Before I Wake
Page 55
Tod picked up my bloodied right hand and began to wipe my palm clean, slowly. And the panic eased again. The chaos raging inside my head and my heart couldnt survive the calm, rhythmic strokes of the warm rag as it cleaned away all evidence of what Id done. What Id had to do.
What happened to the other extractors? he asked, and his voice was like his hands. Steady. Too strong and measured to give in to confusion.
Avari killed them. Hes the soul thief, but I dont know what hes doing. Or how hes doing it. Or why he didnt kill me.
How could he steal souls from the Netherworld? How would he have killed you from across the barrier? Please tell me you didnt cross over? he said, rotating my hand to wipe my knuckles clean.
No. I was at the mallthe version in our world. But he was there, wearing a dead girls skin like he wore Scotts. Its not possession, Tod. He was really there, in the flesh. Just, not his own flesh.
Tod set my hand back in my lap and frowned at me, and the twists of color in his irises deepened in hue as his concern grew. Could people see him?
Not when I was there, but he killed a woman in the bathroom. Like, physically killed her. And I touched him. He was solid. Flesh and blood. I held my hand up for emphasis, though most of the evidence was now on the rag, which he was rinsing in the sink again. He said that if I didnt kill himhe called it sacrificing the pawnhed kill this little girl who was there with her mother. And it would be my fault. So I had to stab him. I had to kill Heidi .
The tears were back, and I couldnt stop them.
Whos Heidi?
The dead girl. Shes been dead for months, but he looked just like her. Clothes and all, just like the night she died. But when I stabbed her and she disappeared, that didnt. I glanced at the bracelet on the counter.
Tod studied it, then laid it on the edge of the sink again. I have no idea what that means.
Me, neither.
And youre sure shes not just undead? He sat on the tub again and started wiping the remaining blood from my hand.
Im sure. He said she was rotting in her grave, and hellions cant lie. They cant possess the dead, either, right? Which was the only real bright side to my new state of being.
Right. Tod frowned and draped the rag over the edge of the tub to his left. So, he took a corporeal form that looked and felt like a girl whos been dead for months. And the other day he took a corporeal form that looked like Scott, at least twelve hours after he died.
Yeah. It makes no sense. Its like hes cloning dead people and possessing them, but thats not possible, is it?
The reaper shrugged. Im not ready to call anything truly impossible at this point, but that doesnt sound very likely, does it?
No. Hes killing people, Tod. He says people are his pawns, and the world is full of them, and hell kill as many as it takes.
As many as it takes for what?
I dont know. All I know is that he acted like Avari, but he looked and sounded like a girl I saw once, and I had to kill her. He made me kill her, and he wouldnt do that unless he knew he could come back. Hes found a way into the human world and the only way to get rid of himeven temporarilyis to kill his physical form. Even if it looks like someone you know. I sucked in a deep breath. Im going to have to do it again, Tod. Im going to have to kill him over and over, and every time, its going to feel like murder.
I couldnt do it. I couldnt keep killing people, even if they werent really people, because killing not-Heidi had felt like murder. And Avari knew that.
Tod took my hands and looked straight into my eyes. Its not murder, Kaylee. You didnt kill a person, you killed a demon. And you saved a little girls life in the process.
I know. But it didnt feel like Id saved anything. The woman in the bathroom was still dead, and shed suffer the postmortem indignity of being found propped up on a public toilet. It was hard to feel like Id done anything right at all, knowing that.
Lets get your shirt off, he said. I think were going to have to call this one a total loss.
I glanced down in surprise. Id forgotten about the blood drying stiff on my clothes. That was two ruined shirts in two days.
How can there be blood? I demanded, staring down at the evidence of what Id done. Do hellions bleed? Their breath was toxic and addictive. Theres no telling what random evil properties their blood had.
I dont think this is hellion blood, Tod said, staring at my top button. A hellion cant physically cross the world barrier, so whatever flesh he was wearing wasnt his own. It wasnt Netherworld in origin. Which means the blood isnt, either.
Then what did I kill? My words lacked volume because I hadnt taken in enough air to give them voice. Because I could hardly comprehend the question Id just asked. That was the root of the problem. How could it not be murder, if there was blood? And if it was murder, what did I kill?
I dont know what you killed, Tod admitted, and that cold horror began to unfurl within me again. But I know it was evil. You did what had to be done, Kaylee, and you saved lives.
What happened to the other extractors? he asked, and his voice was like his hands. Steady. Too strong and measured to give in to confusion.
Avari killed them. Hes the soul thief, but I dont know what hes doing. Or how hes doing it. Or why he didnt kill me.
How could he steal souls from the Netherworld? How would he have killed you from across the barrier? Please tell me you didnt cross over? he said, rotating my hand to wipe my knuckles clean.
No. I was at the mallthe version in our world. But he was there, wearing a dead girls skin like he wore Scotts. Its not possession, Tod. He was really there, in the flesh. Just, not his own flesh.
Tod set my hand back in my lap and frowned at me, and the twists of color in his irises deepened in hue as his concern grew. Could people see him?
Not when I was there, but he killed a woman in the bathroom. Like, physically killed her. And I touched him. He was solid. Flesh and blood. I held my hand up for emphasis, though most of the evidence was now on the rag, which he was rinsing in the sink again. He said that if I didnt kill himhe called it sacrificing the pawnhed kill this little girl who was there with her mother. And it would be my fault. So I had to stab him. I had to kill Heidi .
The tears were back, and I couldnt stop them.
Whos Heidi?
The dead girl. Shes been dead for months, but he looked just like her. Clothes and all, just like the night she died. But when I stabbed her and she disappeared, that didnt. I glanced at the bracelet on the counter.
Tod studied it, then laid it on the edge of the sink again. I have no idea what that means.
Me, neither.
And youre sure shes not just undead? He sat on the tub again and started wiping the remaining blood from my hand.
Im sure. He said she was rotting in her grave, and hellions cant lie. They cant possess the dead, either, right? Which was the only real bright side to my new state of being.
Right. Tod frowned and draped the rag over the edge of the tub to his left. So, he took a corporeal form that looked and felt like a girl whos been dead for months. And the other day he took a corporeal form that looked like Scott, at least twelve hours after he died.
Yeah. It makes no sense. Its like hes cloning dead people and possessing them, but thats not possible, is it?
The reaper shrugged. Im not ready to call anything truly impossible at this point, but that doesnt sound very likely, does it?
No. Hes killing people, Tod. He says people are his pawns, and the world is full of them, and hell kill as many as it takes.
As many as it takes for what?
I dont know. All I know is that he acted like Avari, but he looked and sounded like a girl I saw once, and I had to kill her. He made me kill her, and he wouldnt do that unless he knew he could come back. Hes found a way into the human world and the only way to get rid of himeven temporarilyis to kill his physical form. Even if it looks like someone you know. I sucked in a deep breath. Im going to have to do it again, Tod. Im going to have to kill him over and over, and every time, its going to feel like murder.
I couldnt do it. I couldnt keep killing people, even if they werent really people, because killing not-Heidi had felt like murder. And Avari knew that.
Tod took my hands and looked straight into my eyes. Its not murder, Kaylee. You didnt kill a person, you killed a demon. And you saved a little girls life in the process.
I know. But it didnt feel like Id saved anything. The woman in the bathroom was still dead, and shed suffer the postmortem indignity of being found propped up on a public toilet. It was hard to feel like Id done anything right at all, knowing that.
Lets get your shirt off, he said. I think were going to have to call this one a total loss.
I glanced down in surprise. Id forgotten about the blood drying stiff on my clothes. That was two ruined shirts in two days.
How can there be blood? I demanded, staring down at the evidence of what Id done. Do hellions bleed? Their breath was toxic and addictive. Theres no telling what random evil properties their blood had.
I dont think this is hellion blood, Tod said, staring at my top button. A hellion cant physically cross the world barrier, so whatever flesh he was wearing wasnt his own. It wasnt Netherworld in origin. Which means the blood isnt, either.
Then what did I kill? My words lacked volume because I hadnt taken in enough air to give them voice. Because I could hardly comprehend the question Id just asked. That was the root of the problem. How could it not be murder, if there was blood? And if it was murder, what did I kill?
I dont know what you killed, Tod admitted, and that cold horror began to unfurl within me again. But I know it was evil. You did what had to be done, Kaylee, and you saved lives.
