Archer's Voice
Page 29
I looked over at our table where Archer had returned and saw him draining another glass of beer.
"I'll go talk to him. Thanks, Jor," I smiled and started walking back to our table.
When I got there, I smiled at Archer and leaned into him, saying, "Hi," and kissing the side of his neck. I put my hands on his waist and squeezed. There was absolutely no extra anything there, all hard muscle and tight skin. I inhaled his scent–God, he smelled so good, soap and exquisite man. My man. He smiled that crooked, unsure smile, his eyes darting down to mine and then away.
"Hey," I whispered. "Have I told you yet that I'm glad you're here?" I smiled at him, trying to thaw his mood. I figured he was a little bit tense about Jordan's obvious discomfort with him, but it wasn't exactly the time for me to explain the whole situation. I'd just try to reassure Archer with my attention. He had nothing to worry about–Jordan was no threat to him.
Suddenly, Archer stood up and took my hand and led me toward the restrooms in the back. I followed behind him, his long legs making me have to fast-walk to keep up with his strides.
We turned into the hallway where the restrooms were, and he looked around, looking for what, I wasn't sure. "Where are you taking me, Archer?" I asked, laughing slightly. Apparently he was on a mission.
He didn't answer me, just led me to the far end of the dim hall where there was a doorway set back slightly from the wall. He pressed me into the alcove and leaned into me, taking my mouth in a kiss that was immediately deep and possessive. I moaned, pressing back into his hard form. This was a new side of Archer and I wasn't sure what was happening here. His intensity was confusing me. But I was turned on by it none the less. I guess I was turned on by anything this man did.
He reached his hand down and cupped one breast and rubbed the nipple through the thin fabric of my shirt. I gasped and brought my hands up into his hair and tugged gently at it. He tore his mouth from mine and simply breathed against my mouth for a second before I tipped my head back, leaning it against the door behind me. He leaned down to my throat and kissed and licked it gently.
"Archer, Archer," I moaned.
Suddenly, I jumped slightly as he sucked at the skin on my neck, scraping his teeth up the now-tender area. I brought my head down, the lust fog clearing as I looked up at his face and took in his challenging expression.
I brought my hand up to my neck. "Did you just… mark me on purpose?"
He looked down to my neck then back to my face, his eyes glittering down at me. He stepped back slightly and said, How many men in your life want to be with you? I'm assuming me, and Travis, and that Jordan guy aren't the only ones? How many more? His jaw ticked.
I stared at him for a second, at a loss for words. "I'm not… are you kidding?" I asked. "None. But…what does it matter how many men want to be with me? I already made it clear that I chose you. What does it even matter?" I finished, hurt evident in my voice, even to my own ears.
A look of confusion skated over his features before they hardened again and he said, Yes, it matters. Yes, it f**king matters, his jaw ticking again. My eyes widened. He'd never sworn before and it startled me. He took a deep breath, vulnerability filling his eyes, whether he meant for it to or not. I can't even tell them to stay away from you, Bree. I have to sit there and watch, and I can't do a damn thing. He spun away from me and despite the fact that he was angry and I didn't like it, I felt the loss of his heat as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over me. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at me, his whole heart sitting right there in his expression. I'm not even a man. I can't fight for you.
"Stop!" I said loudly. "You don't need to fight for me. There's nothing to fight anyone for. I'm yours. I'm already yours." I walked the few steps to him and wrapped my arms around his middle. He didn't resist me, but he didn't return the embrace either. After a minute, I stepped back.
There's always going to be some guy, he said.
I looked up at him and then stepped away, taking a deep breath. Just then, Jordan stepped around the corner, stopping and squinting down the dim hall and calling out, "You okay, Bree?"
I saw Archer's body tense, and I closed my eyes and looked down and then looked back up as he turned and walked away from me, down the hall and past Jordan.
"Archer!" I called, but he didn't turn around.
"God!" I groaned and put my hand to my forehead and walked toward Jordan.
"Sorry, Bree, I didn't know I was interrupting anything. I just came to use the bathroom and saw you guys in what looked like a standoff."
I shook my head. "It wasn't a standoff. Just Archer being… I don't know. I need to go after him though. Are you guys ready to leave?"
"Natalie is. I think I'm gonna get my own ride home." He smiled a sheepish smile at me.
Despite the fact that I was upset over Archer, I grinned at Jordan and punched him lightly on the arm. "That's the Jordan I know and love," I said. "You sure you're safe?"
He laughed. "Yeah, I think I can take her if she tries to attack me." He winked.
I laughed and shook my head. "Okay."
I hugged him and he said, "Sorry again. Nice hickey by the way. I haven't seen you with one of those since we were fifteen."
I snorted. "I think that was a certain man's way of telling you and every other guy in here that I'm taken." I sighed.
Jordan smiled. "Well, go reassure him that that's not necessary. Us men can act like real assholes when we're insecure and needy."
I raised an eyebrow. "You don't say?"
He laughed softly and squeezed my arm. "You'll work it out. I'll be home in the morning."
I nodded and gave his arm one more squeeze, and then I walked out to the bar where Natalie was waiting for me.
"Hey," she said, "your boy toy just went stalking out the front door."
I sighed heavily. "He's not a toy, Nat. I don't know what's going on with him."
She raised her eyebrows. "Well. If you'd like my expert opinion, I'd say he's in love, and he doesn't know what to do with it."
"You do?" I asked quietly.
She nodded. "Yup. All the signs are there. Jaw ticking, glaring at other men who come into your proximity, broody, unpredictable behavior, branding…" She gestured to my hickey. "You gonna go put him out of his misery?"
I laughed softly, and it ended on a groan. I sat there for a few seconds considering the situation at hand and then said, "I hope so. Ready?"
We walked out to my car and I handed Natalie my keys since she had agreed to be the DD. As she started the car, she said, "By the way, I know he's not a toy to you. I see the way you look at him too. And I can see why you like him… and that scar," she groaned out the last word, "it makes me want to rock him in my arms and then lick him."
I laughed. "Whoa! Careful there or my jaw is going to start ticking and I'm going to brood the rest of the way home."
She laughed, but after a second I looked over to her and she was thoughtful. "What I'm wondering is, do you see something long-term with him? I mean, how will that work exactly?" Her voice was gentle.
I sighed heavily. "I don't know. This is all new. And yes, his situation is so different–there are challenges. But I want to try. I know that. Whatever that means… It's like, the second I saw him, my life started. The second I started loving him, everything clicked into place for me. As confusing as our situation is, inside it feels like it all makes the most perfect sense."
Natalie was silent for a second. "Well, that's poetic, babe, and I believe every word you say, but life isn't always so poetic. And I know you know that better than anyone. I'm just encouraging you to be a realist about this situation, too, okay?"
She glanced at me, continuing, "He's damaged, honey, and I don't just mean his vocal cords–I mean, Jesus, from what you told me, he grew up in an abusive household, his uncle shot him, his parents both died right in front of him, and then he was kept alone and isolated until he was nineteen years old by a crazy uncle, not to mention the fact that he has an injury that keeps him locked away in his own mind for all intents and purposes–that's gotta leave a mark, babe. Is it any wonder he's damaged?"
I let out a big breath, letting my head hit the seat back. "I know," I whispered. "And when you put it like that, it sounds crazy to even believe in the possibility that we can work–that he could work with anyone, but somehow… I do. I don't even have any way of explaining it other than that despite everything you just mentioned, he's still good and kind, and brave and smart, and even funny sometimes." I smiled. "I mean, think of the strength of spirit you have to have to come through what he did and not be as mad as a hatter, to still retain a gentle heart."
"True," she agreed. "Still, damaged people do things because they can't trust or believe in anything good. He's never had anything good. I'm worried that the more serious it gets with you, the more it's going to freak him out. Where he'll work, what he'll do with his life, that's almost the easy stuff compared to the emotional baggage."
I looked at her, biting my lip. "I have baggage, though, Nat. I'm damaged too. Aren't all of us?"
"Not to that extent, honey. Not to that extent."
I nodded and lay my head back on the seat. "When'd you get so insightful into the human spirit anyway?" I asked, smiling over at her.
"I'm an old soul, babe–you already knew that." She winked at me and I grinned.
We pulled up in front of my cottage and I hugged Natalie goodnight before she hopped out with my key, waving over her shoulder. I went around the car and got in the driver's seat. I'd be okay driving a mile to Archer's house. I already felt completely sober.
When I got there, I let myself in the gate and walked down to his house. I knocked lightly, and a few seconds later, he answered wearing only a pair of jeans, and rubbing a towel through his hair.
I took him in as he stood there, looking so damned beautiful, and so damned insecure.
I laughed softly. "Hi." I sighed and walked in his house and turned to look at him when I heard his door close behind him.
Why are you laughing? he asked.
I shook my head and brought my hands up. Because I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could read my mind so that you would know how much I want you, no one else. There could be three hundred men after me right now, and it wouldn't matter. Because none of them are you, Archer Hale. I dropped my hands for a second and then immediately brought them back up. None of them are the man I love. I shook my head slightly and then continued. And I was going to try to wait until maybe you were ready to say it, too, but… I can't. Because it literally wants to burst out of me all the time. And so it's okay if you don't love me, or if you're not sure if you do. But I'm sure. And I can't stand letting another minute go by where I don't tell you I love you, because I do. I. Love. You. I love you so much.
He stood frozen as I rambled, but at the start of my final five words, he moved across the space separating us so quickly that my breath caught in my throat and my hands fell. He grabbed me to him and pulled me against his body so tightly that I squeaked, a high-pitched sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
He picked me up and buried his face in my neck and as I wrapped my arms around him, he pulled me even tighter. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his singular scent. We just stood like that for several minutes.
Finally, I pulled back and took his hand as I led him to the couch and we both sat down.
I'm sorry about what happened at the bar. Can I explain? He nodded, pursing his lips slightly and I went on. Jordan is just my friend, he always has been, never anything more. We grew up together–I met him when we were twelve. I've been aware that he had a crush on me for a while, but I made it clear to him that I only had friendly feelings for him. I paused before continuing. He pushed the issue after my dad died and that was the straw that made me take off. I smiled slightly. So, I guess you could say that you actually have Jordan to thank for sending me your way. Archer smiled too, and looked down at his hands in his lap. When I began speaking again, he looked back up at my hands. Anyway, that's what you saw tonight–him working through the fact that we'll never be more than friends, and then us coming to a good place as far as that goes. That's all.
Archer nodded, ran his hand through his hair, and said. I'm sorry–sometimes I feel like everything is over my head. It makes me feel… weak and angry, and not worthy of you. Not worthy of anything.
I grabbed his hands quickly and then let go. No. Don't feel that way–please don't. God, give yourself a break. Look at everything you've accomplished already. Look at who you are despite everything you have going against you. I brought my hand up to his cheek and he shut his eyes and turned into it. "And did I mention that I love you?" I whispered. "And that I'm not in the habit of loving unworthy people?" I smiled a small smile at him.
His eyes opened and they roamed my face for several beats, his expression almost reverent, before he said, I'm in love with you too. He let out a breath. I am so desperately in love with you. His eyes widened as if the words that he had just "spoken" were almost a surprise. His lips parted and his hands asked me, Is it enough, Bree?
I let out a breath and smiled, allowing myself to take a minute to rejoice at the knowledge that the beautiful, sensitive, brave man in front of me loved me. After a second I said, It's a really good start. I shook my head slightly, looking down. The rest we'll figure out, okay? I took his hands in mine.
"I'll go talk to him. Thanks, Jor," I smiled and started walking back to our table.
When I got there, I smiled at Archer and leaned into him, saying, "Hi," and kissing the side of his neck. I put my hands on his waist and squeezed. There was absolutely no extra anything there, all hard muscle and tight skin. I inhaled his scent–God, he smelled so good, soap and exquisite man. My man. He smiled that crooked, unsure smile, his eyes darting down to mine and then away.
"Hey," I whispered. "Have I told you yet that I'm glad you're here?" I smiled at him, trying to thaw his mood. I figured he was a little bit tense about Jordan's obvious discomfort with him, but it wasn't exactly the time for me to explain the whole situation. I'd just try to reassure Archer with my attention. He had nothing to worry about–Jordan was no threat to him.
Suddenly, Archer stood up and took my hand and led me toward the restrooms in the back. I followed behind him, his long legs making me have to fast-walk to keep up with his strides.
We turned into the hallway where the restrooms were, and he looked around, looking for what, I wasn't sure. "Where are you taking me, Archer?" I asked, laughing slightly. Apparently he was on a mission.
He didn't answer me, just led me to the far end of the dim hall where there was a doorway set back slightly from the wall. He pressed me into the alcove and leaned into me, taking my mouth in a kiss that was immediately deep and possessive. I moaned, pressing back into his hard form. This was a new side of Archer and I wasn't sure what was happening here. His intensity was confusing me. But I was turned on by it none the less. I guess I was turned on by anything this man did.
He reached his hand down and cupped one breast and rubbed the nipple through the thin fabric of my shirt. I gasped and brought my hands up into his hair and tugged gently at it. He tore his mouth from mine and simply breathed against my mouth for a second before I tipped my head back, leaning it against the door behind me. He leaned down to my throat and kissed and licked it gently.
"Archer, Archer," I moaned.
Suddenly, I jumped slightly as he sucked at the skin on my neck, scraping his teeth up the now-tender area. I brought my head down, the lust fog clearing as I looked up at his face and took in his challenging expression.
I brought my hand up to my neck. "Did you just… mark me on purpose?"
He looked down to my neck then back to my face, his eyes glittering down at me. He stepped back slightly and said, How many men in your life want to be with you? I'm assuming me, and Travis, and that Jordan guy aren't the only ones? How many more? His jaw ticked.
I stared at him for a second, at a loss for words. "I'm not… are you kidding?" I asked. "None. But…what does it matter how many men want to be with me? I already made it clear that I chose you. What does it even matter?" I finished, hurt evident in my voice, even to my own ears.
A look of confusion skated over his features before they hardened again and he said, Yes, it matters. Yes, it f**king matters, his jaw ticking again. My eyes widened. He'd never sworn before and it startled me. He took a deep breath, vulnerability filling his eyes, whether he meant for it to or not. I can't even tell them to stay away from you, Bree. I have to sit there and watch, and I can't do a damn thing. He spun away from me and despite the fact that he was angry and I didn't like it, I felt the loss of his heat as if someone had thrown a bucket of cold water over me. He ran his hand through his hair and looked at me, his whole heart sitting right there in his expression. I'm not even a man. I can't fight for you.
"Stop!" I said loudly. "You don't need to fight for me. There's nothing to fight anyone for. I'm yours. I'm already yours." I walked the few steps to him and wrapped my arms around his middle. He didn't resist me, but he didn't return the embrace either. After a minute, I stepped back.
There's always going to be some guy, he said.
I looked up at him and then stepped away, taking a deep breath. Just then, Jordan stepped around the corner, stopping and squinting down the dim hall and calling out, "You okay, Bree?"
I saw Archer's body tense, and I closed my eyes and looked down and then looked back up as he turned and walked away from me, down the hall and past Jordan.
"Archer!" I called, but he didn't turn around.
"God!" I groaned and put my hand to my forehead and walked toward Jordan.
"Sorry, Bree, I didn't know I was interrupting anything. I just came to use the bathroom and saw you guys in what looked like a standoff."
I shook my head. "It wasn't a standoff. Just Archer being… I don't know. I need to go after him though. Are you guys ready to leave?"
"Natalie is. I think I'm gonna get my own ride home." He smiled a sheepish smile at me.
Despite the fact that I was upset over Archer, I grinned at Jordan and punched him lightly on the arm. "That's the Jordan I know and love," I said. "You sure you're safe?"
He laughed. "Yeah, I think I can take her if she tries to attack me." He winked.
I laughed and shook my head. "Okay."
I hugged him and he said, "Sorry again. Nice hickey by the way. I haven't seen you with one of those since we were fifteen."
I snorted. "I think that was a certain man's way of telling you and every other guy in here that I'm taken." I sighed.
Jordan smiled. "Well, go reassure him that that's not necessary. Us men can act like real assholes when we're insecure and needy."
I raised an eyebrow. "You don't say?"
He laughed softly and squeezed my arm. "You'll work it out. I'll be home in the morning."
I nodded and gave his arm one more squeeze, and then I walked out to the bar where Natalie was waiting for me.
"Hey," she said, "your boy toy just went stalking out the front door."
I sighed heavily. "He's not a toy, Nat. I don't know what's going on with him."
She raised her eyebrows. "Well. If you'd like my expert opinion, I'd say he's in love, and he doesn't know what to do with it."
"You do?" I asked quietly.
She nodded. "Yup. All the signs are there. Jaw ticking, glaring at other men who come into your proximity, broody, unpredictable behavior, branding…" She gestured to my hickey. "You gonna go put him out of his misery?"
I laughed softly, and it ended on a groan. I sat there for a few seconds considering the situation at hand and then said, "I hope so. Ready?"
We walked out to my car and I handed Natalie my keys since she had agreed to be the DD. As she started the car, she said, "By the way, I know he's not a toy to you. I see the way you look at him too. And I can see why you like him… and that scar," she groaned out the last word, "it makes me want to rock him in my arms and then lick him."
I laughed. "Whoa! Careful there or my jaw is going to start ticking and I'm going to brood the rest of the way home."
She laughed, but after a second I looked over to her and she was thoughtful. "What I'm wondering is, do you see something long-term with him? I mean, how will that work exactly?" Her voice was gentle.
I sighed heavily. "I don't know. This is all new. And yes, his situation is so different–there are challenges. But I want to try. I know that. Whatever that means… It's like, the second I saw him, my life started. The second I started loving him, everything clicked into place for me. As confusing as our situation is, inside it feels like it all makes the most perfect sense."
Natalie was silent for a second. "Well, that's poetic, babe, and I believe every word you say, but life isn't always so poetic. And I know you know that better than anyone. I'm just encouraging you to be a realist about this situation, too, okay?"
She glanced at me, continuing, "He's damaged, honey, and I don't just mean his vocal cords–I mean, Jesus, from what you told me, he grew up in an abusive household, his uncle shot him, his parents both died right in front of him, and then he was kept alone and isolated until he was nineteen years old by a crazy uncle, not to mention the fact that he has an injury that keeps him locked away in his own mind for all intents and purposes–that's gotta leave a mark, babe. Is it any wonder he's damaged?"
I let out a big breath, letting my head hit the seat back. "I know," I whispered. "And when you put it like that, it sounds crazy to even believe in the possibility that we can work–that he could work with anyone, but somehow… I do. I don't even have any way of explaining it other than that despite everything you just mentioned, he's still good and kind, and brave and smart, and even funny sometimes." I smiled. "I mean, think of the strength of spirit you have to have to come through what he did and not be as mad as a hatter, to still retain a gentle heart."
"True," she agreed. "Still, damaged people do things because they can't trust or believe in anything good. He's never had anything good. I'm worried that the more serious it gets with you, the more it's going to freak him out. Where he'll work, what he'll do with his life, that's almost the easy stuff compared to the emotional baggage."
I looked at her, biting my lip. "I have baggage, though, Nat. I'm damaged too. Aren't all of us?"
"Not to that extent, honey. Not to that extent."
I nodded and lay my head back on the seat. "When'd you get so insightful into the human spirit anyway?" I asked, smiling over at her.
"I'm an old soul, babe–you already knew that." She winked at me and I grinned.
We pulled up in front of my cottage and I hugged Natalie goodnight before she hopped out with my key, waving over her shoulder. I went around the car and got in the driver's seat. I'd be okay driving a mile to Archer's house. I already felt completely sober.
When I got there, I let myself in the gate and walked down to his house. I knocked lightly, and a few seconds later, he answered wearing only a pair of jeans, and rubbing a towel through his hair.
I took him in as he stood there, looking so damned beautiful, and so damned insecure.
I laughed softly. "Hi." I sighed and walked in his house and turned to look at him when I heard his door close behind him.
Why are you laughing? he asked.
I shook my head and brought my hands up. Because I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. I wish you could read my mind so that you would know how much I want you, no one else. There could be three hundred men after me right now, and it wouldn't matter. Because none of them are you, Archer Hale. I dropped my hands for a second and then immediately brought them back up. None of them are the man I love. I shook my head slightly and then continued. And I was going to try to wait until maybe you were ready to say it, too, but… I can't. Because it literally wants to burst out of me all the time. And so it's okay if you don't love me, or if you're not sure if you do. But I'm sure. And I can't stand letting another minute go by where I don't tell you I love you, because I do. I. Love. You. I love you so much.
He stood frozen as I rambled, but at the start of my final five words, he moved across the space separating us so quickly that my breath caught in my throat and my hands fell. He grabbed me to him and pulled me against his body so tightly that I squeaked, a high-pitched sound somewhere between a laugh and a sob.
He picked me up and buried his face in my neck and as I wrapped my arms around him, he pulled me even tighter. I rested my head on his shoulder and breathed in his singular scent. We just stood like that for several minutes.
Finally, I pulled back and took his hand as I led him to the couch and we both sat down.
I'm sorry about what happened at the bar. Can I explain? He nodded, pursing his lips slightly and I went on. Jordan is just my friend, he always has been, never anything more. We grew up together–I met him when we were twelve. I've been aware that he had a crush on me for a while, but I made it clear to him that I only had friendly feelings for him. I paused before continuing. He pushed the issue after my dad died and that was the straw that made me take off. I smiled slightly. So, I guess you could say that you actually have Jordan to thank for sending me your way. Archer smiled too, and looked down at his hands in his lap. When I began speaking again, he looked back up at my hands. Anyway, that's what you saw tonight–him working through the fact that we'll never be more than friends, and then us coming to a good place as far as that goes. That's all.
Archer nodded, ran his hand through his hair, and said. I'm sorry–sometimes I feel like everything is over my head. It makes me feel… weak and angry, and not worthy of you. Not worthy of anything.
I grabbed his hands quickly and then let go. No. Don't feel that way–please don't. God, give yourself a break. Look at everything you've accomplished already. Look at who you are despite everything you have going against you. I brought my hand up to his cheek and he shut his eyes and turned into it. "And did I mention that I love you?" I whispered. "And that I'm not in the habit of loving unworthy people?" I smiled a small smile at him.
His eyes opened and they roamed my face for several beats, his expression almost reverent, before he said, I'm in love with you too. He let out a breath. I am so desperately in love with you. His eyes widened as if the words that he had just "spoken" were almost a surprise. His lips parted and his hands asked me, Is it enough, Bree?
I let out a breath and smiled, allowing myself to take a minute to rejoice at the knowledge that the beautiful, sensitive, brave man in front of me loved me. After a second I said, It's a really good start. I shook my head slightly, looking down. The rest we'll figure out, okay? I took his hands in mine.
