Back to You
Page 23
Tears glistened against her lashes.
“You and the girls are the most important things I’ve ever had and I didn’t act like it. I didn’t and I’m standing here telling you I’m sorry.”
She cleared her throat. “And then what?”
“I meant it when I said I wanted another chance. I want us to be together. I want to be a real family. You, me, our daughters. I want you to be mine again.”
“Just like that? No harm no foul, we’re okay again?”
Defensive words rose to his lips but the pain in her tone stopped them. “I know it’s not going to be that easy.”
“What exactly are you proposing? We tried marriage. It didn’t work. It took me years to get over you, Vaughan. I can’t do that again.”
Why he was so surprised by the depth of her pain he wasn’t sure. Shame that he hadn’t really examined it more rode him.
“I was an asshole. I swear to you on my life that I didn’t... Nothing happened more than what you saw.” He scrubbed hands over his face. “I know it was wrong. But I didn’t cheat on you.”
“Before that moment, you mean? Because if you think you can sit there and tell me another woman’s hand on your dick isn’t cheating you better wear a cup every day for the rest of your miserable, lying life. If I recall, you punched someone once for telling me I looked pretty. That’s some double standard you have. How’d that work out for you? You’re going to sit there and say with a straight face that it’s cool to get jerked by a rando you tossed aside after you blew all over her hand?”
“I didn’t! I didn’t come. I stopped everything.”
“You want a gold star?”
“I said I was sorry.”
“Oh, did you?” That she’d nearly yelled it startled them both. She clapped a hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. Just go, please.”
“I don’t want to go. I’ll tell you I’m sorry every five minutes forever if you just give me another chance.”
“You think I want that? Some sort of man-child I have to monitor and parent? I have two kids already. I don’t want to be your conscience. I wanted you to use your own.”
* * *
IN THE YEARS since that night, Kelly had thought about that moment, over and over. When she’d looked at him and seen just a glimmer in his gaze. As if he’d wanted her to see it and push her away.
It had made her deeply sad. Filled her with regret and sorrow. That glimpse was it. The final, last thing. She could not be with someone who’d treat her like that.
She’d never raged at him. Not like this. Oh, they used to have their stupid fights. They both had artistic temperaments and were independent. Shallow, passionate, stupid arguments that ended with ridiculously amazing sex and lots of laughter.
No one could make her laugh like he had.
Which just made her angrier.
“I was young and stupid and selfish. Destructive. I made mistakes. I hurt you. Broke things. We can’t have back what we were, and maybe that’s for the best. You’ve grown up, way before I did. Let me prove to you I’ve changed. Grown. I can be the man you need me to be. Take me back, Kelly. Be mine. This time as equals. I love you.”
For a long time, she’d wanted those words. If he’d said them even two years before she’d have already been naked with him.
But he was right about one thing. She’d grown up. Enough to know that despite the fact that she’d never gotten over him, she couldn’t let him close enough to break her apart. Not until he’d done some major showing and not telling about this whole apology-and-wanting-another-chance business.
“What’s different for you now? You’re asking not just me to take a risk on you. The girls are old enough to understand it when you leave. I have them to think about, too.” They adored Vaughan. If he disappointed them like that, it would hurt their relationship with him for the rest of their lives.
He took her hands. “Another reason I love you. I’m thinking of them, too. Hell, this is about them, as well anyway. They visit my house. This is their home. I’ve missed out on a lot. Enough to know how happy I’ve been to do something as mundane as walking Kensey to the bus, or to see the way she looked when I picked her up. I want that. Every day. I want it with you.”
She shook her head, dubious. “How do you know you want it, though? It’s been a few days. The truth is, you’ve never been a family with me. Even when we were married and had Maddie you weren’t around much.”
“Being here, with you three, has made me happy in ways I can’t explain. I’ve known for some time I needed to find a way back to you. I’m asking you for a chance to show you I’m ready to be your husband again. Ready to be part of this family with you and our daughters.”
She swallowed and then licked her lips, nervous. She wanted this. Wanted it so much the depth of it scared her.
“It’s harder than you think. Being in a family. Being stable. Being reliable. You have to make decisions based on what they need. And a lot of the time it’s not the most fun choice. You need to put your family first.”
“Then let me in. Let me show you.”
Kelly had been thinking of little else. Wondering if she was a fool for even considering giving him another chance. Loving him so damned much the hope of it, of having him back in their life, edged out the fear. Just barely.
She blew out a breath. “If we go down this road I have rules. Conditions.”
“You and the girls are the most important things I’ve ever had and I didn’t act like it. I didn’t and I’m standing here telling you I’m sorry.”
She cleared her throat. “And then what?”
“I meant it when I said I wanted another chance. I want us to be together. I want to be a real family. You, me, our daughters. I want you to be mine again.”
“Just like that? No harm no foul, we’re okay again?”
Defensive words rose to his lips but the pain in her tone stopped them. “I know it’s not going to be that easy.”
“What exactly are you proposing? We tried marriage. It didn’t work. It took me years to get over you, Vaughan. I can’t do that again.”
Why he was so surprised by the depth of her pain he wasn’t sure. Shame that he hadn’t really examined it more rode him.
“I was an asshole. I swear to you on my life that I didn’t... Nothing happened more than what you saw.” He scrubbed hands over his face. “I know it was wrong. But I didn’t cheat on you.”
“Before that moment, you mean? Because if you think you can sit there and tell me another woman’s hand on your dick isn’t cheating you better wear a cup every day for the rest of your miserable, lying life. If I recall, you punched someone once for telling me I looked pretty. That’s some double standard you have. How’d that work out for you? You’re going to sit there and say with a straight face that it’s cool to get jerked by a rando you tossed aside after you blew all over her hand?”
“I didn’t! I didn’t come. I stopped everything.”
“You want a gold star?”
“I said I was sorry.”
“Oh, did you?” That she’d nearly yelled it startled them both. She clapped a hand over her mouth, tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry. Just go, please.”
“I don’t want to go. I’ll tell you I’m sorry every five minutes forever if you just give me another chance.”
“You think I want that? Some sort of man-child I have to monitor and parent? I have two kids already. I don’t want to be your conscience. I wanted you to use your own.”
* * *
IN THE YEARS since that night, Kelly had thought about that moment, over and over. When she’d looked at him and seen just a glimmer in his gaze. As if he’d wanted her to see it and push her away.
It had made her deeply sad. Filled her with regret and sorrow. That glimpse was it. The final, last thing. She could not be with someone who’d treat her like that.
She’d never raged at him. Not like this. Oh, they used to have their stupid fights. They both had artistic temperaments and were independent. Shallow, passionate, stupid arguments that ended with ridiculously amazing sex and lots of laughter.
No one could make her laugh like he had.
Which just made her angrier.
“I was young and stupid and selfish. Destructive. I made mistakes. I hurt you. Broke things. We can’t have back what we were, and maybe that’s for the best. You’ve grown up, way before I did. Let me prove to you I’ve changed. Grown. I can be the man you need me to be. Take me back, Kelly. Be mine. This time as equals. I love you.”
For a long time, she’d wanted those words. If he’d said them even two years before she’d have already been naked with him.
But he was right about one thing. She’d grown up. Enough to know that despite the fact that she’d never gotten over him, she couldn’t let him close enough to break her apart. Not until he’d done some major showing and not telling about this whole apology-and-wanting-another-chance business.
“What’s different for you now? You’re asking not just me to take a risk on you. The girls are old enough to understand it when you leave. I have them to think about, too.” They adored Vaughan. If he disappointed them like that, it would hurt their relationship with him for the rest of their lives.
He took her hands. “Another reason I love you. I’m thinking of them, too. Hell, this is about them, as well anyway. They visit my house. This is their home. I’ve missed out on a lot. Enough to know how happy I’ve been to do something as mundane as walking Kensey to the bus, or to see the way she looked when I picked her up. I want that. Every day. I want it with you.”
She shook her head, dubious. “How do you know you want it, though? It’s been a few days. The truth is, you’ve never been a family with me. Even when we were married and had Maddie you weren’t around much.”
“Being here, with you three, has made me happy in ways I can’t explain. I’ve known for some time I needed to find a way back to you. I’m asking you for a chance to show you I’m ready to be your husband again. Ready to be part of this family with you and our daughters.”
She swallowed and then licked her lips, nervous. She wanted this. Wanted it so much the depth of it scared her.
“It’s harder than you think. Being in a family. Being stable. Being reliable. You have to make decisions based on what they need. And a lot of the time it’s not the most fun choice. You need to put your family first.”
“Then let me in. Let me show you.”
Kelly had been thinking of little else. Wondering if she was a fool for even considering giving him another chance. Loving him so damned much the hope of it, of having him back in their life, edged out the fear. Just barely.
She blew out a breath. “If we go down this road I have rules. Conditions.”
