At Peace
Page 113
“Let me get this right, hon,” Jessie said softly. “You’re brother was killed, what? Three days ago?”
“Six,” I answered. “They found him five days ago.”
She nodded. “And since then Joe Callahan and Mike Haines have been goin’ essentially head-to-head, no pun intended, to get at you?”
“Um… kind of but not exactly,” I told her.
“Babe, Cal’s forcin’ a meeting with all your loved ones by hornin’ in on the funeral, not to mention you’re meetin’ his family in Chicago, and it’s the family. And Mike’s goin’ for the gusto, makin’ certain, if you pick him, that you don’t forget about the family house, the six thousand dollar bed and the family pet, doin’ it by givin’ you the business in that bed with dog in attendance. They’re definitely head-to-head,” Cheryl informed me.
“Holy crap,” Jessie whispered.
“Gotta say, livin’ in this ‘burg my whole life and knowin’ Cal the length of it, there’s a lotta gals, a number of them in a one mile radius of this house, who’d give their eyeteeth to eat pizza at Vinnie’s Pizzeria and get a go at havin’ their photo on the family wall,” Mimi remarked.
“Gotta say, livin’ in this ‘burg my whole life and knowin’ Mike the length of it, there’s a lotta gals, some of them next freaking door, who would give their eyeteeth to have a shot at showin’ Mike Haines that all women are not selfish, greedy, materialistic bitches like Audrey,” Jessie noted.
“Same could be said for that girl next door wantin’ Cal,” Mimi told her.
“I think it can be taken as read that Tina Blackstone would just about jump anyone and it’d be difficult for that woman to prove anything against bein’ selfish, greedy and materialistic,” Jackie pointed out. “She’s hardly a good example for debate.”
“Cal,” Feb spoke up, putting in her vote.
“Mike,” Cheryl shot back.
“Cal’s hot, but, seriously, he’s a dawg,” Mimi put in, looked at me and voted, “Mike.”
“My guess is, Dawg Days are gone so my vote, Cal,” Dee added.
“Put their names in a hat,” Jessie suggested, “you can’t go wrong.”
“Jessie!” Feb hissed.
“What?” Jessie asked, looking around. “Am I wrong?”
“Joe Callahan,” Jackie stated in a voice heavy with maternal authority and life experience and all eyes swung to her.
“Seriously, Jackie?” Cheryl asked.
“Seriously, Cher,” Jackie replied, her voice no longer heavy but gentle, she looked at me and asked, “You wanna know why?”
I nodded.
“’Cause, when you talk about Mike, you look like a woman who’s talkin’ about a guy she likes. You talk about Cal, you look like a woman who’s talkin’ about the man she needs to breathe.”
At her words, I stopped breathing.
“Jackie,” Dee whispered.
“You do,” Jackie told me. “Feb lost the man who helped her breathe, didn’t take a full breath for twenty years until she got him back.”
My eyes moved to Feb and she smiled at me then she pulled Jack off her legs and into her arms, making a nonverbal point that spoke such volumes, it was a wonder I wasn’t swept away in its waves.
I looked back at Jackie and told her, “He’s turned on me twice.”
“Even tough men get scared,” Jackie replied.
I felt my eyes get wide at the thought of Joe scared of anything and asked, “Scared of me?”
“Honey, the last woman he loved killed his child.” I sucked in breath and she asked, “Wouldn’t that scare you?”
“Yeah,” I answered, “but he slept with someone else when he was with me.”
“Told you he did,” Jackie put in.
“Even if it was a lie, why would he lie, knowing how much that’d hurt?” I pressed.
“To make you hurt. Didn’t have the strength in him to let you go, forced your hand so you’d do it,” Jackie explained. “Man’s strong so I reckon that’s sayin’ somethin’ about what he feels about you.”
“That’s crazy,” Cheryl muttered.
“You ever do anything totally irrational for self protection?” Jackie shot her question in Cheryl’s direction and she wasn’t done. “Or for Ethan’s?”
Cheryl bit her lips which was her nonverbal answer.
Jackie’s eyes came back to me. “He’s a big guy, a scary one, fierce, tough and because all that while he’s been puttin’ you through the ringer, you had no idea you’ve been doin’ the same damn thing to him.”
“But –” I began but Jackie shook her head.
“You lost your man, your brother and honey, my heart’s with you, that’s awful. He lost his Mom, Dad and son; the last two because of the woman he chose, one he brought into his father’s house, one he let bring his child into this world. That’s a burden he’s carried awhile and my guess is that burden is heavy. You two come with so much baggage, it’s a wonder you don’t get crushed. And that’s the thing, neither of you did. And you found each other. It’s time to unload that burden and find some joy,” Jackie advised.
“What if I can’t help him find his joy, what if I fail?” I whispered.
“Girl, you keep givin’ up. The only way sure to fail is to give up,” Jackie whispered back.
“He wants a baby with me,” I told Jackie and I heard some indrawn breaths at this piece of news (the only one) I had not shared.
“Give him one,” Jackie returned as if it was simple as that (and, I had to admit, thinking about it made my belly flutter again).
But even so, I suggested, “Maybe he just wants me to have a baby.”
“Oh crap, now she’s makin’ shit up,” Jessie muttered.
“Babe, your shit’s already confusin’ enough, you don’t need to make stuff up to make it more confusin’,” Cheryl advised.
“This is true,” Mimi said, “if Cal wanted a kid, he’d have about six dozen of them all over town.”
“Unh-hunh,” Jessie agreed on a nod.
“I’m not sure that’s helpin’,” Feb noted, watching me closely and she was right.
“Am I gonna be running into Joe’s lovers everywhere I go?” I asked.
“Six,” I answered. “They found him five days ago.”
She nodded. “And since then Joe Callahan and Mike Haines have been goin’ essentially head-to-head, no pun intended, to get at you?”
“Um… kind of but not exactly,” I told her.
“Babe, Cal’s forcin’ a meeting with all your loved ones by hornin’ in on the funeral, not to mention you’re meetin’ his family in Chicago, and it’s the family. And Mike’s goin’ for the gusto, makin’ certain, if you pick him, that you don’t forget about the family house, the six thousand dollar bed and the family pet, doin’ it by givin’ you the business in that bed with dog in attendance. They’re definitely head-to-head,” Cheryl informed me.
“Holy crap,” Jessie whispered.
“Gotta say, livin’ in this ‘burg my whole life and knowin’ Cal the length of it, there’s a lotta gals, a number of them in a one mile radius of this house, who’d give their eyeteeth to eat pizza at Vinnie’s Pizzeria and get a go at havin’ their photo on the family wall,” Mimi remarked.
“Gotta say, livin’ in this ‘burg my whole life and knowin’ Mike the length of it, there’s a lotta gals, some of them next freaking door, who would give their eyeteeth to have a shot at showin’ Mike Haines that all women are not selfish, greedy, materialistic bitches like Audrey,” Jessie noted.
“Same could be said for that girl next door wantin’ Cal,” Mimi told her.
“I think it can be taken as read that Tina Blackstone would just about jump anyone and it’d be difficult for that woman to prove anything against bein’ selfish, greedy and materialistic,” Jackie pointed out. “She’s hardly a good example for debate.”
“Cal,” Feb spoke up, putting in her vote.
“Mike,” Cheryl shot back.
“Cal’s hot, but, seriously, he’s a dawg,” Mimi put in, looked at me and voted, “Mike.”
“My guess is, Dawg Days are gone so my vote, Cal,” Dee added.
“Put their names in a hat,” Jessie suggested, “you can’t go wrong.”
“Jessie!” Feb hissed.
“What?” Jessie asked, looking around. “Am I wrong?”
“Joe Callahan,” Jackie stated in a voice heavy with maternal authority and life experience and all eyes swung to her.
“Seriously, Jackie?” Cheryl asked.
“Seriously, Cher,” Jackie replied, her voice no longer heavy but gentle, she looked at me and asked, “You wanna know why?”
I nodded.
“’Cause, when you talk about Mike, you look like a woman who’s talkin’ about a guy she likes. You talk about Cal, you look like a woman who’s talkin’ about the man she needs to breathe.”
At her words, I stopped breathing.
“Jackie,” Dee whispered.
“You do,” Jackie told me. “Feb lost the man who helped her breathe, didn’t take a full breath for twenty years until she got him back.”
My eyes moved to Feb and she smiled at me then she pulled Jack off her legs and into her arms, making a nonverbal point that spoke such volumes, it was a wonder I wasn’t swept away in its waves.
I looked back at Jackie and told her, “He’s turned on me twice.”
“Even tough men get scared,” Jackie replied.
I felt my eyes get wide at the thought of Joe scared of anything and asked, “Scared of me?”
“Honey, the last woman he loved killed his child.” I sucked in breath and she asked, “Wouldn’t that scare you?”
“Yeah,” I answered, “but he slept with someone else when he was with me.”
“Told you he did,” Jackie put in.
“Even if it was a lie, why would he lie, knowing how much that’d hurt?” I pressed.
“To make you hurt. Didn’t have the strength in him to let you go, forced your hand so you’d do it,” Jackie explained. “Man’s strong so I reckon that’s sayin’ somethin’ about what he feels about you.”
“That’s crazy,” Cheryl muttered.
“You ever do anything totally irrational for self protection?” Jackie shot her question in Cheryl’s direction and she wasn’t done. “Or for Ethan’s?”
Cheryl bit her lips which was her nonverbal answer.
Jackie’s eyes came back to me. “He’s a big guy, a scary one, fierce, tough and because all that while he’s been puttin’ you through the ringer, you had no idea you’ve been doin’ the same damn thing to him.”
“But –” I began but Jackie shook her head.
“You lost your man, your brother and honey, my heart’s with you, that’s awful. He lost his Mom, Dad and son; the last two because of the woman he chose, one he brought into his father’s house, one he let bring his child into this world. That’s a burden he’s carried awhile and my guess is that burden is heavy. You two come with so much baggage, it’s a wonder you don’t get crushed. And that’s the thing, neither of you did. And you found each other. It’s time to unload that burden and find some joy,” Jackie advised.
“What if I can’t help him find his joy, what if I fail?” I whispered.
“Girl, you keep givin’ up. The only way sure to fail is to give up,” Jackie whispered back.
“He wants a baby with me,” I told Jackie and I heard some indrawn breaths at this piece of news (the only one) I had not shared.
“Give him one,” Jackie returned as if it was simple as that (and, I had to admit, thinking about it made my belly flutter again).
But even so, I suggested, “Maybe he just wants me to have a baby.”
“Oh crap, now she’s makin’ shit up,” Jessie muttered.
“Babe, your shit’s already confusin’ enough, you don’t need to make stuff up to make it more confusin’,” Cheryl advised.
“This is true,” Mimi said, “if Cal wanted a kid, he’d have about six dozen of them all over town.”
“Unh-hunh,” Jessie agreed on a nod.
“I’m not sure that’s helpin’,” Feb noted, watching me closely and she was right.
“Am I gonna be running into Joe’s lovers everywhere I go?” I asked.
