return to San Francisco and never, ever come back to this hellhole.
THE ONLY BRIGHT SPOT IN AN otherwise hideous morning had been Montana’s enthusiasm over the book signing. Ethan’s sister had insisted on showing Liz the initial design for the posters and all the Internet postings. Montana swore people would drive into town from hundreds of miles away, just to meet Liz and have her sign books. Liz was less sure of her popularity, but it beat being verbally spit at by the locals.
She helped Tyler carry his armload of books into the house. He’d picked out several he thought Abby might like, which Liz appreciated. After sending him to his room to play computer games for an hour, she called Melissa and Abby into the living room.
The two girls sat on the sofa. They looked impossibly young, she thought, wishing things had been different for them. However much she might currently hate her own life, what Abby and Melissa were feeling was ten times worse. They were just kids who didn’t deserve what had happened to them.
She sat on the coffee table in front of the couch and leaned toward the girls.
“I’m going to fix up the house,” she began. “Your dad started a lot of projects, but I don’t know how to finish them. So unless one of you is holding out some secret contractor knowledge, I’ll be hiring a team to finish the work.”
Melissa looked wary, but Abby smiled. “I can help.”
“I’m sure you can.”
“What happens after the house is finished?” Melissa asked.
Not the question Liz wanted to answer. “We’re going back to San Francisco.”
Melissa and Abby exchanged a look. Tears filled Abby’s eyes while Melissa started shaking her head.
“No, we’re not,” she announced. “We’re staying here. We live here.”
“I know it will be hard,” Liz began.
“It doesn’t have to be.” Melissa stood up. Her face was red, her eyes bright with tears she blinked away. “We’ll run away. We don’t need you.”
Abby stood, too, then leaned into Liz who hugged her close.
“I’m sorry,” Liz murmured into her hair, hanging on tight. “I’m sorry.”
“W-what does Dad say?” Abby asked in a whisper.
“That you’re going to stay with me.”
Abby raised her head. “He doesn’t want us, does he? No one wants us.”
“I want you,” Liz assured, wishing she had the power to take away their pain and make them feel safe. “No matter what, we’ll be together. Your dad being in prison isn’t about you. It’s about him. If he wasn’t there, he’d still be here.”
“With us. Where we belong,” Melissa snapped. “In our house. You’re going to sell it, aren’t you? And take all the money.”
Liz continued to hold Abby, but turned her attention to the teenager. “I’m going to fix it up. Then the three of us will sit down with a real estate agent and discuss the benefits of renting it versus selling outright. Either way the money will go into trust for both of you. For when you’re older. This isn’t about taking anything from you and I think you know that.”
“You’re taking away everything,” Melissa said, losing her battle with the tears. They spilled down her cheeks. She brushed them away and glared at Liz. “You can’t do this to us.”
“Tyler and I can’t stay here. San Francisco isn’t so far away. You’ll be able to visit your friends.”
“How?” Melissa asked.
“Tyler will be coming back to see his dad. You can come with him. I’m not trying to make this worse. We need to settle in to being a family. I want that. You girls are important to me.”
“I’m not going,” Melissa said, crossing her arms over her chest. “You can’t make me.”
Abby stared at Liz. “I want to be with you.”
Liz kissed her forehead. “I’m glad. I want you to keep in touch with your friends. We’ll work on that. Okay?”
Abby nodded.
“She’s lying,” Melissa told her sister. “She doesn’t care about us at all.”
“If she didn’t care, she’d just leave,” Abby noted, still holding on to Liz. “Like Bettina did. We don’t have a choice. There’s no one else.”
The simple words spoken with the wisdom of a child, broke Liz’s heart. No eleven-year-old should have to be so keenly aware of life’s unpleasant realities. Tyler was the same age and he didn’t know anything about how the dark side of the world operated.
“I want to make it work,” Liz reiterated to Melissa.
“I’m not leaving,” Melissa told her and walked out.
“She’ll get over it,” Abby said, stepping back. “It’ll take a while, but she will. She was scared when we were alone before.”
“Weren’t you?”
“Yeah, but I had someone taking care of me. She didn’t have anyone.”
“I’m sorry,” Liz apologized. “I wish I’d known about you before.”
“Me, too.”
AFTER LUNCH, THE FOUR OF THEM went to the community pool. They found a cool spot in the shade. Liz leaned against a tree, opened her laptop and prayed for inspiration. Technically her deadline was generous enough that she wasn’t exactly behind. Not yet. But give it another few weeks and she would feel the panic.
While her computer booted up, she gazed around the pool, taking in the other mothers and kids. Most of them seemed to know each other. One of the blessings—and curses—of small-town life.
She turned her attention to Tyler, spotting him easily from years of practice, then finding Melissa and Abby. Their red hair made them stand out in the crowd. A good thing, she told herself. After the morning she’d had, she was due for a break or two.
The streak didn’t last. Five seconds later, someone spoke her name.
“Liz.”
She didn’t have to look up to recognize Ethan, who was very possibly the last person she wanted to see right now. Or ever.
“Tyler told me that you’d be here after lunch.”
She kept her gaze firmly on her screen. With practiced ease, she opened her word processing program, then loaded the book in progress.
He dropped to the grass next to her. “Did I mention that I’m sorry?”
Grateful for the big hat she’d pulled on and the sunglasses shielding her eyes, she turned toward him. At least she didn’t have to worry about him seeing she was more hurt than angry. He wouldn’t know about the bitter taste of betrayal on her tongue or the lingering sense of having been hit in the gut.
“I didn’t mean for you to hear that,” he explained.
“Right. So you’re apologizing for me hearing it but not for saying it. Thanks for the clarification.”
His gaze sharpened. “That’s not what I meant.”
“Isn’t it? It’s what you said.”
“Dammit, Liz, give me a break.”
“Why? You spent the first part of the morning telling Tyler that it’s my fault you and he don’t know each other and the hour before noon telling your mother that I don’t mean anything to you. I wasn’t expecting you to declare I was the love of your life, but a little respect would have been nice.”
“You’re right.”
“But that was too much. Instead you threw me under the bus. I’m not even surprised. You’ve done it before.”
His gaze never left her face. “Why is it you get to tell me to stop bringing up the past, but you get to do it as much as you want?”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. She was angry and hurt and didn’t want to admit he had a point. One she was going to ignore.
“We slept together, Ethan. We didn’t plan it, but it happened. We have a child together. You can’t say we’re on the same team to my face, then undermine me every chance you get.”
He drew in a breath. “I know. I’m sorry. I keep saying that and I mean it. Everything is different. Complicated. I’m trying to figure out what happens next.”
“What happens next is we come up with a plan. A way for you to spend time with Tyler.”
“I am spending time with him.”
Despite the fact that he couldn’t see her eyes, she looked away. “For later,” she clarified. “When I go back to San Francisco.”
His jaw tightened and his eyes darkened. “You’re leaving? When?”
“I’m not sure. I want to fix up the house. I’m hiring a contractor to do the work. Then we’re leaving.” She turned back to him and pulled off her sunglasses. “This isn’t about keeping you from Tyler, I swear. We’ll do alternating weekends, share holidays.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
“That’s not an option. I can’t live here. I have a life I need to get back to. A job.”
“You can write anywhere.”
“You speak from experience?” she asked, her voice sharp with annoyance. “I hate it here. Everyone is very comfortable getting in my face about my past and they don’t know what they’re talking about. I don’t see anyone blaming you. I want you to know your son. I want you to be a part of things, but whatever plan we come up with isn’t going to include me staying here. When the house is finished, we’re all leaving.”
