Ashes to Ashes
Page 6
“My father said you could sue the car company,” Ashlin says. “You definitely have a case.”
Paige barely notices, and says, “Plus, you know Ren could hold her liquor. She’s her father’s daughter. But people would rather make up stories than believe the truth. They want to make me out to be an unfit parent. These people never liked me. They never accepted me.”
I swallow and look at my lap. My mom has made a few comments just like that. Wanting to know if Paige regularly got us alcohol. I told her no, of course not. And it wasn’t a lie. Rennie had her own connections. But Paige didn’t exactly discourage us either. Still, she always made sure we were being safe, that no one would drive if they’d been drinking.
Paige glances at Alex. “Sweetie, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but your mother is a perfect example. I know she’s let you kids drink at your house. But it happens at my gallery and suddenly I’m a lowlife?”
“I’m so sorry,” Alex mumbles, his face red.
“No, no, no, no, sweetie. Please. It’s fine. You kids know the truth, and that’s all I care about. So let’s have a good time tonight, okay? For Rennie.” She pats the seat next to her. “Reevie, scoot over for Lil,” Paige commands.
Reeve moves as far away as he can, and I sit down. “Take a look at this,” Paige says, and she hands me a picture of Reeve and Rennie from kindergarten. They are both dressed up because it’s the first day of school. Her curly hair is in pigtails, and he has on a plaid button-down shirt and is missing a front tooth. I can’t help but smile.
“It’s so cute,” I say. I pass it to him, careful not to let my fingers touch his.
Reeve stares at the photo, swallows hard, and then hands it back to Paige. “Keep it,” she says. Then, taking a sip of her drink, she continues, “You know, I always thought you two would get married one day.”
He freezes. I see the pain in his face, the guilt. I see everything he’s trying to hide.
Ash pipes up, “Rennie used to say that if you guys got married, she wanted to get a picture with you and all your brothers throwing her into the ocean in her wedding dress.”
Paige chokes back a sob, and Reeve shoots Ash a look.
Sitting next to him on the couch, I’m too aware of everything. Every time he shifts his weight, or speaks, my heart beats double and it’s hard to breathe, or concentrate. When Ash suggests we watch an old cheering video we made, I jump up to go find it on Rennie’s laptop, and it’s a relief not to be in the same room as him.
I sit at Rennie’s desk and open up her computer. There’s a memory stick already in the USB port. I open it and scroll for her videos, and then I see the file called “Homecoming,” and my whole body goes hot. I click on it, and there they are—magnified pictures of me, drugging Reeve’s drink. Quickly I drag the whole file over to the trash, which I then empty.
“Did you find it, Lil?” Ash calls out from the other room.
“Not yet,” I say back, trying to make my voice sound normal and not guilty and disgusted with myself.
“Hurrrrrry!”
I do a search on her computer for “Homecoming,” in case she has it saved there, too, but there’s nothing, and my heart rate finally starts to slow down.
I go back to the living room. “I can’t find it,” I say.
Ash makes a sad face. Wistfully she says, “I guess we’ll never see it again.”
Then it’s quiet. Paige goes into her room to lie down, and the rest of us just sit around in awkward, sad silence.
“Hey. Why don’t we play a drinking game,” Alex finally says. “It can be called . . . ‘Remember When.’ And everybody has to tell a memory of Rennie, and if you remember it, then you drink. Or . . . if you don’t remember it, you drink.”
“That’s a great idea,” I say, standing up. I get cups for everyone, and Ash grabs a bottle of cinnamon-flavored vodka from the cardboard box on the kitchen table.
Alex goes first. He raises his cup and says, “Remember when Rennie tried to convince me to get my eyebrows waxed?” He starts laughing. We all do.
“Didn’t she make you an appointment somewhere?” Ash says, snorting with laughter.
“Yup. She totally did. At a nail salon, I think.” Alex shakes his head. “Thank God I figured out she was joking before it was too late.”
We raise our cups and swallow, and then I refill everyone’s glasses.
“Remember when Rennie broke into the teachers’ lounge and stole Mrs. Penfeld’s precious coffee mug? The one with the cat in the argyle sweater?” Ash says. I raise my glass and sip, along with almost everybody else.
Not PJ, though. His mouth drops open. “She did not.”
“Oh, yes she did,” Ash says. “Don’t you remember her bringing it to parties sometimes?”
PJ shakes his head. “Dude. Holtz was fearless.”
I’m smiling, but all the while my mind is racing, because it will be my turn soon, and I can’t think of anything. I have so many stories about Rennie, it feels like my whole life on Jar Island has been about Rennie, and yet I can’t think of even one thing. I’m so panicky, I could cry.
Alex nudges his chin toward Reeve. “You’re up.”
Reeve shrugs his shoulders. “Pass.”
Ash tries to sweet-talk him into sharing something, but he won’t. She’s persistent, but it only makes Reeve shut down even more. The muscles in his shoulders are bunched up, and he’s two seconds from getting up and walking out of here, I know it. I throw Ash a warning look so she’ll stop.
“PJ, you go,” I say, and PJ launches into a story about Rennie sneaking into the boys’ bathroom, and everyone starts to laugh, and the tension of the moment before fades away. Our eyes meet, and I can tell Reeve is grateful. Right before it’s my turn, I get up and go to the bathroom, and I don’t come out until I’m sure they’ve moved on to the next person.
* * *
After midnight some people have left and some are passed out in the living room and in Rennie’s bedroom, I guess because everybody started drinking so early. I am on Paige’s bed with Paige and Ash. They are both asleep, but I’m just lying here. I finally get up and open the bedroom door.
In the living room the TV is on and Reeve is cleaning, tying up a big recycling bag. I watch him for a few seconds, and I suddenly feel such longing for him in my heart, I ache. I’m about to say something when Alex comes out of the kitchen. I step back into Paige’s room before they notice me.
Paige barely notices, and says, “Plus, you know Ren could hold her liquor. She’s her father’s daughter. But people would rather make up stories than believe the truth. They want to make me out to be an unfit parent. These people never liked me. They never accepted me.”
I swallow and look at my lap. My mom has made a few comments just like that. Wanting to know if Paige regularly got us alcohol. I told her no, of course not. And it wasn’t a lie. Rennie had her own connections. But Paige didn’t exactly discourage us either. Still, she always made sure we were being safe, that no one would drive if they’d been drinking.
Paige glances at Alex. “Sweetie, I’m not trying to be a bitch, but your mother is a perfect example. I know she’s let you kids drink at your house. But it happens at my gallery and suddenly I’m a lowlife?”
“I’m so sorry,” Alex mumbles, his face red.
“No, no, no, no, sweetie. Please. It’s fine. You kids know the truth, and that’s all I care about. So let’s have a good time tonight, okay? For Rennie.” She pats the seat next to her. “Reevie, scoot over for Lil,” Paige commands.
Reeve moves as far away as he can, and I sit down. “Take a look at this,” Paige says, and she hands me a picture of Reeve and Rennie from kindergarten. They are both dressed up because it’s the first day of school. Her curly hair is in pigtails, and he has on a plaid button-down shirt and is missing a front tooth. I can’t help but smile.
“It’s so cute,” I say. I pass it to him, careful not to let my fingers touch his.
Reeve stares at the photo, swallows hard, and then hands it back to Paige. “Keep it,” she says. Then, taking a sip of her drink, she continues, “You know, I always thought you two would get married one day.”
He freezes. I see the pain in his face, the guilt. I see everything he’s trying to hide.
Ash pipes up, “Rennie used to say that if you guys got married, she wanted to get a picture with you and all your brothers throwing her into the ocean in her wedding dress.”
Paige chokes back a sob, and Reeve shoots Ash a look.
Sitting next to him on the couch, I’m too aware of everything. Every time he shifts his weight, or speaks, my heart beats double and it’s hard to breathe, or concentrate. When Ash suggests we watch an old cheering video we made, I jump up to go find it on Rennie’s laptop, and it’s a relief not to be in the same room as him.
I sit at Rennie’s desk and open up her computer. There’s a memory stick already in the USB port. I open it and scroll for her videos, and then I see the file called “Homecoming,” and my whole body goes hot. I click on it, and there they are—magnified pictures of me, drugging Reeve’s drink. Quickly I drag the whole file over to the trash, which I then empty.
“Did you find it, Lil?” Ash calls out from the other room.
“Not yet,” I say back, trying to make my voice sound normal and not guilty and disgusted with myself.
“Hurrrrrry!”
I do a search on her computer for “Homecoming,” in case she has it saved there, too, but there’s nothing, and my heart rate finally starts to slow down.
I go back to the living room. “I can’t find it,” I say.
Ash makes a sad face. Wistfully she says, “I guess we’ll never see it again.”
Then it’s quiet. Paige goes into her room to lie down, and the rest of us just sit around in awkward, sad silence.
“Hey. Why don’t we play a drinking game,” Alex finally says. “It can be called . . . ‘Remember When.’ And everybody has to tell a memory of Rennie, and if you remember it, then you drink. Or . . . if you don’t remember it, you drink.”
“That’s a great idea,” I say, standing up. I get cups for everyone, and Ash grabs a bottle of cinnamon-flavored vodka from the cardboard box on the kitchen table.
Alex goes first. He raises his cup and says, “Remember when Rennie tried to convince me to get my eyebrows waxed?” He starts laughing. We all do.
“Didn’t she make you an appointment somewhere?” Ash says, snorting with laughter.
“Yup. She totally did. At a nail salon, I think.” Alex shakes his head. “Thank God I figured out she was joking before it was too late.”
We raise our cups and swallow, and then I refill everyone’s glasses.
“Remember when Rennie broke into the teachers’ lounge and stole Mrs. Penfeld’s precious coffee mug? The one with the cat in the argyle sweater?” Ash says. I raise my glass and sip, along with almost everybody else.
Not PJ, though. His mouth drops open. “She did not.”
“Oh, yes she did,” Ash says. “Don’t you remember her bringing it to parties sometimes?”
PJ shakes his head. “Dude. Holtz was fearless.”
I’m smiling, but all the while my mind is racing, because it will be my turn soon, and I can’t think of anything. I have so many stories about Rennie, it feels like my whole life on Jar Island has been about Rennie, and yet I can’t think of even one thing. I’m so panicky, I could cry.
Alex nudges his chin toward Reeve. “You’re up.”
Reeve shrugs his shoulders. “Pass.”
Ash tries to sweet-talk him into sharing something, but he won’t. She’s persistent, but it only makes Reeve shut down even more. The muscles in his shoulders are bunched up, and he’s two seconds from getting up and walking out of here, I know it. I throw Ash a warning look so she’ll stop.
“PJ, you go,” I say, and PJ launches into a story about Rennie sneaking into the boys’ bathroom, and everyone starts to laugh, and the tension of the moment before fades away. Our eyes meet, and I can tell Reeve is grateful. Right before it’s my turn, I get up and go to the bathroom, and I don’t come out until I’m sure they’ve moved on to the next person.
* * *
After midnight some people have left and some are passed out in the living room and in Rennie’s bedroom, I guess because everybody started drinking so early. I am on Paige’s bed with Paige and Ash. They are both asleep, but I’m just lying here. I finally get up and open the bedroom door.
In the living room the TV is on and Reeve is cleaning, tying up a big recycling bag. I watch him for a few seconds, and I suddenly feel such longing for him in my heart, I ache. I’m about to say something when Alex comes out of the kitchen. I step back into Paige’s room before they notice me.
