Back to You
Page 49
“But Ross is a man.”
Stacey waved that away. “Apples and oranges. You were not in love with Ross. His telling the ex hurt you because you cared about him enough to trust him. Betrayal by a trusted confidant. Not the same as Vaughan not loving you the way you loved him.”
“Ouch.”
Chagrined, Stacey’s features softened. “I’m sorry.”
“Comes with the best friend being a divorce attorney. You disclosed up front,” Kelly deadpanned as Stacey snickered. “Anyway, you get a weirdo who keeps track of how many squares of chocolate she eats per day. I think I got the better deal.”
“You’re a total weirdo but not because you exercise religiously and count your chocolate. The fact that you want a Doctor Who tattoo makes you weird. That and your unfortunate love of dance movies,” Stacey said.
Kelly loved musicals and dance movies of all types and kinds. “Your sad, sad refusal to find the joy in all the Step Ups is a continual disappointment to me.”
“I find joy in all those shiny abs. That’s all you get. I even let you listen to the soundtracks when we’re in the car. Those things fall in the realm of normal weirdness.”
“Like when you yell at the television when people confess things on the stand in movies?” Kelly teased.
“Don’t get me started by pushing my rage buttons, missy. You were abused. That you have managed to build the life you have is about you, not her.”
It was an argument they’d had a few times since Kelly had originally disclosed the details of her life with Rebecca in charge. “She was a bad mother, but I wasn’t abused. I had a place to live. Food on the table. Other kids didn’t. She never hit me.”
“You know very well there’s more than one kind of scar. Does Vaughan know all of it?”
No one knew all of it. Only Kelly and that’s how she planned to keep some of the very worst times. Those were buried under concrete. Far beneath the life she had now.
“He knows some. Back then, when we first met I self-medicated. Amphetamines are fantastic for keeping your appetite low and your energy high. And then I got pregnant and shaped my act up. The chocolate thing started then.” Her midwife had casually suggested a therapist. Just to have someone to talk to because Kelly had been not only newly pregnant, but newly married, too, and stress was natural.
In retrospect, Kelly knew her midwife could see Kelly’s panic at each pound she gained. Could see Kelly was on the edge and could use some help.
It had been that doctor who’d given Kelly the tools to deal with a lot of the problems Kelly had solved more destructively before. “I work really hard to be a good mother. To never be like her.”
“You never have to defend yourself to me. I see you. I know what you do. I know how far you’ve come,” Stacey said, her tone so fervent all Kelly could do was throw her arms around her best friend as she cried.
Over her life, Kelly had developed a thick skin to general criticism and commentary on her appearance. Kelly’s first job had been a department-store children’s-line catalog and marketing shoot. She’d been four. As they moved from base to base, country to country, her mother still managed to send her out on auditions and calls until they moved to New York so Kelly could pursue modeling and acting.
She’d been tossed into a very complicated economic, social and emotional hierarchy at an age she should have been doing algebra and going to dances. It toughened her up. Being judged usually didn’t bother her because she had enough of a sense of value. She’d earned that much.
But she had her rage buttons, as Stacey called them. And being judged and found wanting when it came to her intelligence or her parenting really got to her.
Looks faded. What mattered was the true heart of a person and she considered her children her heart.
When she sat back, Stacey handed her a tissue and a smile. “If you apologize I’m going to be mad. You’re a fantastic mom and the ex attacked that. I get it. I would kick her shin so hard and pretend it was an accident for you any day.”
“You totally would. It’s why I love you.”
“Just think about it. Okay? Let him in a little. If he knows more, he can take more care.”
Kelly knew Stacey was right. But she had no idea really how to go about sharing with him. “I’ll wait until it comes up naturally. Or until like another week or two because it’s not usually something that comes up naturally.”
“Only if you’re in hell.”
“Yeah, well. You’ve met Rebecca.”
“Only once. And I’d like to keep it that way. In any case, I have reservations for two at a superswank restaurant on Wednesday night. But my date has been sent to Rome for work and I no longer need them. So, I propose to come over here, hang out with my girls while you and Vaughan go and use that table and have an actual date-type thing.”
Kelly really was lucky to have Stacey in her life. “Yeah? You’re the best. I’m sorry about the cancellation. Is he the magazine writer?”
“No. This one is an international contracts attorney. I’m only using him for a penis that knows my every desire. I’m trying to keep it casual and shallow so I don’t have to learn anything truly horrible about him until I’m ready to bolt.”
With a snort, Kelly rolled her eyes. “So romantic.”
“Pragmatic. Until the dude who makes me as goofy as Vaughan makes you shows up, a girl still has needs.”
Stacey waved that away. “Apples and oranges. You were not in love with Ross. His telling the ex hurt you because you cared about him enough to trust him. Betrayal by a trusted confidant. Not the same as Vaughan not loving you the way you loved him.”
“Ouch.”
Chagrined, Stacey’s features softened. “I’m sorry.”
“Comes with the best friend being a divorce attorney. You disclosed up front,” Kelly deadpanned as Stacey snickered. “Anyway, you get a weirdo who keeps track of how many squares of chocolate she eats per day. I think I got the better deal.”
“You’re a total weirdo but not because you exercise religiously and count your chocolate. The fact that you want a Doctor Who tattoo makes you weird. That and your unfortunate love of dance movies,” Stacey said.
Kelly loved musicals and dance movies of all types and kinds. “Your sad, sad refusal to find the joy in all the Step Ups is a continual disappointment to me.”
“I find joy in all those shiny abs. That’s all you get. I even let you listen to the soundtracks when we’re in the car. Those things fall in the realm of normal weirdness.”
“Like when you yell at the television when people confess things on the stand in movies?” Kelly teased.
“Don’t get me started by pushing my rage buttons, missy. You were abused. That you have managed to build the life you have is about you, not her.”
It was an argument they’d had a few times since Kelly had originally disclosed the details of her life with Rebecca in charge. “She was a bad mother, but I wasn’t abused. I had a place to live. Food on the table. Other kids didn’t. She never hit me.”
“You know very well there’s more than one kind of scar. Does Vaughan know all of it?”
No one knew all of it. Only Kelly and that’s how she planned to keep some of the very worst times. Those were buried under concrete. Far beneath the life she had now.
“He knows some. Back then, when we first met I self-medicated. Amphetamines are fantastic for keeping your appetite low and your energy high. And then I got pregnant and shaped my act up. The chocolate thing started then.” Her midwife had casually suggested a therapist. Just to have someone to talk to because Kelly had been not only newly pregnant, but newly married, too, and stress was natural.
In retrospect, Kelly knew her midwife could see Kelly’s panic at each pound she gained. Could see Kelly was on the edge and could use some help.
It had been that doctor who’d given Kelly the tools to deal with a lot of the problems Kelly had solved more destructively before. “I work really hard to be a good mother. To never be like her.”
“You never have to defend yourself to me. I see you. I know what you do. I know how far you’ve come,” Stacey said, her tone so fervent all Kelly could do was throw her arms around her best friend as she cried.
Over her life, Kelly had developed a thick skin to general criticism and commentary on her appearance. Kelly’s first job had been a department-store children’s-line catalog and marketing shoot. She’d been four. As they moved from base to base, country to country, her mother still managed to send her out on auditions and calls until they moved to New York so Kelly could pursue modeling and acting.
She’d been tossed into a very complicated economic, social and emotional hierarchy at an age she should have been doing algebra and going to dances. It toughened her up. Being judged usually didn’t bother her because she had enough of a sense of value. She’d earned that much.
But she had her rage buttons, as Stacey called them. And being judged and found wanting when it came to her intelligence or her parenting really got to her.
Looks faded. What mattered was the true heart of a person and she considered her children her heart.
When she sat back, Stacey handed her a tissue and a smile. “If you apologize I’m going to be mad. You’re a fantastic mom and the ex attacked that. I get it. I would kick her shin so hard and pretend it was an accident for you any day.”
“You totally would. It’s why I love you.”
“Just think about it. Okay? Let him in a little. If he knows more, he can take more care.”
Kelly knew Stacey was right. But she had no idea really how to go about sharing with him. “I’ll wait until it comes up naturally. Or until like another week or two because it’s not usually something that comes up naturally.”
“Only if you’re in hell.”
“Yeah, well. You’ve met Rebecca.”
“Only once. And I’d like to keep it that way. In any case, I have reservations for two at a superswank restaurant on Wednesday night. But my date has been sent to Rome for work and I no longer need them. So, I propose to come over here, hang out with my girls while you and Vaughan go and use that table and have an actual date-type thing.”
Kelly really was lucky to have Stacey in her life. “Yeah? You’re the best. I’m sorry about the cancellation. Is he the magazine writer?”
“No. This one is an international contracts attorney. I’m only using him for a penis that knows my every desire. I’m trying to keep it casual and shallow so I don’t have to learn anything truly horrible about him until I’m ready to bolt.”
With a snort, Kelly rolled her eyes. “So romantic.”
“Pragmatic. Until the dude who makes me as goofy as Vaughan makes you shows up, a girl still has needs.”
