Becoming Calder
Page 27
He took hold of my hands. Overhead, the moon cast its golden glow on everything around us, and the warm air caressed my face. In front of me stood the most beautiful man I'd ever seen, the man I'd loved as long as I could remember, the one who loved me back. All around me, the night glowed with miracles, both great and small.
Calder was quiet for a second, his eyes moving over my face, a gentle smile on his lips. "Eden, I vow this. My heart is yours. My life is yours. My body is yours. My art, my dreams. You own each and every part of me."
I let out a deep breath, and my heart hitched in my chest. "And I vow this. Calder, my heart is yours, as is my life, my body, my dreams. You own each and every part of me, in this lifetime and any other."
Calder smiled down at me tenderly, leaned forward, kissed my lips softly, and then pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me up to his height. I laughed and kissed him again and again, planting small kisses all over his face as he laughed, too.
"I love you, Morning Glory."
"I love you, too, Butterscotch," I said, grinning.
Calder set me back down on the ground.
"I brought something," I said.
"Show me."
I walked over to the canvas bag I had dropped by the rock entrance and brought it back to the small grassy area. I opened it and pulled out the large, white blanket that was kept in my wedding trunk. It had been sewn especially for my wedding night: a beautiful combination of wool, cotton, and linen with silvery threads woven throughout. It sparkled under the moonlight. I spread it out on the grass and then looked up at Calder who had walked over to me.
I unbuttoned my shirt slowly and let it fall off of my shoulders. Calder watched silently, his lips parting slightly when our eyes met. He removed his own shirt, tossing it aside and moving closer until we both stood just inches apart on the grass to the side of the blanket.
The water splashed softly, the foliage whispered in the warm breeze, and to me, this moment seemed holy, warm, real, and right.
We removed the rest of our clothes very slowly until we both stood na**d before each other, his eyes caressing my skin, my ni**les pebbling as his eyes moved over each part of me.
"You're like a goddess," Calder said softly.
I smiled a small smile, my eyes moving over him, unabashedly. I loved him, and I felt no shame. I admired his muscular arms and shoulders, his flat, ridged stomach, and the indents that formed a “V” on the inside of each hipbone. Something about those lines made my own body clench in reaction to the sight of them. They were so perfectly male, hinting at his strength. My eyes continued their journey, traveling slowly downward, over that sparse trail of dark hair that led straight to his manhood, standing stiff and rigid, straining toward me. My eyes shot upward to Calder's and he looked at me lazily, his expression dark with desire.
I remembered Hailey's instruction and went slowly down on my knees before him. Calder sucked in a breath and said my name, his voice raspy and unsure.
I noted the bandages still wrapped around his lower legs, but didn't say anything. I knew he wouldn't want me to.
I laid my cheek against his stomach and then turned my face to his skin, inhaling his scent and then leaving a slow trail of kisses before I kneeled lower. Calder's breathing became heavy and he wove his fingers through my hair.
I took his shaft in my hand and kissed the tip of it, darting my tongue out to taste him. He groaned and swelled even more in my hand and I exalted in the feeling of owning him completely in that very moment, feeling powerful and beautiful and loved.
I took the tip of him in my mouth and sucked gently and Calder gasped out my name, his fingers tightening on my scalp. He pulled away from me and I made a sound of loss as he kneeled down—just a little stiffly, I noted—and took my mouth in a deep, breathless kiss. When he finally pulled back, he looked drugged, his eyes dilated so big his normally deep brown eyes were almost black.
Calder looked at the blanket next to us and I scooted over until I was able to lie back down on it. He gazed down at me for only a beat before he moved over me and we continued kissing, his skin burning into mine. Between my legs, I was wet and needy and aching. "Calder," I groaned out. "I need you."
"I need you, too, Morning Glory," he breathed out. "But I don't want this to end either." He leaned down and kissed the place between my br**sts. "I want this to last forever."
I leaned my head back and arched my back as his warm mouth closed over my nipple, sucking it gently. I felt the pulse of the pleasure between my legs as he licked the hardened peak and ran his tongue around it and then moved to the other one where the delicious torture continued. I panted out his name and wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing myself upward into the heat of his hardness. He brought his mouth off my breast and arched his neck back, groaning.
Calder rolled to the side so that his weight was on the blanket and brought one hand down and parted my thighs. I groaned out again, opening for him, and when his finger dipped inside me, a spark of pleasure shot through my core. "Oh!" I panted out, arching off the blanket. Calder put his mouth back to my breast and explored me with his fingers, finally circling the spot that made me cry out his name and move my head from side to side as delicious bliss pulsed through me.
He circled his finger there until the feeling was so intense it took over, plunging me into an abyss of bright pleasure. As my body clenched and shivered, I opened my eyes and looked up at the stars, their glow burning into my eyes, and the feeling of bliss burning into my flesh. It lit the moment from within, from without, in a way that made me feel changed forever, as if somehow that one blinding second of intense light had singed my very cells.
The thought itself seemed dramatic and fantastical, but it also seemed true and real.
I blinked at Calder as he brought his head up and kissed my lips softly, moving over me once again. When he leaned away, the strained look on his face was so intense I tilted my h*ps upward, offering myself to him.
My heart squeezed with love. Tonight, I was giving him my body, but he already owned my heart and soul. I wanted to belong to this beautiful man in my arms in every way possible. And I wanted him to belong to me.
"I love you, Eden," Calder said, before taking himself in his hand and guiding his hard shaft to my wet opening. His eyes held mine as he pushed slowly inside me. His lips parted, his lids dropped for just a brief moment. I closed my eyes, too, as he pushed farther. I felt overly filled, too tight to accommodate his size, and I grimaced slightly, willing my body to relax. Calder halted and my eyes flew open.
"No, please don't stop," I said.
"I'm hurting you," Calder said breathlessly.
I shook my head from side to side. "Just this time. The next time won't hurt at all. Or the time after that . . . or—"
Calder stared down at me for a beat and then grinned, the smile stunning me in its sudden beauty. "Morning Glory," he murmured, his face going serious as he leaned down and kissed me softly. Then in one stroke, he plunged all the way into me, and I broke from his mouth and arched my body back, crying out at the stab of burning, tearing pain. Calder paused for just a second before he began moving inside me very slowly, groaning into my neck. "I'm so sorry. You feel so good," he panted out, "so good."
I looked up at the night sky as Calder stroked in and out of me. The stinging sensation remained. For a few minutes, I still felt too full, too stretched, but that began to abate enough that I was able to focus on Calder above me. I stroked my hands over his smooth back, down to his firm backside, the muscles contracting as he worked his body into mine.
I knew the blissful thing that washed over me when he touched me with his fingers wasn't going to happen again, but I gloried in the feeling of his flexing muscles and the look of pleasure in his expression. He began moving faster and with less finesse. I saw the war in his face between being gentle with me and moving as his body was telling him to. I was intoxicated with the knowledge I was doing that to him; he had lost all control because of me. I encouraged it, grabbing his backside and pushing him into me at the pace I could tell he was barely holding back from. His eyes flared and then closed, and I wrapped my legs around his hips, bringing my hands up to his arms to feel those flexing muscles as he held his weight over me.
Calder leaned forward, brought his mouth to mine, and moved his tongue in my mouth to the same rhythm our bodies moved together. I felt a small spark as his chest rubbed against my ni**les and relaxed completely into him, moaning into his mouth. Calder groaned back and then his thrusts grew jerky as he let out an exhalation of breath with each one. And then suddenly, he pulled out of me and I cried out softly at the unexpected loss of him.
I felt something hot and wet on my belly and Calder groaned into the side of my neck, repeating my name again and again.
I ran my hands up and down his back as we just lay there, content to stay forever in that moment, me and him, our limbs tangled together, our hearts beating as one. It had been everything I'd dreamed and more. A spike of sympathy ran through me for Hailey, for any woman who didn't experience the beauty I had just experienced with Calder.
He shifted his weight to the blanket next to me and leaned up and gazed down at my face. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, leaning down and kissing both eyelids, and then my nose, and finally my lips as I smiled and sighed out in happiness.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I nodded my head. "Better than okay. Perfect." I smiled. "The rest of them can have Elysium. I'll take this night."
Calder smiled and breathed out.
"Really," I said, bringing my hand up to his hair and running my fingers through it, "you didn't hurt me."
"Well, you destroyed me," Calder said, smiling. "I'll never be the same." Calder's face was generally carefree, but there were times like now where he would tilt his head, his eyes would close slightly, and a small crease would form on his forehead. I thought of this as his serious face. He gazed at me with that wistful, serious expression now, but it was so tender my heart felt tight in my chest. This man owns my heart.
Calder rolled to the side and we both lay there, staring up at the sky, the warm breeze blowing across our skin, and the wetness on my belly growing cool.
I reached my hand down and touched the sticky substance and then leaned up to look at it, rubbing it between my fingertips.
"I don't want you to get pregnant," Calder said. "At least not here, not now."
I nodded my head slowly, blushing. "Oh," I whispered, piecing together the way babies were made.
Calder grinned at me and then rolled on to his back, looking up at the night sky. I rolled to my side, putting my elbow on the blanket and supporting my head on my hand as I smiled at him. "I want to know all the science of it . . . eventually. Another time."
Calder turned toward me, laughing softly. "Have I mentioned recently that I love you?" he asked.
"Not recently enough. Say it again."
"I love you . . . I love you . . . I love you."
I grinned, leaned forward, and kissed him. "I love you, too."
I began rolling toward him and he rolled onto his back. I lay my body over his, burying my face in his neck and wrapping my arms up and around his neck. We lay like that for several minutes until he brought his hands down to my backside and squeezed gently. I giggled and squirmed on him and he groaned softly.
I leaned up and looked at him with amusement. "Let's wash off," I said, rolling off him and kneeling up. I looked down at the blanket where I had been laying and heat rose in my face. There were smears of blood marring the perfect white fabric. I looked back at Calder and he was looking at the blood, too, with something that looked like pride in his expression. His eyes met mine, and he blinked, seeming to realize what must be on his face as his cheekbones took on a tinge of pink and he held out his hand to me. I took it silently and we walked hand in hand to the spring where we both waded in.
When the water was up to my chest, I stopped and turned toward Calder. We stood there in the moonlight, the water sparkling around us. I brought some up over my br**sts, my ni**les puckering at the cool wetness. Calder's eyes lingered on me and then I dipped down in the water, dunking my head and coming back up. He laughed out loud as I stood up, sputtering water and grinning at him. Calder kneeled down on the sandy bottom and pulled me to him where he held me against him so I was at his height. We kissed and floated there for several minutes, nuzzling at each other's mouths, Calder nipping at my lower lip playfully until I laughed and threw my head back. He laughed, too, and swirled us around, the water like cool silk sliding against my bare skin.
When we stopped, Calder looked thoughtfully at me for several beats.
"What?" I whispered.
"I'm memorizing every detail of your face," he said quietly. "The next time I get to look at you close up like this, we're going to be away from here."
My heart picked up in speed and I took a deep breath. "How long?"
"Two months, maybe less."
"It will pass so slowly," I said, feeling the weight of what would be our separation press down on me.
"It will be worth it," he said. "A little more sacrifice, and we'll finally be free to be together, free to live the life we want to live."
I nodded, clasping my hands around his neck. "More sacrifice," I said. "I don't want to sacrifice anymore. I've had enough sacrifice for three lifetimes. I'm ready to live."
"I know, Morning Glory. Me, too. Just a little longer."
Calder set me down and we washed each other slowly, me glorying in his smooth skin and the way he watched my hands as they ran over the different parts of him. His breathing picked up speed when my hand wrapped around his shaft. It was already hard and it slipped between my fingers easily in the cool, clear water. "Eden," Calder moaned.
Calder was quiet for a second, his eyes moving over my face, a gentle smile on his lips. "Eden, I vow this. My heart is yours. My life is yours. My body is yours. My art, my dreams. You own each and every part of me."
I let out a deep breath, and my heart hitched in my chest. "And I vow this. Calder, my heart is yours, as is my life, my body, my dreams. You own each and every part of me, in this lifetime and any other."
Calder smiled down at me tenderly, leaned forward, kissed my lips softly, and then pulled me into him, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me up to his height. I laughed and kissed him again and again, planting small kisses all over his face as he laughed, too.
"I love you, Morning Glory."
"I love you, too, Butterscotch," I said, grinning.
Calder set me back down on the ground.
"I brought something," I said.
"Show me."
I walked over to the canvas bag I had dropped by the rock entrance and brought it back to the small grassy area. I opened it and pulled out the large, white blanket that was kept in my wedding trunk. It had been sewn especially for my wedding night: a beautiful combination of wool, cotton, and linen with silvery threads woven throughout. It sparkled under the moonlight. I spread it out on the grass and then looked up at Calder who had walked over to me.
I unbuttoned my shirt slowly and let it fall off of my shoulders. Calder watched silently, his lips parting slightly when our eyes met. He removed his own shirt, tossing it aside and moving closer until we both stood just inches apart on the grass to the side of the blanket.
The water splashed softly, the foliage whispered in the warm breeze, and to me, this moment seemed holy, warm, real, and right.
We removed the rest of our clothes very slowly until we both stood na**d before each other, his eyes caressing my skin, my ni**les pebbling as his eyes moved over each part of me.
"You're like a goddess," Calder said softly.
I smiled a small smile, my eyes moving over him, unabashedly. I loved him, and I felt no shame. I admired his muscular arms and shoulders, his flat, ridged stomach, and the indents that formed a “V” on the inside of each hipbone. Something about those lines made my own body clench in reaction to the sight of them. They were so perfectly male, hinting at his strength. My eyes continued their journey, traveling slowly downward, over that sparse trail of dark hair that led straight to his manhood, standing stiff and rigid, straining toward me. My eyes shot upward to Calder's and he looked at me lazily, his expression dark with desire.
I remembered Hailey's instruction and went slowly down on my knees before him. Calder sucked in a breath and said my name, his voice raspy and unsure.
I noted the bandages still wrapped around his lower legs, but didn't say anything. I knew he wouldn't want me to.
I laid my cheek against his stomach and then turned my face to his skin, inhaling his scent and then leaving a slow trail of kisses before I kneeled lower. Calder's breathing became heavy and he wove his fingers through my hair.
I took his shaft in my hand and kissed the tip of it, darting my tongue out to taste him. He groaned and swelled even more in my hand and I exalted in the feeling of owning him completely in that very moment, feeling powerful and beautiful and loved.
I took the tip of him in my mouth and sucked gently and Calder gasped out my name, his fingers tightening on my scalp. He pulled away from me and I made a sound of loss as he kneeled down—just a little stiffly, I noted—and took my mouth in a deep, breathless kiss. When he finally pulled back, he looked drugged, his eyes dilated so big his normally deep brown eyes were almost black.
Calder looked at the blanket next to us and I scooted over until I was able to lie back down on it. He gazed down at me for only a beat before he moved over me and we continued kissing, his skin burning into mine. Between my legs, I was wet and needy and aching. "Calder," I groaned out. "I need you."
"I need you, too, Morning Glory," he breathed out. "But I don't want this to end either." He leaned down and kissed the place between my br**sts. "I want this to last forever."
I leaned my head back and arched my back as his warm mouth closed over my nipple, sucking it gently. I felt the pulse of the pleasure between my legs as he licked the hardened peak and ran his tongue around it and then moved to the other one where the delicious torture continued. I panted out his name and wrapped my legs around his hips, pressing myself upward into the heat of his hardness. He brought his mouth off my breast and arched his neck back, groaning.
Calder rolled to the side so that his weight was on the blanket and brought one hand down and parted my thighs. I groaned out again, opening for him, and when his finger dipped inside me, a spark of pleasure shot through my core. "Oh!" I panted out, arching off the blanket. Calder put his mouth back to my breast and explored me with his fingers, finally circling the spot that made me cry out his name and move my head from side to side as delicious bliss pulsed through me.
He circled his finger there until the feeling was so intense it took over, plunging me into an abyss of bright pleasure. As my body clenched and shivered, I opened my eyes and looked up at the stars, their glow burning into my eyes, and the feeling of bliss burning into my flesh. It lit the moment from within, from without, in a way that made me feel changed forever, as if somehow that one blinding second of intense light had singed my very cells.
The thought itself seemed dramatic and fantastical, but it also seemed true and real.
I blinked at Calder as he brought his head up and kissed my lips softly, moving over me once again. When he leaned away, the strained look on his face was so intense I tilted my h*ps upward, offering myself to him.
My heart squeezed with love. Tonight, I was giving him my body, but he already owned my heart and soul. I wanted to belong to this beautiful man in my arms in every way possible. And I wanted him to belong to me.
"I love you, Eden," Calder said, before taking himself in his hand and guiding his hard shaft to my wet opening. His eyes held mine as he pushed slowly inside me. His lips parted, his lids dropped for just a brief moment. I closed my eyes, too, as he pushed farther. I felt overly filled, too tight to accommodate his size, and I grimaced slightly, willing my body to relax. Calder halted and my eyes flew open.
"No, please don't stop," I said.
"I'm hurting you," Calder said breathlessly.
I shook my head from side to side. "Just this time. The next time won't hurt at all. Or the time after that . . . or—"
Calder stared down at me for a beat and then grinned, the smile stunning me in its sudden beauty. "Morning Glory," he murmured, his face going serious as he leaned down and kissed me softly. Then in one stroke, he plunged all the way into me, and I broke from his mouth and arched my body back, crying out at the stab of burning, tearing pain. Calder paused for just a second before he began moving inside me very slowly, groaning into my neck. "I'm so sorry. You feel so good," he panted out, "so good."
I looked up at the night sky as Calder stroked in and out of me. The stinging sensation remained. For a few minutes, I still felt too full, too stretched, but that began to abate enough that I was able to focus on Calder above me. I stroked my hands over his smooth back, down to his firm backside, the muscles contracting as he worked his body into mine.
I knew the blissful thing that washed over me when he touched me with his fingers wasn't going to happen again, but I gloried in the feeling of his flexing muscles and the look of pleasure in his expression. He began moving faster and with less finesse. I saw the war in his face between being gentle with me and moving as his body was telling him to. I was intoxicated with the knowledge I was doing that to him; he had lost all control because of me. I encouraged it, grabbing his backside and pushing him into me at the pace I could tell he was barely holding back from. His eyes flared and then closed, and I wrapped my legs around his hips, bringing my hands up to his arms to feel those flexing muscles as he held his weight over me.
Calder leaned forward, brought his mouth to mine, and moved his tongue in my mouth to the same rhythm our bodies moved together. I felt a small spark as his chest rubbed against my ni**les and relaxed completely into him, moaning into his mouth. Calder groaned back and then his thrusts grew jerky as he let out an exhalation of breath with each one. And then suddenly, he pulled out of me and I cried out softly at the unexpected loss of him.
I felt something hot and wet on my belly and Calder groaned into the side of my neck, repeating my name again and again.
I ran my hands up and down his back as we just lay there, content to stay forever in that moment, me and him, our limbs tangled together, our hearts beating as one. It had been everything I'd dreamed and more. A spike of sympathy ran through me for Hailey, for any woman who didn't experience the beauty I had just experienced with Calder.
He shifted his weight to the blanket next to me and leaned up and gazed down at my face. "You're so beautiful," he murmured, leaning down and kissing both eyelids, and then my nose, and finally my lips as I smiled and sighed out in happiness.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
I nodded my head. "Better than okay. Perfect." I smiled. "The rest of them can have Elysium. I'll take this night."
Calder smiled and breathed out.
"Really," I said, bringing my hand up to his hair and running my fingers through it, "you didn't hurt me."
"Well, you destroyed me," Calder said, smiling. "I'll never be the same." Calder's face was generally carefree, but there were times like now where he would tilt his head, his eyes would close slightly, and a small crease would form on his forehead. I thought of this as his serious face. He gazed at me with that wistful, serious expression now, but it was so tender my heart felt tight in my chest. This man owns my heart.
Calder rolled to the side and we both lay there, staring up at the sky, the warm breeze blowing across our skin, and the wetness on my belly growing cool.
I reached my hand down and touched the sticky substance and then leaned up to look at it, rubbing it between my fingertips.
"I don't want you to get pregnant," Calder said. "At least not here, not now."
I nodded my head slowly, blushing. "Oh," I whispered, piecing together the way babies were made.
Calder grinned at me and then rolled on to his back, looking up at the night sky. I rolled to my side, putting my elbow on the blanket and supporting my head on my hand as I smiled at him. "I want to know all the science of it . . . eventually. Another time."
Calder turned toward me, laughing softly. "Have I mentioned recently that I love you?" he asked.
"Not recently enough. Say it again."
"I love you . . . I love you . . . I love you."
I grinned, leaned forward, and kissed him. "I love you, too."
I began rolling toward him and he rolled onto his back. I lay my body over his, burying my face in his neck and wrapping my arms up and around his neck. We lay like that for several minutes until he brought his hands down to my backside and squeezed gently. I giggled and squirmed on him and he groaned softly.
I leaned up and looked at him with amusement. "Let's wash off," I said, rolling off him and kneeling up. I looked down at the blanket where I had been laying and heat rose in my face. There were smears of blood marring the perfect white fabric. I looked back at Calder and he was looking at the blood, too, with something that looked like pride in his expression. His eyes met mine, and he blinked, seeming to realize what must be on his face as his cheekbones took on a tinge of pink and he held out his hand to me. I took it silently and we walked hand in hand to the spring where we both waded in.
When the water was up to my chest, I stopped and turned toward Calder. We stood there in the moonlight, the water sparkling around us. I brought some up over my br**sts, my ni**les puckering at the cool wetness. Calder's eyes lingered on me and then I dipped down in the water, dunking my head and coming back up. He laughed out loud as I stood up, sputtering water and grinning at him. Calder kneeled down on the sandy bottom and pulled me to him where he held me against him so I was at his height. We kissed and floated there for several minutes, nuzzling at each other's mouths, Calder nipping at my lower lip playfully until I laughed and threw my head back. He laughed, too, and swirled us around, the water like cool silk sliding against my bare skin.
When we stopped, Calder looked thoughtfully at me for several beats.
"What?" I whispered.
"I'm memorizing every detail of your face," he said quietly. "The next time I get to look at you close up like this, we're going to be away from here."
My heart picked up in speed and I took a deep breath. "How long?"
"Two months, maybe less."
"It will pass so slowly," I said, feeling the weight of what would be our separation press down on me.
"It will be worth it," he said. "A little more sacrifice, and we'll finally be free to be together, free to live the life we want to live."
I nodded, clasping my hands around his neck. "More sacrifice," I said. "I don't want to sacrifice anymore. I've had enough sacrifice for three lifetimes. I'm ready to live."
"I know, Morning Glory. Me, too. Just a little longer."
Calder set me down and we washed each other slowly, me glorying in his smooth skin and the way he watched my hands as they ran over the different parts of him. His breathing picked up speed when my hand wrapped around his shaft. It was already hard and it slipped between my fingers easily in the cool, clear water. "Eden," Calder moaned.
