Back to You
Page 48
“Ross told her about my food stuff.”
“What? Ross told who?” Stacey asked.
Kelly handed over half the bar to Stacey before breaking off a small piece of her half, savoring it slowly.
Little flecks of toffee studded the chocolate. As it should. “Damn, this is so fucking good.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you chose that one because I originally bought you two, and then I ate one.”
“Best-friend tax.” Kelly shrugged. “Like when I steal fries from the girls. The price you pay.”
“Indeed. Tell me.”
“At the carnival on Friday, Ross’s ex-wife was there. She was mainly stupid, but she made a crack about my weight and eating my feelings.”
Stacey’s gaze narrowed.
“People do when they find out I used to model. Sometimes people are asshats. But this was very specific.” Kelly’s voice wobbled a little. The betrayal still stung.
“You think she’d be dancing a jig. You only got in her way. But Ross? Damn. That’s awful. I’m sorry. And I’d like to punch him in the throat.”
There was the part of Kelly who knew all the stuff Ross’s ex had said was bull. A slap meant to wound, not just with the insult, but the knowing. Ross had shared a secret part of Kelly. A part she’d revealed to him, trusting him to protect her from this sort of thing.
But he hadn’t. And it had sent her reeling. Where she’d been all weekend long.
“Did you talk to Ross?”
“No. It only happened three days ago. Anyway, what’s the point? I should be glad I have a reason other than me wanting someone else to break the engagement.”
“Oh whatever. For fuck’s sake, Kelly, you two weren’t right for one another and this is just another example of why. I will gladly put poo in a bag and toss it, alight with flame, on doorsteps. I’ll even drive so you can come along.”
Kelly laughed, imagining that.
“You’re not fat. You’re not thin. You’re you. And you’re healthy. Sure, she looks similar to you. But she’s not you. Which makes her bitter. I’m sorry she was a twat and I’m sorry Ross was a jerk.”
“I’m glad you came over to bring me chocolate.”
“Me too. Did you talk this over with Vaughan? Did he notice you were upset?”
“He just thought it was the interaction overall, not anything specific. I...” He knew some of her stuff, but not all. Not the hodgepodge of weird coping behaviors and bargains she’d made with her brain to let her have a seminormal life when it came to her body and to food.
“He’s going to notice. And then what?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m just wallowing a little. He won’t need to notice.”
Stacey sighed. “Keeping a food journal doesn’t make you crazy.”
Kelly echoed her friend’s sigh. “I don’t think I’m crazy. But I don’t need to have this sort of detailed conversation about it with Vaughan. It would take more time and energy to explain and give him the backstory than the entire exchange did.”
“I just think it’s good to share this with him.”
“He knows about some of the shit with my mother. But I really don’t want to wallow.”
Stacey waved a hand. “Yeah, I can tell.”
“I didn’t call you all over and then run out there weeping. I was alone and working through it.”
“No, you’re not the type. But you don’t have to be alone to work through it. You have me. You even have Vaughan. I wasn’t sure how he’d fare with this whole winning-you-back thing. But he’s working. I can see it,” Stacey said.
“He is.” Which was why she didn’t want to drag this stuff into that. She dusted her hands and looked back to Stacey. “Why did you come over?”
“I stopped by Chameleon and learned you were home today. So when I knocked and you weren’t around but your car was here, I figured you were either out here or having sexytimes with Vaughan.”
Kelly laughed, feeling better already. “Thanks for worrying.” She sucked in a breath. “Sometimes I have like, I don’t know, a flashback, maybe? Like I’ll be with him, laughing about something, happy, and then a flash of what it felt to see his eyes that night. It wasn’t the hand in his pants. I mean, I was angry and hurt about it, but what killed my marriage was that flash in his eyes. It was satisfaction. He wanted me to see it. Wanted me to be pushed away. He wanted that empty hand job in a hallway with some random person he didn’t even bother to respect enough to get to know. More than me or our kids. And I saw it and knew it right to my very soul. There’s never, ever been a moment in my life that hurt as much as that glimpse.”
Kelly unbound the French knot at the base of her skull and then twisted her hair up into a loose ponytail. Stacey leaned against the trunk of the tree at her back. Listening.
“I’m happy. I have this life I’d written off as never happening with him. I could have had it with someone else, but it’s him. It has always been him. And sometimes that terrifies me.”
“When the ex got all bitchy and used something you’d trusted Ross with to hurt you, it underlined how much you’re risking.”
Kelly flipped Stacey off. “I wasted a few days of getting all emo and I really should have just called you instead.”
“Ha. It’s not so hard to see. You love him. And I tell you with total honesty that he loves you. You divorced a shitty, passive-aggressive boy. You’re sharing your house with a man.”
“What? Ross told who?” Stacey asked.
Kelly handed over half the bar to Stacey before breaking off a small piece of her half, savoring it slowly.
Little flecks of toffee studded the chocolate. As it should. “Damn, this is so fucking good.”
“You’re welcome. I’m glad you chose that one because I originally bought you two, and then I ate one.”
“Best-friend tax.” Kelly shrugged. “Like when I steal fries from the girls. The price you pay.”
“Indeed. Tell me.”
“At the carnival on Friday, Ross’s ex-wife was there. She was mainly stupid, but she made a crack about my weight and eating my feelings.”
Stacey’s gaze narrowed.
“People do when they find out I used to model. Sometimes people are asshats. But this was very specific.” Kelly’s voice wobbled a little. The betrayal still stung.
“You think she’d be dancing a jig. You only got in her way. But Ross? Damn. That’s awful. I’m sorry. And I’d like to punch him in the throat.”
There was the part of Kelly who knew all the stuff Ross’s ex had said was bull. A slap meant to wound, not just with the insult, but the knowing. Ross had shared a secret part of Kelly. A part she’d revealed to him, trusting him to protect her from this sort of thing.
But he hadn’t. And it had sent her reeling. Where she’d been all weekend long.
“Did you talk to Ross?”
“No. It only happened three days ago. Anyway, what’s the point? I should be glad I have a reason other than me wanting someone else to break the engagement.”
“Oh whatever. For fuck’s sake, Kelly, you two weren’t right for one another and this is just another example of why. I will gladly put poo in a bag and toss it, alight with flame, on doorsteps. I’ll even drive so you can come along.”
Kelly laughed, imagining that.
“You’re not fat. You’re not thin. You’re you. And you’re healthy. Sure, she looks similar to you. But she’s not you. Which makes her bitter. I’m sorry she was a twat and I’m sorry Ross was a jerk.”
“I’m glad you came over to bring me chocolate.”
“Me too. Did you talk this over with Vaughan? Did he notice you were upset?”
“He just thought it was the interaction overall, not anything specific. I...” He knew some of her stuff, but not all. Not the hodgepodge of weird coping behaviors and bargains she’d made with her brain to let her have a seminormal life when it came to her body and to food.
“He’s going to notice. And then what?”
“I’ll be fine. I’m just wallowing a little. He won’t need to notice.”
Stacey sighed. “Keeping a food journal doesn’t make you crazy.”
Kelly echoed her friend’s sigh. “I don’t think I’m crazy. But I don’t need to have this sort of detailed conversation about it with Vaughan. It would take more time and energy to explain and give him the backstory than the entire exchange did.”
“I just think it’s good to share this with him.”
“He knows about some of the shit with my mother. But I really don’t want to wallow.”
Stacey waved a hand. “Yeah, I can tell.”
“I didn’t call you all over and then run out there weeping. I was alone and working through it.”
“No, you’re not the type. But you don’t have to be alone to work through it. You have me. You even have Vaughan. I wasn’t sure how he’d fare with this whole winning-you-back thing. But he’s working. I can see it,” Stacey said.
“He is.” Which was why she didn’t want to drag this stuff into that. She dusted her hands and looked back to Stacey. “Why did you come over?”
“I stopped by Chameleon and learned you were home today. So when I knocked and you weren’t around but your car was here, I figured you were either out here or having sexytimes with Vaughan.”
Kelly laughed, feeling better already. “Thanks for worrying.” She sucked in a breath. “Sometimes I have like, I don’t know, a flashback, maybe? Like I’ll be with him, laughing about something, happy, and then a flash of what it felt to see his eyes that night. It wasn’t the hand in his pants. I mean, I was angry and hurt about it, but what killed my marriage was that flash in his eyes. It was satisfaction. He wanted me to see it. Wanted me to be pushed away. He wanted that empty hand job in a hallway with some random person he didn’t even bother to respect enough to get to know. More than me or our kids. And I saw it and knew it right to my very soul. There’s never, ever been a moment in my life that hurt as much as that glimpse.”
Kelly unbound the French knot at the base of her skull and then twisted her hair up into a loose ponytail. Stacey leaned against the trunk of the tree at her back. Listening.
“I’m happy. I have this life I’d written off as never happening with him. I could have had it with someone else, but it’s him. It has always been him. And sometimes that terrifies me.”
“When the ex got all bitchy and used something you’d trusted Ross with to hurt you, it underlined how much you’re risking.”
Kelly flipped Stacey off. “I wasted a few days of getting all emo and I really should have just called you instead.”
“Ha. It’s not so hard to see. You love him. And I tell you with total honesty that he loves you. You divorced a shitty, passive-aggressive boy. You’re sharing your house with a man.”
