Baking and Babies

Page 27

 
Dad shakes his head. “It makes no sense. Shocker honor isn’t a thing and you can’t swear on it.”
 
“Shocker honor is too a thing and it’s a very important thing,” Uncle Drew argues. “There is nothing more serious than two in the pink, one in the stink.”
 
“He’s right, there isn’t,” Aunt Jenny adds with a serious nod. “It’s more important than a pinky swear.”
 
Aunt Claire looks over my shoulder and waves. We all turn around to see Grandpa George and his wife Sue coming around the side of the house.
 
“Another thing you guys should know, Sue had some sort of accident the other day that affected her ear drums,” Aunt Claire quickly explains. “I guess she can’t hear very well, so you might have to talk a little louder.”
 
She walks around Marco and I to greet them. “Hi, Dad, thanks for coming. Can I get you something to drink, Sue?”
 
“OH, NO THANK YOU! IT’S TOO HOT FOR SOUP!” Sue shouts with a smile as Aunt Claire leads them over to our group.
 
Grandpa George, not one for public displays of affection, gives me an awkward one-armed side hug and hands me a card.
 
“Congratulations, Molly. There’s fifty bucks in there. Don’t spend it on anything stupid,” he warns me as I take the card from his hand.
 
“There goes your plans of spending your graduation money on booze and sex,” Uncle Drew laughs.
 
“NO, IT’S NOT A ROLEX, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!” Sue shouts, holding up her wrist and pointing to her gold watch.
 
“Care to tell me how Sue lost her hearing since you were a little vague on the phone yesterday?” Aunt Claire asks her dad.
 
“Eh, I let off a couple M-80’s in the backyard and she was standing too close,” he says with a shrug.
 
“Why in the hell were you lighting M-80’s in your backyard?” Aunt Claire furrows her brow in dismay.
 
“That’s the dumbest question you’ve ever asked me,” Grandpa George mutters, shaking his head. “I found them in a box in the garage. One does not just leave M-80’s in a box when they find them. Have I taught you nothing?”
 
Before Aunt Claire can scold him, Gavin and Charlotte walk over to our group to say hello.
 
“What’s new, Grandpa George?” Charlotte asks, kissing him on the cheek and giving Sue a quick hug.
 
“PIGEON FORGE? NEVER BEEN, BUT I HEAR IT’S NICE!” Sue yells.
 
Aunt Claire smacks Grandpa George on the arm when he chuckles.
 
“I can’t believe you’re laughing at her!” she whispers. “You should be ashamed of yourself.”
 
He shrugs, sticking his hands in his pockets. “I asked her this morning if we had anything to fix a drain clog and she thought I asked for a blow job. I picked up ten cases of M-80’s on the way home from the hardware store.”
 
Aunt Claire makes a gagging noise and covers her ears while Uncle Drew gives grandpa a high five.
 
“You kids ready for the wedding?” Grandpa asks Gavin and Charlotte. “You gonna wear a fancy tux or get a new suit?”
 
“I ALREADY TOLD CLAIRE I DIDN’T WANT SOUP, GEORGE,” Sue shouts with a frown.
 
I watch as Charlotte’s eyes widen in horror and her face starts to turn green.
 
Aunt Claire and Uncle Carter both start talking very loudly about how there isn’t any soup, making sure to enunciate that word and drag it out each time they say it so Sue can understand them. The more they say it, the more Charlotte starts to look like she’s going to puke right here in front of everyone.
 
“Uuuggghhh,” I moan loud enough to make them stop talking. I put my hand on my stomach and grimace. “Please don’t say that word, it makes me sick.”
 
Grandpa George looks at me questioningly. “Why in tarnation would that word make you sick? Soup is delicious and good for you. We just had split pea soup with ham last night for dinner.”
 
Charlotte’s hand flies up to cover her mouth and Grandpa George notices out of the corner of his eye, turning his head in her direction.
 
“And what the hell is wrong with you? Don’t tell me soup makes you sick too? Has everyone in this family turned stupid?” he asks.
 
“WHY WOULD CUPID BE HERE? I THOUGHT YOU SAID THIS WAS A GRADUATION PARTY, NOT A VALENTINE’S DAY PARTY?” Sue yells to Grandpa George.
 
“Charlotte thinks she’s coming down with the flu,” Gavin explains, rubbing his hand soothingly against her back. “But Molly’s pregnant and that word makes her throw up.”
 
Everyone groans and Aunt Claire smacks Gavin’s arm. “Did you not hear me when I told you as soon as you got here that we weren’t going to tell grandpa about Molly right now?”
 
Gavin winces. “Oops, sorry. I totally forgot. Charlotte told me she cancelled the ice sculpture for the wedding and I got distracted.”
 
Uncle Drew throws up his hands and huffs. “No ice sculpture? Are you kidding me with this shit? What the hell am I going to lick at the reception? You guys ruin all the fun.”
 
I give Charlotte a knowing look and she rolls her eyes at me, her face finally returning to a normal color now that all the soup talk is finished.
 
“I was wondering if any of you girls would follow in your Aunt Claire’s footsteps,” Grandpa says with a sigh. “I hope you were smarter than her and at least know the guy’s name.”
 
“Heeeeeeeeey!” Aunt Claire protests, putting her hands on her hips.
 
“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we were able to change history. If that’s the case, I can tell all the guys at the VFW my daughter got married and THEN got knocked up, like a good daughter should,” Grandpa states. “No offense, Molly.”
 
“None taken,” I reply, grabbing Marco’s arm and pulling him closer to my grandfather. “This is Marco, my boyfriend. Marco, this is Grandpa George.”
 
Marco holds out his hand and gives my grandfather a smile. “It’s nice to meet you, sir.”
 
Grandpa stubbornly keeps his hands in his pockets for a few seconds, finally removing one slowly. Instead of grabbing Marco’s hand, he sticks a toothpick in his mouth and starts to chew on it. After a few tense moments, he removes the toothpick and holds it up in front of Marco.
 
“See this here toothpick?”
 
Marco nods silently.
 
“If you don’t do right by my granddaughter, I will gouge out your eyes with it, then rip off your scalp and skull-fuck you,” he says quietly, sticking the toothpick back in his mouth.
 
“SOMEONE’S MOVING TO SUFFOLK?” Sue asks loudly.
 
“Well, this has been fun,” I mutter, grabbing Marco’s hand again before he passes out or runs away in fear. “I need a drink, who wants a drink?”
 
Everyone raises their hands and we all move towards the coolers my parent’s set up by the food tables. Opening the first one, I find it filled with ice and beer. Quickly grabbing two of the bottles, I hand one to Marco and then twist the top of mine, sighing happily when I hear the seal pop.
 
I bring the cold bottle up to my lips, my mouth watering for some much needed alcohol. The beer is an inch from my mouth when it’s quickly snatched out of my hands and replaced with a cup of apple juice.
 
“That baby already has enough problems with our family’s DNA flowing through it, don’t make it worse by getting it drunk,” my mother scolds, chugging the beer she just took from me.
 
I watch longingly as she downs half the bottle before she saunters off to greet more family members.
 
“So, hey, thanks again for the graduation party,” I tell Marco, trying not to glare at him while he drinks his beer. “If we ever do this again, let’s do it when I’m not fake pregnant and I can get wasted and pretend like I’m not related to any of these people.”
 
Marco laughs and leans forward, pressing a quick kiss to my lips. Just like with everything he does with me, it’s easy and natural and he makes it feel like he’s done it a million times before. I love that he organized this party for me, and I love that he made my family feel bad about not acknowledging my graduation, but would really love it if we were alone right now so he could kiss me again. I know that makes me sound all stupid and girly and exactly like my sisters, but I’m so distracted by his lips that I don’t care.