At Peace
Page 122
I drew in a breath and paused before letting it out and saying, “Mike and I –”
“You’re better with Joe,” Keira cut in before I could finish.
“What?” I asked.
“Mike’s awesome, and he’s hot, but I like the way you are around Joe,” Keira told me.
“Me too,” Kate put in.
“And I like the way Joe is around you,” Keira went on.
“Me too,” Kate repeated and my eyes were going back and forth between my girls as they spoke.
“Mike was way cool and we liked him with you too, but he wasn’t the same,” Keira noted.
“He’s a wonderful man,” I said to her.
“Yeah, but he didn’t fix our garage door opener,” Kate remarked.
“And you don’t look at him like you look at Joe,” Keira stated.
“How do I…” I paused to swallow, not sure I wanted to know not only how I looked at Joe but the way my girls noticed I’d looked at Joe then asked, “look at Joe?”
Keira shrugged.
Kate answered, her eyes on me were intense, “Like you looked at Dad.”
I closed my eyes. Joe was right, the girls knew. They so knew. They knew even more than I knew or at least had admitted to myself.
With my eyes still closed, Kate went on. “And he looks at you like Dad used to.”
Sock in the gut. Winded.
I got my breath back, opened my eyes and told them, “Joe’s stayin’ a couple of months while his house is getting renovated.”
“We know,” Kate replied.
“No, baby, I mean… he’s staying,” I repeated, not sure how to explain it to my teenage girls, worried I shouldn’t, worried, again, if I was doing the right thing and hoping like hell it worked out with Joe because firstly, I wanted it to work out with Joe so badly I tasted it in my mouth and secondly, because I never wanted to have this conversation with my daughters again.
“Yeah, Mawdy, we know. Yeesh, it’s the twenty-first century,” Kate said to me.
“And it’s been, like, months,” Keira added, like I was slow off the mark and it was about time I speeded things up.
“Jenelle’s Mom moved her new boyfriend in in like, I don’t know, a week,” Kate went on and I knew this was true but Jenelle’s Mom was definitely a slut. She made me look like a choirgirl. We’d lived there not a year and Kate’s friend Jennelle’s Mom had moved two boyfriends in with her and her kids and moved both of them out and was working on the third.
But I didn’t want them to think that this was like Jenelle’s Mom or I was like Jenelle’s Mom so I tried to explain.
“Joe and I… I don’t want you to think…” Damn, this was hard, then my voice got soft, I looked between them and I said, “He isn’t just a guy. It isn’t just because I’m lonely after losin’ your Dad. It’s because he’s… Joe and he… means a lot to me and you girls mean…” I paused then told them the truth as it hit me right then, settled in and made me smile a small smile. “You mean the world to him.”
“He’s lost everything so I figure he appreciates what he’s found,” Kate noted sagely and I stared at her again.
“You know about… everything with Joe?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, kids at school talk about it all the time. About his wife and Dad and son and how he’s the lone wolf after all that, the hot lone wolf, the hot, super cool lone wolf. You nab him you’ll be like… a legend,” Keira informed me then grinned and finished. “And we’ll be legends too.”
“Yeah, ‘cause we get to live with Joe too,” Kate added.
“And we call him Joe and no one calls him Joe,” Keira put in.
“Yeah, we’re already kinda legends on that. Dane tells everyone we call him Joe. They think it’s way cool,” Kate said.
I didn’t like everyone at their school talking about Joe, even though they obviously thought he was cool. There was something about it that rattled me.
But I let that go, took in a breath through my nose then I said, “You know, Joe’s moving in, our Joe, not hot, super cool, lone wolf Joe that everyone talks about and him moving in makes you a legend. He’s just a man, he might be a big and strong man but he’s got feelings.”
“Yeah, feelings for us,” Keira replied.
“And feelings for you,” Kate told me.
“And we have feelings for him,” Keira went on.
“And you do too,” Kate finished.
Yeah, I did, but it was good to know they did too.
“You like him?” I asked quietly.
“He’s Joe,” Kate answered simply.
That kind of said it all. He definitely was Joe.
I looked at Keira. “Before he came back, you seemed mad –”
“Mom, it’s cool,” she interrupted me, “I was mad but now we have him back and he came back when we needed him.”
“When you needed him,” Kate stuck with her theme.
“I –” I started but Kate kept talking.
“When Uncle Sam…” She stopped speaking abruptly, looked away then swallowed and looked back at me. “When we came home, you were in Joe’s lap then he carried you across the room and he…” She hesitated and her voice dropped to a whisper. “When we lost Dad, you didn’t have that, someone to be there, someone to lean on, someone to hold you up because that was Dad’s job and he was gone and that was why you…” She shrugged and finished. “I’m just glad that Joe’s gonna be around.”
I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes and I pulled in another breath through my nose before I asked, “You’re sure?” They both nodded so I continued. “It’s only a couple of months then we’ll talk again. This is your home. I want you to feel good in it and comfortable. If you ever feel funny, you need to talk to me.”
“Mawdy, it’s no big deal. Really. Yeesh. This is Joe,” Kate sighed.
“Yeah,” Keira agreed, “yeesh.”
God, they acted like this was no big deal and I should just…
Relax.
Thinking that, I smiled to myself and also defended myself. “I’m tryin’ to be a good Mom.”
“You don’t have to try,” Kate told me.
Another sock to the gut. Winded.
I’d never had a more beautiful compliment.
I took in my wonderful, gorgeous girls, leaned forward, my forearms on the counter and said, “I just want you girls to be happy.”
“You’re better with Joe,” Keira cut in before I could finish.
“What?” I asked.
“Mike’s awesome, and he’s hot, but I like the way you are around Joe,” Keira told me.
“Me too,” Kate put in.
“And I like the way Joe is around you,” Keira went on.
“Me too,” Kate repeated and my eyes were going back and forth between my girls as they spoke.
“Mike was way cool and we liked him with you too, but he wasn’t the same,” Keira noted.
“He’s a wonderful man,” I said to her.
“Yeah, but he didn’t fix our garage door opener,” Kate remarked.
“And you don’t look at him like you look at Joe,” Keira stated.
“How do I…” I paused to swallow, not sure I wanted to know not only how I looked at Joe but the way my girls noticed I’d looked at Joe then asked, “look at Joe?”
Keira shrugged.
Kate answered, her eyes on me were intense, “Like you looked at Dad.”
I closed my eyes. Joe was right, the girls knew. They so knew. They knew even more than I knew or at least had admitted to myself.
With my eyes still closed, Kate went on. “And he looks at you like Dad used to.”
Sock in the gut. Winded.
I got my breath back, opened my eyes and told them, “Joe’s stayin’ a couple of months while his house is getting renovated.”
“We know,” Kate replied.
“No, baby, I mean… he’s staying,” I repeated, not sure how to explain it to my teenage girls, worried I shouldn’t, worried, again, if I was doing the right thing and hoping like hell it worked out with Joe because firstly, I wanted it to work out with Joe so badly I tasted it in my mouth and secondly, because I never wanted to have this conversation with my daughters again.
“Yeah, Mawdy, we know. Yeesh, it’s the twenty-first century,” Kate said to me.
“And it’s been, like, months,” Keira added, like I was slow off the mark and it was about time I speeded things up.
“Jenelle’s Mom moved her new boyfriend in in like, I don’t know, a week,” Kate went on and I knew this was true but Jenelle’s Mom was definitely a slut. She made me look like a choirgirl. We’d lived there not a year and Kate’s friend Jennelle’s Mom had moved two boyfriends in with her and her kids and moved both of them out and was working on the third.
But I didn’t want them to think that this was like Jenelle’s Mom or I was like Jenelle’s Mom so I tried to explain.
“Joe and I… I don’t want you to think…” Damn, this was hard, then my voice got soft, I looked between them and I said, “He isn’t just a guy. It isn’t just because I’m lonely after losin’ your Dad. It’s because he’s… Joe and he… means a lot to me and you girls mean…” I paused then told them the truth as it hit me right then, settled in and made me smile a small smile. “You mean the world to him.”
“He’s lost everything so I figure he appreciates what he’s found,” Kate noted sagely and I stared at her again.
“You know about… everything with Joe?” I asked.
“Oh yeah, kids at school talk about it all the time. About his wife and Dad and son and how he’s the lone wolf after all that, the hot lone wolf, the hot, super cool lone wolf. You nab him you’ll be like… a legend,” Keira informed me then grinned and finished. “And we’ll be legends too.”
“Yeah, ‘cause we get to live with Joe too,” Kate added.
“And we call him Joe and no one calls him Joe,” Keira put in.
“Yeah, we’re already kinda legends on that. Dane tells everyone we call him Joe. They think it’s way cool,” Kate said.
I didn’t like everyone at their school talking about Joe, even though they obviously thought he was cool. There was something about it that rattled me.
But I let that go, took in a breath through my nose then I said, “You know, Joe’s moving in, our Joe, not hot, super cool, lone wolf Joe that everyone talks about and him moving in makes you a legend. He’s just a man, he might be a big and strong man but he’s got feelings.”
“Yeah, feelings for us,” Keira replied.
“And feelings for you,” Kate told me.
“And we have feelings for him,” Keira went on.
“And you do too,” Kate finished.
Yeah, I did, but it was good to know they did too.
“You like him?” I asked quietly.
“He’s Joe,” Kate answered simply.
That kind of said it all. He definitely was Joe.
I looked at Keira. “Before he came back, you seemed mad –”
“Mom, it’s cool,” she interrupted me, “I was mad but now we have him back and he came back when we needed him.”
“When you needed him,” Kate stuck with her theme.
“I –” I started but Kate kept talking.
“When Uncle Sam…” She stopped speaking abruptly, looked away then swallowed and looked back at me. “When we came home, you were in Joe’s lap then he carried you across the room and he…” She hesitated and her voice dropped to a whisper. “When we lost Dad, you didn’t have that, someone to be there, someone to lean on, someone to hold you up because that was Dad’s job and he was gone and that was why you…” She shrugged and finished. “I’m just glad that Joe’s gonna be around.”
I felt tears stinging the backs of my eyes and I pulled in another breath through my nose before I asked, “You’re sure?” They both nodded so I continued. “It’s only a couple of months then we’ll talk again. This is your home. I want you to feel good in it and comfortable. If you ever feel funny, you need to talk to me.”
“Mawdy, it’s no big deal. Really. Yeesh. This is Joe,” Kate sighed.
“Yeah,” Keira agreed, “yeesh.”
God, they acted like this was no big deal and I should just…
Relax.
Thinking that, I smiled to myself and also defended myself. “I’m tryin’ to be a good Mom.”
“You don’t have to try,” Kate told me.
Another sock to the gut. Winded.
I’d never had a more beautiful compliment.
I took in my wonderful, gorgeous girls, leaned forward, my forearms on the counter and said, “I just want you girls to be happy.”
