Before I Wake
Page 48
He dropped him in the Netherworld. Thats a death sentence for a human. Your brother killed to protect you from yourself. And thats not even I had to bite my tongue to keep from saying what else Tod had done for him. That wasnt my secret to tell. The point is that youre not alone, Nash, and you have to stop acting like you are. Were in this together. All of us. And we need you as badly as you need us. So stop pushing us away, because were not going anywhere.
Nash blinked at me, surprise shining in his eyes. But that wasnt all. In the low light, I thought I saw something else swirling in his irises. Something serious, andrelieved. Im so sorry for what I did to you, Kaylee. In the parking lot. I should have said it before. When Im thinking straight, I cant blame you for turning to him. Tod, of course. Nash still wouldnt say his name.
You know it had nothing to do with that.
But it did, he insisted. If Id been the answer to your problems instead of the source of them, you would never have even looked at him. So, I blame myself as much as I blame him.
Dont. My eyes were watering for the second time in an hour. Three hours earlier, Id felt so empty I didnt even want to get out of bed, and now I was so full of pain and regret I could hardly make myself breathe. Dont blame either of you. I did this. I kissed him. I glanced at my feet, then made myself meet his gaze again. I love him, Nash. Im sorry, but its true.
He exhaled slowly. I know.
The bell for third period rang then, and we both glanced up, startled, even though wed known it was coming. I have to go back for my backpack. Which Id just realized Id left in his living room. I can grab some shoes for you, if you want.
Thanks.
We parted ways in the hall, and I wondered if anyone had seen us coming out of the closet together, him with no shoes. Then I realized I didnt care what anyone else saw, or thought, or said about us. Nash and I had been through more together than any of them could ever imagine, and if they couldnt understand the wounds wed inflicted, they couldnt understand how long and bumpy the road to forgiveness really was.
10
I PICKED UP my backpack and Nashs shoes, then practiced selective corporeality by letting only him see me slide them into his bag during his third-period class. Then I texted Sabine.
Nash is here, and hes fine. And he loves you.
Id just sat down at my normal table in the quadinvisible, even though there was no one there to see meand was feeling pretty good about being nice to Sabine for no particular reason when Tod appeared on the grass in front of me. Hey! I slid myphone into my pocket, then stood to kiss him, and instead of letting me go, he lifted me onto the end of the picnic table I ate at every day. At least, every day before Id died.
Since no one could see us, I pulled him closer, and he settled into the space between my thighs, then leaned down for another kiss.
Mmm Whats the occasion? I murmured.
Wednesday.
My new favorite day.
No ones scheduled to kick the proverbial bucket in the next hour, so I thought Id come say hi before I head back for my double shift.
Frowning, I let my hand trail down his chest, wishing there wasnt a layer of cotton between his skin and mine. Why the double?
Mareth didnt pick up the list for the noon-to-midnight shift, and Levi cant find her, so I have to fill in until she shows up. Mareth was the reaper who shared the hospital reaping zone with Tod. She had nearly two decades seniority over him, but was still considered a rookie, by reaper standards.
Has she ever flaked before?
No, and shes always been cool about trading shifts with me when I need to.
Unease started twisting in my stomach. Its Thane, I said, and Tod started to shake his head, but I spoke over him. What if it wasnt you specifically that he needed? What if he just needed a reaper, and he knew he could find one at the hospital? When he couldnt get you, he could easily have gone after Mareth. That way he wouldnt have to go back to Avari empty-handed.
Why would Avari need a reaper? He already has Thane.
Yes, but Thane wants out ofwhatever hes into. Isnt that what Sabine said? Or had Thane said that? Either way, Im gonna see if Luca can find Mareth. If shes in the local area, on the human plane, hell know it.
I still say thats creepy. Theres no one out there mentally stalking humans.
Isnt that what Sabine does? I said, and Tod laughed. So, does this mean youre actually working three shifts in a row? Because there were only two twelve-hour shifts a day.
Yes, unless Mareth shows up. But Ill have several long breaks. Youll be seeing a lot of me.
How much of you is a lot? I asked, sliding my fingers beneath his shirt. The material rose with my hands, exposing smooth, hard abs.
You can see as much as you want, whenever you want.
Unless youre working, right? I teased, but the heat in his eyes when he shook his head was unmistakable.
Whenever you want. Death itself would wait for you, Kaylee .
Nash blinked at me, surprise shining in his eyes. But that wasnt all. In the low light, I thought I saw something else swirling in his irises. Something serious, andrelieved. Im so sorry for what I did to you, Kaylee. In the parking lot. I should have said it before. When Im thinking straight, I cant blame you for turning to him. Tod, of course. Nash still wouldnt say his name.
You know it had nothing to do with that.
But it did, he insisted. If Id been the answer to your problems instead of the source of them, you would never have even looked at him. So, I blame myself as much as I blame him.
Dont. My eyes were watering for the second time in an hour. Three hours earlier, Id felt so empty I didnt even want to get out of bed, and now I was so full of pain and regret I could hardly make myself breathe. Dont blame either of you. I did this. I kissed him. I glanced at my feet, then made myself meet his gaze again. I love him, Nash. Im sorry, but its true.
He exhaled slowly. I know.
The bell for third period rang then, and we both glanced up, startled, even though wed known it was coming. I have to go back for my backpack. Which Id just realized Id left in his living room. I can grab some shoes for you, if you want.
Thanks.
We parted ways in the hall, and I wondered if anyone had seen us coming out of the closet together, him with no shoes. Then I realized I didnt care what anyone else saw, or thought, or said about us. Nash and I had been through more together than any of them could ever imagine, and if they couldnt understand the wounds wed inflicted, they couldnt understand how long and bumpy the road to forgiveness really was.
10
I PICKED UP my backpack and Nashs shoes, then practiced selective corporeality by letting only him see me slide them into his bag during his third-period class. Then I texted Sabine.
Nash is here, and hes fine. And he loves you.
Id just sat down at my normal table in the quadinvisible, even though there was no one there to see meand was feeling pretty good about being nice to Sabine for no particular reason when Tod appeared on the grass in front of me. Hey! I slid myphone into my pocket, then stood to kiss him, and instead of letting me go, he lifted me onto the end of the picnic table I ate at every day. At least, every day before Id died.
Since no one could see us, I pulled him closer, and he settled into the space between my thighs, then leaned down for another kiss.
Mmm Whats the occasion? I murmured.
Wednesday.
My new favorite day.
No ones scheduled to kick the proverbial bucket in the next hour, so I thought Id come say hi before I head back for my double shift.
Frowning, I let my hand trail down his chest, wishing there wasnt a layer of cotton between his skin and mine. Why the double?
Mareth didnt pick up the list for the noon-to-midnight shift, and Levi cant find her, so I have to fill in until she shows up. Mareth was the reaper who shared the hospital reaping zone with Tod. She had nearly two decades seniority over him, but was still considered a rookie, by reaper standards.
Has she ever flaked before?
No, and shes always been cool about trading shifts with me when I need to.
Unease started twisting in my stomach. Its Thane, I said, and Tod started to shake his head, but I spoke over him. What if it wasnt you specifically that he needed? What if he just needed a reaper, and he knew he could find one at the hospital? When he couldnt get you, he could easily have gone after Mareth. That way he wouldnt have to go back to Avari empty-handed.
Why would Avari need a reaper? He already has Thane.
Yes, but Thane wants out ofwhatever hes into. Isnt that what Sabine said? Or had Thane said that? Either way, Im gonna see if Luca can find Mareth. If shes in the local area, on the human plane, hell know it.
I still say thats creepy. Theres no one out there mentally stalking humans.
Isnt that what Sabine does? I said, and Tod laughed. So, does this mean youre actually working three shifts in a row? Because there were only two twelve-hour shifts a day.
Yes, unless Mareth shows up. But Ill have several long breaks. Youll be seeing a lot of me.
How much of you is a lot? I asked, sliding my fingers beneath his shirt. The material rose with my hands, exposing smooth, hard abs.
You can see as much as you want, whenever you want.
Unless youre working, right? I teased, but the heat in his eyes when he shook his head was unmistakable.
Whenever you want. Death itself would wait for you, Kaylee .
