Angelfire
Page 50
"You're talking about Dad, aren't you? Being married to him, I mean."
"He would fal under that category, I guess."
"What happened to him?"
She let out a long breath. "I don't know, baby. I real y don't."
"And being with him every day," I began slowly, "it's hard."
"It is. He's changed. That happens. He hasn't been the man I married for a long time." She turned to glance at me for a second. "But you know the craziest part? I stil love him."
"I guess it's true that loves makes you blind."
"No," my mom said. "It doesn't make you blind. You're very, very aware of everything about the one you truly love, whether you know it from what your eyes tel you or your heart. So no, love doesn't make you blind. It paralyzes you until you can't breathe or run away from it."
And with that, I knew my mom couldn't leave my dad even if she tried. He'd never struck her, but he was verbal y and emotional y abusive. Maybe the clock was ticking. Maybe my mom knew that. In any case, she wouldn't help herself and I couldn't help her, either.
But it made me question my relationship with Wil . If he became more than just my Guardian, how would it affect our ability to work together? If he ever did kiss me, would we change?
Mom sighed "You can't even imagine how horrified I was when you told me that you'd been in an accident. I knew it might happen, but I felt like my heart had stopped."
My gut sank. "I'm sorry."
"Did I ever tel you that I was in a bad accident once?"
I looked at her. "No."
We pul ed into our driveway and parked in the garage.
"It was late at night and a driver in the other lane drifted into mine. He struck me, and I rol ed and my car hit a tree. I was pregnant when it happened and I lost the baby. After that, the doctors said I wouldn't be able to have children. And then you came along." She ran a hand through my hair and touched my face tenderly. "That's why you're my little miracle. I don't ever want to know what life would be like if I lost you."
I watched her for another moment longer. The silence of the garage curled around me, sucking like a void. What my mom confessed had unnerved me. I knew I was already a freak, but this made me feel even more like one. When I was reborn, who decided what family I'd be born to? I feared the idea that someone--or something--had control over my fate. Over my soul.
"I'l see you in the morning," my mom said. "I'm so happy you're al right."
"Thanks for everything," I told her. "That was real y scary."
"I just can't believe the rotten luck you've had with your car," she mused. "First it's keyed and then totaled. If al teenagers have this kind of luck, then I don't blame the insurance companies for their rates."
I pursed my lips tightly. Right-- luck. Not that I was being hunted down by a baby-eating monster-assassin, or anything. Just bad luck.
She smiled warmly and kissed my forehead. "It wasn't your fault, and I think you handled it wel . Sleep in tomorrow, okay?"
"Can't argue with that." I laughed. "Good night."
"'Night, El ie Bean."
I headed toward the stairs, but I stopped dead when I heard a voice growl with rage behind me.
"What the hel did you do?"
An awful feeling in my chest plunged deep into my gut when I saw my father stomp toward me, his face beet red and his eyes wild. I staggered back, tripping on the bottom step of the staircase, and I hit the wal as fear whirled through me.
"It was an accident," I pleaded, my hand crawling along the wal to try to maintain my balance. "I didn't mean to--"
"You wrecked your car!" he snarled through grinding teeth, spittle flecking my face. He raised a hand, and I didn't know what he was about to do with it. "You've had it for a month!"
"Richard!" my mom cried as she ran up to him and grabbed his wrist. "Richard, be glad she's not hurt."
"She's not hurt?" he roared, turning toward her. "What about that thirty-thousand-dol ar car I bought for her?"
Mom pushed his shoulder, firmly guiding him away from me. "Richard, listen to me. It was a deer. The accident couldn't be helped." I noticed how she reiterated that it had been an accident, but it didn't make any difference.
"Her carelessness can't be helped!" he shouted inches from her face. Mom closed her eyes as she was blasted with his breath and spit.
I felt heat rise in me as my anger grew. I stared at my dad as he yel ed those awful things into my mom's face. They weren't true. I had done my best. I was only trying to protect others and myself, but I wasn't perfect. It wasn't my fault that things got damaged when I fought the reapers. It wasn't my fault. "It's not my fault," I said aloud, trying to convince my dad and myself.
"You'd better believe it's your fault!" that monster hissed, turning his attention back to me.
"I'm not careless," I said, my voice eerily calm as the rage churned like an undertow within me.
"Al you do is break things and fail in school. Can't you do anything besides cause destruction?"
"I'm not failing in school." My grades weren't amazing by any means, but they were certainly fixable. He had no right to bring up school.
"You have no respect for anything or anyone," he growled, ignoring my retort. "You're worthless."
"He would fal under that category, I guess."
"What happened to him?"
She let out a long breath. "I don't know, baby. I real y don't."
"And being with him every day," I began slowly, "it's hard."
"It is. He's changed. That happens. He hasn't been the man I married for a long time." She turned to glance at me for a second. "But you know the craziest part? I stil love him."
"I guess it's true that loves makes you blind."
"No," my mom said. "It doesn't make you blind. You're very, very aware of everything about the one you truly love, whether you know it from what your eyes tel you or your heart. So no, love doesn't make you blind. It paralyzes you until you can't breathe or run away from it."
And with that, I knew my mom couldn't leave my dad even if she tried. He'd never struck her, but he was verbal y and emotional y abusive. Maybe the clock was ticking. Maybe my mom knew that. In any case, she wouldn't help herself and I couldn't help her, either.
But it made me question my relationship with Wil . If he became more than just my Guardian, how would it affect our ability to work together? If he ever did kiss me, would we change?
Mom sighed "You can't even imagine how horrified I was when you told me that you'd been in an accident. I knew it might happen, but I felt like my heart had stopped."
My gut sank. "I'm sorry."
"Did I ever tel you that I was in a bad accident once?"
I looked at her. "No."
We pul ed into our driveway and parked in the garage.
"It was late at night and a driver in the other lane drifted into mine. He struck me, and I rol ed and my car hit a tree. I was pregnant when it happened and I lost the baby. After that, the doctors said I wouldn't be able to have children. And then you came along." She ran a hand through my hair and touched my face tenderly. "That's why you're my little miracle. I don't ever want to know what life would be like if I lost you."
I watched her for another moment longer. The silence of the garage curled around me, sucking like a void. What my mom confessed had unnerved me. I knew I was already a freak, but this made me feel even more like one. When I was reborn, who decided what family I'd be born to? I feared the idea that someone--or something--had control over my fate. Over my soul.
"I'l see you in the morning," my mom said. "I'm so happy you're al right."
"Thanks for everything," I told her. "That was real y scary."
"I just can't believe the rotten luck you've had with your car," she mused. "First it's keyed and then totaled. If al teenagers have this kind of luck, then I don't blame the insurance companies for their rates."
I pursed my lips tightly. Right-- luck. Not that I was being hunted down by a baby-eating monster-assassin, or anything. Just bad luck.
She smiled warmly and kissed my forehead. "It wasn't your fault, and I think you handled it wel . Sleep in tomorrow, okay?"
"Can't argue with that." I laughed. "Good night."
"'Night, El ie Bean."
I headed toward the stairs, but I stopped dead when I heard a voice growl with rage behind me.
"What the hel did you do?"
An awful feeling in my chest plunged deep into my gut when I saw my father stomp toward me, his face beet red and his eyes wild. I staggered back, tripping on the bottom step of the staircase, and I hit the wal as fear whirled through me.
"It was an accident," I pleaded, my hand crawling along the wal to try to maintain my balance. "I didn't mean to--"
"You wrecked your car!" he snarled through grinding teeth, spittle flecking my face. He raised a hand, and I didn't know what he was about to do with it. "You've had it for a month!"
"Richard!" my mom cried as she ran up to him and grabbed his wrist. "Richard, be glad she's not hurt."
"She's not hurt?" he roared, turning toward her. "What about that thirty-thousand-dol ar car I bought for her?"
Mom pushed his shoulder, firmly guiding him away from me. "Richard, listen to me. It was a deer. The accident couldn't be helped." I noticed how she reiterated that it had been an accident, but it didn't make any difference.
"Her carelessness can't be helped!" he shouted inches from her face. Mom closed her eyes as she was blasted with his breath and spit.
I felt heat rise in me as my anger grew. I stared at my dad as he yel ed those awful things into my mom's face. They weren't true. I had done my best. I was only trying to protect others and myself, but I wasn't perfect. It wasn't my fault that things got damaged when I fought the reapers. It wasn't my fault. "It's not my fault," I said aloud, trying to convince my dad and myself.
"You'd better believe it's your fault!" that monster hissed, turning his attention back to me.
"I'm not careless," I said, my voice eerily calm as the rage churned like an undertow within me.
"Al you do is break things and fail in school. Can't you do anything besides cause destruction?"
"I'm not failing in school." My grades weren't amazing by any means, but they were certainly fixable. He had no right to bring up school.
"You have no respect for anything or anyone," he growled, ignoring my retort. "You're worthless."
