Beautiful Broken Promises
Page 22
“It wasn’t her,” I offered gently.
“I understand that now, but—“
“You’re not a nut case. You’re adjusting back to life,” I whispered.
“I ran away from two gray-haired, cane-wielding senior citizens.” A slight chuckle broke through her lips and I knew she was coming back to me…either that or she really was losing it.
“Those old women with canes can be testy,” I jested. She pinched at my side and I grabbed her wrist instantly.
“What is it with you and Audrey pinching my sides?!” I laughed.
“Probably because it’s the only area on your body that actually gives a little bit.”
“Hmm… I’ll have to work on that.”
“You’re ridiculous. If you work on this body anymore, I’ll need my own cane just so I can beat all the women away from you,” she laughed.
I grabbed a hold of her ass in my lap and pulled her even closer to my body. “You claiming me?” The words were practically a growl and I realized our lips were now inches apart.
“Are you saying you’re claimable?” she murmured.
“Depends on the girl…”
“I thought it was just sex.”
“Those were your words, babe. Not mine.”
“I don’t want to just be convenient for you, Lane.” Her eyes shifted away from me, but she continued to speak. “I’m like a mother to Kate so I know she’ll want me around. Kate and Braden love each other so much, and I hope they can always be in each other’s lives. But I feel as if I’m convenient to you, and I don’t want to feel that way. So maybe we shouldn’t…” Her words would have knocked me on my ass if I weren’t already there.
I grabbed a hold of her face and looked directly into her blazing emerald eyes. “The only thing convenient about you is that you’re a woman. Otherwise, you have a saucy mouth, you never let me get away with anything, you jump on problems immediately, you always take the last chip when we share, you hog the covers in bed, sometimes you snore—”
“I do not!” she interrupted.
“Sometimes you snore. And you always use all the hot water. Not to mention, you’re too damn beautiful for your own good.”
“Some of those didn’t sound like problems to me,” she bantered.
“None of those are problems. I just wanted you to know you aren’t convenient. You aren’t easy. I don’t like you because you’re just around. I want you around because of your saucy mouth and the way you attack problems without letting them fester like most girls. I like that you don’t let me get away with anything. I’ll always give you the last chip, and you can take all the hot water you want as long as I can be in the shower with you.”
“You forgot that you like my snoring.” She smiled wide.
“Mmm… debatable,” I teased. As I should have expected, she pinched my side—hard. It only made me laugh. “Okay, you don’t really snore, but you do have this really cute little raspy breathing thing that you start doing sometimes. It’s adorable.”
She crinkled her nose in apparent aversion. “Girls don’t want to be adorable.”
I shrugged my shoulders without care. “Adorable doesn’t mean I still don’t want to f**k you.”
“Ah, there’s the romantic in you that I adore,” she laughed.
Then, without further thought, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in tighter. Her mouth moved and she pushed her lower lips in between mine. I kept moving my lips against hers, knowing what she was asking for, but not willing to give it just yet.
She whimpered and I broke. I sucked her lip forcefully and then bit down gently on the swollen flesh. Her h*ps rocked forward and I groaned.
“You have to get off my lap, babe…” I muttered into her mouth.
“I like it here.” As if to show her fondness of her position, she ground into my hardening erection again.
I stood from my position on the wood floor and when I was steady, I made sure she was stable on her feet. Her lower lip jutted out and all I wanted to do was bite down on it. Instead, I ran my index finger across it lightly.
“The tiny search party will be out here soon looking for me. I said I would read to them,” I whispered.
“Later?” she asked.
“You bet your ass, babe.” She smiled, appeased by my words, and I almost moaned at the image of her standing there with a swollen lip and eyes begging me to take her. I stepped back and forced my body to move. I tried to readjust the situation she had given me in my shorts. “No, babe, you are definitely not convenient,” I said as I walked toward the hallway.
I felt a lightness overcome me when I heard her breathy laugh. Before I could make it to Kate and Braden, she called out to me, “Hey, Lane…” When I turned around, she said, “I think I will claim you.”
“’Bout time,” I called back with a wink.
~~~~~~~
Raegan and I had made an effort every night to spend quality time during the last hour before bedtime with Kate and Braden. No television, no phones, no computers allowed. I didn't care if there were dishes overflowing from the sink or a stack of papers three inches high on my desk. It was just the four of us, usually in their ‘temporary’ bedroom. We played board games and colored pictures, but mostly we read books. That seemed to be something the four of us could all agree on. This was the time when I learned the most about them.
As I was tucking Kate in next to Braden that night, she smiled up at me. It was the most peaceful, contented smile I had ever seen.
I touched the edges of her lips and said, “I like that smile.”
She giggled. “Can we always stay together?”
“Of course. Maybe not here in New York, but we’ll always be together.” I thought about Raegan’s panic attack today and knew that we would be leaving as soon as possible.
“Promise?” she asked innocently.
I stumbled on my thoughts and froze on that word. Promise. When she was a baby and I wasn't working, I used to rock her in this very room. I used to whisper promises to keep her safe, happy, and well taken care of. Promises that were broken. Now I knew that promises like that were out of my control, so how could I make an empty guarantee like that again?
“I love you, Kit-Kat. Tomorrow, we can go back to that museum you and Braden love, okay?” Thank God four-year-olds were easily distracted.
She smiled widely and turned to look at Braden, who had the same look of excitement on his face.
“Night guys,” I whispered. Raegan leaned over them and gave them each a kiss before following me out of the room.
“Lane, what happened in there?” she asked when we reached the living room.
“You don't want to go to the museum tomorrow? Sorry, that’s one of those things where I should have asked you first, huh?”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You froze up.” She had caught on to that… of course she had. Raegan didn’t let anything slide.
I let out a sigh. “The last time I made promises, I broke them. Every single one of them. I can’t do that to her again. I know she was only a baby, but it meant something to me.”
“Lane, none of that was your fault. You didn't break those promises. She just wants reassurance that you aren't going anywhere.”
“Yes, and I plan on showing her that. I don't need to give any false promises, though. I won’t lie to her every again.”
Raegan sighed in defeat, although I knew it was only temporary. But for now, it seemed, she would leave me to my demons. She left my side and walked toward the kitchen, while I plopped down on the sofa to think about this new parenting gig and the vast responsibilities that had been given back to me.
- FOURTEEN -
RAEGAN -
After Kate and Braden had fallen asleep that night in the nursery, I confessed to Lane that I was having panic attacks regularly. Being the great guy that he was, he felt bad for not knowing and wanted to know where it had been happening. He said he had often gotten lost in playing with Kate and Braden, but he still thought he should have known if I was off in the apartment somewhere falling apart.
I hated that he felt guilty and tried to reassure him that I never wanted to burden him with that. I told him it was just something I had to wait out, and usually it was more comfortable to do it alone. Not surprisingly, he didn’t agree with me.
One thing I couldn’t get around was that the city didn’t give me the same sense of home anymore. Every day we spent here pressed on me like a vice. I was always checking over my shoulder, and I would never be able to step foot in the local playground where I had first met Mrs. Flores—especially not after my ridiculous freak-out today.
When I opened up to him about my feelings, Lane said he knew exactly what I was talking about and that he felt the same way. The tall buildings he had once loved looking up to now casted ugly shadows on the streets. This place would always be where his child was kidnapped… where his marriage fell apart. Maybe one day we would heal and get past this, but we weren’t there yet.
Lane told me that every single day we came back to the apartment he wanted to grab all three of us and bolt. He said that he would never be able to live there again, no matter how much he appreciated his mom caring for it. He was even grateful for Ash’s parents who had generously paid the mortgage every month. I didn’t weigh in on that topic because it wasn’t my place to choose for him.
He confessed that this wasn’t where he wanted to raise Kate, and I couldn’t agree more in regards to Braden. When I moved to New York at eleven years old, I never traveled outside of it—not unless you counted New Jersey—since my aunt didn’t really have any extra money. Then when I had Braden, any plans on seeing more of the United States went out the window. So even though I basically had never been outside of New York, Lane’s house in Texas sounded amazing. He said it was little, but that it would fit us just fine.
I knew I should start thinking about getting a job and finding my own place for Braden and me to live. The idea of Lane and me living together after only really knowing each other a few weeks just seemed ludicrous. But for just a little while, I would stay. Separating Kate and Braden like that would have to be approached delicately.
Another reason it would be good to head to Dallas was that Lane really needed to get back to work. He said Jace would probably start threatening to replace him soon, although based on the way Lane talked about him, I had a feeling Jace would never do that.
So two days after my very public panic in the park, we found ourselves boarding Flight 65 from John F. Kennedy Airport to Dallas/Fort Worth. Thanks to Jace, and much to Lane’s discomfort, we boarded as first-class passengers. I was giddy. I hadn’t been on many airplanes and definitely nowhere near those first four rows. Kate and Braden sat in seats 3A and 3B, while Lane and I took our seats directly behind them.
The plush leather seats were comfortable and there was a console in between each seat, allowing everyone plenty of elbow room. There were TVs tucked into the arms of our seats, but I didn’t think Kate and Braden had realized that yet.
Lane had grumbled and groaned all morning after he finally got a look at our tickets. I could tell he didn’t like Jace buying them, let alone upgrading us. His large forearm moved over the middle console and he grunted as he leaned toward me dramatically.
“See, first class sucks already. I can’t lift this huge divider and now you might as well be sitting across the aisle from me,” he complained.
I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness. Then to appease him, I leaned across the not-so-huge divider and kissed his delicious lips. I realized a few days ago it would be a long time before I would ever get tired of his lips. They were full and powerful, and I wanted them on me as often as I could have them.
“No, no, don’t start pushing that sexy bottom lip on me now,” he scolded sullenly.
I pulled back and giggled. I couldn’t help it with him. He knew how to push all my buttons just right, and it seemed that my favorite button was the way he sucked my bottom lip in between his teeth.
“Just enjoy this now. You can hash it out with Jace later.” I smiled up at him. “Besides, I’ve never heard of anyone complaining about extra leg room, especially someone of your size.” I reached to pinch his side, but snatched up my fingers before they could make contact, which only made me break out into uproarious laughter.
His body instantly moved closer to mine, console be damned. “God, babe…” he murmured, his voice husky. “I love that sound.”
In front of us, Kate started laughing and we both peeked through the small space between the seats to see her and Braden playing a made-up game together. “Love that sound-from both my girls,” he added.
I grabbed his bicep and hugged it tightly. I didn’t release it when I was done, deciding to keep my fingers wrapped securely around him and laying my head against his muscles. When the flight attendants came down the aisle offering pre-flight drinks, he didn’t move his arm, instead grabbing both of our cups with his opposite hand.
“Hey, Kit Kat,” Lane called quietly to the seats in front of us. Both she and Braden turned to look at us. “Make sure your seat belts are snug, please.”
“Braden snapped mine for me, daddy,” she said back.
“Good job looking out for your sister, B,” Lane said to my little boy. The moment they turned back around, I instantly buried my face into his arm and sniffled.
“What’s up, Rae?” he asked.
“I understand that now, but—“
“You’re not a nut case. You’re adjusting back to life,” I whispered.
“I ran away from two gray-haired, cane-wielding senior citizens.” A slight chuckle broke through her lips and I knew she was coming back to me…either that or she really was losing it.
“Those old women with canes can be testy,” I jested. She pinched at my side and I grabbed her wrist instantly.
“What is it with you and Audrey pinching my sides?!” I laughed.
“Probably because it’s the only area on your body that actually gives a little bit.”
“Hmm… I’ll have to work on that.”
“You’re ridiculous. If you work on this body anymore, I’ll need my own cane just so I can beat all the women away from you,” she laughed.
I grabbed a hold of her ass in my lap and pulled her even closer to my body. “You claiming me?” The words were practically a growl and I realized our lips were now inches apart.
“Are you saying you’re claimable?” she murmured.
“Depends on the girl…”
“I thought it was just sex.”
“Those were your words, babe. Not mine.”
“I don’t want to just be convenient for you, Lane.” Her eyes shifted away from me, but she continued to speak. “I’m like a mother to Kate so I know she’ll want me around. Kate and Braden love each other so much, and I hope they can always be in each other’s lives. But I feel as if I’m convenient to you, and I don’t want to feel that way. So maybe we shouldn’t…” Her words would have knocked me on my ass if I weren’t already there.
I grabbed a hold of her face and looked directly into her blazing emerald eyes. “The only thing convenient about you is that you’re a woman. Otherwise, you have a saucy mouth, you never let me get away with anything, you jump on problems immediately, you always take the last chip when we share, you hog the covers in bed, sometimes you snore—”
“I do not!” she interrupted.
“Sometimes you snore. And you always use all the hot water. Not to mention, you’re too damn beautiful for your own good.”
“Some of those didn’t sound like problems to me,” she bantered.
“None of those are problems. I just wanted you to know you aren’t convenient. You aren’t easy. I don’t like you because you’re just around. I want you around because of your saucy mouth and the way you attack problems without letting them fester like most girls. I like that you don’t let me get away with anything. I’ll always give you the last chip, and you can take all the hot water you want as long as I can be in the shower with you.”
“You forgot that you like my snoring.” She smiled wide.
“Mmm… debatable,” I teased. As I should have expected, she pinched my side—hard. It only made me laugh. “Okay, you don’t really snore, but you do have this really cute little raspy breathing thing that you start doing sometimes. It’s adorable.”
She crinkled her nose in apparent aversion. “Girls don’t want to be adorable.”
I shrugged my shoulders without care. “Adorable doesn’t mean I still don’t want to f**k you.”
“Ah, there’s the romantic in you that I adore,” she laughed.
Then, without further thought, she leaned in and pressed her lips to mine. I grabbed the back of her head and pulled her in tighter. Her mouth moved and she pushed her lower lips in between mine. I kept moving my lips against hers, knowing what she was asking for, but not willing to give it just yet.
She whimpered and I broke. I sucked her lip forcefully and then bit down gently on the swollen flesh. Her h*ps rocked forward and I groaned.
“You have to get off my lap, babe…” I muttered into her mouth.
“I like it here.” As if to show her fondness of her position, she ground into my hardening erection again.
I stood from my position on the wood floor and when I was steady, I made sure she was stable on her feet. Her lower lip jutted out and all I wanted to do was bite down on it. Instead, I ran my index finger across it lightly.
“The tiny search party will be out here soon looking for me. I said I would read to them,” I whispered.
“Later?” she asked.
“You bet your ass, babe.” She smiled, appeased by my words, and I almost moaned at the image of her standing there with a swollen lip and eyes begging me to take her. I stepped back and forced my body to move. I tried to readjust the situation she had given me in my shorts. “No, babe, you are definitely not convenient,” I said as I walked toward the hallway.
I felt a lightness overcome me when I heard her breathy laugh. Before I could make it to Kate and Braden, she called out to me, “Hey, Lane…” When I turned around, she said, “I think I will claim you.”
“’Bout time,” I called back with a wink.
~~~~~~~
Raegan and I had made an effort every night to spend quality time during the last hour before bedtime with Kate and Braden. No television, no phones, no computers allowed. I didn't care if there were dishes overflowing from the sink or a stack of papers three inches high on my desk. It was just the four of us, usually in their ‘temporary’ bedroom. We played board games and colored pictures, but mostly we read books. That seemed to be something the four of us could all agree on. This was the time when I learned the most about them.
As I was tucking Kate in next to Braden that night, she smiled up at me. It was the most peaceful, contented smile I had ever seen.
I touched the edges of her lips and said, “I like that smile.”
She giggled. “Can we always stay together?”
“Of course. Maybe not here in New York, but we’ll always be together.” I thought about Raegan’s panic attack today and knew that we would be leaving as soon as possible.
“Promise?” she asked innocently.
I stumbled on my thoughts and froze on that word. Promise. When she was a baby and I wasn't working, I used to rock her in this very room. I used to whisper promises to keep her safe, happy, and well taken care of. Promises that were broken. Now I knew that promises like that were out of my control, so how could I make an empty guarantee like that again?
“I love you, Kit-Kat. Tomorrow, we can go back to that museum you and Braden love, okay?” Thank God four-year-olds were easily distracted.
She smiled widely and turned to look at Braden, who had the same look of excitement on his face.
“Night guys,” I whispered. Raegan leaned over them and gave them each a kiss before following me out of the room.
“Lane, what happened in there?” she asked when we reached the living room.
“You don't want to go to the museum tomorrow? Sorry, that’s one of those things where I should have asked you first, huh?”
“You know that’s not what I’m talking about. You froze up.” She had caught on to that… of course she had. Raegan didn’t let anything slide.
I let out a sigh. “The last time I made promises, I broke them. Every single one of them. I can’t do that to her again. I know she was only a baby, but it meant something to me.”
“Lane, none of that was your fault. You didn't break those promises. She just wants reassurance that you aren't going anywhere.”
“Yes, and I plan on showing her that. I don't need to give any false promises, though. I won’t lie to her every again.”
Raegan sighed in defeat, although I knew it was only temporary. But for now, it seemed, she would leave me to my demons. She left my side and walked toward the kitchen, while I plopped down on the sofa to think about this new parenting gig and the vast responsibilities that had been given back to me.
- FOURTEEN -
RAEGAN -
After Kate and Braden had fallen asleep that night in the nursery, I confessed to Lane that I was having panic attacks regularly. Being the great guy that he was, he felt bad for not knowing and wanted to know where it had been happening. He said he had often gotten lost in playing with Kate and Braden, but he still thought he should have known if I was off in the apartment somewhere falling apart.
I hated that he felt guilty and tried to reassure him that I never wanted to burden him with that. I told him it was just something I had to wait out, and usually it was more comfortable to do it alone. Not surprisingly, he didn’t agree with me.
One thing I couldn’t get around was that the city didn’t give me the same sense of home anymore. Every day we spent here pressed on me like a vice. I was always checking over my shoulder, and I would never be able to step foot in the local playground where I had first met Mrs. Flores—especially not after my ridiculous freak-out today.
When I opened up to him about my feelings, Lane said he knew exactly what I was talking about and that he felt the same way. The tall buildings he had once loved looking up to now casted ugly shadows on the streets. This place would always be where his child was kidnapped… where his marriage fell apart. Maybe one day we would heal and get past this, but we weren’t there yet.
Lane told me that every single day we came back to the apartment he wanted to grab all three of us and bolt. He said that he would never be able to live there again, no matter how much he appreciated his mom caring for it. He was even grateful for Ash’s parents who had generously paid the mortgage every month. I didn’t weigh in on that topic because it wasn’t my place to choose for him.
He confessed that this wasn’t where he wanted to raise Kate, and I couldn’t agree more in regards to Braden. When I moved to New York at eleven years old, I never traveled outside of it—not unless you counted New Jersey—since my aunt didn’t really have any extra money. Then when I had Braden, any plans on seeing more of the United States went out the window. So even though I basically had never been outside of New York, Lane’s house in Texas sounded amazing. He said it was little, but that it would fit us just fine.
I knew I should start thinking about getting a job and finding my own place for Braden and me to live. The idea of Lane and me living together after only really knowing each other a few weeks just seemed ludicrous. But for just a little while, I would stay. Separating Kate and Braden like that would have to be approached delicately.
Another reason it would be good to head to Dallas was that Lane really needed to get back to work. He said Jace would probably start threatening to replace him soon, although based on the way Lane talked about him, I had a feeling Jace would never do that.
So two days after my very public panic in the park, we found ourselves boarding Flight 65 from John F. Kennedy Airport to Dallas/Fort Worth. Thanks to Jace, and much to Lane’s discomfort, we boarded as first-class passengers. I was giddy. I hadn’t been on many airplanes and definitely nowhere near those first four rows. Kate and Braden sat in seats 3A and 3B, while Lane and I took our seats directly behind them.
The plush leather seats were comfortable and there was a console in between each seat, allowing everyone plenty of elbow room. There were TVs tucked into the arms of our seats, but I didn’t think Kate and Braden had realized that yet.
Lane had grumbled and groaned all morning after he finally got a look at our tickets. I could tell he didn’t like Jace buying them, let alone upgrading us. His large forearm moved over the middle console and he grunted as he leaned toward me dramatically.
“See, first class sucks already. I can’t lift this huge divider and now you might as well be sitting across the aisle from me,” he complained.
I rolled my eyes at his ridiculousness. Then to appease him, I leaned across the not-so-huge divider and kissed his delicious lips. I realized a few days ago it would be a long time before I would ever get tired of his lips. They were full and powerful, and I wanted them on me as often as I could have them.
“No, no, don’t start pushing that sexy bottom lip on me now,” he scolded sullenly.
I pulled back and giggled. I couldn’t help it with him. He knew how to push all my buttons just right, and it seemed that my favorite button was the way he sucked my bottom lip in between his teeth.
“Just enjoy this now. You can hash it out with Jace later.” I smiled up at him. “Besides, I’ve never heard of anyone complaining about extra leg room, especially someone of your size.” I reached to pinch his side, but snatched up my fingers before they could make contact, which only made me break out into uproarious laughter.
His body instantly moved closer to mine, console be damned. “God, babe…” he murmured, his voice husky. “I love that sound.”
In front of us, Kate started laughing and we both peeked through the small space between the seats to see her and Braden playing a made-up game together. “Love that sound-from both my girls,” he added.
I grabbed his bicep and hugged it tightly. I didn’t release it when I was done, deciding to keep my fingers wrapped securely around him and laying my head against his muscles. When the flight attendants came down the aisle offering pre-flight drinks, he didn’t move his arm, instead grabbing both of our cups with his opposite hand.
“Hey, Kit Kat,” Lane called quietly to the seats in front of us. Both she and Braden turned to look at us. “Make sure your seat belts are snug, please.”
“Braden snapped mine for me, daddy,” she said back.
“Good job looking out for your sister, B,” Lane said to my little boy. The moment they turned back around, I instantly buried my face into his arm and sniffled.
“What’s up, Rae?” he asked.
